Oh the writing handwriting
printing scrawl “my day” a bit more time to live
- -
Tilt in how I talk, the
words float to in front of my face, adjust like seeking a comfortable spot just
hover I tell you I let you know in little words like this, /read out, say, give
you this paper too. Weird. Meditation.
Weird./ so many years, and weird life too, a bit off-kelter not the same
criticized or let go “he’s not like us” “but he’s an interesting guy” sure
Never meant anybody any
harm, sure/ difficult years, figure out what to say, wild youth, stupid youth, make
statement, fuck it all, well ahead of time, nowhere to go, in writing art
expression, dead, the life killed so sit world continents shift sigh .. rise up
skungekun, sh skrtch wthout ehite poder geometric hiddenstripes jail stropes
joke, no joke, do stupid thing or money second give me a second time top for
any human being of flesh greed famine starving mind for any solution just exit
and cringe and go into fetal position nothing celebrities world nothing ..
write about it, little scratches, like having a place in a yard of dirt, little
scrtches
- -
We all is going to tell
someone something sit in a place human presence nah I just guide how “I’m
supposed to talk” no time to think of anything else, no presence
I can’t grab back, can’t
tell the person I’m sitting with “I need to grab back in me” /touch my face
circle in air “this is not me, not the best one, or not a sicko, I’m just a regular
guy, regular human being, aware now, of more, I’ve done 15 years of meditation,
sometimes 4, 5 hours a day, more, ah fuck it” /I’m not in the place, cafe, bar,
I’m not with any person at all
None of us are
For this
What would you think if
I told you this is being tapped by police well a huge book offline is or attached
to internet, I had a breakdown some things were happening ah I was still exercising
going to the park, but things death in family, a peculiar girlfriend, things,
pile up, life’s purpose odd fine lines or stop and go to hell sit gel 20 30
years found these lines writing a bit of scrungy art, our insides meditation, flourish,
but I thought I was talking to a young girl I met, through my book being tapped
by a stripper girl, her porno page computer expert friends, oh, long story ..
as it is .. but police were piggybacking, had been for a while .. it was peculiar
I wasn’t publishing it to the internet, it was being taken, but this young girl
teenager and her friends were reading it and they also had a tracker in my car
and would follow me to the park, stand around and stare at me/ oh people .. a
few people .. I wasn’t well in some ways but writing this book “in a well
person” comfortable safe .. well .. hmm .. a bit deluded .. or “save the word book”
but some of the things I said, not violent or threatening just to do with paper
and things, but soon I had the cops, following, or talking into wrists .. it’s not
too pleasant .. had an anxiety attack at one point .. oh a slow-brew nervous breakdown
then an anxiety attack
Oh keep going
We all do, outlandish stories
grasp, shower each day scrub your asshole
You asshole
Oh I’m just laughing
here at myself
We all just about die it’s
a common way to live walk along oldster struggle the oblonggait wiggle draw
pencils strapped to shoes draw on roads fool me up to chasten love .. way to
walk to the sun enjoy your summer
- -
Ah do any of us ever
say it .. locate ourselves .. what are we, in flesh? ah, the edge of the
universe, it looks to be “something there” “conjures up matter” “out of nothing”
our senses seem to say that, that’s what we see, or don’t see, can’t see no
more
Ha, just walk in a big
field, find a big park, no one around much in the daytime.
Find a spot off hours
all the government workers in their offices they sometimes use the parking lot
or when it’s free or big mess they charge someone just going for a walk for a
half an hour 6 dollars so yeah .. but still beauty of park .. there’s a second park
farther back you can park there for free then walk over to the expensive park
find the field I’m talking about just rough they don’t even mow it anymore
sometimes, in the summer leave it, it’s sad
Like for our minds
never find anything there anytime wait they mow it once a year too much to think
about walk the universe you mental illness girls love settle down too old to
settle down settle up/ add up things, saddle up ride meditation sessions walk
bare feet sore cut
No not literally but
sure feels like it sometimes/ ah you got athlete’s foot? No ha hoa/ anyways
fucking meditation just about kills you, you have some good sessions well
soldier through the shitty ones teach you something suck your ego away
You need it
Ah comfort chocolate
caramel bars you know how it goes
We face our pain we
seldom face our pain, big acceleration in understanding the univerzee see classroom
and life
No/ yes a little just
whap your hand huffoff handly here slightkey iowly brush short elbow t-shirt I mean
oop on one srmresdt hrnoeck krybisrd/ okat that was “armrest henpeck keyboard”
phew made it through
Thsts me
Fur amswers all this,
pictures, blossom batcrazyyoum florid complexionoda eergkasdes yohoo odd no im
uop in Canada but it happens beruehere slow diwn mental casrese oky niw
eberyine has some bad spots. No swamps,
alligators sit on wooden porch shotgun near rifle shoot gator in the head pop
him right spot been watching too many disturbing reality shows no not lately I got
my own in me I guess
We all do what to do
Seek higher levels
Dirty way
Only way there is, for
true
Dirty scmmy duesmt
seem, like higher in any what way
Just slight touches
remind us smart dusdistilled what shoov it means despite dirty cindufesed /condo-fusedsefcen
ha spell some most
right in my straight line straight ahead life we got it all in play do we you’re
kidding right/ show me any I stop at a word “okay it might be this” okay this
other life I can’t even think of as a human
I could take years
remind myself through meditation open up another world
- -
Ah you know all of us
our construction .. flesh and blood .. it’s odd a little meditation well a lot
and a mind not much suited to reality, ha there you go – but find things
But you know these
creatures or one being just wants us to talk it to each other
Ha
-
Sit there even not be red-faced
and stupid
Even begin on this
-
Even know where to
start, flail, half reality, half in your head, with a friend, flail “your usual
inside” like a rubber pocket, attached to the outside, but there’s more
-
You can’t tell them ..
