Oh we all have dots, friend dots, we are a little dot too, not a perfect dot just a smear or slip or freestyle freeform sketch gentle not finished yet keep going ..
But the inside a friend on that you admit to the inside are farther along in expressing it, have done art, great messy art, abstract, push the paint, mill at it, squeeze at it, get a spark “there! it’s finished!” /could be hours moving it around a big 4 foot by 8 foot canvas see what it’s like, express that monumentally, try then live life shrink back down smile in a small way, not goofy, sometimes there are little things to smile at, ah the humans try, not cognizant of different language for inside, not aware there is an inside, waits, just over the hill, another area.
Ah people try to talk. Hearing shouts from the true inside. Or muffled noises. Distanced. Dances “what are they doing?” hnh henh misinterpretations or some spastic blendings someone visits, something visits ah no one knows what a human is inside – I think it’s fun, and gentle.
So here’s some work I did offline, a bit earlier.
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Oh, the easy answers. That society tries to give. Adopts a standard system. Tries to fit us all in. No, I’m not leading to some radical thing “you’ve got to do” “to free us all” no, but there is something to be said, for the weird that’s passable okay, our poor insides, never get to be said – I mean, most talk, in offices, “purportedly to get to the root of the problem” ah again inside maybe the best thing, is a book, you can sit quietly with, it inspires little things in your mind, real things.
I went to my group, it was okay, I was 20 minutes late, not good, but I try my best .. oh, it came up a bit though, “freaky topics” “that aren’t that freaky” touch on it just a tiny little – ah people in the mental health world, all our world, really .. ah, we all talk the same “you’d think people ‘in it’ ‘would really expose it and discuss it’ ah, people do their best, c’mon” do we really have a way, for anything? Like that rock star, his girlfriend apparently she took her own life, the investigation is still ongoing .. but what is it, the image we have to put on the outside, or everywhere, even in a mental health group, people you might meet there, all anybody wants “is it to go good on the surface for a while” you can be quite stupid, and I talk about myself there, to think anything gets let out, as it is, its patterns, its language – ah, do I feel real bad about that? in a way, but it’s been many years, the ups and downs of it – people want a good friend, in do what friends do, talk, smile, joke, and for our minds, our insides – I mean, the woman, the fashion designer, girlfriend of the rock star, aging rock star – oh, I’m sure they would go to a good restaurant, have good food – I mean “you talk” to do with that .. “I do too” I mean, you’re just there, you talk as it is
I’m not sure “when you get to the real stuff” I’m just not sure, is it when you’re feeling depressed, feeling troubled, no one to say it to, it’s not quite a “oh, the old cliché about put on a mask” ah, we enjoy our masks, little cut-outs in them, like barely threads to them a few threads crisscrossing your face “as a mask” but it does keep you in, put on more, loop more and more threads around of life, furiously loop them around, in fractions of a second .. to even have this page, read it out “ feel similar to that” tell someone, as an investment, the page is worth something, or you are worth something moving into, the little prayer being/ the little what? oh, eric, don’t get freaky, you’re not a shaman, you’re just crazy/ no neither .. we all are kind of tired of it all .. where to move to .. say any of this, like the page divided with a pencil or find things to cut out, loop, design, separate, snip, have a little pile, also a guide sheet, like it was like, read, toss them from your hand, bounce them in your hand, a being, waiting to be born, any of us, odd inside, universal, every person has an odd inside, and the milquetoast thread masks we put on, or thread sewn through bigger pieces of paper, cover up, not show you .. ah or pieces cut out, pieces of masks, or pieces of inside, gentle things, leave places, just for them to see, look around, as if belief is chi kung, meditation, power, energy, more than belief, live little things, poor disregarded inside
live
oh something catch on “weird okay” we smile muffle a snicker, lovingly, it’s not really a snicker
we emerge out of it all this hell why society makes up really lousy ways to hold beautiful us, all of us, or wander animal “in how it is” little paper animal, there you go, books, shaped, origami, ha ha, or the words themselves, stop, step onto the street, don’t be high thinking this, on drugs, just be straight, clear, any casual thing, resulting from the years and years of arguments between the crazy and the sane, or all that appears “same fences around all of us, our hearts” “then the crazy, shouts, frustration, when actually the inside is gentle, not crazy” /so as it goes, details to life, build, build now what reads it/ as it is clump all arguments peace skirmish rest read it touch it look gently don’t approach, read it a little/ – you do gentle reader a million and a half years old tall granite mountain, each of us/ here a bit, hello, scratch your neck/ shift, smile, monumental thing our minds out in the skylook/ and other books pages rfesd refeedand step bck a bit be yoursekf the inside seeking a way past mystery inside.lovely
