sad meditation, not steroids, or heroin, or fentanyl .. sad meditation, torturous, find you

it is very hard, not have bulging muscles, not be the handsomest guy on the planet, or the prettiest girl on the planet, or false drug trip "feel happier"

it is sadder to do the hard work

what do you appear as, being able to talk this, from inside

where is that

tiny unseen no identifying characteristics

human carry it

how

this is just a scan of some things picked up from the road and grass in a walk I was on, in the "Experimental Farm" / the top right, some stickers lying on the grass, unused, folded over on top of each other, they use to put on stakes, identify things

ah, they try to grow better plants

ah
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I guess for all of us .. "better" unnoticed how to touch and encourage "it's not even us" "for human consumption"

"tell me some"

"I can't even"
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what are you, the hardest stretch of years, try to conform, not want to do wild thing, or person, fed up, collapses, did you collapse when young "were done" "were effing done" why climb back, finally find meditation, not your first choice "for do anything"

not your first choice
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a serious type, it takes the whole morning, start off, the magnification phase, then part of the way through, I close off partially, come over here, to my desk, write, on a book, maybe post things to blogs .. continue, 100,000 page book, augments me, in moments I just can't be me, in life

and then after writing, I sit down to sit-down meditation, on a cushion, stiff, enough, my posture, supported, back unsupported, just sit, an hour and 15 minutes, one cycle through, guided meditation, by CD, but tough, the personal story, the personal fortitude, when face, human doesn't want this meditation at all, but does
-
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even more than be nice, be spiritual, /.. find the unsaid, it's not mean it's just not the facade still even of "be spiritual" what is to stun and be accepted

what we really are

to not lie, but stay quiet, to not criticize, work in all the confusion

there's a lot of "lead where follow the conspiracy proof almost proof" and work, and eat carrots and hummus and crackers

and work

at exercise and meditation

at the hardcore versions, at extremely difficult to learn, and maintain these 17 years, meditation seek a book on your face, flutter through the pages

who relies on more words then, than human face

to ever quick scrawl express - meaning

to each other in the story of life

enough to get to a park, stay 22 minutes or something, even get a bit of nature, before traffic .. some beach glass, well a rocky shore, a small bit, the river, the university across it, but stand there, pick up pieces, time

what is story, unavailable

we all feel, someone build

ayahuasca respect for, properly done, but what is at home, just with us

what is a thing you can't say, a scrawl on paper

as if to say "it's nothing, I'm fine" "but you're lying" "a good lie?" "tuck it away" what is life, do you go to a South American jungle for an ayahuasca ceremony, spend 9 days, have 3 ceremonies, or something "try to get at it" "what's bothering you"

and at home

say nothing

scrawls of raise me off the floor, what I really am

we can't say "levitate" of at least say something

to anyone

can't form, words, collection, function in your mind "hide your place, you can't function"

what is "trying to figure out the number" of "mental illness" you can say, someone removed, talk to, code, they are okay "not crazy"

oh

in our lives "the glum say nothing of a pretty sentence face of sentence not you" ever stern, I want the rest, can you say

each of us from a child