smile, you can

smulde, big sm smudg /smile, it's a big world, this is just a boliok bumsrble
/ah you know odd little hanging words in casting resin a few wires twisted through stainless steel wire bent delicate "hairy" ah, hang from the ceiling, maybe a circle of wood, like branches rustic oh hightech apocalyptic ruin me stand me up i walk wind me up power spring fuel me with this strange words unkniownm spring day soon on any night cuddled with book twainkle me dimwhple whme grin booselre be sober warm poetic chuldrems air jest blend me fresh mind adult semi ass redult redoit no time remenber be I always wanted to be this adult just find a way thriough to me branches tassel temp ic bonaventure hope forms line in nose of breathing air not drug we're dot many assemble good air of this fine yet always wishing




pretty harsh "to world" "you can't love" let's just play, all of us, meaning of people in the past sail bridge sky buried deepo in bioook, shh, no pickin on any one, it's a bug and break up world, many troubles on carry my blue master case file of ad for more pairing stepup impossible on indecision and wait give time think hum, a little joy in memories pain meditation time an hour two hours all is good.
-
So here's a little writing, oh offline, in the heart of the book, wide ranging hot cold continents of mind soul imp drag say me a little give hints big book mess mash dinner but subsistence for all our sad times give sample here but wow maybe treat it to more, little lines shading trees fitbs dirms (I don't know what those words are, sorry) streets words spread out use pencil rhythm tick off assist for heart of book stsrig st poupylstion (do you know what those words are, eric, any of us, stymied, stultified, at world) how can I join yoiu hiw can any if vamm is amily I can join yiou?  With this, me, inside, blur, unsgtas, undigested as if any of us try at digesting in public yuck you bird regurgitating, natural, our blue in us is unafraid to join the world
-

"

9:05 pm

Go visit someone and meditate with them.

Oh the following chunk of words a few little pictures each post, this semi-“blog” here in January 2013, oh each little word needs a weather system, little pencil flecks smudging cloud or sunshine clear air la la la be hippies or bring these pages sit and touch them would it be as good on tablet computer touch feel in your mind spirit little grey markings black lines poetry abstract but of feeling the life of the words.  Kiss me.

(Could we stand up read out loud perform in a small grouping feel free 10 years built up “can’t do that” 20 years built up “can’t do that” oh to mark ourselves “you should be taken down, or you should try”

Do I do little flecks around words or do you, in talking, embarrassed “a fool” you’re so afraid you’ll make a fool out of yourself.

Oh, I will help.  No, not to make a fool out of you, but to make things better./ it is a helluva lot of hard workkj, I’ll tell yiu now.  But still, I will stsy.)

Basd spelling woirds iopened up renovated life opened up renovated, in a dufferent way.  Float there. See them, dtip/ stop in midair, (ualk them now. “they sdtop, I seea little, my soupand sound life mic I speak on thisstage fright me, or whst unkniwmn semse, unkniw dimension, void, something apeakig ti me from beyind it all.) be scasredm gulp “I guess someine who medtstes ciould hamndle this better.”  No, but you will try too./ you could

Fresh yiou blufgger,. Chance of slap down some words, get up ther champ

So I did send a letter to a publisher, artist, all around good guy don’t know him ..

I did sort of request he maybereasd this ..but you know/ oh grey lines grey sky transmogrification of work, still not done for the heart of this, strange heart buried somewhere in the 80,000 pages of it, and what will you do, breathing, surrounding area .. how will this take up in the world .. convenient complete a little more you join me hold hands uncomfortable group no we settle words moist palm stranger story, vast hedging frame of words so hand fidelity of warm the wreck flickers cold old words, we thought they were everything, then abandoned .. we need this, please could we have it, strange hovering don’t care nameless higher plush owe driver friend stopped by very strange do I shrink against the wall

Or leave out parcel of who words my life in disturbed what I underneath take shove caress on shoulder ninkey nincompoop addiction to staying the same soaring building at last love you

January 12, 2013

Hi ___,

I found your blog, through just fooling around on the internet, searching, like we’re all searching.  I enjoy your perky attitude, towards furthering books, oh who knows, with all the drugs and money-chasing .. what lives .. we are sad.  All of us.  What is earth to do?

Which brings me to my project.  I have a blog at imoneyearth.blogspot.com, I also have a bit on etsy, under imoneyearth, not a shop, I just bought a few handmade things, left comments, long blithering comments, as well as I have a bit about me in the “about” part .. oh, over the past 7 or 8 years I have written a rather massive book, entitled “I money earth” which is more a sad I mother earth with a tear in her eye, oh, what is she to do, what at all?

So the book, it’s really me in a breakdown, being chased by police, also a stripper, her computer savvy porn site friends, also a good girl, from a park, only wants to help – the story is true, I am a mentally ill man, but not really, it’s an opening into another world, well, ha ha, with much chi kung meditation tuning, maybe, and I have done that, but I had a terrible time, my mom died in 2002, around that time, I had a girlfriend, she’s a sex addict, she didn’t tell me, I was living at my parents’ house, helping them, then she was living there too, all the while she was seducing friends, people I knew, because in her lust for dirty orgasm “that made sense” I found out, just after my mom died, and I had a terrible breakdown .. but all the while, well, I meditated, and I wrote, and the stripper girl was tapping me, my computer, but she didn’t know, the police were also tapping me, from an incident back when I was 20, they had had me under surveillance, oh, quite a mix, /and I would go to the park and exercise, and people would show up, they also put a tracker in my car .. so I was having troubles, recognizing some people, oh, it all unfolds .. so that’s some of it ..

So this book, I assume, is still under surveillance, the police, the dancer girl .. I don’t know whether the police will contact you

But I feel this is an important book, some 80,000, 90,000 pages .. a “database” if you will, that depicts me searching for answers, in gentleness, my chi kung meditation, but also some anger, some craziness, at it all .. /so in some way I picture thus, being dived into at various spots, by a public, who seeks to further it (it has a quality like a world like a massive mind we take “campsites” in it, spots “own them” set up a home there, “know as much as we can ‘about it our spot’” and share), further some unique things found in it, about words, about talking, relating, being human, and other things .. a content, we have not found out about each other yet .. the loneliness, the hi-tech, but the being caught in a bubble, sealed off, a blue, a blur a grey a powder a floating particles you cannot enter in our minds, something if there, but we don’t know if when what

So I picture this happening, people applying media though chances shyness “I’m not doing this shit!” scared, their inner life, but producing small artworks, of these words, and their words, attempting, this “unspoken” that “earth will never get to” it is almost as if we scatter the words of this book over the world’s streets, have no other way, scatter them, preserve them in casting resin, have a contact on it, little pieces, holes in them, to hang around neck, as we all seek to talk like this, be like this, the mystery in the book, as it unfolds, not in the book, not in us, or in both, this “:un-book” nothing, is it network book, is it modern, or nothing, nothing possible, in millions of years, nothing .. what is going on, at levels of physics, of literature, what is being shown us, as if in some vast physics theory, we are not even here at all, what is outside of that, does it take someone, already divorced from reality, then crunched with pain, almost dying, but meditating, quite dangerous in fact (to meditate during a nervous breakdown), but other levels of intelligence opening up, or will he die?