you draw a blank .. you literally start to panic, not of this world anymore,
you’ve pushed yourself there, with this fucking shit, stop it
or
- -
Yeah you have lines
fast draw them down or tell a story have lots of pages, some take more time than
others/ _ .. can’t say a damn thing, can
sell the pages though, don’t fool yourself, I’m no better than you are at this
../ unlock this, / after all I’ve been through see it as useful and calm down
order it up, other worlds not crazy but you can slip into coloured pencil.l
slop spuit poop no crazy/ so worrusimne, embsrass myself/ like here/ ah we all
sketch no skill some skill push the paper towards you “wanna buy it, I am a substantial
human being somewhere in me. See it in
this.” not have the backup, no one does, most I can do is be an artist show the
way to me that none of them ever do there’s nothing in them in any of us art is
our emotion face slip into body each morning, art, image, feel like something
back in there, plate glass shimmering of beige dots, nothing behind I
guess. I hint of it. I’ve found it.//
kasbce tio csrry it
through to whst it really is/ what was that word there? “kazl-bee?” casual be
calm at this, find any in lousy spot in meditation lousy spots through my
100,000 page book, massive worldwide meditation fill in with sketches, talk,
you can’t do/ ah socialize on you can’t do/ a little ../ take years of
meditation into a public setting
nope
- -
Ah to have a little
space in public pressure “of perform like a human”
Have a little space
-
Ah come with me reads book
pop in on spots all through it not be too pissed off at it arcane unreadable “ah
so are our fucking insides” or what’s there can’t even use beyond the little
rubber pocket stuck to the outside/ ah I’m kind/ I really know you/ the embarrassing
parts crazy mixed up behind “capable upstanding person” you show, or something
near that, we all have no life for it, world is tumbling down getting crushed based
on “we do get up each morning, fit into our body” try to love, try to stay
sane, but feel we aren’t let in on the whole thing
-
So slowly here stupid
work stupid hard work many years for us down the road, work as needed, you didn’t
think it would be easy did you? I do the interminable hours boring sweating
facing myself inside, you can too, or not
Ah where do we go
little sketches of a totally ununderstandable book ununderstandable like insides
of us share one being, with 7 billion reiterations 8 billion, more, how do we
hang on, not let in on it all?
Say a little more,
handle offshoots like this, with 100,000 other pages under our belt, handle it,
people not seen it before at all, people seen it, handle it all, 4 hours of
meditation in the morning, my creepy mind, or incapable mind, fully, I tell
you, couldn’t handle one ounce of this, just like you – I’m with you, baby, I
am.
I’m failing too I look
at this “fucking shit I’m not diving into that fucking shit, no way”
Me
You
Inside
Carry it with us
A bit picked apart in
these pages
We need it
For a better-working
world
Ah come with me I have
the ugliest face or down in me black beaten soot gravel kick through walk your
way to work – on this
We all have an ugly
million person ancestors dinosaurs in us
We really aren’t going
to get anywhere with it at all, are we/ live put things in your toaster pop up
butter margarine whatever eat coffee cigarettes or yoga health all in the same
bind surface life fit in body, no beige dots on plate glass deep in us to smash
through, or push through, water lilies on air
- -
Yeah away from the way
it is even have a companion doesn’t irritate you or just be by yourself the air
doesn’t irritate you the climate doesn’t irritate you
Pretty
You know? after all the
fucking dirty stuff .. and no I don’t say “fuck” hardly at all in life, only
once every 3 years hit my finger with a hammer or something, so there you go
But our insides, honesty,
with God, or other names, across the world, in you, in meditation, don’t need
no baggage, it’s still “God” I just need a friend in it, I call it the “eotu”
edge of the universe, but it’s right here with me,/ oh you go to the edge of
the universe in meditation look there there’s nothing human with you, a lot in
meditation as it comes closer the eotu joins with your life, there’s nothing
human around, well, you’re tethered, you remember, but you leave for a while,
rest/ smersh, or Frank or Lisa, or anything/ through 12 years of meditation,
14, 15, steady, but literally thousands of hours, and all the writing, and all
the living, so there/ I’ve earned it, it’s no quick decision/, just here at last
walk here walk off the steam with all the anger wait around ah emergency taken
into thousands of hours of meditation day after day
/ I called it God then
other names the eotu a little go back to God then to the eotu/ many thousands
of thoughts in between and no thoughts, empty, just rest, alive, awake,. Feel
like an angel, no problems, achieve bliss pluntyplop, no argument be regular
what yes be calm and not stuck up move no fake no flounder wipe do the work/
oh it takes a long time I’m not just living no criticism of anybody but you’ve
got to understand this has taken a long long liopp;cercoo like liposuction on
the soul cake cookies pamper no work time
For man and woman and
everything
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