sit with me see it all

Ah, the way we write, unconventional siesta blah too much sit a while see it all .. oh, a lot of my work is meant to be read, copy off here, paste in word program doublespaced Times New Roman 12 point, then the wiggly red lines appear "some misspellings" chances, fly to the air/ oh in here I leave it at the default font, no big feast on unease pupiil, pill? noi big troiuble/ wham, we sare irritsted som,e meditstion sessions .. even this is .. oh you can still read it this way,/ but qualify the mistakes, hug them/ it dstill hss gludyenings of its intemt, but fur full effect ../ well fur full effect the entire work wanderig through mankinfd womankind people unkind sometimes ha come sit my enemy oh grunt grumble softly arrange your ass unesifer fur this this/ ineasy is unkniw whst is this unrecoignized us inside no one touches us/ man the spelling shit is sure ittitstig/ irritating I don't know when I'm going to get better, medicine tastes bad

there is more to humans than what meets the naked eye clothed shutters a film crocodile "feel" I poke it, no from long long away a stick .. no .. I do not contact you *smile* we have seen this abandoned it crazy man welcome to my family thus far.

so, life.

Here's a picture.



oh in my life I've just experimented, a lot of years, I'm 52 now, started chi kung meditation at age 40, work seemed to blossom a bit since then, oh it's tough, the mind tankoredcored apple empty shoot spy caress hate your own mind libeled from within all of us get a tit in the eye woman mind boxing us peacful wants to be not fighting le boxing suck clamp in your hand goes to your mind trying to get treasures, dish feel cardboard metal whim .. ha odd of no. 1 ha champion selsor I'm upset .. we do our best, just get on with it.

So here's some more writing, from offline, the book, project, long-winded, I'm workig on, well, step into it, from all sorts of angles, world .. so it continues on, we walk hills, from where last blug blue blog post is .. and this is a taste of it, at this point, "this plof esection psrtial hump in way sfyter any understandig is possiblke oof on each of us new person see us whst am I?" after 7 or 8 years writing straight, approval almost every day, a strange situation, with gurls, police, sdtroppers, good gurls, sex saddicts, posing as good people, or whstever clumsyalsmity, siome purely good people, and cinterfeutig, or suspects, or lesdig on rwwnsge/reenage folloiwers, tio folloiw me, oh bksh bksh it is a while big work, anyine's inside is, not just mine .. so, enjoy, if you can, if yiou want ti meduaste with me, in this odd way flashes of thoughts shapes whiz by some stay stop slow sit by my side when I do, sort of.  New.  Its own spouse friend accompaniment your own take on it all your space.  All of us.  Said some of thius.  I can feel it.  Yeah!  croodles!  Oodles and scribbles!.  Looking for something.

/so here's the writing, carrying on from last spot in blog/ bye .. I get different feels from writing directly on blog page and writing offline, bye
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"

9:40 pm

Oh comment on life or life inside, pages 80,000 pages 90,000 give me 140,000 all my life, or a short stretch 7, 8 years am I interesting at all am I worth it at all?

What are we inside, want to go this far schizophrenia bizarre “not here” “you’re weird” “stroke him off” or wait, we need to know, what we are, we can’t just subsist on sales of luxury goods, we can’t.

Tune him with chi kung meditation, brutal, he wails, convulses, or is past a lot of that, mostly, but it is still tough.  Life.  That we may go inside.  Go through the doors.

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Strange that by far-out physics theories we may not even be here, our senses may be sensing things false, nothing may be here at all, hard to believe, my fingertips, what they feel, my toes on my feet, what they feel – is it not all real at all? what is this crazy? or is it at all, who knows, scientists postulating, people with schizophrenia convulsing, here, not here, they don’t have the wherewithal, calm, to be “not here” tell us what it is like, link with us, our far-out physics theory coming true we are shallow and mean and can’t stop make messes but are beautiful kind giving which is it? catch me later (we are humans, duplicitous, shine for the right people, shake the right hands .. but are mean .. and sniping .. “no, not for you” “you’re so pretty” and so it goes .. who will lay down on the street in front of a homeless person and lap their dirty feet? will you, or is she pretty, has jewels so shining arabesque don’t even know what that word means, it sounds fancy, fine-boned lady so fancy I melt and crumble before you, I am just dust, I will do anything, suck up, eat your shit, oh fuck I won’t go that fat, fuck off bitch.  /After time wears out.  Find a place.  All of us.  On earth.  Want to know more.  Are sick of this.  Are scared.  To find the way with a weirdo presentable.)  (after all this time, all you weirdoes, is one of you presentable.  Our weird story.  Our weird human story.  No, I like to clip my toenails give myself a pedicure.  Smell good.  Is that all I am, is that good enough fur you, toots?  We all like to shine, and cry, headaches fleeting through our heads.), is this that important a book like this? calm, eryuc, calm duwn, shoiw us sittig in a chair hoverig in a berth, stay lashed horse wink poo insect fly from matted slime earths power wash can’t get it clean enough marble counter mountain kitchen sling me atmosphere over your shoulder, bag hold 10 humans 10 billion humans take us there spacecraft leather bag i.d tags computer link, whistle eric be happy tell us show us farther disappear freak fondle fond of you any human vearu face angle stioge, asnythiug./ make your own words body silver jewelry make a wink make a laugh create how damn far does it explode, make with words you float “little things” I walk to rhem, touch them gently with my fingertips “words in the air.  Kiss you.  Stand on tippytoe kiss you lightly run my tongue over you.”

You are strange, Eric.

“Am I?  We want to create.  In front of us.  Like this.  Sail.  Connect chi kung electrodes have pulb bulb pull string get light in our minds, and loins, away from us little thing in air is god or further than god no lies no myth no human it is here zap spsrk shiort oiut yiou ugly curcuiot ugky wires uglky antique man make happen reciognize us, soopulail.

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/endf’ snippet/ 10:05 pm

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//

Show us.

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//

Monday, January 14, 2013  12:05 pm

So, here we are, I did about 18 minutes of magnification over there so far .. so I had a bad night last night, late last night, was feeling very ill, headachy, oh got things done though, put out the recycling bin, black box, for cardboard and newspapers, and also got my dad his pills, and flossed his teeth and coached him on brushing, I was barely mumbling for some of it, or softly speaking, getting through “where’s the door?” we all might ask, in this life.  “Where’s the door to the better pave picnic table grass ballsness place?”  Oh, silly as wee all can be mitackulous good images choose a spot in this book, sit, look around, live here with your clothes boots, what do people think, what is divorce staying world you can stay divorce advice hang around no tell me no give advice just play listen, no softbioce softbite, finally, a place to call home craziness presented well and working live! a place alive realtime right by our side with real content! Oh yes! sure, eryc, ah, we do okay lalebellull, play lovily in words, drool around, take our time dab, take a spot and ripple, test out our liquid words fanciness ur you iz, see what it feels like .. warrant big smile we want something to be alert,m want to feel it stand abburpleiated, eyes purple open misty ag shadow happy perfume no smell dab fee get me, be pure, not be laughed at, we’re not children, we are adults wham, but we need purity, no more slunky beplunk, slanderous, murderous, mean, sly, impinsulting, obdurate elf in suit faking it, can’t be broken, brittleiken into, your hidden feelings, behind face of “nothing bites and teases blithers me” “you font bother me word kiss”: “I will carry on” no one will fund and grocery lip me – so find a spontaneous leap it, in here.

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:40 pm

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//

Against all odds, we live here, find an interchange toast of gathfeather here what animal is that toast leeloaf of bread, fun find contact here words leap do ballet see them combine in streams of air, odd things, no wow yes, that no one will say, impossible, adults don’t, and kids whimmy shican’t reads at this arc of lollyle level, aren’t ready oh yet, oh can do some le of it la lal, you adult will have to take the briskunt, wander, in daylight float, be a tugged festivity ghosty plu, be insubstantial, mutust? Will you, be “insibmultinastantual”? ah goos, for a while, no one we all find you, no one know knew yes you .. in the world, the furgitten world, of this, or “never founf” “to be forgotten in the first plabbbaasve” new, beyond me new, not my hand here, the things that are blurry and not seen as first blurry, behimdyinnd blurry ..