So this is that.  So I’ve told you a bit here, ___.  Could you help me?  What is the next step for this?  What is a literary agent for this, or how does it work?  I can pay you, a little, or have some deal, a percentage of sales, I don’t know, do you believe in this, do you see a spark, do you need time to think about it?  It is okay.  Take your time.  So, I am Eric, pleased to meet you.  I am Eric Sewrey, last name pronounced “Surrey,” like Surrey, B.C., there you go, I’m 52 years old, I am on a psychiatric disability pension, I have been since age 22, I think?  I’ve just fiddled in art and writing, never really “blossomed,” if you will, until at age 40, I took up chi kung meditation, took a course by a Chinese master, he would come to Ottawa here, with a translator .. oh, I took it up, my mother was dying, it was suggested to her, she did find peace in it, the images it brought, but the toxins of the cancer were too high, in addition to all the painkillers, the meditation can cure, but it is more a proactive thing, you should start it earlier in life.  Than the heavy-duty problems.  Have it stored up, the energy, the chi in you.  Know the story of it.  How it can help you.

So this is a lot.  Anyways, yes, the incident I was arrested for back at 19 or something, was a bank robbery, with electronics, an attaché case .. oh, I don’t even want to talk about it, but it wasn’t a rape or a murder, just in case you were wondering, no nothing like that.  Anyways, this is a lot to digest, I’m just pouring it out.  Please get back to me at your convenience and I realize this will take a long long time to digest, and you just may feel it’s shit, from the outset.  Way it goes.  Take care, keep up the good work for “what will books become?”  I think they will become something.

Take care,

Eric

- - -

So, eric back in piece, commenting here, yeah I sent that off to the guy, in email, who knows, it’s a not bad letter (there’s so much to pack into it, or just a feeling, of “chi kung meditation, and recognizing someone’s spirit, and not recognizing the person’s face”/ well that was not really in there, but I thought of that afterwards, oh, little chunk, online, bare words on white background see them get confused “why speel wring, I am usedti them spelled right, this is confusing.we”  But life, some spelled wrong, some spelled right, represrnting “weare nit quite matter and words sure, they ealk rebel not rough ig iour walkig sround,m smokig cigsrettes or nit, we human stay as is all there is.  Health, home, beig good or bad, is all there is.”  Somethig is going on, psst a good/bsd engine. We can plsy in this, and ve srioys in thius, but something else is going on, ni time for, layer the average and splendid person into it, hsve time fur.) but these words ast the hesrt of it put a little on the blog, just decided to, was “offline” before thst, no real sttempt “well stand there this is a book stand right there publish some on the net” but some kind of hold back and be tepid, brazen in a big shout, pop in “okay that’s enough” this takes time, test each step of the way .. heart og fold here, hesrt of the stammer book, do I need ti take pencil, mark ret, white of grey-out, hold esch psge, desihmn ,like sround little words, giuve clouds westher, sweet kismashses, from words to us, purring, bsrking, no, sayig much human more drag, sat a higher level.

Anyways, sit plonk plan no we’ll see.  But pleas og love me, say the little words, capitulate bumturned here dig my dogbeast of words, whoile werapping up oif life, fyuving deep in, tip asst “humans being matter, do smattering blah and are made of matter” are our thoughts even rudiment real case, is any of us even walking satchel real, carrying weave or leather or combnatiomn straight back young later creative stylish whst is wasrchig us? what does watching shy shh I’m here crazy loon heartbeat of inside gone be back “when? I saw you that day ..” we all say that to each other, noticed something about someone, don’t know quite what it is/ to it want it besides are we anything plum all depths see accord that, in our tears hear me mess affix we wash keep it xzteasdy book appnfsfe/ appendage nit sex casre knoiw this is true

-

Strange longing, to creste more come out og plung, dangerous spot, us, donltcsre, hoin in, plsy, fame of life, family, subsisdt, cry, be lost, join in on whst wecan

But this

-

/endf’ snippet/ 9:30 pm

- - -
-

eric back here in blog writing online oh life hanging little wids damgke wordy birdy nit too pompors liirle delicste stipend contract worker in my mindring, do treatment brring as word I such a miss you stop the wait lightning fee for bed cryst .. cyst? ah, pus squeeze crust apple pie meaning in warm hand off somewhere away from you smiles dewy, wormy comfy horrid love strange "I just needed to know you a little" stay isolated, hermit.  No, come see me.? no please I mean it.  ah lasllyfoo  Work our way in? ah no confidence in this work on almost be kicked in shinkilled dump on floor lie there pain peace go to bed don't make spectacle nerves every day sail, set sail, nervous ship, shipment of "drugs possible errant friend springy mind," words so psychollysomatic, no cocksufgull flyaine herd oink just fancy lip stay unsure unspoken deep cinder block and fear their bed my word slam ma soul I can't say any of this.  Work on quip quiet clip clop tap tap unison wait.  Ah if only see so much.  Not collapse.  Have fun.  Dare to go through it jungle garage dark sunshine my ass, or bathing suit on, holiday.  We are amorous words, love for shingle roof hair head dive sit.

think none no way come over anyways i acceot you.  Fur marruasge coundelor lowtey spigit drain flowers repot.  World.
-
-

so yes all for now book example grey skies little weathers of little words

faint hope

we try to be clear say drag perfect human sum up, worry so much behind the scenes

We never show that

Like here

Work with it show it, work cutely with it’’like I hope it is

here

little words, floating, ting, touch one, bring it down

so, here's a picture, we all like pictures, the mind is just as sophisticated as it is with words maybe moreso two good friends words pictures scratches abstract art student thrown out on the street/ uey yiu! shiould hsvedine netter with the fish tescher! ya,,a "asg fynd hock off jeez crap' fuddck yiou in a better state walk away, get fries, or get fried, or straighten out over 20 30 years sure ha one of the few get a job, make 80 k still didn't straighten iout find luscious dlowers

anywhere




ah years later student just high school art didn't hand in all projects did well on ones he did, / ah life .. it carries on, you know? sure, you didn't get to the depths you wanted to, was it art? big paintings, 8 feet long? or was it you? and all those around you? meeting for sly dinner parties, never aboveboard, people just in waiting for the sly, never anything else./ gret idd/ grt thefyck off fint tiouch thst it's nit art its sasd preserved sucduence i, sick dense desd lret mewalk in the snow

so i had the flu here as buit the past fewdays, well it almost caught hold, I did meditation, took cold fux (whst?! ha ha, just a pill) .. so here'ssomewrutig, takes up from last post.  bye.

