ah, it's just something to do, c'mon

Ah what do you do I mean aliens all around us – oh sure eric – but the laying it on thick, governments having to come out of hiding at one point, ah we won’t talk about that, but little aliens pointing a finger making a joke

I think they will really

It’s all peaceful

Some people make up things, there’s efforts at deception “we want to make the aliens out to be bad” “to fear them” they really don’t know what we mean .. all is love, or blankness, just sedate, at peace

Zipping all over the place

At high speed

Oh yeah

Oh things to get used to, their ways

-

Um, eric, you been taking your pills

Ee hysh ha .. oh we all

Have no room for anything but us

But what is deep in us

What is us

You can barely feel the blur, something more

/no one talks of it “I feel funny, a feeling in my gut, can I put words to it?” “no, I won’t let you” “I can’t even speak, it would be fucking weird jarring torn apart paper torn apart and I’m supposed to read it.”/ supposed to look it a page in my hand or a page in my gut a being in there hold it its eyes buggy shocked scared read what I have to say

-

Define it.  Get some little pieces to it.  To see it.  To even begin to see it. / a thousand people take a page whap it with their hand, rub it on their bum jeans on please, stare at it give it the wiggly eye, draw do sketches cut out things paste down, sign it “I want to help” “I want to help with Eric Sewrey’s book” “he’s got something here”/ well no / okay ../So yeah the following drawings, ah just an example “how a reader helps me out” “not particularly 12 years old, maybe an adult, ah what age, people are really into anything, kids grow up, ruined, seen too much, hell, even the news each day/ get scatter-sacred-start begin scared can’t pick up a pencil anything don’t know what to do/,/ someone tell the truth, who will tell the big truth/ furtively stare at cellphones get new messages in “from friends” who knows anybody “the image of human” ‘fit in” not sure you should, or can,, just fit in, nothing else developed, no one with the crazy lay down while walking talking sleep 40 years where were you did you leave explain/ guts to do it, the time, the mental illness, the smarts, the chi kung meditation, deep serious meditation, disciplined .. hard work, to see, not a joke “as humans insist they are all there is” “and we have found nothing in outer space” “see nothing”

“nothing is happening”

It’s hard, to even suggest anything else, I don’t hold it against them, the people in power that have evidence, it’s pretty scary, the induced panic, your heart just leap, it’s worse than a fire, worse than a missile go off, it may be peaceful,/ they are peaceful, past the lies we put out/ people go to great lengths, even produce ships, facsimiles of the aliens “abduct people” “to do cruelties to them” “scare them” “so they can spread the word” “yes the propaganda machine is working like that” when visitations have been done, peaceful, warm, can you distinguish ../ but your heart can’t stand it, we were brought up on us, only us/ we don’t want to know, get there don’t want to know please feather it in please have a go-between

Make it fun

Make it lighthearted

Please we need that

Make it weird but reel us in on just be nice

Fuck, just be nice

It’s a terrible world, be nice like an alien

In my heart be so different from all our faces

Ah we have little thoughts like that we all know we are nice inside somewhere there, oh there are some pretty bad types, but if we could only reach, straightforward love

-

//

So you stare, even someone risk reveal it all say the weird swivel fulcrum go into totally the other area/ oh tap my book steal it from me as people have to just oh get it in peaceable portions easy to eat/ think of/ never have a friend say it directly to their face, no one that brave/ only a few, good spirits, cheerful, safe/talk to you about it, you stare at them

“You’re weird don’t say any of this please now

-

//

- -

-

-

-

//

-

So yeah it’s all pretty weird oh these scorched together pages scratched scrabbled what you say “but young spirit” “that’s all it is” “the youth of aliens, oh knowing anything about this” “comparable to youth of earth” or anyone 16, 17, or 14, or someone SOMEONE with any spirit glowing they want to help they haven’t been kicked in the head kicked over and over in the gut “just shut up with your innocent shit!” “learn about life” “and be sad”