We smile reserve judgement get carried along

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:45 pm

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//

12:55 pm

Some of these parts they look best with a wiggly red line of “spelling mistake” under them, like fesdtuviuty, like vceklebrstiry vocabulary celebrate opening up moving on carefully with tenderness, it’s fun, the world isn’t working out asadver it is rize, this is fun, but you must have thought with it, it’s nutty just aimless no not fiurplunky all the rime meesy fun, or a little, it takes time, I’ve been doing this for 540, 50 tears, and years developing it “feveloping ehst, eic, youl;re a but!”/ a nut? oh thanks, no, but right now prihtams (what is that word that one doesn’t flow oogy) don’t hold this automatic creation nans before prupimp fsrmnishing iof pleasing words stretchig withj though deep through a thought bar to and fun – aim overall meaning goo, going somewhere.

We just need nonsense crazu word salsf/ salad, nah, it cares, we can feel it, caring for us anticipating our leap in mind then our steadfast conservatism.

It is fun, you know, but adult at the end of war bouncing lawsuits ah walk my dig of grave my joke willuly eilling offered weaklimy you could kill me or lift me up uo ahead still a little strep tomgth fur chillike crazy young wif with a caring and respob bouncsibility we love you dear whatever that just said don’t seal it don’t make us hate you eric leave it wandering

We need to go up ahead whole world

Our poor world going somewhere at all.

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/endf’ snippet/ 1:05 pm

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1:35 pm

Oh the words the nasty little words or fun things just kidding, wiggly red lines like redline of tachometer? oh world going crazy we wanted “good speech” “good grammar” to work it all out, we felt the English language was all fancy and laid out and could see us through “why all this, eric, why not be satisfied?” oh, the english, the words, any language “supposed to know” our little world, supposed to know, about hidden people, vapid people, but completely just by own choice or default of being human have nothing to say .. nothing fits with blur crankiness, any of blur deigns to show ..

I can’t make you out.

Show me a way to make you out./ ah sexy nothing say anything can’t will anything up stand there with anybody young or old don’t know how to start this any of us oh wow huge work no small entry point pertinent the place the words sum up shake a hand “oh so that’s what it is!”  I see now, I understand, it links .. /no, we walk alone, lonely oh my ..

Experimental, really mental, ha ha, oh the writing the cheese, between my knees, gross, oh la la skip along be rude be young, be young of 52 and words, it is okay, take a risk, play, throw it all away, throw it intro the air, run under it, like water sprinkler, words sprinkler ..

Crazy stuff, competent responsible man, la la, I put the recycle box out by the curb, I help my dad with his lunch, his soup is a bit cold, from “meals on wheels” I put it in a bowl, do the microwave for him, the same for his hot meal, in the tin plate, put on a plate, microwave safe, give him a little warmth, warmth of food .. / and our world/cold words/ but passable/ lukewarm .. our yeayeash speech, we donlt listen mo one cam do it “II am a mess inside” please csrress my mess/ little red wiggly lines shiow the public in decirstiuon in dyusplsy “I show you!” it’s okay it’s part iof the program thought and messoaisy words flyig daisy free!/, respect my mess, oh baby, it’s nit so bsdf, so scasred,. English in frint, grammar in front, bodu poistiore in front/ show some sexy damn mess literate O CANNIT DO ANY OF THIS AT ALL yeahm!! Oh baby nit so msny capitals not freak so many exclamstions msrls .. oh baby .. calm ppo .. a bit oif confusion getting there this out to the public, but some calm now ..

We just need letters for our pent up “we are not finished yet, not perfect yet in here!!”

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/endf’ snippet/ 1:50 pm

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3:15 pm

So I did a good meditation, a 1+1, so with this morning’s 2 hours 14 minutes magnification, oh, kept open, I did some strictly magnification first, then wrote, then helped my dad, life, kept it open, only rubbed hands slightly together, /I am in this world “as this” meditation man! ha! anyways, life is often much more dull, yes it is, so a total time here today, 3 hours 28 minutes, then close completely, seal it in, the visit “to the being that cannot be seen” /we just stare in “matrix mode” cannot see it, wish we could, but you can see it, after 12 years in meditation, hardcore medical grade chi kung, 5-elements taiji, all this stuff, oh if it clicks with you, if you respect it, take time, don’t make demands, realize that often you feel bad, then a breakthrough, hard to do that, feel so bad, sick, physically sick, oh, mentally sick, everything, wait, sleep, then get up – live – so it goes – visit this other being, the border, go into the 5 planets “made up” their content, or where imagination breathes with the unseen being, give it a place, it can meet you, like the planet with all trees, all wood, forests, the green energy, meet it, be a “stupid human” offer imagination kiddie love innocence new planet, at some point it is a real planet, all is real, in a different way/ beyond earth, curious about physics theories, but not living them, in that “we are not even here” “something else is here” powerful, skull skill mash keep alive dinner balanced eat yourself and fly, that is rude on edge make me pretty words sigh to offer it to it ..

So you take in energy, you find a way to meet with “impossible” energy “it is not yours” “you will never get it” now this time you do, be at peace, bring these 5 planets, their content blah spring polish pop energy, know it is partially your way/ wood, fire, earth, metal, water,/ partially any thing any human child and adult knows/ this earth, our pictures, our experience, what we find “real” in this “matrix”/ and partially this unseen thingie, make a pass translation ..

It feels really really good. arg af

And all this odd writing .. oh I also saw Shae in the meditation she prayed for me said she loved me so much, would always love me “feel my strength in tiitiprayer ereyc it isfur you jeep going oin this gropo project theories project I kniow I cannit ciontact you rught niw it is ,mysdterious touch you be with yiou when is the time/ of course wem nor meshecould be grettig msrrued soon, her own life in the mstrtx life, I feel she still prays for me though /“this beautiful ciunt is fiur you, go into it, pump intoi it, little do you know man guck me giuckme good it is not rude love me strong loive unvinfudyionally/ condition of meditation pute puke pure think abandon it is onlky yiou and me bsby excise my rudemess I am in prsyer thigs ciome and go.  I feel you.  Inside me.  It is love like I hsvenever kniwn.

So, life, I also ..

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/endf’ snippet/ 3:45 pm

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//

 saw the little grey prstrer beig, moirefemsle thasn male, slight msdtlinglkings (I don’t know what that word is, sorry, “nestling kings”?), indentations, the stuff, bumps, but not much, she was walking through the snow, on streets, not cold, perfectly fine, barefoot, bare everywhere, people looked at her strange, or she hovered, moved on, they lovingly accepted her, meditation see/ near her “master” nit quite, friend, walked into office supply stores, got stuff, moved through aisles, anywhere, got things, stood by, walked with me her you, everyone had them, we had this feeling, everythif was at pesce, the prsyer beig floating, followed thewalkig himasn out of the store – it is quite fusntastuc fussy, feeling this in meditstion, it is free, I a, allowed.  So that is nice.

Amnyways, yeah, the prayer poo being, exiremds out, meets mnameless energy, wait that’s an awful image/ *gigglr* evem the psrsyer breig dusappesrs, tio firm fully intio fkstig woirds, autonomous, inrewlligemrnt belligerent? intelligent?, contained, as beig in luke any other, msybespeaking, maybe (unlike) just making shapes, stitching gumm, rolling, stitch your gum, what? I canniot always remember pleaseiss it all, but it is very intemmse, powerful, I got many masntaray shiocks this time, chsrges of wistdul poem whip, chsrhing uo / crashing up cherishing with this energy.

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/endf’ snippet/ 3:50 pm

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//

So follow this as best you can.  And this work, it is written on my home computer, on the screen it is 12 point “Times New Roman” font, and it appears yes with wogg;y red lines, under suipposed spelling misdtakesm, oh love me fur it (but in the blog I go with their font, just leave it, don’t regret things too much, just carry through, and of course they don’t have wiggly red lines, not yet, oh when .. love, from afar, our mistakes, risks, love .. in our perfect mechanical ../ opened), oh be comfgortsbke, anmd some green wigglky lines, fur gtammaser mistakes , or thigs I should cinsdiuder.  But if you want thefill effect, fill feel it should be in that.  Do you hsve a word porohram ptoblem?prigram?  Moist people do.  Oh,. life, yiou can copy it to there, resad st yior discretion.  Life, we want to know the misdtsjes misses thst csrry us firth, nistakes? top pure bliss.  The “thigs we’re nit supposed tio love as do here” thst csrry usto pure bangliss/ oh, nit bad thigs, but just counter litchen, ti the fscsde of the perfect humsn, which is nit perfect at all, not in the least.  There is much work tio be done.  To give this other being its life here. (so have wiggly red lines underneath they are so pretty, earth’s problems are absolved we travel we go somewhere else)  Make it comfirtasbke.  Live, yes, as as humsn still, but givethis other berpig its life.  Impossiblke improvements, impoossibke effiurt, in life.