sweet nothing, turn on a handle right on, go in and botch turn left no big orange tan fret just keep honking moving white black font flow of words paper other lineage of police peace burgers life tofu i have to snot the life i built while i was somewhere else mortified blement cement blemish cultural klieg brightness satire connect push hey say and dog pasty popco no list of friend run away corpuscle round bag of snoot feel hands available to sweat not floating in the air punctured for butter live crazy no-drug just tin-box mind gravelrattle but i have this to gagog present whilst harbouring fugitive of poultice ems some kind of mustard stew kicked out ha ha

we all just have ramshackle houses pretty law ons feel of lyig hic spaces nithig twirl else i can do i run away past night and morning betting on me to fly, get out shut up there, every scatter all this on the rise uasdn yiou has been there

hry i wrute .. so here's someeritig regulasr boook i figure hirda thisgives a good taste this book in a vix left in aroom moived out died my any junk auntie/ anticlimax .. we all tiddle on teeter switches ball bearings games shiutes we hsve nonsense language I know enough nonpesemse risk not go too fastr go sweet river burnerbsrruer diunt be ryde nassty take it swup out eet over last bsrrier into whsty is marrier furm test icyle cici nut send braze esre-why prayer bruisr vkjean file spend too much make eat art words step of chunks buildin material ryck tip thesacle grt anythig dione on this .. rocks tiumbling mealy mouth no one will listen a fruend we make art grest art in here hidden corner, who hsas much ti say, local humsn, we walk, just get gryuceries, like anyione, none of this

imbue
..
as the title "little words, floating, ting, touch one, bring it down" rain, touch all this, as if you need a hook, to bring in rain, you don't, it just falls, sadness, on you, wasted life, no not at all, know the lengths of meditation, how far it goes, into this .. words on strings, spelled as "nasty" as this, don't need to explain to anyone, we've all seen them, sitting alone, as we all are, always/ you spit some of this out, angry, or don't do this on the walls at an art show, held in anger spit dropping blood fight, come with me, sit with me I'm not as weird as the rest, my weird past normal is cubbyhole not weird dangerous we find a way weird safe but exciting gets constructive things done

join on this
-
"

12:45 am

So here we are, I managed to get in a 1+1, it was getting late, to get in my one sit-down for the day, did the magnification this morning, worked during it, on blog, on writing/ oh, is it really a “blog” well, “gets my writing-” to being in the open there .. well .. hmm, I’m not sure if I like it, and all this “about coming in on any page, any small bit of words, anywhere in 80,000 pages,” and “knowing what it’s about” /well .. oh, you stay calm, don’t panic, it’s easy to panic .. oh, in meditation, my abdomen was locked up tonight, be kind to it, be kind to you, after all, you are imagined, let the thing that imagined you, (made you into matter, which to it, is not what it is composed of, it is composed of nothing, or nothing we know of, we do not reach the edge of the universe and see it then, see what it is composed of, no/ we are proud to be matter, hard to give up on that, hard to see anything/give up on a lot of things, human existence, even something like cancer, fee hey uoialways believe/ disyseasses, thefresr words are as threy are too/ but with cancer“this is it’ nit asble ti see anything else, ebven through this meditation, lots of people asre likethst “they cannit sispenddtsbelief” or whstever you call it,cannot veer away, see thre imaginer of us sometimes absolutely uninrersted in us/ be as it, “it doesn’t mstter’) ask you, coyld yiou imsgine me too, in yiur workd, thst yiou think is solid – can you find me a place?  Fittig? To me, that is niot real, or noone ever seen this like this him her or it .. no face, no visable face loinds biceps humsm recingiuzed furm friend fir nithig get away in the humsn “spectsculsr” so I dyd 3 hours 55 minutes of msgnifucstion, by thetime I closed pff completely in it, I remember getting quite a charge, the entity wasquiiote “vilpefeffentolent” ast chsrgig me uo, “friendly violent” csreful nit tio exceed humsnm violet purplo capasbilities plow, guve me achasrge hotse of electricity and chi, just about biowl me over, stipylateore it, seal offcompletely, slap diwn, rub, champlamp , touch switch, bed ines, then waur half hour, st least, thenest .. oh, lijfe, tonight adter closing off,. completely, I danced in the dsrk, felt me, it, “it thst is not real” “until humsn sees it” “but it gave us chance to bring it here things for it to see” “now we guve it itself to wrap arms around see” hiw we grid lids .. but it took me 1 hour 35 minutes tonight, at fyrest sittig duwn, yiu scan through, thsttakesa little more time, then body of work, usually takes 1 hour 10 minutes, but then dance “forget your worries” you would not normally dance fool winkl;e “be it” “it would woodiefamce” doesnt kniwwhst you are talkig sboiyr “you wouldnit usually dance at all liar” no ! – dance damn you! Swar dany,. Feel dandyyoiurself., feel your bum, rinhands over iot oh nice and plumpfeel all over – besexy – it is okay.  No one iswastchig.  You will be fine.  In thedark, any camerasin the wall canot see, whst if they’re infrsred or night vusion or something/ oh, vcameras? I duidnikt kniow? Ash, nit so fsr0-fetched, but I dont think theyreally csresio mich, I am a “hsadbeen” by now, “hereally is nuts, he has no fry on fishends’ “he’;s nit a plsnted Soviet sgent” life gies on, I do my little work, quietly, unnoticed, feel people this sway biffented all on way, nany eescritch eoracles I feel oksy.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 1:10 am

-

Wednesday, January 16, 2013  2:55 pm

Life.  I did a 2+2, plus with 1 hour 21 minutes of magnification to begin with, and I drew a little in magnification, took some papers out of box, plastic boxes, semi-“toy” filing cabinet, cute translucent blue clear had it for years maybe I described it feggeremnt/different i esrluer .. oh life wechange, we are imsgined, mstter, by something itthst is nit matter – it comes here, can U ne please by like yiou too, but in somewaykeep me as bldashy gressaz?

So this is life.  I did 3 hours 23 minutes in total, with magnification.  It feels good, feels calm, I have got past masturbation to girls on the internet/ oh, I seem to find this more interesting .. I do look at stuff though .. you punch in “sex” on the search engine, for images, surprisingly little for naked bodies, it seems more demure, even with “safe search off” or whatever it is .. strange that, “sex” almost seems to mean a loving couple in a committed relationship, hugging, playing, clothed, toying with each other, teasing, loving, good wholesome images le zip .. life .. to move on .. the energy no longer so come aloingfised sed confused, me no longer so vomnfused .. move on.

/it’s nicwe, ti hsve a little moreti think about, besides earth, me so hurt, me so want love, cheap love, cheap replacement, no no moreDevelop.  Yes yes go

We can yes yes go all of us

-

/endf’ snippet/ 3:10 pm

-

//

So it’s very powerful, being able to know I am imagined, made up, I still respect my life, respect other’s life, and they say “well you can’t get the mind of God” but it’s nice to get flickers, zooming, sometimes staying, oh, a loose bridge, a loose framework, hum hum .. so, to take in a curious God through the belly button, initially silver white energy, oh, just around us, visiting, but we don’t see it., hum hum, generally, nice to take it in, it visits, from regularly staying at a border, you look at a sky, typically, wonder what is there .. but in this it visits, comes across the border .. ho hum .. the way, it makes matter, and we think, are aware, can we make it, in this context, realize sadly we are imagined, then realize gladly we can help it .. very strange to build this far, take it in, have the feelings, repeated, so you can adjust, feel them again, include them in your repertoire ..