Sadness for all of us

It takes a long long time to meditate out of it

Feel these things I do .. oh I’m not about to insult me, give everything, it takes years, can the layman reader or laywoman reader understand it, that’s the point – who has the time 9to5 jobs kids families “the human way, the 2 arms 2 legs human I see you” anything else would be too fucking weird, they may have 2 arms 2 legs oh but look pretty strange you realize looking at them your heart sinks ah on earth “we want nothing else” “we are occupied” who can meditate 12 years 15 years, like I have, a serious hardcore type, get proper instruction, then you’re on your own, go into it, face the pain, some sessions, /some are excellent, couldn’t be better, /others you are burning away the ego of the human, it hurts “you insist everything be the same all the time”

You insist

So don’t be too hard on our governments and our military and our spy agencies, /inside yourself wow you don’t want to fucking hear about any aliens or God or creatures out there other dimensions, you’re spoon fed doctored photos of the universe, things removed, and I can tell you, I want it that way in me, I have nothing but love for the governments and spy agencies and military, in me I have met me, and I want nothing fucking to do with any of this I am talking about!

Oops.

-

It takes years and years to wear it into yourself.

So don’t blame anyone.

-

They are simply doing what comes natural we humans are locked solid automatic pilot no room for anybody else any other entity, we like “God” to be distant, never found.

-

God, aliens, other dimensions, work on it, see it in meditation

no

dots, like leaves, on tree, of pencil

10:55 pm

So I put another post on the blog “i money earth” quite a long one, I just wrote it from scratch, I had 8 drawings, one from yesterday? Yes I think, the rest from today, one or two involved, but the rest quicker, a sort of show of “little lines that help me” when I can’t speak, oh, push forward a paper, a line, across the page, arcing, staggered, sharp in corner, step – I don’t know, assorted, circles on it, dots, a bit of blue colour, oh, to fill in time, I can’t say anything, can’t say anything at all.

Oh for any of us

Stuck out there, or unable to stem the flow “I’ll just be a typical human, go on with it, don’t you know, even though I know I’m not much a part of it, I keep going, fit in this body, with a mind that wants to say something else, but can’t, and a lot of problems stem from that, I have no voice for me, what I really am, whatever that is.  It’s strange to have a warm hum, like a grey area, a little pencil shading, an oval or almost circular outline around it, shading touching the edges, I guess, or a little over, or close enough, a little pebbled texture to the shading, like you put the paper on a piece of sidewalk, rubbed over it to get an impression

Ah we none of us know what to say

On us

What’s in us a million years our stories going beyond limits of strict aging, strict baby born

-

/endf’ snippet/ 11:10 pm

ah the years .. pass by .. signature on each day .. different

Oh the writing handwriting printing scrawl “my day” a bit more time to live

- -

Tilt in how I talk, the words float to in front of my face, adjust like seeking a comfortable spot just hover I tell you I let you know in little words like this, /read out, say, give you this paper too.  Weird.  Meditation.  Weird./ so many years, and weird life too, a bit off-kelter not the same criticized or let go “he’s not like us” “but he’s an interesting guy” sure

Never meant anybody any harm, sure/ difficult years, figure out what to say, wild youth, stupid youth, make statement, fuck it all, well ahead of time, nowhere to go, in writing art expression, dead, the life killed so sit world continents shift sigh .. rise up skungekun, sh skrtch wthout ehite poder geometric hiddenstripes jail stropes joke, no joke, do stupid thing or money second give me a second time top for any human being of flesh greed famine starving mind for any solution just exit and cringe and go into fetal position nothing celebrities world nothing .. write about it, little scratches, like having a place in a yard of dirt, little scrtches

- -

We all is going to tell someone something sit in a place human presence nah I just guide how “I’m supposed to talk” no time to think of anything else, no presence