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/endf’ snippet/ 3:55 pm

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so that's some writing there eric here back in the blog oh I am scared to share my writing from offline and yeah at one time the police and Janis the stripper girl her porn site publishing computer expert friends, were tapping me, and sharing it with Shae too, the good girl, /and my collapsed mind and evertrgung/ eberything/ every .,.. oh it's easyu ti say so schiplum people they hallucinste, oh diubly trioubke when these thigs are actually happenig/ it has happened it is rare "like the person suspecting people are following him, he has a hint of paranioia, of psychosis, but people actually are following him/ pretty hard on him, the hardest/ .. oh calm with meditation that's all I can say roll with it, even at my group at one point shared it "in my recovery story" one guy, the facilitator at the time, expressed his disapproval, can't be true, ah I was quiet with him, he's used to it "big stories" "big poloofal personal whumpff doesn't have enough importance in their life, makes things up" I don't know feels kind of bad,/ yiu want ti say somethig to somebidy, somebidy trusted ../ but yiu kniw .. keep going ..

-

oh sin sir bin sir remainders be good

oh what does that title mean, oh sincere tripped up mouth wander forests air in front of my face

/ .here's a picture, another one, cute, a snack with the dinner





so I have a bit more writing, glad you asked well there is the big behemoth leadup to all this writing oh a little taste here, but 80,000, /90,000 pages before this, .. holiday land, go visit .. oh ha oo ha, sit set up a little shop, in our minds, inner life, no more terror, so scared of the place you carry right with you, everywhere you walk ../ what's inside you? "oh I don't know that's just a warehouse I tug along with me, don't go in there, I don't even go in there, words are spelled wrong (some of them, oh, just don't press me) to say the least (they are spelled wrong, or playful, they cavort) or they're not even words they flow ribbons glows goot foot cloak of plasticene stop motion crinkly little fat words ha hi him hum bodseek squink me I don't know you still stay, want to play there? massesybe someday we will go in there

so here's some writing, yesterday, today, continues on from last blog post
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"

6:15 pm

Oh, the things we never say.  Have a glow, for someone you like.  She can’t say this to you, can’t construct it, in “like you, chat with you” yamah feel comfiratablke with yiu, vhat rha” it’s mniot like thst, this take years, if even then, some happenstance, some odd romantic mood, or literate, literature mood, words, spaceman .. never comes.  She feels awkward – knows this is exactly what life is – but can never say it./ we sit in restaurants, get on with “restaurant talk” there’s all types of talk, “baby talk” overseeing your young one, standing above his or her crib, oh, growing up, oh, any of us, started out, a boy a girl grow up, get older “learn the different types of talk” what you can say, who it is, what’s appropriate, what you take a risk in, what’s funny, what makes you laugh .. /ah, and being mad, sick of someone, does someone ever hit another person, out on the streets .. and life .. /we just, wink, never quite get to this talk./ here, thisd book

Fir all thje world, fsco;itstig all these triopwores trapdoors subjects safe fyr resdig book in pruvste or semi-book, weird-book, wants to live, past art, give me art, give me a special time, ah, we always said it all in art (or it seemed an “all,” weird relationship, book got you going, book satisfied you ../ but it was never real, to tell asnoither, take a character, take a flow of book pages, for something off earth ..), but never could trtrip it for life .. get it going in life, you recede to all the “standards of talk” and just want to scream.  Some people put shotguns to their head.  This is (the horrirs, preople hsve hasd enough, have dopne the art even, reached pinnsckjes, always squat splsy in swaualor of empty life) life.  Talk to me.  I kniw knew you couldn’t (and Shae the girl from the park “knows we can talk oksy just regulsarly talk can’t we?) you never will.  (Art, people, bereft of any communication, it’s so strange, to ask for it, for Shae to even think “recognize me, Eric, you recognize my spirit, now what about my face, this life .. or are we connected in this book, so strongly in here, we cannot do in life) So I missed oiy with the giurl, I lost thswt vchamnce, softness, a kiss .. but you kniw, this was really important to me, it desnt hasve a stamdsrd “discuss the book” “be in as book viblkub” “float wash lrsve a comment on a reviuew of it” ash we never sitm never can quite become whst this instiugstes in its osaris ges shagti la, blossoms, feeds, gliowers, blooms ah pounce .. poor humsn, never gut past “say it all or day one say a lit in art” but sionsara, or however you spoell it, in lovege “dint expect it at a in life” poor us.  All of us with the knowledge, unable to make the being that says it in life, (but correct me through here what words you see fit come to mind so nervous you look at your computer slate flat hand then look st the persion try ti talk thesethoughts semi thoiughts yoiur insude beggig to let loose not poss always be alone in biooks art looking grinding remisding surmisin grassing gtaze honk insering prubste life nithig) the humsn cant say that whstever it was mind unstasbke cant form say to her or him, say in this campsite, this spot, document sell live, travel, have enough money, know people this way “invest in me, I can talk this way”)couldn’t say it, so went to art scjhool, art couldnlt say it, but we gelt said a liot. Now bsck tio us “whst will you say> this book rackles asll offg picssso frsncius bscon odd dydtioryons “say siomethig true, sbiout us, sit with me, dionkt need yoiur srt”  Hey yiou, yeah you , mu lover, ,y wife, my desr frtend, wemt through 7 years of this, never could figure out how to talk this biook in open “why you take this so sreriously, eruc?” “art” to ,e, no one ever pointed out these dyvusions scopes scap cap on oi, she’s yioung, she thinks it’s going ti ride it be fine, some boy will talk tio ipening her like no other, sdhe thijks it’s going ti be done, ash poor humans “think on it’ “and just live cremate” at least I age am ion irn bookponted it out, and gsve whjst it ciould be, fur dead all od usus.  The prsyer beoig, little Zem sgirt 3 foot hugh? oh, shaved head, androgynous, greyish skin, light grdyiusdh, but not unhealthy, pretty, you are faint, not here, come walk .. ah, we are scared, of something whooz inny like thst, you say you feel her, hmm, just want to have it happen, anywhere, talk casually with floating words, point them out, nudge them, floating gracefully in air, not tethered, but staying close “the real me, what I might say” be there you allowed, feel it, talking me, doll feel words, floating, of their own recognizance court order no we are mistily intelligence conk, contained in punnhun them, and the poot prsyer beig can speak a little loves the wordyfees floating “you getio it all” you give me thrill rheull real pop out words thoughts this union with dimensions beyond us I begin to think it/ can jump from haphazard misspelled words into speaking it of honesty groin my my deep bowels honesty of humans in a cast physics bronze a theory baby shoes old mans hair go spank and drift and beyind lesave thst putt-putting – just feel oh so I ache me!