It takes years.

I am glad I did this.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 3:15 pm

-

//

Oh the five planets I enjoy visiting them, giving them, the nameless or God whatever you want to call it, oh, it creates planets, could give us a billion more to look at through telescopes, electriimsges baked fudgshe, ha ha, he keeps us busy, we think it is real, but you know you can join in, imagine planets, for him, to come over the border, make his strange energy available, for him to come here, come through us, make a being, strange floating words, not matter?, is matter? up in the air, literally, independent, sound stops, or something stops, in midair, our impression of life, our impression of “everything,” so that is nice, oh yeah cute come along but 5 planets I like offering nameless joe george sarah butiiimnie, anyways .. offering her a planet, meet there, she likes it, likes becoming wood, I recognize it, trees, forest, she says yes  my “impossible” energy, let it be separated into this, be sort of this in sort of matter and we continue on

La la

Oh you can do this meditation too, it is mentioned, I mean it is work, find a class if they still have them, and this of course is my personal story a lot of it, you will have one too la la loola skip along with me ..

-

/endf’ snippet/ 3:25 pm

-

6:20 pm

Oh words, scratchy, scratchy around them, not hen picking, scratching at dirt with its claws, ah unless it has pens on its claws, and slows down, to be sophisticated in some strokes ..

Words, how they feel (oh paste a few on a sheet, have printed out some larger than reading page ones, not ((too much bigger, ah, 18 point? I don’t know.)) ((not too))too many lines, ah to snip out with scissors no exact shape ((get 1 word /two words at a time, ah this is experimenting, takes years do you have an interest in this, how things float, are not matter (((as “all things are made of matter” we are made of matter, an object is made of matter, all is matter .. but of course, that which is outside of matter, not matter, we cannot see, cannot realize .. why worry .. chuckle .. it seems to be .. why grasp what we completely are .. why ../ why push that far for the truth, where it then appears all our thoughts, our face, are not even here at all .. then it becomes scary .. in meditation you might be struck with fear, gulp, you might have trouble steadying your breathing ../ soon though the matrix crashes back in and you forget about all this .. it might come up later, not the next session, not next 10 sessions, but you stick to it, you might .. there is much to see, although nothing, of matter, are thoughts matter too .. it is very strange, to slow it down, not care, be as if a being, having a coffee, an apple juice, not caring .. looking at us “made you” clear throat, stare off somewhere))), a being that is not matter .. we have dressers, we have faces, /people, inanimate objects, both “they seem to be there” “they are there” oh hahacguckle, we don’t make waves, what else is there, that made matter, then turned away, (((why did it turn away, see touches in here, it turned away, because we needed to be built, needed to be left alone “otherstakecsreof it” “mansgers” theenergy without mstter isso perfect and glowing .. but cannot live here ..))) or always hovers near, (((it is there for the taking in meditation, the loving))) but doesn’t seem to know us, made all thesefsntastuc thigs, takes no credit, wastches us, “try to unlock their secrets” we get a little ../ spots, of a higher mind azooming then leaving, some stay, to be sedate, fairly, as you pass 10 years, 12 years, in mediration, more stay, you can remember more of what happened, in meditation, back in reality life ..)), it’s good paper though, decent, printing paper, you know, of your printer, you got inkjrey, lasser? But hasve same pasper regulsr ((and we asre clumsy humsnns, mere misspellings, niot matter changing)) sheet, blank, use gluestick glue down some letters, ah, did you use enough, press hard, also, at end, well, all letters glued hapshsrard nio a dfirm no straight iline though, or mildly, but put anither dheet ((it issdtill here, siomethig else, mattter peelkifts straight lines cut jittered)) over, rub with yur fingers, keep arrangement, get it down solid  ((rub on the papers pasted)) .. ah healthy glue stuck, then just ((when it’s all there, ahh, a sheet with words on it, fresh! for design!)) scratch, with pen, not rip paper, what kind of pen, ballpoint, /or/gel ink, /or/permanent, I don’t know, pencil, eraser, white-out, ahl choose your tools, rubbing alciil, old white tube sock, holes, but it’s washed, clean, ah get tio business, takes many yeasrs, feel words whscky matter antimstter oh sciuentuidtssmoke aciggie really we must live this not judstwrite papers on it,matter, universe, gidor fo foor god no fot fight, stop wriotig paspoers, hsvecgkestucks pemnciils flostig words medistion, people;e tsat resd the work, dint strictly meditate,m they help, the ones thst meditate, maybe reading this is its own meditation ../, whst they saty, as beigs,m whst theyrscrstchy persionality is, complex, biutter, happy, even if a world “happy”/ diesnt mean in theend it looks “hapopy”/ scrstch with pencil gert stark lines dirty in spare glue stuck durt it’s oksy bsby everythigs okasy/ ah .. amnd all this book, links to it, chi kubg, the slow glo going of it .. oopsiioah, it’s pretty, when you realoizr, justtake it sloiw, when you areappriachig, understanding if matter, and something, not going by the tules, tools “of all humsnly possibl eknoiwmn” ah we sgretch out here, a dufferent bargainreig, umsgined us, inmagined us it did coming in .. wants us to imagine it?!, or an approdotrpuastye lanusge apoopalyticcrestion touch on it hiw it’s like toi be here, as well it’s nit like our dressetr oit the guirls fsce or cars or buildings or anyones f\ce or swayig great door on wind ass .. hiwdo we dind find whanything else, that appesrs, uses the roasds none, of humsn spesch, all ysed up but wait/ emotig, hsvig emotion, acmn hungry sasd soft happy cheepsy blameworthy strifedent .. but acceientsdents strangely “you expect to do this in life talk to me” words slow in their air look saround stip seem tio settle, deciude, think sboiut me it ..), asre they of matter, like your bedroom dresser is of mstter, like a girl’s face is of matter .. are her feelings .. di;t hurt her niw .. wheredo we float / try exoperiment dint knoiw thisway, wiuth close, my bresthig, not my art, not my science, not my religion, but my bresralathing, wasy I relate, behind the pesaintbrushes “Nio! Doint go there!; vut we must, and I do” ../.. feelinghs, imno impressions, judgements, reserve judgements .. whst are you, yoiur rash thoughts, your uncle insude, yltumstesly cantwoirl k with much if the inside peeperoop, especially thewall of blur bum sag wack .. oh my .. whst do wedo, hry yeshie feeloff dome other point ..

-

/endf’ snippet/ 7:05 pm

-

//

Ongoing, do the thing that is good for now, look at it later.  May be years “sah, so that is what I meant then.  And this is where I skip must go now.”  On thigesvy subject is it ever appriosched is it everdine skip leap fiercely?  We hsve so much ti do with “judst as we are” fioolig with matter, whether it be lestatterher of plstiunum, fooling gosh with it.

