So yeah this first drawing was modified there today march 16th, just the fine lines ballpoint pen medium nib, just “that made the drawing better” “in my estimation” “maybe not yours” but life, heck what it was a year ago or no not quite that but some time ago all I’m saying for fucks sakes hang on, modify the drawing later. In your mind, one day back then, that day, the drawing looked okay that day, you left it, but today it’s shit, but you know how to make a few touches to it, hey that’s no instat cure=all fir you but thst’s somerthig fur som,eone niot going to tell you lies, out of embsrassmt. At least nit here.
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This one “hry your svans bnit doing too/ the scans aren’t/ looking so good sre thr4y eryc shsduw of [awper too dsrk”/ of paper/ we correct see stiil ove me I have blemishes/ firguve me I;m a citzem iof thwe world just walking along I go in emergency rooms in meditation and sit a while don’t stare get slapped in the face even invisible in meditation oh help people and spell a little fucked up can you read me here and again this drawing modified it was shit before or ah I tried my best on that day, I just took the medium ballpoint pen again, fixed it up, the “hand” thing well scribbled in thicker lines than medium nib but you can see a little, /See me, days later, months later I hung on stioll look like sdht can you correct my words above the line fill in don’t hsrte me for the occasionally get right out of libe/jesdache o guve you we all guve e4sch other .. and the face thing on the hand thing and just shake hands with me and meet for gallery opening our eyes we stare and get sick we aint going niwjere,. We and this world It ainlt no dance, the shake./ vomit paverment walk with me just exactly as it is
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Now this one “the bad about good people” run-out marker can’t see. repasor lesve artsy “cam;t you fucking see me? I dinty wamt to lie! Hwlp me! help yelp help me up love me!/ no I never said any of this, come back tomorrow I’ll hsve corrected ity all or covwered it up, or take me home my paper correct them help me I will feel you I think I will/ no/ slept it off whole world needs red wiggly lines under spelling mistakes tackles in word processing run down the field program, tackle me, make me tell the truth, point out just exactly where I cant see no doctor can see what’s higher level no matter edge iof universe hardcore chi kung mediation “give me any of that”tell me where to look so I can fux anythug. No one shows/ then fux/ fucks up all of us/ why are we herte/ tell me whining rhino whining cat whining anything, let me hear you, the good of bad, the good in bad people, you finally told me yiou tired schlump
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Ah you kniw tjhst rsmge is as dufferemt irange/ that orange, different orange/ oh my god/ on the sheet more neon or colour of my fsce por my ass or my anis porno girls shit stain oh I;m getting rude yell st me be sweet my cinfused on edge on mind canlt fux get thropugh another dat hiw many perople/ another day, no he doesn’t have a date/ nowhere to turn feel as if its theur last day “no more” you know grind pavement pebbles no one to fix it my deep inside lonely no doctors caveman era/ need a cute bad scanned ppoor dipshitdrawig something was there “do you think?’ ‘just sit with me yiu damn drawing explain enough how bad you are and sit with me, never telll anyone okay youi agree with my rudeness nrver tell me in person” “just sit with me’ comfirtm all here get me here gone, all people gone, still somerthig is with me thst comfirts me
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So all fir thst, thiose drawi9gs, comments on them, ease on, on esp fir you my readers in trouble fycking terrubke fycking mild you need me full strength uyopu need me a little bit you don’t need me at all.
Come back tomorrow./ I say right here, just gratuitously tomorroe no prbly eont publish
Anywaus tjhose thst need a little more. heres this, cAke a meat sandwich veggies eat health/ I just eat veggies I was out ion thr back lawn today, no there’s snow
Here’s some wrotteriotig, from off line. Hang like a monket from wire of straight lineI forget whst it was about I dint know.
So had a shower it had been a few days .. a few days “where I was going to exercise, take a shower” you get all prepared, you’re on the verge .. ah, life guesgets in the way, an ambling pony busunerssman of depression/ ah nit so bad I’ll just key himsy iff days no activioty I do the medirtstion do the wrutig, dint do masturbstin to porn and lose chi donlt iovereat and damage myself feel horrubke don’t run down somewhere get all kinds of chocolate pig out then feel hirruybje, it really is uncomfuirtsbke ti sit wit theungs, like the meditation “but it makes it special” “you know the meditation is a healh-givintg practice, if you get good at it it’s an extremely posigood health practyce” it’s better thn the dcturs, in some areas, no surgery, no pills, can touch – now dinlt be grttig all uppity there “I said ‘some’ areas” notice that .. but poor depression, I mean people have had it, resctig in all kinds of ways, addictions, cutting/ just had it/ no one will listen, or has the right words, friends offer drugs, can talk all about the drug’s effects what the best kind is, but can’t talk to you about you at all.
So this little bit of writing is dedicated to the people “find yourself special with meditation inside”
Don’t shirk the chance to meet a good friend there. It’s hard work, backbreaking work, see someone, something, talks about the real things, /then you discount it say “this whole thing can’t be any real to it at all” but it is.
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Slowly, it helps you survive, no overeating on chips and beer, and worse, reactions to “the world hates me, and I hate me”
Kiss you, on the forehead, no priest officially recognized, no one’s official rooms, it’s just life “fuck em all” you’re alone, as a great many people are alone.
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No suck-up friend for a 5 minutes telling you the good things, no this is on the long-term.
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/endf’ snippet/ 10:30 pm
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So end of that offline writing, here’s me again closer to the blog, but I stayed with you you fucker, good friend, in hospital, on street, in bedroom, I sat over there in the chair, watched you while you were sick. Need someone, tell the truth, in your all-alone terror.
I do too./ heasvem, forbid wjst mask I git mamy, in 400 words ease away tie the line fabbertdash
We did good here tonight.
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