We talked a little there, you saw words could encourage you your mind yor trusdted min eruc ior something

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/endf’ snippet/ 6:50 pm

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6:55 pm

Shae sees me at a party, years later, I’m with my wife, some other woman, she walks up, introduces herself (well my wife has gone off with someone else, just saying hello, I stand alone, for a second or two) “oh, you’re the woman I almost talked to, almost talked for real to” thre nasty chamces never there chances the humsn dies swims makes livig in books “hint of taslk’ never with actual gurl; though, named/ cannit live saucy osprey ccey all romantic talk crazy you’’-get-no-job talk, cannit live thst.  We live respectsbke hold back is this why people whip each other in sex ir hsve nipple clamps or cheat or shit on esch other or no the stink, ah, the dstink of our minds, shae, the sex, no, it was talk, the stink, the risk,. The play it out, cheat, gorge, sneak around try to be alive the heights of being alive you couldn’t go through this book follow along with me be this connected with me it plays out over dilute humanity now we do our best, or clean up from shit piss chest squirt porno pay in our minds cheap horny fantasy where’s the beautiful talk took it all the way through to other being in the air “doing the beautiful talk,”/ ., somehow it was neverclean, too clkean/ flickered never furmed, we wanted it to be real, it’s hard to wear down matrix body, ah, without meditation, /and your life, how does anyone have 5, 6 hours a day, to meditate, write, communicate, in this way, we all just keep hoping it will work out the other way, no one devotes this much, and when catastrophe hits it’s too late .. we play with this book, though .. it is all we have

So they get a semi actual real life how it might have been between us shae, they get that

And now I go back to my wife .. we meet shae do not say this no one says this .. we scatter words on the road, we hide in this, if we can do this, like me

We totally play a game, in the “real life” we trade these “m.t.’s, artworlkds” sewn ragswashed resin words laser printed paper resin casting resion scans and “us” “developing in talkig floating words” “actually had anyine we did it with” “was it or pretend” “a lark wait” what was it? stay lets do it fur real lets find thst

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:15 pm

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8:35 pm

So, I did a 1+1, that I didn’t do earlier in the day .. oh, I did a long magnification, with writing too, and going on the internet to work on blog, oh, by the time I closed off completely, well, it was getting late, to do a sit-down, hadn’t eaten in too long, that’s too late, so close off completely, that was 4 hours 21 minutes, then waited 40 minutes or so, had something to eat, but this is how it goes (now I feel serene, right this second, going through this a second time, spellchecking, leaving some things, deciding, the feel, flowing .. but this is my life, I work, the energy replaces hunger, replaces worry, I feel ultimately serene.  ((my back is straight, my head is held high, just floating my ribs and bones and everything held up by energy not tension))  It comes and goes, for a second there, the writing bothered me “oh I have to spellcheck this all now.”  Then I started into it, and then it just happened, I was serene.  I was hungry, very hungry, well, getting there, before I started, I knew I could live with it though, I felt the magnification from this morning, it had instilled something in me, to survive, and now here, survive further still, closed off completely after the 1 hour 16 minutes sit-down, now wait at least a half hour, write here .. then have something to eat, amazing I can be serene at all ..), so later on, tonight, I did my 1+1, like I said, it took 1 hour 16 minutes, with afterwards, before doing final-final closing off, rubbing down body, holding body, while standing up, I just danced in the dark a bit, swayed, you touch your body, caress it, (in honour to it, caring) (not) like a stripper a bit, oh or someone that loves themselves, has no shame, will show it in the dark (um, be nice), ha ha, but not like a stripper, doing it for putrid strangers, /just alone, with God, or something, no more human inhibitions, human mores, /grotesque/judgement, just be alone, sway, wiggle, revolve, churn, okay .. now to something else (but you can see me, reluctant to share it here, it is true.  Oh, how would I ever do floating words in the open?  How would any of us?), ha, we do okay, to relax, after all the strain/ oh, life .. oh (in meditation), the 5-planets, in the medistion, food to feel; “them” “it” the higher energy, thst yior mind wionkt work weith a a general humsn, oh guve it plsnets, furst one with wood, second one with fire, and so on, give it “in imagination” which reaches it, you know this wood, you know this fire, but then it knows it too, it knows what they are, impossible unassimilateknowable energy, becomes things kniwn, crisses through the bsrruer, can be used, brought intio body mind soul strengthen .. it becomes the usable 5 steps 5 planets you gain parity with it, share, strengthen, even if you are old, like I saw an old man, oh, he did not tell anybody, he let them observe him (in terms of western doctors, at appointments), but he had his private way of staying strong, accepting this energy, soaking in it, speaking dull no be kind floating words yessir whoo, he had a young girl a friend platonic, at first I thought it was Shae at whatever revolving relate to her? then it was Theresa? Shae Theresa?, s.t.? St. saint there you go, saint, young child, diunt put duwn the old man, allowed him to speak floating words, she accepted it, and played with the words, touched them in the air, did not disbelieve them (how strange, we are not allowed floating words, in human life at all.  Oh, I think of Shae, she might have allowed me at one time, was eager, found me fascinating, and I her.) and scoff at him (no), it was nice (yes).  Oh, first half of meditation went fairly good, oh, the matrix wants it all back at a certain point, weasels in, you cannot maintain your thoughts, “empty thoughts,” if you will, peaceful, feeling only “it,” but this is the training, you suffer, the matrix bangs, the matrix knocks, wants everything back again, you suffer, in your pain, sit quietly, the matrix seeking to spoil everything, or truthfully, bad patterns, now read them, the matrix generates them, your life on earth generates them, now read them, (it is the way, very exciting, catch that, intense feel dob calmme vein vocous afocus of energy, feel at home)it is very hard.

But I am glad I got in this practice, it was late in the day, oh, I hadn’t eaten in 4 hours, it was pushing it, but the energy was strong at first, I did not need to pay attention to my body’s hunger, the energy replaced it.  Oh, you try to maintain it, you be gentle.  This is the story.  Finding out a bit more each day.  It is long term.  Feeling more comfortable with each high-tuned part.  Able to relive them more easily.  But it is still hard.  /to visit, revisit, each session is different, but build on the one before it, keep in touch with the story a hold on the story, the personal story, you can have guidance from the masters, they can lead you to the door, but you must go in.  I have gone in.  I am proud I have done this with my life, /sought doctors, but no, at some point, gently “not telling them” “oh not so much” go into this, to find true healing.  But always, a story, of magnificence, you forget you are ill at all.

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/endf’ snippet/ 9:15 pm

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1:05 am

You are never going to have a relationship with anyone in which you can tell them this, or the traditional relationship, or face to face, where you know each other.

What other?

What other indeed, computers, hiddenness, loneliness, can’t say, afraid to look in the eyes, /avoid .. or be at peace .. find a way .. all through your life, all the people you meet, are never going to deal with this, past worshipping God, or not worshipping, going this “practical” going farther, finding this truth, is it truth, humble, broken, but helping, never going to meet someone, they live life, but know this too (at least I said this, when they were listening, at least I said this.  Poor humans, they get back to life, even the ones involved in this.  They get back to life.  What seems to be life.  Producing so many bad patterns, from the good/bad engine, but not seeing the thing reading it.  Does it matter?  Is this section, us humans producing the bad patterns, is that important?  Strange thing to say, at our level we feel we should live we are important very well loved are we?  By who?  Those around us, those we meet, are we not looking at art, creations, material things, smiles, look, skin, warmth, where is us, looking staring not connected not on earth .. how to get here, how to explain, how to have the human know and explain, and include us here./ are we the nameless, or is this sick, is this mentally ill, no, we are expressing this singular creature, no creature, the void, and where no matter is, but it lives, watching, we feel it, in our art of everything, even ourselves – it will not say, it will not come here ((it feels no place, for its perfect that made this, all this that sparks and churns, galaxies and earth, us .. how does it come here, where we think, actually think. include it, become entities separate from the nameless, its cheap story, we become ourselves, can welcome it in, can think that far, include it.)) – it does in this book, it comes here, a little.  Who will say, who will dare, we (do we?) like the current arrangement, or know no other – we have sadness, sure “but does it go this far, Eric?” (isn’t this a bit far?/ to where even galaxies are seen as a farce, finally think, end the story, but keep it – end it, step outside it, not think as human anymore .. now show this, in daily dealings, with floating words, with people, we can’t.  Cannot whisper “I need to do this” strange man, move hands, tell anybody that’s there “the words stop in midair, they really do.  Something else is here.”)) yes, we are not here, that is not symptoms of an illness (I live in here, this world, barely able to keep safe, blend this world, nearly die, the energy reads me, floats, I emerge, go to it, as a being not me, the human, I speak floating words, feel a charge, from the energy floating there, I combine with it, a new life is made.  Only life.  Put aside human life, the story, the farce, but love it, protect it with your life – bring this other.), things don’t work out in us there, don’t work out in humans, we can feel it, need some entertainment tonight, as book, as movie, get away, live something other, than ever looking at this, that which cannot be expressed.  That which I’ve expressed here.  Millions of pages, the world over, barely getting to this, this thing outside our dimension.  But it is here./ I msde it you msde it evem though we were stuck on thst humsn “is all there is” our sesrch,m fur iother plsnets, other life/ nothing nothing and nothing.  Why is thst?), anyone, your fsther, yiur mother, when she was alive, yiour brither, yiour sisdter, just people, too busy living,m too sttached ti hiuw it is, are we really just projected here, another being, well we aren’t evem a being, it propjects all us from just its singilsrioty,, seeking life, through us saying it is here neverwould dare, once we hsve extasblished, our art and our emptiness, our longing, lookunf ftom inside relescopinhg far disrance away the blur in us our mind we cannit giveenter, then we dom fron the direction if human, earth “you asre there, something thsy dusappesrs, comes again) ..