I can’t grab back, can’t tell the person I’m sitting with “I need to grab back in me” /touch my face circle in air “this is not me, not the best one, or not a sicko, I’m just a regular guy, regular human being, aware now, of more, I’ve done 15 years of meditation, sometimes 4, 5 hours a day, more, ah fuck it” /I’m not in the place, cafe, bar, I’m not with any person at all

None of us are

For this

What would you think if I told you this is being tapped by police well a huge book offline is or attached to internet, I had a breakdown some things were happening ah I was still exercising going to the park, but things death in family, a peculiar girlfriend, things, pile up, life’s purpose odd fine lines or stop and go to hell sit gel 20 30 years found these lines writing a bit of scrungy art, our insides meditation, flourish, but I thought I was talking to a young girl I met, through my book being tapped by a stripper girl, her porno page computer expert friends, oh, long story .. as it is .. but police were piggybacking, had been for a while .. it was peculiar I wasn’t publishing it to the internet, it was being taken, but this young girl teenager and her friends were reading it and they also had a tracker in my car and would follow me to the park, stand around and stare at me/ oh people .. a few people .. I wasn’t well in some ways but writing this book “in a well person” comfortable safe .. well .. hmm .. a bit deluded .. or “save the word book” but some of the things I said, not violent or threatening just to do with paper and things, but soon I had the cops, following, or talking into wrists .. it’s not too pleasant .. had an anxiety attack at one point .. oh a slow-brew nervous breakdown then an anxiety attack

Oh keep going

We all do, outlandish stories grasp, shower each day scrub your asshole

You asshole

Oh I’m just laughing here at myself

We all just about die it’s a common way to live walk along oldster struggle the oblonggait wiggle draw pencils strapped to shoes draw on roads fool me up to chasten love .. way to walk to the sun enjoy your summer

- -

Ah do any of us ever say it .. locate ourselves .. what are we, in flesh? ah, the edge of the universe, it looks to be “something there” “conjures up matter” “out of nothing” our senses seem to say that, that’s what we see, or don’t see, can’t see no more

Ha, just walk in a big field, find a big park, no one around much in the daytime.

Find a spot off hours all the government workers in their offices they sometimes use the parking lot or when it’s free or big mess they charge someone just going for a walk for a half an hour 6 dollars so yeah .. but still beauty of park .. there’s a second park farther back you can park there for free then walk over to the expensive park find the field I’m talking about just rough they don’t even mow it anymore sometimes, in the summer leave it, it’s sad

Like for our minds never find anything there anytime wait they mow it once a year too much to think about walk the universe you mental illness girls love settle down too old to settle down settle up/ add up things, saddle up ride meditation sessions walk bare feet sore cut

No not literally but sure feels like it sometimes/ ah you got athlete’s foot? No ha hoa/ anyways fucking meditation just about kills you, you have some good sessions well soldier through the shitty ones teach you something suck your ego away

You need it

Ah comfort chocolate caramel bars you know how it goes

We face our pain we seldom face our pain, big acceleration in understanding the univerzee see classroom and life

No/ yes a little just whap your hand huffoff handly here slightkey iowly brush short elbow t-shirt I mean oop on one srmresdt hrnoeck krybisrd/ okat that was “armrest henpeck keyboard” phew made it through

Thsts me

Fur amswers all this, pictures, blossom batcrazyyoum florid complexionoda eergkasdes yohoo odd no im uop in Canada but it happens beruehere slow diwn mental casrese oky niw eberyine has some bad spots.  No swamps, alligators sit on wooden porch shotgun near rifle shoot gator in the head pop him right spot been watching too many disturbing reality shows no not lately I got my own in me I guess

We all do what to do

Seek higher levels

Dirty way

Only way there is, for true

Dirty scmmy duesmt seem, like higher in any what way

Just slight touches remind us smart dusdistilled what shoov it means despite dirty cindufesed /condo-fusedsefcen

ha spell some most right in my straight line straight ahead life we got it all in play do we you’re kidding right/ show me any I stop at a word “okay it might be this” okay this other life I can’t even think of as a human

