Ah “bravery” supposed to be punching someone in the face, or driving a car fast on a racetrack .. when bravery is the horrors inside .. each person .. what you’re run on .. stand there .. for a change. Yeah, I want to see you on the outside, but this too.
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What’s in there. Calm that down. Then bring me you.
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So yeah, here’s a little writing, did after this morning’s meditation.
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Monday, December 30, 2013 12:50 pm
So, I did a 1+1, and that coupled with 49 minutes magnification, equals 1 hour 59 minutes total .. oh, some problems in it, the nattering comes back “I guess it’s all a human has” people walking around, smiles on their faces sometimes, how real is it .. oh, inside, these contraptions, bodies, what are you run on, what’s in there?
Strange to go farther, see the beginning of the universe, the eotu, see what it’s really like, it’s very odd to consider “it has no big palace” when here on earth “all the rich men” “have big palaces” some don’t, but then they’re considered quite odd, like if they live in a 2-bedroom stucco house and they’re worth a billion dollars .. um .. “what’s wrong with you?” so humans, you know, go on about it .. it’s painful, to see that nattering inside, the kind of greedy angry nattering, that drives a person to get rich, but not to love .. and can sometimes drive you over the edge, hate, paranoia, I don’t know, lots of trouble boiling in there .. how do you calm it down? well, some good days you get a glimpse of some more lovely thing .. and that carries you through to the bad days .. even though the angry bitter things are like a tidal wave, this “little other” is there too .. it seems so overpowering “the human has details of thoughts, details of hatreds, details of anger” you can go on and on about it .. it really takes you over, and to mention the eotu at the edge of the universe, and it doesn’t even have a palace, well, that makes me chuckle right here, heck, it doesn’t even have a 2-bedroom stucco house, ha ha! oh, it’s hilarious and gentle, it really is a good being, not a prick like all of us.
Oh, some of us are good, a few good saintly people, but have such troubles, pummelled and thrown around by the rest ..
Ah like those fighting matches on TV, the owners of the whole fight game thing are making 100’s of millions of dollars, and the public loves it, see grown men tear each other apart, an ordered calculated “some rules” send them in there to get pounded and bloodied up – munch your popcorn at home ../ the humans love this kind of “survival of the fittest” pit people against each other to see who survives the bloodbath ..
Ah it is more of the same “civilized” no, what is inside, I face that in meditation, what runs these bodies, heads .. ah, it’s not too pretty .. it makes you kind of sad at “any attempt at civilized” it has its degree of falseness .. ah people are at odds with what’s inside .. many people use drugs and alcohol to tame it down, ah it never quite works, and you become less of a person after a while .. and so it goes .. the hell inside, paranoia, fear, hatred – all kinds of things – desperateness, pushiness, no love – so sit with that, walk straight into that – no, I’d prefer stay on the sidelines, douse it with alcohol.
No, me, I don’t do that.
I walk straight into it.
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Day after day, do this every day, for an honest life all day.
You see the eotu, and you see the nasty human, and they mix it up, nah, the eotu sits in a small way with the blustering human, just sits with it, a friend. And all the reasons for all the bad patterns, swelling up and bursting and covering the earth, human rage, human avarice, just out of control, why, oh it brings life, this is life, complicated and ugly, this is life, and some of us, feel the eotu read it, and live its own little life here too .. sad, respectful, comes through, is brought life .. out of control humans want a little god, they really do .. this is practical, not a story .. it really lives in a quiet modest way, no palace. For each of us, this is possible. Know it, chuckle, at the funny little eotu and prayer being and floating words – and carry on – a quiet inner strength.
Ah isn’t built so easily, a nervous person could explode any second, feels the eotu in a little way, it’s a little little way in meditation, and sometimes in life you don’t feel it at all. It is just barely there, rage could be coming, explode, so tamp it down a bit, you have the eotu, you love the eotu, it keeps you from going over the top, ah, barely, walk home, ah survive, no jail sentence for killing someone or something – am I that bad? no, not really, but each of us, we have rage, and just upset in our gut – stress, and stress – and then what straw breaks the camel’s back – it is like that – so at least I have my writing here, and I have my meditation. I have that.
I am civilized, deep in. It is not a lie.
I douse with alcohol and drugs or whatever it is to tamp it down to lie about it, what ruins me.
Never walk straight into it and deal with it.
Like the brave people in meditation do.
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/endf’ snippet/ 1:25 pm
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