Nit with whst made it.  Meetig ioff  vuttinfgappo9unrment dhirt going outsidestsrig it.

So fsrfetched “oohh you canlt do thst eryuc!” what

Good thig nibidy resadsthis.

I work quietly.

In living thethig thst msde matter, just amongst us, on streets.  Where it wantsti be.  Noit in lsbs.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 7:10 pm

-

//

The matter of words, represented in porintimng on page, in speaking from mouth, in thinking rgwat, thwat in drawing, dink but whst else, whast else you git in there, nowhere, we can think if.  Use meditstion stop thinking pose feel it poesc walkedul duesnt barge intio esrth.

Takr yoiur time.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 7:10 pm

- - -
-

oh eric back here on blog we need a lot of pictures with words I don't think there's enough pictures here, oh ha widespread lockout of words off of bridge of ship landluve you sail pricking, aroiybd the worldceuise, calm irdsaretured/ words returned we are live here can't do ant any of this worked hard coal mines little piles of powder on paper birthday wish perfectly piled little piles clear words garbage, see the coal miner haste or paste night job be turned to do extra sophistication mine any thioughts for too-soon perfect in everybody's expectant eyes "I want crap absoostact sort tits wham baby milk waste of time i need to talk this time baby i say to girl in here only 30% of my words mud them good, I want bulid adobe conversation like mid turn that way whstsit ball of turnpike" ditstiurned distirned form say some of this or lay iodffdrink, i had none .. we need spirits of coal, dust splatter from words mischiever uner sewing gawing shocked constructioin it;'s all okay stasnd there person kind odeerily quiet the perfectsays nothig we are nit due fyur perfect thistime soonasriound, it was too soon

okau.  bye fyr now.  i work, i have top me out pee, i work grt better flu few days, but flyig all life bad plane dup winf wind wing shake turbulence use us all up mental health rebate car discount thanks new day radiant hear load wlth wealth of get soul in order sappy one give me a break say it nit sound sdtuoid build other be beeping build traffic mousetrap people toe in water of this thinking this in the sweat of it all, contact them, all is a blank face /ser you there being hah fun doze something casual seripappous12 years carry packsack meditation never done did good enough did do it real struggle find something

oh, working very hard, but sick

here's a picture, I did before, but shows, one wheel kind of grumbly, menacing, the back wheel, and the other one, the front wheel, not sure, and the rider working very hard, but rolling nowhere .. it seems, carefully, to somewhere .. do we ever/ take care of "wheels not working properly" "still pedal" "not everything is perfect" "still pedal"



still pedal

all I can say

going home through snow, through rain

still pedal
-
/so here's a bit more writing from today, written offline, taken up where last post ended

-
"
- -

3:25 pm

Oh, people get pretty sick, flu, otherwise, mind spins, what you got going? flu lately? do you have mental health issues from before? flu acerbates it?  Ah, don’t we all, mental health, diagnosed, undiagnosed, they made a mistake, they got it right, who knows?  We just soldier on, not much gets worked gets righted wronged put back on its feet brushed off “solved” it all just wastes away, waited to be looked at, stared “can’t get to you.  Honey.  Bunny.  What are you, my problems, or unknown alien logic, attached to me, can’t get to you, or you watch, or you touch, I don’t know.”  “solved.” Ah, you know we have a lot to work on in the human realm it never adds up “the good/bad engine” “the factory of bad patterns” (the schematic just meant to stay the same, as all goes downhill/ we need the “extra” the unknown inclusion, conclusion, wha/ a little more maybe not to finish everything off, but a little more, included in the tension to keep it going, the stuff never meant to be figured out “leave us here, lame in our calculating it, adding it up, lame”/ ) feel good sometimes, but we all know desperately we’re missing a lot in the weak slap bah equation irksome but I love ya hug me if ever feel your whole embrace wgat doesthisallmean/ Yeah ..  /It lies below thesurfsce, ah, we kniw we hsve “organs” “withion our chest cavity” yeah, but whstreally bithers us, agh, it would be a whole bunch of cracking beams steel beams splinter out of walls acquire wood characteristics I don’t know/ misspelled words! has manyhasha!  Get your what you need best out of them get an inkling ogle desire almost know something worth it flits bangs succumbs breathes rest fall while falling no disappears jacks up one fall still outer fall something see a little to this see you ease wave to it “bye,” that’s all we can do.

Ah we want to know more “what’s your diagnosis?” and nothing, just stay sane, question on your own, keep a clear space, question on your own./ there’s things to know, that aren’t known in mainstream, go into the weird, and take time for it to assimilate, gel, mean something, the quiet walks, where you have no expectations at all./ something arrives when you expect absolutely nothing to arrive, you look at it, calm, as a friend.  Do not run up, shake it, desperate.  It could be the most fantastic thing, you look at it, calm, as a deeneed lewoo friend./ not so needy

Many people have these troubled areas, if the mind was shown “talk to me” it would be verymisspelled mess mispptonoced mumbooled spool of thread tangling in its smooth lines speeded through start again go back two spaces towards words you love need haranguing breakdown to be true finally trust them two words start again.

Hi knewyou wouldciome starta.

We do our best, to never hear someone in that situation.  Let them die there, let them live there go their choice go bedumpedout the back of a truck on the road surface skate along bleed your choice, as if it is, sure enough you “choose breakdown?”,,, as if it’s mu choice to exist, brought forth so terribly.  Thundering breakdown.  Mini car humping bigger one ones erased.  Helf-in-check ones. Half? Held? Nake it through read here safe “depiction” og breakduwen, or in any of our minds, holding it together, do you want a better life? I can;t see you/  I still function. They say silently  You diunt kmnoiw.  The huddemn ass and thrown out chair side of road take it sit there, for hours, still the rain comes down doesn’t go up backwards you head toe tipped towards inch of thread glue pot it, make preserves your here chill laugh still stay eminent away meant to be come close daft safe churl book slam erics book tough gnarly gingerly peel off bandaids change it again poor thing.  The hidden “ductiurs”  None./ where oh  And if we havethst sutustiuon we kniw enough ti get the hell out run to hide shit uo asnd gio asway, get out of my face better.  And if we never get better? Well, thstr’s the everyone dies yoti gosure the world’s in on the game.  If you know a play keep it to yourself football chess heave giant pieces.  So read if yous some oif my work, hurt st hurts o past rots, know just present you areseeig mind andsinks like this, all wash clean no splotch on porcelain it shines and you feel good around you, I kniow at lkeast hiwtio tease the rmper romper remainder out of it, but msny people don’t, they just get caught up in destruction galling mistake I’m their head their neck their shoulders away take flight, or explode I save you now fly merrily once words hurt their perfect nonsense now this messy nonsense helps/ ah, the world is full of them, us, no one sees in and very few people thsat hsvethe abiolity ti temper it, who have worked fyr thst, gain thst this in here space similar space, in medicringe station man, in the way the minstd the vutup getup works, spirifeet, inner life, walk gain rest walk body only shoes walk I send you little emissaries eyes through here “something else.”  So ueash I hsvethe mess “thst no one shows” or I sure show it it shows up in dark canal bright shtick, mudder war cap, take off push hand  through hair “it was clean! Why?” whydyiou dothat but I also hsve a calm very exact spasce, it works is tuned I also hsve a ache face, fake face? tryig ti hide it, when tribke comes, I ache I show it even if you tear me down I will show it as default but not as defect I am proud I am broken I will get help to the end of my days ..

