Sunday, 1 December 2013

pray, pray away the night away, in exercise






So yeah who’s valuable shitty drawing ah “purposefully” after all is over, pray in your miserable life for someone else join in hope for the world miserable shitty hope dig in deal with that.

So I did some exercise tonight, wrote this down afterwards:


11:05 pm
Did some exercise, a session, took me just over 2 hours, so I prayed for Samantha and Mario, two people in cells, that came to me before the exercise, maybe they’re not in there for not too bad crimes, no murder no rape no child abuse, ah just getting through a few months in there, each in their successive cells, men’s section, women’s section, different places, but it’s still a long time, every day, to keep sharp, to even care

Two people that don’t even know each other, don’t even know me, except over the prayer waves

I tell you there’s no other reason for me to be doing exercise like that than to be praying for other people

Reach out, to strangers

Feel it

That they get through their day, and I get through my day
-
/endf’ snippet/ 11:10 pm

-
//
So writing over there yeah .. do I ever talk about janey anymore the art student trying to get papers together on this? oh she soldiers on, you know, real life drags on not much gets done she does her work for the graphics company, comes home .. yeah she still does her meditation in the morning, doesn’t talk about it much, joined a little group, does the same meditation, you just keep real private, it’s hard enough, without shitty interlopers criticizing you.

So that’s my day.

And Merle? The great artist? ah, he’s established. A fat cat. But he’s been through his hell years, was one of the lucky ones, made some cash .. so yeah he luxuriates, buys a gold charm for a gaudy bracelet, like crude chunky charms, lots of gold/ ah fuck you could get mugged watch it guy .. oh be alert in these days, but yeah he still cares about Janey tries to help, and it’s not a “squeezie your tits” thing, but each has their life busy in it, shitty life or not, depends on judgement, yeah Janey has less cash, but at least she does the meditation, becomes real silent about it, doesn’t go to many parties at night anymore, in fact goes to none.  She draws a little, papers, in to do with this book, expressing deep from in book, but she doesn’t show them much, isn’t ready, or doesn’t see it like that, maybe will never see it like that – life is really sad, you touch deep on something, but you don’t tell many people about it.



Saturday, 30 November 2013

Shae, the girl, finds an elf






I wanted to make this drawing “sort of the anti-drawing” it is very easy to draw a young girl meeting an elf in a forest, or with some work you can get “a pretty picture” but what about the actual occurrence, an actual young girl meeting some strange creature, could be an elf, or a man, is he a strange man, what qualities, nature shining through his eyes, eventually

But he just doesn’t fit
-
She tries to convince him

That he fits in the world
-
So yes what is past all our fantastic drawings, movies, special effects, all the darling fantastical images and recreations and presuppositions or supper or bend down or whatever .. what are paintings, illustrations, highly skilled, but in people’s lives, no.  You have nothing.  “Okay, I saw your drawing, you have that, now do you have the other stuff, in your life?”  you?  actually you?



Thursday, 28 November 2013

you might not talk for years - do you still see me?







Do you see me, did you say anything you see me, did either of us say anything, get caught in usual speak say it like stone automaton grass wheat woven hemp straw front doormat back doormat rubber leather jeans pretty masculine female all of it line it up just line it all up

Or leave it unlined

-
//

Who ever does that

For years and years and years

Then meet later

As real beings



Wednesday, 27 November 2013

exercise - don't want to do it - don't want to get to it - why stay alive for future man and woman, work on meditation and exercise, why stay alive/ the mysteries, of longevity, of not giving up, that is a big part of it - in your soul, not giving up






So I did some exercise, wrote the following in “long book” but yeah, the picture above “I will go” go to difficult things, get them done.  Big cranky loopy letters barely get it done, confidence bravado, wade into it – foolishness – ah, to calm down, little figure, slight, smaller scratches, smaller diameter nib on pen, smaller .. /try


6:35 pm
So I did an exercise session, it took me just under 2 hours, warmups, joint drills, then stretches, all-body, a key factor today was “alertness” be in the spot of exercise, stretching, feel your body, be aware of joints muscles tendons.  See what is happening.  And it will help you.