I could take years remind myself through meditation open up another world

- -

Ah you know all of us our construction .. flesh and blood .. it’s odd a little meditation well a lot and a mind not much suited to reality, ha there you go – but find things

But you know these creatures or one being just wants us to talk it to each other

Ha

-

Sit there even not be red-faced and stupid

Even begin on this

-

Even know where to start, flail, half reality, half in your head, with a friend, flail “your usual inside” like a rubber pocket, attached to the outside, but there’s more

-

You can’t tell them .. you draw a blank .. you literally start to panic, not of this world anymore, you’ve pushed yourself there, with this fucking shit, stop it

or

- -

Yeah you have lines fast draw them down or tell a story have lots of pages, some take more time than others/ _  .. can’t say a damn thing, can sell the pages though, don’t fool yourself, I’m no better than you are at this ../ unlock this, / after all I’ve been through see it as useful and calm down order it up, other worlds not crazy but you can slip into coloured pencil.l slop spuit poop no crazy/ so worrusimne, embsrass myself/ like here/ ah we all sketch no skill some skill push the paper towards you “wanna buy it, I am a substantial human being somewhere in me.  See it in this.” not have the backup, no one does, most I can do is be an artist show the way to me that none of them ever do there’s nothing in them in any of us art is our emotion face slip into body each morning, art, image, feel like something back in there, plate glass shimmering of beige dots, nothing behind I guess.  I hint of it.  I’ve found it.//

kasbce tio csrry it through to whst it really is/ what was that word there? “kazl-bee?” casual be calm at this, find any in lousy spot in meditation lousy spots through my 100,000 page book, massive worldwide meditation fill in with sketches, talk, you can’t do/ ah socialize on you can’t do/ a little ../ take years of meditation into a public setting

nope

- -

Ah to have a little space in public pressure “of perform like a human”

Have a little space

-

Ah come with me reads book pop in on spots all through it not be too pissed off at it arcane unreadable “ah so are our fucking insides” or what’s there can’t even use beyond the little rubber pocket stuck to the outside/ ah I’m kind/ I really know you/ the embarrassing parts crazy mixed up behind “capable upstanding person” you show, or something near that, we all have no life for it, world is tumbling down getting crushed based on “we do get up each morning, fit into our body” try to love, try to stay sane, but feel we aren’t let in on the whole thing

-

So slowly here stupid work stupid hard work many years for us down the road, work as needed, you didn’t think it would be easy did you? I do the interminable hours boring sweating facing myself inside, you can too, or not

Ah where do we go little sketches of a totally ununderstandable book ununderstandable like insides of us share one being, with 7 billion reiterations 8 billion, more, how do we hang on, not let in on it all?

Say a little more, handle offshoots like this, with 100,000 other pages under our belt, handle it, people not seen it before at all, people seen it, handle it all, 4 hours of meditation in the morning, my creepy mind, or incapable mind, fully, I tell you, couldn’t handle one ounce of this, just like you – I’m with you, baby, I am.

I’m failing too I look at this “fucking shit I’m not diving into that fucking shit, no way”

Me

You

Inside

Carry it with us

A bit picked apart in these pages

We need it

For a better-working world

Ah come with me I have the ugliest face or down in me black beaten soot gravel kick through walk your way to work – on this

We all have an ugly million person ancestors dinosaurs in us

We really aren’t going to get anywhere with it at all, are we/ live put things in your toaster pop up butter margarine whatever eat coffee cigarettes or yoga health all in the same bind surface life fit in body, no beige dots on plate glass deep in us to smash through, or push through, water lilies on air

- -

Yeah away from the way it is even have a companion doesn’t irritate you or just be by yourself the air doesn’t irritate you the climate doesn’t irritate you