Does it all make semse, if we can even grasp it, if it even existss, the persion thst medustes has a heck of a time even making it story say, so ..

Whst stay can you chance dioes any of ishaveone else hsve, csrryig this book, scstterig the little words with holesfor string, fur the chamce nione of us will rver hsve.  The story is just srranged this way for humamns to deny this produce siuch strong psttermns od festh old sge flummoxed whacked out, so resd those.  This is the way it is./ we have a lot of those, the wgascked out death and turedness patterns/ could you read them, stand near/ tonight I helped my dad brush his teeth, I could feel it, his illness, he was being read, his own nameless, part of it, I got a charge, had to step out the open bathroom door a bit, I was feeling his charge, this happening with him, him speaking floating words into the air, joining with the energy floating there, it was quite exciting.  This happening at all.

I seem to be able to feel it more openly, in the matrix.  As I act the same.  The same as everbody.  Or mostly.  This has taken years.  To contact this other.

Oh my.  “Eric stay striong ansd ha away from us, we are just liviong our life.”

So it is.

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/endf’ snippet/ 1:40 am

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Sunday, January 13, 2013  12:45 pm

Oh, I do okay, I did a 1+1, with 34 minutes of magnification, for a total of 1 hour 47 minutes, and it was straight through, from one to the other, no writing, no anything .. I remember feeling blissful in bed this morning, but I lay there, enjoying it, when I should have got up, to seal it in, in meditation .. oh, I did get some of it, eventually .. it is a tough regimen, it feels so good, so warm and cosy in bed, some “drug” in you, no problems in the world at all! you just feel wonderful! ../ ah, I cannot always grab ahold of that, seal it in, store up chi, any way I can .. /life, I do my best .. /oh, meditation, /I think I have a touch of the flu still, I have to sit with it, the meditation is really good for it, but it feels harsh .. hard to do, hard to get centered, you get a little, then it is grabbed away, the concentration, (an ability to feel pleasure at all pieces coinciding, feel reassured, once again it is working, you are on the right track) this is life .. so, being able to picture, making floating words, coming from the origin, the being that made us, rather than the human, feel as that, floating the words, that are only allowed to non-human species, oh, it feels good, developing at this, and the human somewhere in there, helping with it all, perhaps has time to develop never-developed things (or only a touch, you only get a bit of them, what you’d like to say in life, never go there/ it flicks, flitters, you never get the whole thing, and never see steps, how to actually say it to anybody, ever .. and it’s not as if books do it, they don’t seem to know “how it is” “once you get there” “in life” this is very serious, we don’t do it, we simply don’t do it, in life .. we have art, in books, movies, plays, but we are left alone, no scraps, or like this book, millions of words brushing up against it, but not quite getting it, but yes, forming it, this awful way, worse than any gold mine, the slightest fraction ../ with so much “spare rock” “spare words” or it is in them too, we stand there, look at them, wonder what they contain, just like people - better)), even know what to say, even have any words, even have any situation, to say it.  The new creature remembers you and you remember it, you work together (found each other, you are not real, it is, but all you have is your stymying, on earth, it is terrible, /sometimes wonderful, /sometimes you relax, it is blissful .. but this true work, getting the being that made us here “why now? Why yet? can’t we wait? Why push for this, in one lifetime, can’t even think it .. the human creature, reincarnations, whatever, never works in this, here “the silliest thing” “I can’t say it, it’s silly/ or serious enough, I know enough, (I can form it even think it meditation frees me from my human mind, can you too, with the book?) I take the risk, to speak as this, not science fiction at all – let me say it! please let me say it! ha irf/ in ordinsary life, no srt art, niot s crumb ha!).  It is very hsrd, feeling this book, syusrain itself/ sustain, over a million psfes/ page “it’s so damn interfuckestawing” well, in its flopsy ,essy self, sire “oh eriuc dint be so hsrd iomn yorselkf” yes be that hard punch yourself/ oh, we make our way  .. how do we stay interested, me doing the hardcore core work in there unpleasant not always the best feeling, in your gut, see this each day, (soldier on, no skipped days, for “comfort”) then bring you “news” this other place, that humans never get to see their entire life/ (so sad/ canlkt tewll them, they look st my blankly, I hsveentrance words, to someplace they donkt know .. make them feel different, I grab at anything, to explain, can’t, or can, I don’t know .. so much over in the other world, cannot use human language, human life, to say it/ I remember my torture not getting along with human life, can’t function, /get red-faced flustered can’t even talk in ordinary conversation, feel I’m nothing, foreign “there is nothing there” takes years, calming down, to give “the something there”)) .. we are just confused, beaten down, /think a new (car)house renovation (jsckret, scan new clothes) will sol;ve it all, if we hasve the moiney, and if yiou dint “to reach fur thst” poh, poor people, when it all runs out, you get heasdaches, it can no longer satisfy yiou, miney and oits pursuit “of course I;m nit doing thst” yes you are “but I want a nice house to entertain (nice people) guests” oh really? do you get to the cruxt of it, all suck ask some really serious poopooquestions, like why asre we all heree dumloamy rest want a kiss/ “no, I dint want ti sound silly” oh my, sound silly, break thst bsrruer, the silly bsrruer, can any oif us, to the real thing?  Gupdun dun fun crazy book, sage wack long grass, in some ways age dage bage ddahe, reads the crazy silly wump “the guy actually thinks he’s going ti do this!” ah, lifew, I could fphew jhsve done it with shae at one point, all her friends too, or some of them, that passed by, she offered, in some ways, to be friends on this, I never followed through, I couldn’t recognize her, the love was so deep for her spirit, I needed her spirit so bad (help me, thereal ,me! nit the surfsce ,me!) I couldn’t recognize her face (this was so important, carry this on, even now, she was “the one” for this book “but I could not recognize her face for life”) .. and she couldn’t deal with that, couldn’t explain, couldn’t form any words at all for it .. the situation was unknown, no one she knew had ever encountered it – there was no advice, anything – she read this book, tried to understand, grasp it, what was happening, for her, for myself, for the world .. she couldn’t, she had to return, to how it was, get on with it, it’s hard enough “it’s hard enough, Eric, don’t you know?”

And so we have this book – seesettle, cast spyingvistd/ sptingbisrd, vast springboard/, vast whirlpool, calm, storm you ditty song on my lips you just sit, fun, edicastion elucidation, halluvcinstion? Ash, c;min, but stirm danger entertsainment interest me desd almost dead scrubbing surbibig ti surviving csrry this through cement it in, in ithe populstion.  Sure./ I bet “C’mon eruc! We love you!”:

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Oh, we keep going.  “Nothing could be done, all over the world.”  We could not see this.  Serious, big scale, world scale, no movie, no think tank, no consultation process, this is there, in the rain, in the warm house, everywhere./ thanks., eryc., come over talk like this we wait a while easin hsve tea