It’s hard to do that, your mind wants to wander .. but that puts your joints tendons muscles, your continued mobility, walking, moving, being independent, puts it severely at risk, not being aware this way.

So you must do it.

Slowly.

You practice.
-
It is worth it, a focus that can carry you on.  Ah it ties into meditation too, being aware of your earth body, keeping it going.  With energies you access from beyond.  It is quiet.  A quiet practice./ you keep going this way.  We could all keep going this way.  Mysteries, unexpected accessing some slight part of solution.
-
/endf’ snippet/ 6:45 pm



Sunday, 24 November 2013

ah we live we dip we stream we flop we surmise we get smart we get dumb we go on







This first drawing ah messy you know you want it messy a live person live stimulation go out with me or anyone friends meet alive seemingly, not a lot to say on things, underdeveloped at home ever take the time sit at a specified time do you have hours do you have skills pencils pens voice video media anything nothing not invented, you, me, so meet.

And pretty girls, anywhere, photos, yeah, like on the internet.

Okay, but it doesn’t do me any good.  So think.  Some good viable summing up moving society on, oh, visions, meditation, time, prospectus, advertisement, sales, or time, many years.  Alone.  As each other.  Do we ever develop it into anything?  Or rush to get away from it?  What each of us carries with us?

So yeah.  Stay.

For once.  Stay.  Humanity be asked.  To stay on that.  Stay, don’t run, to company, as usual.

Share the strange alone “I been alone” nothing to show.  Now you do.  But don’t dare or don’t feel comfortable not sexual overly or dirty overly swearing just not here on earth I can’t show you./ somewhere we leave sit about have no matter not made of matter shaped into bodies – you know?

No.
-
They say that so you never tell.  They say that on the surface so you never tell.  But inside they feel.

-
//





So next drawing “People’s creativity is fantastic!” and it is, some days, I enjoy looking at the internet, I find places, people trying to sell their stuff, art, crafts, jewelry, paintings, assemblages, chairs, pieces of chairs, blended with seats of old school desks and paintings, thread, beads, mixed media, ah don’t overload, keep me less queasy, but yeah some days you can take it in.

Others no you’re cognizant of being disappointed, buying things, being disappointed.  It’s still /you there, alone.  No one is daring, works on that.  No one knows how.

It’s like a thing back in you watching sewn together glued hollow rods screws through screw threads I don’t know “a thing” not really you, watching you, attached to you.  No one has verbal games for it, papers, nothing./ a setup an atmosphere an assemblage art world talk corner store talk nothing we abandon it get together with other people don’t have it at all/ lonely thing, back at room, have no voice fir it, no pencil crayons, no high school class encourage art, no older student, 20, graduated, you still pursue art? you got a voice for that yet? the thing no one asks about it in that way, it has no voice in what you do, you are always in the game, approaching the game, what’s you is pure not going to be involved not without a lot of work meditation suffering even then living in suburbs city world no way through no setup no social life it can say anything is known, known about, someone questions it, thinks it’s weird doesn’t mention it, may mention it later, someday

This thing

We never get to, it’s vague when alone, doesn’t catch onto human words, human action

And is gone when together, we would be distant, nothing could encourage it, anyone try, be entirely foreign – then at home, we are vaguely aware it is there again

vaguely
-
Nothing to say ask it out from its hiding place, it’s not a new sexual urge, change sexes preference, it doesn’t even have a body anything “you’re silly thinking this go back to life” but as if “is this what all that silly meditation stuff is about?” the truth, wear it down, your preference for words flesh walking around streets .. something else made us, past God, names, take your pick, world over, humans in a human state, with words texts wishes eyes see out into universe it’s not even there even either are we made by something isn’t us is us it doesn’t touch come in completely talk as us look at each of us as it too, no that would blow our minds, we stay alone, stay vague, live our lives, till this

Vague, then handle it

-
//




So third drawing yeah as if “dog following man for words” ah old way of human a dog following modern human, not there, not even human.

