Ah “a career in meditation” and just going crazy, stress, 20 people, a 100, 200, blah boom piss sigh, sit down, shut up, get through it, whatever way you can, loser, no money, or loser with money, 20% loser .. ah .. anyways, who knows what’s going on “people are pretty impressive” “they know what’s going on” they’re pretty good at it, I rarely want to stand up there and question them, ah the men they have a strong jaw, did a good job on the shave this morning, and the women, clear eyes, smart, peer in at you, eagle eyes .. I have nothing to say really.
You all know how to do it really good.
Ah off to the side somewhere is where we all really are.
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//
Sunday, January 19, 2014 11:15 am
So here we are, I started a little magnification .. /oh, what would you call this whole book, like a reality show, a bit more dignified, follows in words, pictures, my attempt at another consciousness, seriously, with thousands of hours of hardcore chi kung meditation, and strange mind, creative, but a bit on the edge .. how we do it .. how we find the new consciousness, implement it in society .. ah, well, you can see .. oh we have gotten it across a bit to some people tapping the computer, but apart from that .. no, we don’t meet, discuss it, become comfortable with it in our daily lives. No. It becomes like a secret, not illegal or nasty or anything, just “the human” “can’t do it” oops .. too embarrassed, too set in their ways, even little kids, they grow up with it as it is .. we all don’t know what we’re going to do, so many of us, doing it the same way, that is destructive, and we put it off, and say stuff like “we’re not the worst ones” and point the finger elsewhere, say “work on that, why dontcha?” “leave me alone” so it goes.
So this attracts because yeah there was some trouble with the law, and the law is one of the people, groups, tapping the computer .. ah it’s a long winding story, and a stripper, a sex worker, and her computer-savvy pals, they’re another group, and there was a sex addict girlfriend who drove me into a nervous breakdown, but I kept going to the park to exercise, and somehow “met” a girl there, well, spiritually met her, somehow wasn’t quite sure who she was, recognize her for her face, somehow she became hooked up with receiving the book from the tapped computer too, she became an “ethereal presence” when all others were “kinda creepy” you know, so this book, the trouble it got me into, the suggestions I would make, wild creativity .. ah, and the new consciousness, somehow involving “words that stop in midair” “the sound of your voice carries them there” “and they kinda stop there and switch substances in a way” “you might panic, if you don’t have experience in it, have not thought it through, meditated, spent years with it” “it’s almost like they become ‘beings’ of ‘no matter’ ‘not made of matter’ ‘unknown’ ‘completely unknown’ ” so there you have it yeah, and all this towards receiving energy, the human doing this receives a strange “out of meditation” “in reality” “energy” that perhaps we all need now, that will keep us healthy, keep us going on a long-term basis ..
So it is a long twisting story ..
Ah well.
And the papers that go along with it, artwork, or societal artwork, not so based on “do you have a lot of skill in it” but more based on who you are as a person, how much you understand “floating words” “the new consciousness” “these little beings coming out of us” it’s more investing in you as that, how much you can become that in society, your progress, rather than strict “paintings hanging on a wall” the art peculiarly becomes a new being, the human adapting, making some ethereal entity, that doesn’t take up space, isn’t shallow and greedy, wants things, more things, but peculiarly, there could be money in it, make a living, where traditionally those that meditate, or are interested in meditation, supporting those that do, helping them along, interacting with them, ah, it has been a very poor place, monetarily .. so, you know … to make a living, selling your artworks, people investing in how you are making progress in speaking floating words, or supporting those that do, intelligently, emotionally, feelings, brains, offer support, be there, further this ..
So quite a “reality show” or sadly, just the advance into consciousness we don’t have, may never have
So the book is called “i money earth” ah poor world, sadly, its feeling
We trudge on
Perhaps get to a better feeling, slow down the tone of “destroy everything just to get money” it is quite a hard undertaking above just being sugary-sappy in the cliché of “everyone be nice” it is quite a rude book, in parts, messy, very, takes words in transition to this upper level, takes humans in transition to this upper level.