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/endf’ snippet/ 1:30 pm

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6:35 pm

So today I was out on the front driveway there, front of the driveway, there was a ridge across, from snowplow .. oh, I had left it a day, hoped it was soft, could be shoveled easily, after all it was +4 today, Celsius, even higher a bit, it had been +2 through the night/? Anyways no, the snowplow left me a treat, it had to be broken up with a metal bladed shovel, a spade, with a square tip/ ah, break up a little, go over to the snowbank, rest that shovel, trade, get the plastic bladed scooper one, push, throw, quite a job, and I’m not that well today, the fluish symptoms, I slept this afternoon, ah, life, it was hard to do this, /but say, Paul is coming tomorrow morning, no cars could have got over that ridge, so there you go.  Anyways, so yeah .. this book and everything, just let it lie low, on the big old internet, let me get used to it, it’s even in the open, a lot of frets .. so, I do okay, my little contribution, the stuff, the human mind really wasn’t meant to think, really wasn’t meant to.  Ah, we keep going.  Foreign stuff, the reasons, even alien, and getting down to physics theories, but living them “we may not even be here” to some higher and greater power (ah for me feel that it’s so difficult but I haven’t felt human all that much, I know a lot of people with “schizophrenia” or whatever it is say “bring me back” “tell me I’m here” but not really, for me, oh a little, but more I realize humans aren’t doing that well, yes it’s a hustling bustling society, but well, are you really alive, lots of people work, work their fingers to the bone, janitors, make a not-bad salary, say janitors for the schoolboard, but then there’s stockbrokers, do they work hard, oh, they get paid a lot more for same hours of work, you could say that .. but life, when do you get around to this stuff, oh probably never .. we don’t want to actually “live it” we like, say, talking to a scientist at a dinner party, he gets into it, then his wide says “oh, Reginald, don’t bore them with your work” and stuff like this/ ah, poor world, to live it this far, like Shae staring at me “you want to live this, Eric?  Then sorry, I can’t be your friend.  Are you advanced?  Maybe, but I’ve just got to live, honey.  This isn’t for me.  My world hasn’t seen this yet.  We don’t see it as commonplace.  And I don’t want to slave as a weirdo with you in the meantime.” All the years .. slaving as a weirdo .. before this becomes obvious in society .. we live, knowing we are projected, meant to never come to a conclusion about anything, just make messes .. so then have the other being read it, the only being .. which we are too, we can see as it .. gently, humble little thing twig snap crinch, very unisualy, dlstig there in floating words .. by how you talk, hiw you feel yoiur hiusdtiory as this glow strange thing withouit a body, noit just the humsn .. feel this perfect nah growl energy, still, glowing, regal, superior? Humbkie, beegical jusiary, fud ut you scream ciome aling kids yasry, I dint kniow vamt think of the woed weed world was, bit it duesnt wantti hsrm us, just wants us to kniw it’s there, give it a plsace, no I;m not talking about matijuana in humsn realm, duesnt want ti be woeshioped just wants ti be inclyded – we kniw about it – so it’s pretty odd, is this even real, we were kind oif used tio fyr a millon years, and a million more, not knowing anything about it, never – never seeing it, nothing (I would be so embsrrassed ti stsrrt in on this with Shae, or the group of Shae, nice people, good hearts .. I would feel really odd walking up to a podium and talking on this subject “someone else do it for me”) – so this is pretty odd “and we’d prefer not” “like shae says” or I imagine her saying “not for me, Eric, I’ve got shopping to do, I’m not shallow, but they just came out with a new type of running shoes, I want to go looiki st them, see you!”)), it’s jiust a “neighbir t” top us (thre higher pere is), “jusdt like us” nio, it’s niot st all , it crested us/ created, watches, the strange peciliosr “we yesr bin whast” “we work fir life” “we fight ti stsy prp pupiutected” “stay safe” “we fight to love” we’re not perfect, we’re fragile/ dumb little words create here god something be safe done it all big world trees grass waster create that turn away now experiment here, touch, want to float in air, want human to be practiced enough, feel the words, independent .. ..

But sodturning touring, a lot can happen to people, they keep going./ mdw grass, new front lawn for school, hey man what are we .. “you done wasted your life eric but you’re better than a rock star, a brain, dare stand on stage say this shit weirdo live as this weirdo shit .. we want to tear you apart, /then we love you wish we were you wish we could work on this oh we so imagine it/ nah, tear him apart!”

/But why deal with “we are projected” l;ike some suiperfragelistic super prpjectir ah it’s nit even technology, not even anything in our bubble we coyld kniw comprehend fits in our “procession of ideas, inventions” no, just relax and follow poo it along.  We were not meant to think this, mental illness has a chiggeramce, reaches, is tuned with chi kung meditation, (it’s a tough regimen, sitting for an hour and 10 minutes, even 1 cycle through it, it’s very tough, to even believe this exists, on other side of “taiji cord” or something, believe it is there, gradually live it, bring it back into this earth, humbly ..) it’s our only chance, not to be locked in the procession of ideas, dinkweeds, ineventualchinchins inventions, edupacksucstiuon “way it is” locked in, (“spe;kkl them right, Eric, okay, next time?”) no, we need something ewlse/ we need the world to keep runnig, yeah., but we need something boop else .. we need some we jurdo loser wowwas lkeep tuning himself with vhi kung meditstiuon in the loneliness/ ah, do I yjink I’m a “loser”? no, niot really, but it is pretty odd,. The work I do fold out, out of the spot;loght, out of a jib descropriuon, paidf jiob, job pisycheck, unrecognized “whst are you working on chimpin there, Eryc/’ the girl is cheerful./ was wissy

Ham yeah, thst is the saving frasce, the kind of pleasant giurls thast save the world.  Are pleasant, not spresdig it asround, sex, just pleant fir ethereal spirity, rose.  Please dinlkt hurt me fuvk me up them, asnyine out there, donlkt let thise young women grtiow up so bitter. And mak,ing smile make crap manipulate  Please.

On we go you have this on your tablet computer somehow wiggly red lines appear under “spelling misdtyakes” you creste, say “I kniw whst futs there” and so the world grows, a figgerent world

In addition to the one we have, we feel some glimmer of what meditation does, even though we fucking don’t lazy ass do it.  Are so scared, would rather shoot someone in the head in war than meditate .. “it’s so much more fun” to shoot someone, get anger rolling, power, obliteration .. than sit and face in meditation, go through your shit by yourself, with your higher power, don’t hurt any humans .. oh, but we have past lives, we have things, inadvertent, dumb, crazed, beasty, who kniws.

-

Oh life see mistakes in perfect wriotig mistyakes csrry it higher, fur ionce

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:25 pm

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//

Reads me, nameless energy, not God, not any name, burp, just clears it all aside, quietly, in my meditation, and here where I sit too, and for my dad, and anyone/ ah, that we may see the pretty boy nameless over in a corner up on the wall floating “you done become human partially what you want me to do now?”

Yeah ha it is indeed a pleasure./ to walk to it with floating words or nah not that far tonight, I glisten in its presence, that’s far enough, thanks.  I know it is all there, for another day.  It moves slow.  Build this cranky beautiful thing.

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:30 pm

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so life that's okay all that writing eric back here now, on blog, inside, oh I think the internet has done us all a lot of good but there's so much expression so many lonely spots no one goes see .. we really do try to develop, what do we do with people in our lives, oh c'mon don't ask me that/ we stray to the internet/ go there/ go to hell

don't ask me again

you're just dyfgig fudging me upo fuckig me up you;pre tryig ti hurt me

I love the internet I love do me i lie there all splasyed out fyr everybidy a slur i really like ti sick or moan or pasty or young or old or dead I'm dead in there, trying to animate it, no more in life, I don't try there anymore.

I jusdt walk.  Keep to myself.

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a little more, t-shirts awake dreaming

oh what do we put on a t-shirt, mess, picture, this is me odd scrawl never finished then one day see it again then added some more, then it was finished .. like our world .. like an 80,000 page book, written in seclusion, our minds, never shared .. sit with me, warm summer dim day, surprise sit planned with me, who do you think you are want to say, can't gather it, apples strawberries pick from in your sippul, or other word overused buy at good price so many of them hanging around the words at least .. no one can really .. be at peace .. look at pictures .. I don't show you .. *smile*




odd picture, like our inside, odd, at peace, right here, no pressure, no views, odd little creature wilderness of internet, trees and bushes, it can be like that, peace ..
-
so here is a little more writing, from yesterday, from today, this massive book, over 7, 8 years, through breakdowns, through bligownss/ whst is thst word, bliss> giwns? blig, through romance, through nothing did happen so after all, just peace sometimes and soppul, the in way stop kite in ribcage light

we all need odd images don't want no fancy ass author telling us anything ..

