So I went to my Christian wholeness group, good to go, nice people there, oh one lady that has been to groups once or twice, she reminded the lady praying for us all, that she had left out me, oh just gently kindly, oh the lady praying was going through a lot of names, people there and not there, people away, touching on people, need a little help, it feels nice to have your name said, feels really nice.
Prayers. Yes. And my work here, I mean, it must seem a little strange, the words jittery misspelled not in the line the way they should be .. oh our poor broken hearts, hurting from things, yes, were done in life, some of them, but hurt .. s/ome of it .. it’s beyond us, how to say a little something, how to touch on it .. do I actually feel another being, getting its jumbled language in place, ah, a prayer being, to do with “perhaps ‘mental illness’” I see her, or have the propensity, to leave reality, or accompany it, bring something else in .. oh we are all so scared of that, we want it “to work on the story” “man, woman, earth” we want it, you know, we want it, to all be that .. sort of .. / oh we continually think “man woman earth” is everything, we were raised on it, we feel in our bodies, why include this other, as we live along the way/ it’s like a community, and we take cues from wishful thinking in movies with special effects/ so to actually go to the real thing with murmuring soft baby mental illness/ whoops! What is that? .. oh sometimes you can work it to a more tame less invasive intrusive irritating daswaswothing, what the heck is that, poetry in odd sounding things, we wink ink dink// and quite exhausting but beautiful, the human exhausted but met up with other things, exhausted pretty rejuvenated different parts some tired some more alive/ as we undergo transition/ what, you getting a sex change?/ no no/ it is just quite plain hardcore chi kung meditation, strict, put in thousands of hours, some each day/ and not quite 15 minutes, it’s a bit harder, to survive, “ah this is weird, eric, c’mon say it’s weird, eh eeh?” “no no”/ see through to what you might encounter/ ah the feeling in your heart in your body no movie can give, no soundtrack/ see/ things that perhaps only the person in solitude can see/ if you could share, few can do that, or is there an opening, for all to do that/ ../so I see these things, and with training, see beyond matter not be soo scared to see that “nothing’s there, nithig there’ ‘just because eveybidy says there’s nithig there” ‘thry think ‘we were just creasrted out iof nithig’ ‘and so/ let it go/ why hang on to this develop this no educatiomn scripture science anything, personal little twiddlingwith ut try experiment solitude don’t tell anybody else, will it be the one weird thing we can all do we really want to do/ what’’ so yeah, heydedoody .. we all hsve our thing/ do we/ eric this goes a bit far/ oh from pain, ostracized, ah alonh the way I just decided to develop something “here” “I’ll show you!” no no, not adversarial, I’ll share, if asked nicely, ha/ it’s really a pleasant thing, in solitude, then I get some little hint “we just don’t do this in life”/ .. but to bring this other being of not-matter in and sit here, it comes calling, could say hello to a few people, sure I’d like to try/ you’re really setting yourself up here eric somebody could just punch yiou in the face/ no, just turn away, belittle you, igmore yiou, that hurts too/ better to “if this brings you health, just keep it to yourself”/ buti feel fpr people, similar incurable things/ now don’t make yrouble eric/ “niw thst’s pretty weird,. Eryc’ ‘yeah, I kniow’
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It’s something, I work on quietly here, and if this work is “taken” thst’s a ploute way if sayig it, oh “the aothoroties” and ‘oh, as girl and her guy friends, computer whizbang friends” ah, you know, I;m sure fsce ti fsce they;d shut me duwn pretty fast “ah ertyc definitely wee duinlt want tio talk about this” “but here they read ut” to themselves they think “well he seem,s tio really belive thuis” and they find themselves wondering why they keep reading it “if it’s so kooky” / maybe that’s the reason “they like kooky” “entertaining shows” better life, merely a shower of meteorites in mind comedy, or // I try/ or evem the police, it’s a job, someone required to read it/ ah, and they switch in and out, get bored with it I guess, but they find it not too bad .. I mean I have some skill with words/ it just seems to go on and on though “90 fucking thousand pages, eric!!” then seem to be altogether breaking down the words me in th in them and so it gioes wh. This “thing” coming here .. ah adjustinstopping duwn, come to see, dues nt introdyce itself all asround right away real eager, no, hve “a big purpose” “let’s get right to it” no it brings a little health I don’t present it to a university or anything/ I live on, ah I’m just in my life cycle feel okay than never trying oks, as it goes quite okay, feasible.
Ah, looks, glows “or turns the glow right down” is anything here we ha ha we always ha ha but do the disciplined practice every day.
“yeah eric your glow is mustard or wipe up counter where you gone, go that way turned way way down your glow”
Yeah yeah.
We all joke are good friends on this, weird things, book through time, definition of book comfort allows this.
We all joke. I agree to, life gies by thuigs like druvng the csr, you keep away from other vehices, you keep in yiour lane, donlt emmcrh/ encroach, or that’s the sound the scratching makes/ on other people, no not scratching/ but interesting I take this as time of day something we would never say to a you’re a bother, eric, bother another person “with crazy shit” crazy shift, life-giving ../ no as time of day, ever/ it would be nice, no horrible. Dusastrpous, to even touxch a bit/ wait, am I talking about life here/ huma ha. oh we do our best, c’mon like as if I’ll ever say this to you as a regular person/ I know how life works, daylight, rooms/ people.
But if this brings me and you health, possibly? Ah touches radar esp heehee hoo well you kniw, big thrill, another being, coming through dimension walls, from wjere “thibngs are supposed to be madenothing made of nothing and we don’t care” sh duesmt evertbdy dio this? I guess I;m a bit disconnected.
I guess so.
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Disconnected a lively liofe.
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/endf’ snippet/ 4:20 pm
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Actually more comfortable talking as another being, once you wear it in, do proper sombre initiation through meditation, hard work, have your colours stripes
These kinds of inner things
Actually want to talk as the odd thing has no connection to the outside world
Odd in there no you can’t introduce that to me you are finished prepared developed as the outside human, you cannot possibly introduce this to me
Don’t try
Or yes, over years, take it slowly
What delicate touch do you have all along the way
You make it
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As us for the world this utterly needed thing we are so sad without it
Looking at each other
I detect this in you I detest this in you what are you guts devil foreign blood heart operation what are you what are you really in there, no, I have enough with this world, no, don’t tell me
Yes, tell me
Develop bridges into this body unseen guts unseen intelligent words or words unbolted looked at by whatever’s in there
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/endf’ snippet/ 4:55 pm
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