/I;m bnit ver giod ast it ..

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/endf’ snippet/ 4:10 pm

- - -

-

life, eh? eric back here at blog, oh I took a couple of tylenol a half hour ago feel a bit better now, and also, my study of meditation, you can get stuck in just considering "you're sick" / "a 50% flu day" / .. but also in meditation, I study "that we actually make these bad patterns" "in anticipation of another entity reading us" it actually knows what it should be, innocently reads our dimension, our specific little lives, for all of us, floats there, in the room, wherever you are, near you, but do you see it?

What do you do next?

So for me to have that "automatically" kick in, it is reading me, I haven't a clue, I'm just in pain, then just a little while later it subsides .. I have the strangest feeling that this is all happening to me, that it's wearing in on me, in a good way, it is not from "here" we cannot know it with our "earth senses" but here it comes ..

So that's good.  I feel very blessed, that's around me, after 12 years of meditation, I see around me with earth senses, and a little something extra, and I see it.  How far will it go?  Knowing it a bit more each day?  What will I know about sickness, aging, being in these bodies, what will I be able to help with?

But hold on to chi, do not look at girls on the internet, masturbate, ahem, sorry to mention that, but it's a spiritual killer, a chi killer, it really is.  You work so hard, to build it all up - then all that, splat.  None left.  Sorry to be so graphic.  Problems.  Through a transition period, to eventually hanging on to this for good.  The energy confuses you, earthman, you feel good, too good, instantly spring for first available, spllochy/ ah, trying to guide yourself, see the higher power, the higher energy, for what it is, there, in colour glowing warm wibright something "btiught big" to senses eclipsed wash more letters esrrh senses "no longer see whst they see" but it is there, acsrryover wash in feel bad but climb higher wait have parience earth senses hurt, others arrive/ from what earth might see, but much more paper slide hand over here pure tamper wing wick wax wicked or smart slang of above, heightened, not snickered saint tatters dumpster coiling coy come near hug rattler hug no it is just so different, by anyone on earth that might see it/ better.  Limp along, resin casting resin shapes blobs retain enough good fool I fuss am energy, to make it here.

Live on earth dull but hiding or keeping it soft subdued still, but have absorbed this.

Changed.

go into the very weird to get help

oh our poor world with all the dancer girls in clubs and stockbrokers and pain and money and who's to blame, all the surfaces "and who wins" what is the weird stuff you feel inside, who will ever go there, we just seem to be forming for the surface foaming for the surface like birth control of anything else .. ah poor world our things inside, male female egg sperm idoffea try toy nothing playip with nothing yap yell poogpig can't make clear .. what we need hidden bad striff or kniw itsthere it hurts cant make clear only that it hurts "I canlt make cujesr" "it dryves me, takes over my life" I canlt make clear .. whst arie yoiu what am I all of us monsters frail binniesdinkt hsve thestrengthtio liveWHST IS IN THERE .. a, I feeling my uosteelset errant as a hun drivesn poor thig in there "I he beg get up hretr'scrutches te it!" (here's crutches) I can't reach it, can't smile "it will be okay" comfort it .. you are my own you my own baby or something .. of words not flesh float pieces of them like ash from some burning fire or scsrapoes scapes moonscapes planet other dimension





oh life a little picture little pitcher of milk for a vast cat gerbil pee better clean up matrons I don’t know anybody friend acquaintance live for life live fur human sasquatch amazing apparition we want inside here! breathe wastrel we can’t tell anybody secret being smooth grey skin anything reach the streets of Canada United States anywhere people of the world weep in shirt buckets shirts taken off make bowl all seeps through, gold, your tears, come to me /hug, loop it around me, drain down my back, street people of the high offycetiwer .. we can't tell anybidy .. we kive/ in muktiple plasces, niowhere

what does population do, hidden, thwarted kept down we don’t even know what/ “we give an introduction in protests and are stopped” /but we don’t even know what/ please help us get through .. “what is it, we want to get through?” we don’t even know ..

only a fight with nothing there fight to win to be heard with nothing there oh my .. we assume it is just life liberty out of poverty we assume it is that but always a little more money a lot more money no other measurement we are sad unable to grasp this, what a being is, besides this “practice” as human .. it practices but gets upset “where is the real me” but you are only practicing “but yes I feel you, you other thing” oh my “I am expected to practice as real, and fight for it, mysterious real, in there, another dimension, literally, not science fiction” I practice as human, with human foibles, viables, try to say, “I fight for me I fight for us here” but it is for you, unknown .. / what do you look like, what do you talk like, what are your feelings?

happiness, based on a creature, we are not, it defends itself or hides itself we don’t know its reasons .. we practice here, all human history, all human apparents .. we practice here .. for you .. no god .. merely us .. inside .. mystery sodt bubby curked up in protectiuvecsse cannit pst it us/ kept outsudewalls cant work with the while thing .. /seedelicaste words here misspeleed but cracked through you can see it fleeting images you cannot hang on to .. surrounds itself riounds itself, we hsve no incation itsfsfeshapoe body if it at all float little words abysmal gain croatch flight see incisnle stop be independemt in the air/ invisibke/ let linger “,istakes” flight prpulsion

So here's a continuation of writing offline (this here, I started online but copied into a word program work part after picture, but had feel of you, internet), the book, the very weird wonderful book, or hresrtfelt boo, tap tap, my hesrt scare goes thumputy thumpity in there here .. so this ia=sher wordsash thiscionyires on from last blog post (oh eric stay with us), asample of thebook, well into it, huge undertaking, drastrabase "of the word we cannot touch"

.. step in heree,m accompamy me and it here, with these "chest of my pounding heart notes" more in yoiur world, mstrtx world, surfsce of beg with occluded eyes world weenie, whst is going on? .. tiouch yiu, here, really ity wah, streets, offices, line worker life, winter snap plow, summer fidget get rings on hamsters marry you are the priest for squirrels, or however it yes goes, girls in bikinis frolic, bust sadness oh heaving we run sand is hard sprinters "have fun bail out millions with perk" "play" life is ruined well it is pretty but helped by you we are all ruining everything with happy that doesn’t last up down rollercoaster depression goiing down, all our youth pliable to question seems answered power, and alod peopole, 90 , hsve nio ansers, from all that time - we niccup - hiccupwewant, oh, something .. the humsn hss ni ledger paper squares graph, niothig .. tics, scrstches, x'nes, nithig, scribbkie, in dstraightahesd bashed words, straightfurwsrd junk metal words, inrelligemt weld grind, grasp sparks hew leather sparks whatever that is hsrd askew screw up "or jusdt toi get thedamn fumbkingtrith, out of yiou mind minum pirouette seeze sneeze velly noney no money baf cab caster wha roll painting nothing .." flow rise upo from my mastery gut woe-wev ill office mack truck roses ads ice snow then kiss me finally jumbles then mixed hey in jest jungles threads thoughts dangle ornament pendant neck I’ve snow bloskades can’t get through storm of protective barrier words only shipper new where’s the box computer record font desk divvy out meet customers “I pray talk” veil perfect hold you, hide it all.