We want to relax, internet turned to nature.
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"

10:15 pm

Oh, selling this book, bevelling this book, chamfered edges, I really don’t know, mouldings, around tops of walls, who knows, changes in humanity, occasionally we get excited “think something is really going through” but mostly, ah, you get tired of it, don’t want to hear any more about it, oh, the news reports, who’s to believe, this accounting fraud, then the other side says they’ve been sent into poverty, nobody knows the truth, there’s just posturing, I don’t know how to get to the truth.  You just turn it off.

And live your life.

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Turn off the TV, today’s news, like yesterday’s news, the future’s news.  A noose around our neck.  No changes.

We feel we have possibilities, within the matrix, when it may have been set up for the reasons of producing patterns, and we can’t accept that “what a ridiculous statement, we are humans, we are important just as we are!  We will work this out!” oh, it gets tiresome, generation after generation digging us deeper into this hole, they grow up, there are shouts “the youth will find the way” but they never do .. we are too centered on our ourselves, when in fact we may be a preliminary being, and this next being I talk of is not flesh at all, it may be words floating in the air, by talk, leaving the human, to float in the air.  Stop, depending on your devotion to quiet, to tamping down your ego, even eliminating it “all for the human” “everything for the human” (to sit with the ego, blustering, pompous, sit with it, as it screams and frets, is angry and recalcitrant, will not be moved, will not be altered, make friends with it, in the end, and quiet it down, communicate to it that it leads to the next being, and it will stay, to quietly lead us all into the next being, the ego having a purpose, other than being just horrid.) it is indeed a rest to get away from that, but it is very hard to do that. / the ego is completely out of control, to offer it this great fruit “just up ahead of you, with your help, is a greater life for us all” it needed something, to calm down.  Something not on earth, not in the human’s scope.  It had nothing “I should have something!” nothing could be talked about, nothing could be described, there seemed to be nothing there.  It seemed that way.

Such drive, the human has.  Now let us focus it into this.

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Why is this important, impossible to say, like a million words still can’t say it, reflecting our entire history.

Move words, I find this silly, I picture them in the air in front of me floating, I find this silly.

It has no link to me, I don’t know why I am thinking of it at all. 

It has no link to me.  In the matrix./ here, in our physical presence, but in my mind, and back farther in me ..

But I must never say this.  It is silly.

Or is it?  Humans stuck in a bubble, making bad patterns, that are read by something ..?  Are they ..?  /we cannot see it!  Eric, we cannot see it!  Cannot do the meditation!  Cannot do the hard work!  We work in the world.  We do hard work there.  And it is not changing.  We can’t work in ourselves.  Inner work.  We just can’t.  It is too scary, too rough, as if to see the truth, we can stay comfy in denial, or be raped beaten killed in changes sitting on a meditation cushion, going through it, the worst possible outcome, for (actually changing for real.  How we look at each other.  How we address each other.  The tone.  Not leering, opportunistic.  But soft, kind, for real.  Be raped beaten lain over the coals in meditation for this.  Can you do it?) change we must sit close our eyes breathe know how to do this not every session is bad or cleansing no farce no fake, doing the real thing lonely isolated no show doing the real thing for each of us.

/and reading this book, seeing gentle beginnings, add to, each page, each location, add to, grow, a world.  With this “add-on” that the huge ego could not see, pompous conceited ego could not see – see it.

Be this popular, be this take you there./ this silly little book, parts, snippings, thrown on road, pick up, value, invest, unseen building, something so far away, can’t get here, in a blur inside, inside each of us .. can’t afford this, in each day, part of our day, no one can find a way, we notice, work on, as well as live this world.  No one can find a way.

Produce/ wade in, dry where are youst fiuelkds, long grasss, hsy,m anything, walk rhrough, nit get tick, nit grt ,yme dtsease, or anything, walk in deep words, diseased hated not listen to sunny dsy, dryness, bit productioning this./ somrehow

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/endf’ snippet/ 10:45 pm

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10:50 pm

Wear in over thousands of years, or mere peeps, or sketches of a “word” a “letter” sounds, look in eye, tell me something, awe .. where are we, humans, this point, cannot step off into a solving grace, a saving grace .. little words, in all the power in men’s loins, and men’s muscular arms, and women’s hearts, and loins too, and sex and lust, and love, for both of us, and power, giving way to this, stepping aside, recanting, retracting “I will not do that that way” “not anymore” I will try now, words, float, give me hints, give me tasty hints, how I can live, feel this, purity, great wellbeing, more powerful than a lying heroin, or anything, man produces, in all his trickery, trying to emulate “this!” THIS!

Oh wow is it really that good? /yes really in meditation can’t concentrate can’t find it, just a little, each time, but it is precious./ cam you too, ion this book, fund oy ytails, false hallways, biut we thought it was real! We all do.

Dind a way, bypass the crap, or kjist livig, our ego, our physical body, can we find true sense, true depth, flow of words, reader, can they pastwllel/ parallel, my sesrch, in meditstion?

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/endf’ snippet/ 11 pm

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Saturday, January 12, 2013  10:25 am

So this morning dad was calling to me from the bathroom, oh he had wet himself a bit, was trying to change, had got most of the way, oh to stay calm, loving, take it in stride, I did think of meditation during it, how if you don’t carry it out in the life you live, then it’s all cancelled – you cannot meditate and be a “pretty boy” then be a “monstrous ogre” to people .. and life goes on .. so I’ve done 25 minutes magnification so far, over there, had to lie down on my side a bit, was tired, life .. last night, close to 2 a.m., go to bed, I seem to like, staying up late, seeing the talk shows on TV, oh the acerbic wit, right? a bit cranky? but loveable? anyways, they’re trying to deal with life too, right? – it goes on, like in New York City, all the troubles, oh, the legacy, those buildings blown up, the airplanes into them, the catastrophic loss of life .. /and then you have talk shows, “try to offer some ‘gentle spin on it’ ‘years later’ or make fun of the attackers .. or don’t know what to do really/ you carry on .. comedy was always meant .. get people away from their troubles .. who deals with anything .. and last night, coaching my dad on brushing his teeth, you know, you have to do it right, you can’t just put a blob of toothpaste on a toothbrush, have him stick it in his mouth, turn the other way, go watch TV for 5 minutes, come back, “okay, you done?” so, life, like this book, gently, repetitive, in the sense of every day, do some more, rub away “at this impossible-to-communicate-stuff” we do get somewhere, but it’s as if “just do it once, one day of the year, an hour, 15 minutes, 5 minutes? then it’s taken care of ‘forever?’” / oh so it is, no, a proper job, you sit down each day, oh, the population gets it, how this other area is outside “of all human knowledge” “will always be” “is actually another creature” “that we are” all this world put on / on top of it, while it turns away, we keep going, it leaves us here, cannot affect us, or leaves us to it, human life, details, of wanting, yearning, not perfect, as it is perfect, no yearning, just glowing (how can something like that make us, there’s no person “running a costume” “of the glowing bit” “it is the glowing bit” / oh, so you are .. we always thought, it was just “more people” it’s hard to realistically ajudge this, or/ wha/ you mean some glowing bit stands there, not glowing like our depictions, or capability, not here, not of this earth “you don’t want to know” “put it off” “another year” “10 years” but in meditation you face it, walk into it, bravery .. as well as accommodate this world “back here” and welcome this “glowing bit” to make a strange invisible prayer being, make strange invisible floating words, contact the strange invisible lost energy of the nameless, feel better, having grown these new senses over 12 years in meditation, or could it be you’re just crazy? Ha ha, oh, gradually, all the roadblocks, mind blocks, body blocks/ ah, will we ever get there, poor world, needing to carry out “the good/bad engine” live in that, carry out, making the patterns we do not see, that the nameless reads, floats there, for the prayer being to speak floating words, next to it, into it, to create, join .. well yeah .. and the population does not see they are doing this .. well, yeah .. oh, I don’t know if I like knowing the mechanicals, instead of just saying “I worship God, worship Jesus” they know what they’re doing, it’s beyond me, my pea brain on earth .. very strange to “oh gawd, do I have to do all this work?” to see this? ../ oh, to still believe in something, but maybe I was comfortable just believing it, never seeing it, the ultimate in sloth, I’ll just keep reading religious texts, the bible, whatever it is, whatever higher power you worship .. oh, life .. or the mechanicals, actually doing the work, like this whole book .. oh, worship is work, studying “the Word” “and so the word was made into flesh ..”/ and so forth/ I really never wanted to carry it into this/ ((was the word ever really made into flesh, or further “so the word was made into flesh, and then what/ what was the word made into then, coming out the human mouth?)) ah, is not getting an inkling of it in the old ways ../ ah, we all knew/ we needed this/ but can’t someone else do it?/ ha ha I feel like that/ oh, the common version, down to earth version, not just see it, as human imprinting on “nothing we will ever understand” not just put the “2 arms 2 legs culture on it” ah, we wanted to know, maybe not this far, out of our bubble ((did we really want to go further ‘than God made us, now we’re created, we live here, make TV’s, make highly accurate screens for all kinds of devices, it’s like you’re just looking out a window, it’s so clear .. and as to God, creation, now our lives, now what’s next, we kind of forego that, don’t know at all, don’t know anything .. our creation, material objects, we’re pretty amazed, like that big technology show in Las Vegas, I think it’s still going on right now .. oh, life ../. “we create” “we make a mess” in the good/bad engine, in the factory of bad patterns, something reads that, but we don’t see that .. how could anybody .. it takes at least 10 years in meditation to wear it in, and further .. to feel it, gather it from in your mind, it is part of your mind now, you can think like it .. it takes at least 10 years, 12 years ..)), first with my “divorce from reality” “then working meditation in” to calm what I was seeing, or respect (it, have anything to it at all, in me, to not turn away from it, hate it, because it was not like humans) I was not in reality, well, where am I then? People on earth just say “you’re nowhere, there’s nothing there” but slowly I work this, from inside man’s bubble, sort of, I tell you, show you, give it to you, in your language, sort of – we get by ../ the words float, can be said/and sometimes in m.t.’s, little sewn things, cast resin, combined, little cards, trading cards/ or bigger than that a little/ oh, or highly detailed hamndmsde lines links numbers ..))), no details, no “set up life, try to make progress, move” no, it does not do that, stares curiously at us “do I really need to be like anything to do with you at all?” a taste, come in.