So, can we do it, at present it stands at about a 90,000 page book, whoops, it is a history, a cloud, it is over 7 years, 8 years, but really it’s a feeling of something following us for millions of years, not contacting, not becoming involved .. and so, can we work it in on some basis of “take a spot in it” “understand some tiny bit of it” “this new world” as if to set down a cabin in it, in a frontier we do not know, and branch out from that, in words, talk, we do not do, in the mysterious floating words, words as beings, stop in midair, shocked to see them the first time, almost go into a panic, “see them” “with not of earth senses” “not sure” “can see them a little with earth senses” “not sure” and so we go, in words, feelings, talk, in intelligence, your heart, your gut, you set up a little cabin “somewhere within the 90,000 pages of this” and start there, begin to branch out from there, come into this world, as this .. slow, do not see it, at first, very distant, hardly hear of it at all, secret, subdued .. discreet, silly, unimaginable .. a consciousness a frontier we are within the thoughts the brain the blur missing parts of us we do not know
A frontier, not land now, but thoughts.
How we get along.
What we dare to say, when we don’t dare too much right now
Our beauty, in our thoughts, frontier, of emotions, communication, higher being .. oh, are we sweet, ethereal, from far beyond, what is the edge of the universe, a little pinpoint, that all light comes out of, all matter, the smallest tiniest dot, with no clue at all what is behind that ..
So its entrance into life, coming around the pinpoint, leaving the story already there, stay in place” but this is something extra then, it reveals itself in each of us
Can we do that
This being in addition to live our lives, will there be a fashion, a method, to present this being, in our interactions, in addition to “us”?/
So really my work risk-taking pushing but soft cuddly in parts, well, some kind of being, but who will help, what person/ or persons/ of earth, or hitch up to this work, as it is presented, they being “some new kind of editor” posing questions but leaving the material raw “and the public acting as such an editor/ or blend, pieces of it/ too” as it adapts, swings into society, interfaces, connects, and no, not “swings” as in sexually promiscuous, no not at all, this is a deep love, for all of us, very deep./ the meditation, produces a little prayer being, a little girl, invisible, seems 14 or so but millions of years old, wise, ancient, and she if comfortable, will speak the floating words, that then become the eotu “edge of the universe” a being, hovering there, staring, looking, in our context, human context, alive, what we used to call a “god” now more practical, here, part of our consciousness .. so yes, the little girl is pictured, visualized, she begins the transition, of this being “totally not of matter” existing in our world, not imagination, not creativity, but a real being, of unknown origin, we feel in us, or bare hints, the tiniest, developed this far.
Oh it is kind of an exciting project, life, changes, but gently .. just going on with earth as it is .. this is not here to take over, brandish weapons, subvert .. it really is satisfied at the tiniest things, tiny conversations.
And we are too.
We feel good.
We feel better.
Ah, for me, the diagnosis I have in the mental health system “not of reality” “ah, then ‘you’re fine’” not sure, trying to apply a label to it, me being in that system, 20, 30 years, being on a psychiatric disability pension, 35 years .. ah, at some point, oh, my mom got cancer, and her doctor, a homeopathic doctor, suggested this hardcore medical grade chi kung meditation, and I helped my mom with it, it brought her peaceful visions, but unfortunately the cancer was too advanced, the meditation could not really dig in, what with the cancer so advanced, and all the painkiller drugs .. so my dear mom passed away, but left this legacy to me, chi kung meditation, and I continued on with it, I took a week-long course with the Chinese master when he used to come to Ottawa here, Ottawa, Canada, and this book just kind of naturally evolved, I don’t know why, the touch of something else beyond me .. so yes .. it relates to mental health, but also all of us “ah, mentally ill” let’s face it, the stress, and no answers, no answers anywhere
Deeper, deep in, so afraid of that “try meditation” “so scared of it” “it scares us” “our insides”
And so there is this./ takes a try at it, and it is “entertainment” a bit, half makes us chuckle at parts, but also comes across as serious “we should try at this” and me with a mental health record, also a criminal record, pardoned for it, kept my nose clean, after an isolated incident, with a bank, an attaché case with electronics inside it and a fake bomb, oh I don’t like to talk of it, but at 19, 20, it was my statement, / 6 months after it happened, I think it was 6 months, something like that, “but they tracked me down” “or debatable what was going on” “to be caught” ‘make a statement” “stop it then” and me hazily enter into “just sitting still” “contemplating my navel” ah don’t be rude, but I pumped weights in my 20’s after getting out of prison, spent a total of six months, for mental health reasons, and I had no criminal record, and I also spent something like a 133 days in the locked section of a mental hospital, being assessed .. ah a whole mess, so I got out, pumped iron, wrote, did art .. but you know, I didn’t fit, didn’t fit at all, with any of the systems available. And so years, many years later, this appears. This book. I am now 53 years old, turned 53 October 21, 2013. It is now January 19, 2014.
