yeah wince locusts steralize badinage like rough play conversation fuels gasp in me dot a drink, we just chat, I see otherworldly waiting lines for you, I guide you to them, prayers, poems, we fall flat, we laugh, ah we don't hate each other, lovers never met

ah you know put your best hand forward in glove impenetrable bees nest wasps anything bitee smitten you just sustenance, they may bop and slop you, keep sitting, thoughts like these sit with you friends small not worth it you need life then run out of there.

ha oops there's a heck of a lot of difficult conversations in life, isn't the pick of the litter garbage found object art each of us get better in time do we there?  point out there tell her.  tell anyone.  you pray furry we pat snuggle them, to find a great love in confusion rustle bush.  tell enemas seldom emmies new entrance long listed lineup for care enemies, what?

oh love.  anyways, here's some writing I did offline, thanks loop shoe.

we serve and prop up ghost card, we play, shift ship, push over message, list of warp ring marriage list, you said that, I said everything by this time

nothing left

-

//

(earlier tonight, fresh from exercise session)

(had to write something down)

9:05 pm

You pray for people, you hope they find a great love – hey someone you met, hey if it can’t be you pray they do find someone that treats them that well, isn’t in it for any ulterior motives, clears it all away

For love.

-

//

Yeah, I did an exercise session, not feeling well at first, very lacklustre, very no-motivation for it, it took a good hour I think, pacing forwards, backwards, swinging arms, trying to get warmed up trying to get a mood that can do it – I can tell you, the little prayer being doesn’t come along, for a long long time, on nights like this.  She knows you, sees your exhaustion, spiritual, sees it, and when you can see her too, you can begin.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 9:15 pm

-

9:55 pm

So I took my shower .. so it was quite a night, 3 hours 45 minutes spent on that, the exercise, I wrote it down, the time, in my exercise journal, but don’t look at time until the end then, just do what I have to do, the watch is upside down under some things on the counter – ah, get it done, the measly, very ordinary “I’m too old to do this, it’s time – follow the story we all have, just basic story, of earth,” /all we are is “here” many people think “it’s just us” “powerful us” “not so powerful,” for these questions of life and death, ah to reach outside of it, I can tell you, I don’t feel an ounce of the meditation as I’m starting out, no way, it is far away, it doesn’t apply .. it seems like that .. it’s just not there .. so I talk to myself, I make noises, comedy act, who knows what, work it through, the additional story that doesn’t seem to be there, that adds in to the typical story “not there” “sorry” so you work it, you feel like shit, lazy, or just disappointed, in you, your life, too many bad things have happened, too many people misunderstanding you, no way to explain, ah, give up then, it’s almost like that, a night of exercise “ah give up then”

But you keep going.  You find a way for the story to have some spark and make you feel better.

-

It’s strange, “stories,” how the chi kung energy circulates on a story, a story greater than earth .. strange to know that a little, work your story, tiredly, till you understand, your bones, blood, flesh, they understand, then they perk up, but the story first is of down feelings, sadness, lethargy, you do NOT see it as a bad pattern that you can read with the eotu like I have talked about through my writing, you are simply caught in “life,” you do not separate it out to this, see the poor struggling human, and at once be some other being following it, coming to it.

-

//

So also, the “pray for other people, that they find a great love” that sort of selfless sweetness only comes near to the end, when stretches, all-body stretches, go through them, you reach your lower body, get along there, have sat on the floor, spread legs, done the touch fingers to toe, arc over, sweep, back and forth, gently, with concern, not ripping everything apart, oh, work to more stretches, get up, and kneel on one knee on the rug, and reach behind, get shoe, foot, gently stretch thighs, /oh you begin to see, gentle love, after all this time, /that selfless beautiful thought appears, don’t fret if you haven’t found love, but pray for people you meet and know, that they have their great love.  And here I think of Shae, following this book, but you know, she is “of the world” lives “of the world” this meditation stuff may come to be of more importance to her as she reaches an older age.  People just live.  Some advances take time.  A lot of time.  But smile with wishing great love on everyone.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 10:20 pm

-

//

It just takes time, a lot of time, sitting with the story, both human, and beyond, takes a lot of time, moving with it too, see how it applies in life, through the day, farther on, past the meditation session in the morning, or crossing over into early afternoon .. bringing meditation to life is an extreme problem with everyone that does it .. you often are left drifting without it, completely without it.  There are some bad days.

When illness, mental health concerns, come roaring back.  Ah, feel shitty, the shittiest shitty, there you go, caught in it, caught somewhere, just have to stay quiet, get out of there as soon as you can, just get out of there, leave.  /Heal.  Find quiet.  Heal.  Alone.

Or with higher powers, barely there, almost completely forgotten, out of meditation.

Live your life, bad patterns, each of us has them, unavoidable, a human life, is sometimes destructive on others and the planet, and we all are sad, can’t see deep in enough to know the reasons for that .. both live life, unaware, ignorant, as we all are, but then apply “some other world to it” it appears something else wants us to be the way we are, it is not really “everyone be good and we will have a perfect planet” it’s hard to accept ragged falseness, in each of us, see mistakes, failures, /and use them in some higher equation.

Ah, to be forlorn at sad memories, sad pressures, but also move through them with something from outside this planet.

It is very hard./ all you feel mostly is destroyed./ and cannot get up/ for anything.

But at some level it smiles at that/ and helps you.

But wants you to join in, try, like tonight “the engineered difficulty” “the exercise session” it can become much more than staying fit, you can reach for these higher ideals, the little beings, artists, bustling about, or content “the stupid human, or no baby no, but the human just ragged and confused” and can you feel other currents, rise to them, walk their hallways too, as if you can be multiple levels, live a shitty life, or very unfortunate patterns, situations, but then watch it, with an actual other being, not of matter .. it’s very strange, because a story you can’t feel does nothing, this works with opening up the lower t’an t’ian, understanding energy circulation, the blessing from beyond this dimension, and “extras,” that come with hard work, /and a really pummelled, bent in half, snapped life.  Hard not to be sad, pushed into a pit, die like it seems all of earth looks the other way on you .. strange to seek help from these other beings.

Very strange.

But beautiful, private, a private beautiful.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 10:35 pm