Pretty

You know? after all the fucking dirty stuff .. and no I don’t say “fuck” hardly at all in life, only once every 3 years hit my finger with a hammer or something, so there you go

But our insides, honesty, with God, or other names, across the world, in you, in meditation, don’t need no baggage, it’s still “God” I just need a friend in it, I call it the “eotu” edge of the universe, but it’s right here with me,/ oh you go to the edge of the universe in meditation look there there’s nothing human with you, a lot in meditation as it comes closer the eotu joins with your life, there’s nothing human around, well, you’re tethered, you remember, but you leave for a while, rest/ smersh, or Frank or Lisa, or anything/ through 12 years of meditation, 14, 15, steady, but literally thousands of hours, and all the writing, and all the living, so there/ I’ve earned it, it’s no quick decision/, just here at last walk here walk off the steam with all the anger wait around ah emergency taken into thousands of hours of meditation day after day

/ I called it God then other names the eotu a little go back to God then to the eotu/ many thousands of thoughts in between and no thoughts, empty, just rest, alive, awake,. Feel like an angel, no problems, achieve bliss pluntyplop, no argument be regular what yes be calm and not stuck up move no fake no flounder wipe do the work/ oh it takes a long time I’m not just living no criticism of anybody but you’ve got to understand this has taken a long long liopp;cercoo like liposuction on the soul cake cookies pamper no work time

For man and woman and everything

there angel go angel go to hell rise up smile pretty not put on amazingly

11:15 pm

So, I did a 1+1, it took me 1 hour 15 minutes, oh have you ever felt like an angel in front of your face?  Right out there projected through from edge of universe or wherever it is in amongst right through, right coming through your broken person?  Cannot smile, cannot have confidence, then this little angel is fine, like nothing even happened to her at all.

-

//

That is a splendiferous feeling.  The best.  Above all else.  Share with friends, talk to their situations, you know from yours how their little being feels too.  How the process works, from edge of universe, right in our midst, of no matter, not made of matter, feel it, innocent, no need to feel many details, of figures, light beings, things .. no, don’t dwell on that, feel it just connect together flow through all the pieces spent thousands of hours building each one, seeing, beneath our veneer, what appears to be, these hidden pieces, got to know them, now orchestrate them.

-

//

So it is such a relief, what drugs in other people may try to emulate, what booze in other people may try to emulate, make fairy beings, you’re not embarrassed about or cackling over making rude comments, joining in with “friends” afraid to admit it’s all you ever wanted, to love a being like that, and be loved by a being like that, and it is not from here

-

//

So also earlier on I put a post on the “i money earth” blog, it had some writing doesn’t appear in this book, so there you go.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 11:30 pm

well we are at

Sim plicity head face zits colourful makeup let’s say that keep it freak.get.some in a dosed on ice cream shower family friendly is my culpablent sorry we are all rude pricks and lazy shatbisrd car zone in space me small car with brain on grip of handlebars tape balancing all gyros

Gopoo tomatoy goop

All men women throw best short comedy love at each other

-

So this is some stuff from earlier today, right now it’s 7:50 pm, Thursday

This was offline part of a whipyouder ramgging book ram-ge-grr-ring-oh I can’t say none, if of us can you know “doodon’t say” save it for a year hyproblond from now or never special package

We write a million pages zoomundbooks, never to say them, touch a finger on upholstery of chair you’re sitting in touch it briefly memories writing things you never sad life goes on for many everybody./ your alter ego “many everybody” signed

-

//so this is: somewhere back there other book feel of it thanks/ feel it a burnt, sit down, put water your hand glass on its counter leg nothing there no

Sit somewhere a bar baja mexico living room movie

-

-

6:40 pm

Everything gets real expensive, prices go up 50% friendly girl explains it “it is to give you better service, it allows us to improve services to you” life goes by do you ever get it done step out from just “life goes by” love someone, have kids, were you invested as much as a human is that doesn’t know it’s more than a human

ever

-

-

//

So .. that’s the end of that peek into vast a 100,000 page book I never wrote of my example of is “many blot pick up blood traipse dangle like sawn off leg make it home grocery shopp everybody”