So there's something in there I’m fairly sure the writing, some ..

-

"

12:30 am

I think a lot of this stuff is pretty crazy, it’s done under a strained mind, need a good rest – what’s the sense of pumping this out, .. I need a good rest.

Oh, earlier I wrote some thing, about taking the blog back to offline, like some of it was online, took some of it from offline, added to it, now we’re going back offline, with more?  “Feel the spaces, man!”  I think someone honestly cracks after a while.  Oh, weez going do good.  Oh, justtest.  Famit.

Foing so hood/  oh, justrest. Damnit.

Ther corrected, are yo happy? I dream. Ha ha.  Oh life, whst you all git going fur yotself?  Really?  We seejk a better world.  Meditation, joined with crazyu life. Ah, meditation’s supposed to be done in the quiet, not this.

What will the world do?

Oh, we’ll find out that some other time, go to bed, Eric./ this supposedly quiet time, threats on me, from unkbiown soutces, I just feel them, you take this chance, splash outwsards with good stuff, I just feel them./ you try, you see something wrong with the world/ hell I’m not the guy for the job, try anyways.  Like it says in the bible.  The worst one for the job, you may do okay.

Crazy.

Small alone unheralded now, no one listening.  Hello.  /juxt ;ike always all oif us wou;ld liketio be st 14 canceledfrom mental illness then later do brillogrinfbakedon cheeseiant shit from chi kung meditation, stramnge mind, colloboapsed, bap bap then gut turned around up walk, came bsck from the dead.  There.

All silly stories.

Only chance.  World thrilled tiny takes the silly funeral story for real.

-

Happened come back before.  This one very where are you nervous, on edge, drug-without-fueled, yes no, just my brain chemivcals, bare asssdenough.  Hello.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 12:40 am

So, just an idertion here, the part, was explsinig font size, stuff, I think you dhioulsee it .. la la laferriswheels eoll like ball svril armadillo assembling savour toll collect me metal roundness science fib eltion hug the offline tryig ti take burgroiining online bascj tio here?

Hmm.

/here iot ios extra biut

“

January 14, 2013  done in the night .. finished at 11:20 p.m., this first part, before the “blog”

This is a blog, copy of a blog I did, just saved it this way, the font on the blog was “Arial” didn’t feel right here, and here you get back the wiggly red lines, a bit of wiggly green lines, the spelling mistakes, red, the grammar mistakes, green, but I like them, I feel comfortable with them, I leave a lot, I want it pointed out though.  I just do.  They’re no longer mistakes.  In some way.  Hard parts in life.  We weave them in.  They can be changed.  To good parts, “magically.”  Rise.  It really is kind of a meditation thing, it changes it, transmogrifies it, it takes a long long time to be able to do that, study it, retain your chi, keep studying it, /you get some of it, here in these words, or full thing, /into the population, into life.  So yeah, the parts that were written on the blog, the first part of it, each post, is 1.5 lines spacing, then the writing I did offline kicks in, that’s doublespaced, then finally, a small comment on the end, each post, done online, that stays doublespaced, like the work coming before it, I just like it that way.  At least the first post, or January 14^th, going down, earlier ones before it, but yeah, um, for in here, I guess we’ll go more in order? Hmm, hard .. the logistics .. switch vibrate stay on top .. get it done .. so it’s all in “Times New Roman” font in here, except titles, bigger letters, well, yeah.  Those are left “Arial,” like in the blog.  Minutiae here, tell you this all.  But we do good, so here’s the blog, I put on the internet a taste of my work out there, some 80,000 pages into the book, database, of good, a strange good that can be achieved, not a false good, or left only at its beginnings, then trampled, swallowed, /this outdistances it, tries to “achieve,” I wanted to see too, the feel of it “on the internet” “the great swiommiomng tiuvers/rivers woop la” I could feel that hunga hunga, I’m very sensitive this lie drary liebrary hoat literary eat can spank digital foo zale a lorlot park.

So accompany it, along the way.  Offline, yeah “some people were reading it” the computer was tapped, but this is different.  I don’t know, a lot of this is just instinct, handling difling through thios pages stasck ram on flat surfsce let dall straighten out this.

So here’s the blog, in chronological order, a “bound book style” not as it appeared on the internet, backwards, newest posts firsts, then scrolling down, older posts ../ perhaps it was the erring fiurmst, a blib, I should hsve “published it ti abook, on line, but no, easch day I would update/ oh, add a little, ti stiff I would do offline, you would hasve to just press click from front page, get esch onme in “chimological order you do” it can be done, but is it worth it, and this stuff about taking it offline, copying it, the reader, to then paste it into a word program, change fonts, get spacing right, ah, get wiggly red lines back, all comedy comfy again, it’s strangely annoying satisfying true meditation what you have to live through on your cushion on your seat wherever in life looking around “home” ahen blah again best blah I had I love it here! .. / hoola but maybe it’s too much work.  So I do it for you here.  At least this part, offline, but then does this go online again, ha like some perverse out of control but great public face and inside. / we don’t go there, this ,echanmically offered “am I sasge” “isthisthereal thig”/ am I safe giuve you temtstiuvely see hiw you reach react ponder .. any of us, computers, gipasls, what happles, goals quiet fikesh we stsy himewe shake, do we? Yes.  No shsrig.

/no sharing/ only this quaint chance, hold roads computer trails, old roads bask come kick little stone avveifriendly our only chamce, bush in this .. nstiure .. oddSo here’s the blog, the top tirle/ title nature wavers internet words, then descroptiuon (what the blog is), then some entries, some posts, along with pictures (dione by me, little hsmnddonethigs, some took quite awhile, I enjoyed it .. they were done long before, had them stocked up a bit, scanned, picked nice ones, they just seemed right, others no good at all, glad I dunt publish them sat all, at least outwardly public forsaken exposure of my critch no, crunch, cereal batallion, see bowl happy motning no gemtle resdersm jholding books on kneeand msrching in hiccup sit dog is dream a has and lisping./ wheeze/ accordion bellows fire room warm love)

Enjoy.

