It's a very tough thing

peace, if you can, we all can, if we try, soppy silly arrears awash washcloth diatribe iffy

So I haven’t written here in a while, since this past January, it is now September.  My dad died.  On August 9, 2013, just this past month or so, it is now September 30th .. oh, it's been tough.  Helping out with him for so long, then at one point, he had to go into a home, the Parkinson's .. his physical shape, in terms of bathroom things and just standing .. I helped as much I could .. but at some point he needs the care of a facility, people with machines, say, get a person in and out of bed, a lift ..

So, I keep going.  It's been hard. /to just see him through, I guess he deteriorated pretty fast near the end,/ the last few days/ I don’t know he was looking good for quite a while, chipper, had a smile, was talking .. but then there was some hospital stays .. oh he did his best.  Things catch you in life.  You can’t outrun them.  It’s just life.  For all of us.  Random.  You can do your best to stay healthy, but ../ and then the awful pain, feeling my heart jump and liquid ram dock boat capsize get it up again/ be stressed, know something is happening/ and wait, wait .. get a phonecall, while I was meditating, 10:30 at night .. / went over./ got there as fast as I could.  You know, you go in ../ you just do it, you don’t hesitate you go in/ you see, you walk in, you see./  It’s hard.  /Oh, things/ oh even this going through it again/ like identifying the body, sitting with my dad, alone, alone I was with him/ my dear dad shock bare walls bare light strict feel, then a man came in that worked nightshift, oh he had some good things to say about dad, that he had a sense of humour, liked to smile ..

Anyways, I'm trying my best, these days, alone in these bookme by myself here book a transition blog writing pictures zemzoo if any calm, with a dreadful in me barren landscape passpass no one can, you stay on some train loading dock, watching, your dad mom go away touch come back/ inner child chaff am I useless no I don’t blink so care for crying/ and then with paperwork, things to sign, things to take care of, as well as work on my life limited copyright copydamn coffee I don’t drink sit with root beer occasionalspillsoen my throat relief sugar kiss me sometimes not often ..

Mostly healthy ..

This on continuing things ..

We lamb yellowing field walk sunshine hold my hand fire being or warm dulled power gone just right hold my hand/Here is a drawing ..

Well, it’s an adaptation, of the last entry, January what it was “Smile, you can,” the first paragraph, just adapted into “wiggly red lines” “under mistakes” but really, life is ordered lines, isn’t it, and then more

I would hope

ordered lines ordered up ham and eggs silly songs books favourites die drag along teddy bear book fluffy dirty

ah mount up on this

we all just oh, have other consciousness's, ah meditation ah fancy another being here walk with us reminded with bare no-skill lines smudges dillydullcrackbreqako noskill as pianistarsrtuist no ppstrtuculsrly just us .. all of us telling no one, other being along with us draws in crummt drawings ha ha sure .. wise meditate archive bust achieve a bit of peace with other scenes kneesides besides just "plain arfarfsday" and that's all we get ass llahooyahcouldnt survive touch me embrace with just that

anyways the pages look pretty grey here I'm doing my best for a failing human.  Ah, to just look at what, words snipped out, unique cut lines scissor warcliklo clumsy my heart my heart all here showidided up and here I am thst'as all i can say

a million lost in us misspellings complete rise exit straight lines march on sidewalk hearts

in all of us

mno way to depict, get cross, stsrt on,/get it across oo lem show you, guve you these papers, sit with yiu, say nothig, stare at my coffee very little a ;lot recervoir , want this spell whstever this is English class tired human

hsvent we all been in thst boast ah nothing to corner store gum pack prize fighter calmer doze pretty smile wake up on street in middle of humanity

as something else .. we all feel it, can never do it

yes we have here a little oinkl winkl flabber drool fabulous youi all are!

me too!

ah we call up a million years to do one little 5 cent change in us if we can.  We all dream and waste and watch tv and sip pop and some of us meditate.  That's what I do I get up each morning and do hours of it

it keeps me stable

for this I want to do

and boy do I want to do it! ah you know it comes and goes a consciousness like this, we all seek a different way to think the cars laid out lying in bed on streets cover them up in blankets as you go by ..

it's so cute all of it isnt it my headache your lame leg her lost baby we cry we collapse on the stone and hit our head and die and live

each day get up for this read a little of this

a changed world/ realistic shitty dumb, coming across ..

this os odd has the fksvour of s god fryend holdig our hamnd

you really do weetee sick famtasy poems spsrkle duwngrsd still hsve some in my happy heart

thsnks giy.  writer.