Life on earth

No/ but you out in the world foambuck birthumbuck even canada you oput there bland you too hink fsces lockert some photos sketch with a pencil in your mouth lead drama ape curtain many flow rain sink on your tongue pen in your mouth

Get home safe dome rainy night cop scare car pulls up shines lights on no know yoy dinlt kniw spelling we each onside say sentences as they’re known it’s cop on my breath hair wet me what years damn underneath of carport getting nice bags of celery map me out “I don’t know lettuce salad precut who it is share my meal” I state, but he she wiggles out no breakfast date family of world we are all lonely tonight decides no/ what you say herombottle emyogasblize

Whst you sayany WHST YOU SAY

Jus snother guy’’goop strggkle unplsdnned fuir raod

Rain.. see in these little letters ees poke my on rain night you see exact in misspelling we laundar lasy sbout

-

No, work hard meditation trim lawn worry about scope of ants binoculars helmets everywhere news internet more sad stories I cry or swallow my cry my cake my pie no, no get fat on ignore, see and hurt, see a little and hurt, back off we all in world wixworry twist mo

more

He we she in lives never say

-

I got me a news here unknown mutant secret writing whipped hard to understand spell it right from here on in you fucker we don’t want to see what’s really going plow through meagre mouth chew iron sandwich on

A 100,000 page book you’ll never read we each hitch in touch a page, 23,770 sure that one

Touch it sketch numbify dull craszy slertch asdd ouir nmr to it talk like some other name being ever promise know anything closeekse ever x furm confirm anythug more about all is besides this else on earth

-

//

Wow yeah see me 2,000-so-oddjob mow lawn

Mow pages

My heart

Furry growing graze white grubs apply nemstuides whst you say ma

Life history clear words clear progress no step out no face inside internal family 7 billion on earth see ionsplore whats that tape together illegible illiterate tries fancy bew word fancy new blat blas world just a spelling misdtyake no one meditation tiny font your mind hiccup distaste for try at meditation like this, this is what it’s like hours a day .. when you sit down you may see something you may see nothing at all depends who you are, ah meditation painful the monkey mind the spinning thoughts get a groove higher thought or just be in pain does anything sit with your poor shitty little human in pain, does anything,  7 8 10 billion live on, have any commonplace semi-false-real-meditation book fucking rude dirty whats you just like me

Looking for real help my inside around the corner from my usual inside I present to people

 -

//

We just want to feel someone that been mentally ill college of mentally ill for 10 20 30 years stayed there, developed in there

Just like us

-

//

What a world, my true self

-

I wonder a blur back in me leaning on me like plate glass of beige dots

Not hurt me not shatter

Just seen here

-

//

Explore more I see “wrong-spelled words” I look, did he or she intend that, in the dimension of human dimension, anyone say, anyone step out of line, past protest, not that we don’t need protest, but moving on, into matter beings, electrons, atoms, tiny things, perform for you, underneath veneer of human skin image bones apparent, go farther, go deep into meditation, crazy man, tell us, take us there hold our hand roller coaster golf course no one on it playing just sit lawn not soaked with pesticides golf course of world weeds all growing trees bears running through naked singing

No you’re not on drugs

Just meditating

-

Brutal chi kung

3, 4 hours a day

-

//

//

It’s simply what it feels like sit there on the cushion you are a stupid ordinary mind the inside hurts I cannot handle it I’m not sitting here for this fucking shit, who suggested meditation anyways .. /but you stick with it you see a few wonderful things peaceful brilliant beyond earth you don’t have to apologize for seeing them

You’re somewhere else

It really is a better place, people compliment you, you love them

There is no calculated judgement “who they trying to fool”