Sunday, December 22, 2013 1:25 pm
So I did a 2+2, so that coupled with 57 minutes magnification, equals 2 hours 48 minutes total, I just did the magnification, then straight-through to the sit-down, no writing this morning. Oh, you know, by the end, feel the beauty of the little prayer being, like do my closing off sequence, then open my eyes, well, the last half of closing off is with eyes open, but when totally finished, for sitting right there, oh come out of cross-legged position, and massage legs and feet a bit, clamp hands on knees, on joints, soothe, reassure all will be okay, love yourself, be allowed, bright happy future, bright happy now .. oh when people get sick, or you just live, I mean teenagers are upset – which kids like them at school, which don’t, are they okay, do they fit in, and should they fit in? ah life, be nice, when does that leave us “people were nice to us, people were always nice to us” – were our parents nice to us, hopefully yours were, you had a good start, a nice family, oh, smiles and acceptance, no meanness .. oh, a little creeps in, kids will be kids, adults will be adults, some screaming, slapping, oops, not much, no, my dad maybe hit me once, and my mom would hit us on the bottom with a wooden spoon “oh no! not the wooden spoon!” it had a nice shape, just for hitting a little kid’s bottom just a good stinging, just once you know, shock the little kid, come out of it “you’re being a brat” but that was very rare she did that, but yeah sometimes little kids get right out of control, and that mixing spoon, the carved wooden spoon there, factory carved, you know a typical wooden spoon for baking/ oh didn’t hurt too much, just hurt a little/ my mom she was a very kind lady, maybe we took advantage of that, went right rank, out of control, oh not always, her kindness sunk in, we were polite, generally, but not all goes good all the time .. but happiness, from being loved, 90% of the time, oh most of the time, and life has its hiccups, life .. to grow up, to miss the happiness, of mom and dad and family, little kids, happy enough, no troubles really, get the flu a little, be sick, but running around, happy .. and as adults, oh, you meet your first rotten person here and there, or meet them growing up, people that don’t care, that want to hurt you .. this is life .. survival .. who punches another person in the face .. what’s your first experience with that, in the outside world? do you punch back? Ah life, until your soul is heavy, can’t be glad anymore .. where is my soul, after a while? .. so at this age, 53, and doing this meditation, it makes you want to seek your soul again, and you feel silly .. but bright .. the possibilities .. “to be allowed” “even in the privacy of your own home” “no one around” “no one of earthly means” oh, life, the little prayer being, sitting on my leg, when I stretch out from sitting cross-legged, I begin to wonder if now I can think of her, is she there, in this reality, all this stimulation “back to things made of matter” is she there “and yes I am!” she says, standing there, just tiny, today, this morning, like 8 inches high? 10 inches? Oh, maybe not even that much. Umhahaumm/ funny little thing, she talks to me, I touch her on the back, rub her, I say she can sit on my leg, rest a bit, she does, and we talk, just about her staying around while reality is here, she wants to touch me, I shake her little hand, or just put my big hand out, she places her little hand in it, I touch the top of her hand with my thumb, just gently.
And that is all, well, we talk, smile, just small words, and her, is she going to speak floating words “oh eric I don’t know, I am you, you are me, can you do that? can you feel like me? can you enter me?” and then I must get up, so I help her off my leg, make sure she is steady, and I get up. And rub myself down like I do, once standing up, have the routine, reassure my body, it is back, be strong, and the good energy stay with me, be strong, /the dirty energy gone, the poison, rub off last bits and rub in good .. oh, and the prayer being, she is free, bright, happy, so me as an adult, I can test out feeling her by just moving a little, slight hand movements arms legs that a bight happy person would do, not me. Ha ha. Kind of sad. That I can do it, as her, in the privacy of this recroom, down here, but I can’t do it out there. In the world.
Oh, reality, who can we do this with? Who can we work this in with? Say it as part of conversation have no bearing points, bearings, locate ourselves, her, us, locate us, how we talk, begin, in reality, but her life is important, but we can’t do this, just can’t do this./ can’t start up a conversation, say to a person “my prayer being is here too. Can you see her?” and you both understand and you direct the friend’s gaze to her, you both get through panic and feel happy to mention her, it is not dirty or sexy or insane, it’s just us, deep inside, our souls./ And the world so sad. Adults so sad, without their souls.
Right there in open air see it I show you it.
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/endf’ snippet/ 2:05 pm
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