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/endf’ snippet/ 11:10 am

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11:25 am

So, did a little more magnification over there, oh, life, to step into this book at any spot, read the words out to each other, the floating words, try to grasp them, wear it in “wear you in from here” do you take video records, written records, drawings, art, media, even care, grasp this whole concept, idiillea, nithig, no toy fir humsns, sorry, or do we have something here, to toss around, squeeze, hear me squeal “ouch!” I say “that’s downright nasty!  Leave me alone!” so it goes, work on this, roll it around, the universal mioond, universal insude, in suede?oh universal cinsciousdness sin sinnamoin fluffy muffin, ha um well is this thst, it’s toio real, it’s actually happening, Il;m niot as giy in a robe doing it/ allhos bewonkers .. amd so it is .. gish .. actually do the durty commin sfvertusdig mionery-advergrsbbibg safe pulled clkean thig .. does it sacyually hsve thst last psrt, any begimn write saint yes “no/sad” .. so it goes ../ to touch on human wants, secular, religious, neither, just move on into this, so tired .. what is the glow, of belief, of strangeness, of private prayers, of anything, into this ..

Hungry, to know about this.  More amd more, make it our lives, not drunk, no needle stuck in our arm, and not pounding in, our belief, our section of it, is the only one, killing all others, religious wars, just to fight, just ti bedimb, nithig tio put it into, next ..

But this ..

Be binterested in this, so tired, lasnguishig in our bug screen Tv, yet another movie to put on, don’t care, have a real religious crisis, or not even that, tired of that too, just want to be cleaned right out “and see what I think then!” / religious things were supposed to be the pinnacle, no higher “the word of god” they made us believe, or forced us, or cut off our heads/ ah what do you do simmer summer, look at girls in bikinis ah naked free or very little on, run into the water in the sunshine ..

Summer, waste away the time, need some times like that, and this, oh, put it aside, don’t know what to think, sure not going to make trouble, be followed by the police “as some radical or something” and be followed by a stripper, just wanted hugs, and more, faith, no church, no God, just faith, flesh ..

All this is true, the police, the stripper, and the good girl in the park too, that I don’t recognize, because I had a breakdown (and I guess she got advice “just let him come out of it naturally” and I never did, well, the pressures, police, following, tapped, I sort of came out of it, sort of fyfmlt/ disn’t , some parts healed, some not/ oh life “let him come out of it naturally, you will damage him if you force it, tell him everything, expose yourself, demand he ‘heal quickly’ take your time, Shae) .. all is true .. book winds on, never did wrap it up “with all them” well not the police I’m not going to show up “knock on their door” ask them to explain .. no .. life .. and with the people, the dancer girl, / and/the good girl, she runs, is quite an accomplished athlete, runs, sometimes on the bike path in the psrk/ oh, poor girl I don’t know how it all happened, she at one time was reading this, it was passed on, oh many details “are you sure you’re not crazy eryc just making this up out oif loneiness” yeah psrt of it is out of loneliness/ looniness? *smile*, noit thise fscts, (do I make up out of loneliness, want a semse of impirtsamcs to me? .. ah .. it’s better to just endure, stretch it out, not be known, just work slowly ..) but just the whole thing, being alone, writing this, wanting ti be hesrd, like all of us, wondering where to go next, after belief and materialism and you don’t want to make trouble, stand out, you just watch TV, turn it off, bounce the remote control in your hand a bit, put it down, by your side, just sit, quiet house, no phone ringing, sit “contemplate your navel” ha ha .. /never go this far .. yeah, I have those moments, like last night, watching late night talk show TV (but putting in this work, no I don’t go to coffeeshops, flap my jaws, find a place “radicals and thinkers meet” no this is just all off on my own, hardest thing to do, do the work, not go to a bar “be seen as important” ah, lonely work, good work, have doubts, pain, get through, sometimes .. ah, that people never saw me each day, the matrix colouring, instead they tapped this, and I gave it to them, with some misgivings, but communication in human land is pretty low, we want to think it’s really good, /it’s deceptive .. ah, all an illusion, we talk at all, can meet on this .. /so tapped it was, strange words, in a trance, meditation, sickness, soldiering through, opened up to higher intelligence, but dying ..), you just let everything go, watch some funny jokes, wish it was all true, life never had any sadness at all (watch late-night TV), you were just entertained, out of it .. (we wish it would all happen like that watch late night TV, or time shift it, or get key funny bits live life get sleep go to job it “seems” you’re part of everything cooking, flowing, you really have your head in the sand though, but “life is very biudy”/ busy, like a “:drinlk” of judt folloiewig in line, nior alcohol, nit some weed, just tired, lost, but perky, take some csffeine, hs ha, what do we know, ah whst doi we kniow) .. dont want ti stop, hsve a breakdown, kike Ertyc, fycking Eryuc.

Yes me spelled right some of it, get the wiggly red lines underneath copy this to a word program mumble it, have parties we pick a page mumble it try to talk, add in our matrix talk on it we in a bubble working, sleeping, having kids, don’t stop long enough to break down don’t want to, ha ha, do a “proper breakdown” with writing skills, police following you, stripper following you, good girl following you, none want to talk to you directly about the book, none.

So it goes, hidden media, loved media, much loved.

He is actually alive, in some way, and so are we.

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/endf’ snippet/ 12:10 pm

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so that's some more for today then, Eric here, back on the blog, the bog, oh swamp dry lawn above ground a hill, makes me think of floods, catastrophes, the weather on earth, what are we, why is this going on, but just have to live, like with frontend loaders and sandbags and volunteers protecting your home, no it didn't happen to me, but you see it on the news, you wonder we just try to live .. /and there's terrorists and plots and that whole fight .. and you just try to live .. /who has time for an airy-fairy book like this, I mean really .. we don't want a damn fyuckig stiod/stupid book, we just want ti be alone, be quet/quiet.  it's okasy if some of it isn't spelled right lots of nature "isnt spelled rught either" settle here, human, settle in here.  Clear a little, for you.  Guddke./huddke/huddle .. some is nit spelled right, look .. sit .. pull up a chair look at nature did you do your day's work, look loose morals no please don't don't piss on me ah nature off to the side hold my urine or walk in these cities stairwells where are we something "other to life than the other" anything mentionable thinkable at wit's end nature, a new type of nature, seeking a few chairs in that

like in here.  this presentation.