Oh we keep going, and I’m a fairly serious fellow, quiet, but I’m dependable, reliable, oh, I spent the last 5 years taking care of my dad, as he deteriorated, with Parkinson’s, /the other two kids, in the family, were no help at all, my brother out in Kamloops. B.C. way across the country, but his mental health not that good anyway, and my sister, close by, in the sense, lived just out of town, drives within 10 minutes of the house 5 days a week going to work in the city, but she didn’t visit her dad in 5 years. He died. I called her, hadn’t talked to her in years. Oh, life. So I am the one who stood by my dad, and it wasn’t easy, him deteriorating, physically, oh, first was unsteady on his feet, wobbly, then needed a walker, then at some point, the facilities just weren’t here in the house, he needed to go into a home, where they had the things like the hydraulic lift, for getting him out of bed .. he was in a wheelchair there, he went into the home on April 25, 2013. So just last year. And I visited him regularly, kept him company, he liked to chat, you know, and he had a smile, he was not a miserable man, he liked to joke a little, had a sense of humour, quiet though, but still .. he did his best .. the workers said he was a nice man .. easier to take care of. Nice, pleasant. Oh, life, but my dad, ah he had trouble talking to his kids over our lives. Rarely talked. I talked to him a bit more during these years, we would go to the park and stuff, feed the squirrels, sit, chat a bit. I think it was good for him, to have those years to just slow down a bit, have someone that loved him with him, not just someone paid to do it// ah, you meet nice workers and stuff, Paul, one man, was with us for a while there, 3 or 4 years? I’m not sure, right to the end, used to come to the house, 2 or 3 times a week, give my dad a shower, oh there was times I had to give my dad a shower, clean him up, oh, not the most pleasant thing, a son doing that for his dad, but it had to be done, and I did it. And you know, many times, I thought I would go crazy with it all, the stress of it, the pressure, no help from family, nothing. And life, my poor dad, he got worse in the home, he was only there for a few months. He died on August 9, 2013. So just about 6 months ago now. Oh, I keep going. Some pressure now too. How to survive, how to keep going.
The writing has been a companion. I write each day. I get up, start magnification in the morning, the first part of the meditation, sometimes I write over here, close off partially from the magnification, which is on your feet, moving around, spontaneously, working out kinks, flow of chi, the energy, through body you just “have a feeling” “for what to move” “how many times” “arcs sweeps jiggles” ha ha, oh c’mon laugh a bit we all need it, /but I rub my hands together, come over here, write, then I go back over there, do some more magnification, then get to a point, I get a little charge of energy, I stop still, let it jolt my body, stand in place, then/ that’s over, rub hands together a bit/ move to the sit-down paart, sit on the cushion, the meditation cushion, sort of a square with these triangles coming off it to support hips, but buckwheat hulls in it, quite stiff, but helps, it is serious, and it takes time, to work your body in, where your posture is good, your body supports you, no back support, and you sit, and it could be an hour and 15 minutes, it could be more, muyh more, so in total, each day, the magnification, the sit-down, it is hours and hours, it is my job, to see this book, create, interpret, what comes through me, I feel, I see, not always a lot, but disciplined, each day, this is what I do.
