This drawing, a bit creepy, or what is a shining diamond example of virtue, gone creepy, to know about life.
To fix life.
Oh highfalutin inflated ego no not at all, be down and dirty in mental illness, crime, finished. Die now. Or live. Slowly little sprout, over 40 years, as if took that long for the winter season to end.
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So I did another meditation, it’s good to visit, you find out more, it becomes a little less unreal, at the edge of the universe “nothing there” “nothing we can know” it becomes a little less unreal, and you know it.
So I did a 1+1, it took 1 hour 12 minutes, so this is good, to do this additional one today. Ah as I have written about before, the meditation at night clears out the stale chi, while the one in the morning brings in fresh chi .. so yes .. in knowing “the edge of the universe” which is right here, in some ways, all the “distance is not real at all, does it care about distance, does it have distance,” so in combination with knowing it better, I can discount my pretty well standard troubled human’s life on earth, I mean “not quite think it is everything all the time” I can do that better.
And feel through to the little prayer being/ being produced, feel her, feel it is possible, feel I am living it, these are my friends, these creatures, entities, in my heart, I know it is true, and they become more and more real, they are produced. The energy is very pretty and loving.
And I can feel it, in order to orchestrate it, talk about it, this humble little being, sitting on a coffee table, just being quiet, subdued, but bright, eager, but patient, I talk about her, give her, “point to her” “gesture to her” people can tell she is there by what I say, somehow I am schooled in this, I have grown up in this, at my age.
The missing parts, of human and everything, of the universe and everything, and beyond.
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It is very nice to be through the worst parts “of creating her” of being caught in no man’s land, between earth and wisdom, seeing this, for a long time, it is caustic, rough, unpleasant “anything other than man and woman’s view of earth and life” you have to try try try .. sit quietly, through all the rolling jabbing quiet torment dust bleak dreadful some joy of meditation. To reach this.
It is interesting now, to feel other entities as strongly as I used to feel earth, all by itself, with nothing else.
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/endf’ snippet/ 11:10 pm
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/so that was some writing from offline, the “10:55 pm to 11:10” so yeah we breathe we heave push bookcases from in front of our death spot, a 1000 bookcases heavy rocks, scratch messages in, or encase in a little tin and solder, sell rocks, jewelry bits, grey stones, not valuable
These pages
So currently I go to two groups, at a mental wellness center, I go to a Christian group, and I go to a recovery group, and no I don’t talk about this, to this depth, I kind of have a little outlet here, and this book, or offline, 90,000 pages, over 7 or 8 years, oh a whole story, and tapped the whole way, by Janis the stripper girl I used to know, and given to Shae, the nice girl, nice mind? does she have that? oh, people, she has it, the book, these things none of us have, a section .. I can tell you, in groups, “yeah you are free” but not this free, and in life, no you are not.
For the whole world.
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Ah we have no outlet, no place to solve things at all. Lay them out, from earth to the edge of the universe, and into it. What man is denied, we have legend, we have photos “things there” science, religion, but we cannot go into it.
We are blocked.
So mental illness, you get a ticket to it, but suffering, and chi kung meditation, you get a ticket to it, but suffering, and the both of them, together, added up, “oh look out, whoa!” /no, just kidding, you keep suffering, ha!
And do the work.
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So yeah is there an outcome to it, at last?
No I’m fucking suffering about it today, every day is day-to-day hang on a mind like this, flowering, no, just stinking.
Ha! as it goes!
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Do we ever get there smiles old face grey hair but healthy inside walk around anonymous
But do you know this inside
The taboo
Ever say it, in our ordinary life
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At least I found some outlet
We all do
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Life developed, internet, hackers, feeling,. Soul, crazy, so crazy sold
Highest bidder
Of quit you quiet itch touching face ass keeo keyhole cunt cock intercourse jammy crackers cheese lame out and about fling naked landscape monogamous bed no touch away girl you slime touching respect love personal protected “don’t go here, into my life, with someone else, with you, canker, confused personal never say anything even nearing this our entire lives schematic outlook plan move beyond physical dimension in our matter-only lives”
Is it
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