to say ti step out in ordnsry conversation’’a little
but its pasterns are dyed n wool, everywjere, misspellings slight jitter open raw sanded door left open in these words/ and all omnetal health grouos, offices, grest towers, business, perturbed ordeingour groups are supposed ti be more free, but ho has time ti revamp the entirfe workd, we are as we are, we do our blearybest .. styles of talking, tired but will up organize a little piolite, step into the air, not angry in protest, or amgry in nowe not angry just sit on comfy, lost fur words, can’t fund ay, put on the spot, in the open canlt fund any pull words out of fur seat “help me little figure fgorm insude little orsyer beig, be scepted, cutely, be ith me, nit tesr thigs dywn, just walk srpund, inviovusubke thug, see whst iall is, / spell sopme of this gentle space open to things outside this dimension of usual talk/ the oplsyers and sadmess, life .. just walk now, in hrre skyscraperts shacksamongst criwds objects ststies cities stare correct some appease me be both standard tal;k no op[enings, nit necessarily ti do with any of thuis at all, yes everything to xdo with this/ just walk, colours shapes you yor bidy appesrance n set wa draw come ourt of the drawing be with us we are sad slow cannit creste such a thig ti gi with it all just as it ios/ walk little thing, a mark, a dab, a little stroke, shape
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/endf’ snippet/ 1:40 pm
stasrt somewhere
here smile a little resduig this all by yourself
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So end of that writing offline there “ah I write in kind of a journal thing, well in it wanders has its own land, comes meet” but yeah little spelling mistakes the mind is angry at it irritated or tries to understand why it does not know “the heavy inside” “heavy heavy” oh dreary .. no they’re dancing a bit, they really are.
But in your world, set sentences, spelling, we almost need the little red lines under it mistakes but celebrations openings party streamers
For something else
In the way it is
Sketch our standard lines streets heavy buildings set ways of behaviour can’t change can’t say anything no one hints to us we shut them all down people are so angry angry
/oh protestors or art avant-garde or little squirmers worms put them on end of hook fish for something better, they too, draw a worm, hey let’s share fish for something better not actual worm, pieces of paper not on hooks, hurt someone, just dangle lines, fishing line little note, little weight on it, like they put on fishing line, ah stand by side of sidewalk dangle it in
Be happy
About all this
please
we all try stay happy stay scared a little happy/ we zoom vroom to this writing/ yes this/Not this, oh there have been bits/ oh I’m talking “angry” I guess I’ve had my time/ .. but there’s more to life, yeah/ you see the peacedul peaceful whoops but sad removed people with kind faces I look almost wave hand in front of flickering face tune with just don’t push it, leave them alone, give them time, everyone needs time for nothing, things they don’t know .. will never know .. get closer .. ah smiles 3 years down the road 5, 7, for the deeper thingsd spell cranky fun libbit I’ll allow it liitle lines iog my book I’ll allow hold my hands up playful so wobderful in this locked up solid workls/ world don’t arrest me I knock down things in hwere of my own writing but we keep going oi prortest salient/ look for the hidden oain we o something here, they haven’t dealt with, won’t deal with, peaceful pand or snashimng things up I roll along herte there are fires overtuirmned cars or words and peacesigns and I diont think them lame here love you/ of facades too, looking fur oeople with fscaedfs ti get along wioth I love youi too, peasce and love and panties and peanut butter and mornings and just sigh alone watch TV, but dtill theuyr insuyde rests off a distamnce/ like mine here heehee hear ity a little?
Never grt we get pretty close to it “glad I talked to you” to it
Oh the wsrruiors, or confised “fuir the insde’ “bleeds neerds our help msybe it doest a t all”
I;’m okdy, I;m really oky with this illusdtrstuion
Finally
It makes progress sails through furmer bsrruers others couldnlt grt through “we’re cosier now now I dint sceeam at it the unknwmn, my poor insude “whhst have you dine to it?!”ouinkon inise uio oinkimn honkindint kniw whst it is itls subjegated enslavedthwarted? Ismt it?
No
No it had sme trubkes gettug here wring me out rag wipe the counter putter stop
Ah there the kitchen wipe up spill spy us in calm meaning in the struggle to weep, weep honestly, fall there, our tears grown ghost, hovering over our back, crying
We’re sure glad to see it now
Pages ghostly words seen now
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