But it is here, something else meditation “aw I hate meditation,” I hear about it they’ve stopped laughing now popular journalism approaches it says it’s really hard whatever words they attempt to put it in, “stop the spinning, the crashing of the mind/” they won’t go that far, put it in those words, can hardly believe, beneath their surface, is “this!!” it’s sickening .. /and so they limp away, afraid, they limp away, back to “I don’t know, my life, I pick up my cellphone, zip through things a flick of my finger I don’t know if it’s comforting ‘my world’ I know it isn’t now .. what is in there? will I ever work on it/ will ever someone that’s been in there be able to relate to me.
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So here’s some writing from today, it’s been a few days since last post, I didn’t feel comfortable including the rest .. and so it is .. I am one of those that has been in there .. and I still talk to you .. in a fashion, through corridors, through tin cans attached with string, whatever it is, people that meditate, the hardcore, they are very careful, you get far enough, you get very careful.
What you share with the world.
Sit with them
Don’t say much.
The reasons why the world is, reasons they wouldn’t understand/ you have to live 10 years, 14 years of meditation, every day changes in your mind, body, what is being here, what is matter, made of matter/ .. a beginning is to try meditation, and be scared, freaked out “haven’t I already lived life?/ what is this then? an extra place no rules I recognize I walk I am amazed I am scared it hits me first onslaught of spinning and muy hatred for my inside for meditation for shit for the fucking mess I diobnt includer zip back to life “there it is m o more my scared in there is irt?” spell wrong, your inside is spelled wrong, yet your outside is spelled .. okay? I’m worroed, write in there get view extra words scenes spinning off words I always knew life was more than anybody could write in some story in life/ I want ti be in awae cinstamtly / aware constantly/ oh pennuanye potholes api.ylyptic./ can’t I just be in a blur-grey move? Blue-grey movie/ spell No.
So here is the wrutig, a little from today.
Thanks. for feeling yiur world spelled cars roads drive walk open doors push bittons for elevator spelling yiour world you hold your precarious inside in wirth jittery teeth
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So I did a 3+3, I found I needed that, I would have like to have stopped at a “+1” but this is responsible working at something, you know when you need more, it is just the way it is, /and abdomen did lock up at some point through it, and I did manage to get through that, and transcend my troubles into another place, wise, helpful, it is there, but this is practical work, hard work .. oh, if we could ever say any of it in life, right? just come right out with it, walk up to someone with this? and so it is .. so I did the 3+3, and that coupled with 3 hours 40 minutes magnification, I went back to bed for a while, not the best sleep last night, adjusting to the daylight savings hours, clocks ahead an hour, /so yes, I went back to bed, managed to sleep a bit, with the magnification started, helped me sleep, when I needed it, so the 3+3 and magnification added up to 6 hours 9 minutes today, a long shot .. a long session .. but a “long shot” too, all this working, I can tell you, when legs get numb during the end, are telling me “this is it, this pain is over the edge” then in meditation, you transcend matter, your body is matter, you transcend that, you enter higher planes, you think of something else, besides your screaming body, the bad pattern, you read it, you travel through it, it is possible, you can hardly believe it, some change has happened, the legs, they were on a course downhill “that was it” then it wasn’t it.
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So this is life, you keep going “but as far as walking up to a person, saying this” well, c’mon, we barely are able to, or this is strong, in a hidden place, the human doesn’t actually want to hear about this, they are obsessed with their body, their age, their position on earth, they can think of nothing else .. I face that in meditation, in the part where abdomen locked up, I had to face, my body, my human persona, it did not want the help that meditation was offering! Incredulously! I viewed that, both as something outside the human, and the human themselves ../ a very odd predicament, you know as a human that meditation helps, now here you are kicking it out, bolting shut the doors .. and in extrapolation, the human race, not wanting help, for their sicknesses, for their troubles – incredibly, they don’t actually want help! /oh it gets as weird as this. They want help from doctors, who play the game of the human story, we are shaped of matter, the same matter as a tree, as the ground, it is a story, yet we are obsessed with it, never once do we question well why was the human made imperfect, with troubles, for the researchers to work on it, doctors, to fix it, cure it, some things/.or make it worse, fix one thing, add 10 problems “from your brilliance” so it is – but no one asks why that is, why we’re in a story, why doctors work on things to keep them busy, to just keep the bad patterns going, the entire earth is a massive bad pattern factory, with an elusive joy, sometimes there, happiness is so hard to get .. and this relationship between humans and chi kung .. the human can break free from the story on earth, but the story fights you all the way, and then some days doesn’t, and that is the way it is, and to “not fight” “sit with each other” “the human story and the chi kung meditator” you really don’t come to an agreement where this is promoted obviously, get flyers, pamphlets, an office, an advertising campaign .. no, not at all. This is hidden. You know it, you begin to know it, it begins to come on over into your human life, but to people that don’t know it? that haven’t put in the years and years of work? oh some days they are okay with it and want to listen, other days they are viciously opposed, and you have to be patient, sit with them, if they’ll even allow you “in their hallowed space” “human”
To your “weirdo” and you certainly feel it, you go away
You certainly do
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In the end it arrives as “we won’t say it” “we won’t do it”
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But it is here
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/endf’ snippet/ 3:15 pm
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