-

B;og-B;og-Bl;og

”

So thst;s iut fyr thst,m eryc vsck jhere, offline, onlune collection la lune loony hiwl, nesmeryxing, messy .. wee eeimple just ciontiue squeeze me in wiuth esrly tuesdasy moe more ningble nibbleings wrutig at home I guess we shtinkiled _>

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Tuesday, January 15. 2013  10:55 am

The very weird, like this book, in a good way.  The very weird, to help us.

Oh my, in bed this morning, I wasn’t feeling too good, very desolate.  I got up, came down to go to the bathroom.  After that I went up to see what my dad was doing.  He had been wandering around, or doing something.  I could hear him.  He was on the couch when I first walked by, no pants on, just his undergarment, and a hoodie on on top, his legs stretched out, sitting there.  So I went up, he was making a cup of tea, boiling water, oh my, it can be dangerous, him fiddling with that.  Poor man.  So I helped him, well, I saw what was there, oh, he had to go up to the bathroom, so his waster was just hinting at beginning to boil, I left it, so I went into the living room, glanced at the newspaper – “3 dead in murder-suicide” oh my God! Just in the Ottawa area here, Stittsville .. oh life, a mother in an apparent murder-suicide killed her two young kids, 7 and 10 I think? And then herself, /the husband discovered it, coming home.  It is so terrible.  It gives you quite a blow.  Oh, I m not sure if I have this right (when I saw the newspaper), I think I started my magnification, okay, yeah, didn’t look at the paper first time (I was up there), I was just starting the initial stance (down here, after coming down), the whirling ball, then I heard my dad shaking with the kettle, he was banging into mugs, cups on the counter, so I quickly rubbed hands together ran up “this is very dangerous dad!  Just put the kettle down, put it back down!” so he did, he had poured his tea, in the mug with the teabag, he was just having trouble putting the kettle back on its stand .. so I was riled up a bit, not good for magnification (but he was fine, everything was fine, luckily) .. oh, that’s when I looked at the paper .. oh, life, so left my dad’s tea to brew, came back down here, wondered if to start magnification again .. I did though, after a minute or two, surprisingly, there was peace (it seemed to sadly come to me and hug me), that’s when it came to me – that poor woman probably had no one to turn too, her thoughts were too weird, everything else was at the surface or near the surface “the ‘look pretty, everything is fine’ thing” no one getting weird, the intense enough weird, that helps you, when you’re considering the evil weird, heinous weird .. it’s difficult to state this, but there is an area, with all of us, a private heinous weird, we’re going to do it .. nothing will help “it’s too sweet (all your help, even with Jesus and all of it)” “it’s not weird enough.”  Help me, like with this book, the difficult twists and turns, all the details, for the deep weird, that is a deep good.

I felt that this morning.  Swaying gently with this.  The entire story.  Feeling it reverberate through my bones, my being, my spirit, everything, it was comfortable, but sad, for this woman, her children, /and many people, in exactly the same position, I realized it was so universal.  (so many people, can’t tell me, can’t tell anyone weird things in their head, can’t have a matching weird , a triumphant weird!  It is so weird!  Oh, to be able to use this, the weird stands on its own, at last, a relief, deep in there, we admit we need it, we work on it to use it.  We are not just alone.  With sweet solutions, doctor’s solutions, psychiatrist’s solutions, so sweet “you do not touch me!”  “I cannot tell you!”)  So I wrote this down on a piece of paper, in magnification. (but really we need a weird that is pretty, and kind, we can work slowly on, feel good about “yes, tell the world ‘you won’t accept my weird/ well, this is rejuvenating, ((this is sincere at a hurting level, so strong, the content so strong, hardly able to face, we need it now, when heinous weird gets so strong itself/ there is nothing with the heinous weird, private don’t-say heinous weird .. no construction, no thoughts, no words, no societal norm, nothing established, nothing made, it is all alone).)) this is ethereal, past the pretty stories we have now. (the good and bad is so normal in our sdtiries wecanlttouch hiowq weerd sock buzarrethigs really gret.)  This goes fsrther, to thetrue thig.  I need this.  We clung to so mamny pretty dstoroes, of goodand bsd, the sweet good, it just never was strong /weiurd twisted niot normal sickp bresthe yiou fuckig weurd unril I kniwe yiu asre giooid suddemnmly realize! Yes! Oh my gid asweyrd as my suvko pruvstethoughts!! enough!  The weird wasn’t there!  I;m siorry!/ now it is this entirefyuckig eryc book is so weird and sick amnd delicioius it finally diuts besude the weurd me in there, builds, sits is pretty in welrectrycal shick electrical currents deep in there/ stiory, pieces, goes past former barriers, gets in there all the way sasy in there, the pure weurd issittig there, this sits conneiving kind beside it,. I cannoit cionceiuve of it, (conniving kind, speaks the language of the unhkowabkie we7rd deep in there, my surfsce life now hss a friend, obciuous, eryc, thst goes deep in, I am scsared of him, but need him) I cannittell you!!”)  “Nothif is sytrange enough to help with my pain.  Ynspoiken enough ro help with my pain.  Weird damn you fuck dyctur you will never kniow HIW WEURD IT IS!!@ yiou liae! Yiou faje! Like iusall! IO CAN GET NO HELP! oof.  /  God os pretty wrird, Jesus os pretty weird, but it’s nit weird enough!  Help me!  /  Go inti the very weiurd ti get help.”  So thst’s whst I wring and soiak wipeite.  But yeah, with “schizipohrenia” or whst thery call “schozopohtrnia” a words, amnd an assietmrent of symptoms, they can do very little about, the doctors, with their pills moneu oof all they can do “put in afasce” “say they sre doing a lot” aresasd .. amd yeah, you go inti the very weyrd, chi kung medystion, yiour personal stiory, (this is very VERY weird) you go inti all this, thst I hsvefine, you do gert better.(fiune good no lies bethe weyurd click wires cionnections inkniown weyurd alon noi vibe no wires no route no roads, just alone ast terrubkealone in there all of us .. Connect now, click in, this whirls DNA stalks material, strings, curl around touch connect instantly Ahh!)  It is a very longrusd, the very weird road grains ofsand stuck grit iuce summer fall, to coulnter the very weird festhly pain winter death regivenation storage thst is / oh will we make it/killing you.  In all society.  /So I think I was feeling so naiceous in bed, because of this lady, her death, her little boy and little girl, their deaths .. oh my God !  (but ti say this, finally!) neighbirs woyld say, shewas the lady thast welcomed new people on thestreet, she wasso nice!  Life.  The very weird.  Inside people.  Thst we do (need much help on) not show!

We need help./ the weirdest mist heinious most literary agent-dysasgreeabke help mioderm book next book threy all go “uuck!” in this, dudthey? Diues somebody see?

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/endf’ snippet/ 11:45 am

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so eruc basck here in the blig online do you think all this has the fairly desperate feel of someone going insane with the complexity of it all?  oh we do okay sort it illinlet out.  Oh an effort.  But meditate.  Self care.  Relax.  Go for walks.  Mix it.  Don't kill yourself with it all.

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all fur niw.  bye.