What you want, words/ or do something to those words, wrap silver leather around them, there you go, like leather oh my, dead animals, ah but don’t dye the leather bad, carcinogen or anything wear off on me what am I talking about, stay safe, do things the same, I don’t know what we’re going to do./ not talk of it much, just recede here, that’s enough.  Too much you delve into long slow work can’t say it in a day.

-
//




So last drawing “what other life you living besides this one?  Want to live it too?” ah we all have something else unidentifiable using current human words descriptors shapes us them, what them you talking about, nothing, aliens, green skin, grey skin? Nothing, further, to where “no matter” no shapes, construction, particles, thickness, like pancake batter, anything “it would give” “in meditation” let us think partially as us, partially as it

It takes years, welcome it, nothing, the human mind thinks as baby to teenager to adult and nothing, and can’t think this.

And so it takes time.

Weird life, and we’re not at all prepared to live it?  Is that true?/ we’re here, presented, painted on top of electrons and atoms, those performing, for scientist’s glasses, lens, microscopes, super, getting into things so minute, but still we are here, exactly here, and not there

Kiss it, unknown warehouse blank face empty a million miles forming into face no nothing don’t fret sit with that a few million years and become comfortable with it after a while, let it not form into something small, focus, take it as it is, not human fast demand deal with it as human allow “you could be wrong” “you could know nothing” allow, let life slip away, over, sit discouraged alone weak allow for it to be there, tired, broken, you look, all ego burned away, you look, competent meditation practice, you look, not looking, one day, not looking at all, you see it/ grey close doors open doors you whistle through fast wind but are still where you started

Be calm let entire grocery store run away and then again a million times wait for it to slow down now sit and look

Smile odd curious insane human madeup then becomes not that

Take imagination human library supposes thing that is never there then slow easy right down step out to greet it no body anymore no human body mind see grey clear whisk away replace it stares over a 100 days getting closer to see it there liberation no tithing is or make click or nail call houses mail for dick box letters assort found words ignore these odd lump carve you place you nope ew fwaythin flat letters draw assumptive opump watern nirmal you shim sdhape fruit bitegrt jotlr imsge you asre4 the heresy of fake orgasmgains progress hello laser blunew respect and you sre calm wirh secret world whoop you dhould never tell another hum sob now sit and open

And more move gradually you rember it top form, frind cionnected dots feeling of wrote a body of words holes threads sewn super spectacular dimension seek small enough to fortify hair small of odd friend universe speck drawe and implant paim gross motor along human divvye small piprayer beings titrate aslive in imagination dribble baby scene modoedf to hold more traipse before coming drape grapple snap in real stay around real later lather full wash game nut not meet humans and close off stay this time oops carnal wall awail





Saturday, 23 November 2013

we all, just .. get tired .. do drawings all day snow on the ground, kneel in the snow, on a table, legs cut down to lie flat on the snow .. no .. that would be crazy







This first picture, oh the frantic pushy tongue kissing, ah the picture the female figure she looks distraught scared flustered ah could be either of them just life “deepness” you know, hard to get anywhere – sex, kissing is seen as ultimate, like chocolates, like not talking, like not braving that fucking bullshit of even attempting to talk, great mystery.

I mean no one has instructions you hear of no instructions you don’t want to hear “it’s just a given” “you took care of it, you grew up, you took care of it, you know how to do it” “everyone knows how to do it” .. it’s tiresome, the missing instructions, no one can ever come up with any

Missing us, off the page, out of reach of whatever lights are there for photography, life’s position, brain lights, person lights, inside lights, getting farther and farther away, in us, as us, what are we

-
//
 





Second picture, ah scratchy lines, inspire some words

Help us we are stuck I want to see it odd fling and fuzzy out of control barely expressing

Nice picture

There, there, nice doggie

Don’t bite me

Lie down with me communicate with me

Other human

So far away on this

Breathing

Close by, anywhere some