And also, bodyweight exercises, and the chi kung mixed in to the physical exercise, later in the day, I have started getting back into that, over the past month or so .. oh, with my dad, I let it slide mostly, I kept doing the meditation, but I just couldn’t do it all, taking care of him, the physical exercise too./ oh, I did some, and I helped him with exercise, when he was able, he had a routine, the physiotherapist gave him, I would take him through that.
I keep going. That’s all I can say, I keep going.
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/endf’ snippet/ 1:05 pm
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2:30 pm
Ah a little life in this. I’ve done okay. I guess my life “over” never hooked into a “career” all that time .. now this, this “unknown career” ah, for all of us, past life as it is usual, into meditation, and you don’t just renounce all worldly goods, you do okay, it’s just not so important anymore .. you see “these other beings” the eotu, the prayer being, and she speaks the floating words, that become the eotu, on earth, ah you just get more interested in that, it fills in .. /so I just did a 1+1, so that coupled with 2 hours 20 minutes magnification, equals a total of 3 hours 27 minutes .. so you do your work, it’s a Sunday here, you still do your work, the meditation, the writing, communicate, this other way of life .. ah the eotu takes more of a presence, she he it, anyways, he /uh .. just seems more important, and my human life less important, sure I still want to live, I enjoy living, it’s sometimes painful, quite a lot “sometimes” but you know, ah, the eotu “liking life” “coming more into its life” “in matter” “even though it isn’t matter” “not made of matter” what’s behind the pinpoint, spewing matter out .. so yeah in my thoughts in meditation, it’s becoming easier to hold on to the eotu, not have the earth body bother it – I realize the earth body “has lots of bad patterns” and the eotu comes to read those, in meditation, work through, to become the prayer being, little girl, Shae Jasmine, just 14, but millions of years old, and not a flesh and bones body, but the being from behind the pinpoint spewing matter, creating the universe “everything” it is not of matter, and the little prayer being is not of matter and it’s quite good, they are getting stronger, in a just shy, quiet, not greedy “gonna push all humans aside” no, not at all, they enjoy being mixed into human conversations, just a little. If we can ever do that at all.
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Oh the consciousness it feels good really good, I can remember these beings they exist in my life too.
It is a better way, their reasoning, their happiness.
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/endf’ snippet/ 2:45 pm
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(around 7:35 pm, forgot to put time down)
So I did an exercise session, it went fairly well, in terms of “not much talking to myself to get enthusiasm” “I mean that’s not supposedly such a terrible thing, is it?” but yeah tonight “get it done” seemed to be the theme – took me 2 hours 22 minutes, whereas sessions can go as long as 3 hours 45 minutes, with lots of talking to myself .. but you know ..? that’s okay too – you find deep within you, something to keep you going – and yes, sometimes that takes some work to get to it.
So I also wrote down this in my exercise journal – “You can feel them, it’s more than human – as human adds to controlled and messed up life” ah refers to prayer being, saying floating words, making eotu – yeah, they were there, fairly readily today, I felt “not alone,” they could help .. and I was making a “distinguished bad pattern,” putting some effort in, being tired but keep going, like I was on a parallel, to disease, sickness, that this meditation process is applied to too/ /so here’s another one I wrote down – “beyond what love is capable of as a body” yeah, this love in the prayer being and eotu, I need it, my tired body can’t do love, like this, it’s beyond me, young or old, anyone, we need it, can you get to it? It really helps. /So here’s another one – “and love – when you don’t think it’s possible” /in my mind as well as out in my life/ another one – “love, past love” /ah typical love home house salary partner buy things occasionally love, even have time .. and something past that/ /and another one “still young with the fog” I approach this, it’s another part to life,/in addition to anything, we don’t know this at all/ I’m not quite sure of,/ it’s a fog, still time to figure it out, I’m excited, I’m not over in life yet/ and I enter it.
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/endf’ snippet/ 7:55 pm
