oh, working very hard, but sick

here's a picture, I did before, but shows, one wheel kind of grumbly, menacing, the back wheel, and the other one, the front wheel, not sure, and the rider working very hard, but rolling nowhere .. it seems, carefully, to somewhere .. do we ever/ take care of "wheels not working properly" "still pedal" "not everything is perfect" "still pedal"



still pedal

all I can say

going home through snow, through rain

still pedal
-
/so here's a bit more writing from today, written offline, taken up where last post ended

-
"
- -

3:25 pm

Oh, people get pretty sick, flu, otherwise, mind spins, what you got going? flu lately? do you have mental health issues from before? flu acerbates it?  Ah, don’t we all, mental health, diagnosed, undiagnosed, they made a mistake, they got it right, who knows?  We just soldier on, not much gets worked gets righted wronged put back on its feet brushed off “solved” it all just wastes away, waited to be looked at, stared “can’t get to you.  Honey.  Bunny.  What are you, my problems, or unknown alien logic, attached to me, can’t get to you, or you watch, or you touch, I don’t know.”  “solved.” Ah, you know we have a lot to work on in the human realm it never adds up “the good/bad engine” “the factory of bad patterns” (the schematic just meant to stay the same, as all goes downhill/ we need the “extra” the unknown inclusion, conclusion, wha/ a little more maybe not to finish everything off, but a little more, included in the tension to keep it going, the stuff never meant to be figured out “leave us here, lame in our calculating it, adding it up, lame”/ ) feel good sometimes, but we all know desperately we’re missing a lot in the weak slap bah equation irksome but I love ya hug me if ever feel your whole embrace wgat doesthisallmean/ Yeah ..  /It lies below thesurfsce, ah, we kniw we hsve “organs” “withion our chest cavity” yeah, but whstreally bithers us, agh, it would be a whole bunch of cracking beams steel beams splinter out of walls acquire wood characteristics I don’t know/ misspelled words! has manyhasha!  Get your what you need best out of them get an inkling ogle desire almost know something worth it flits bangs succumbs breathes rest fall while falling no disappears jacks up one fall still outer fall something see a little to this see you ease wave to it “bye,” that’s all we can do.

Ah we want to know more “what’s your diagnosis?” and nothing, just stay sane, question on your own, keep a clear space, question on your own./ there’s things to know, that aren’t known in mainstream, go into the weird, and take time for it to assimilate, gel, mean something, the quiet walks, where you have no expectations at all./ something arrives when you expect absolutely nothing to arrive, you look at it, calm, as a friend.  Do not run up, shake it, desperate.  It could be the most fantastic thing, you look at it, calm, as a deeneed lewoo friend./ not so needy

Many people have these troubled areas, if the mind was shown “talk to me” it would be verymisspelled mess mispptonoced mumbooled spool of thread tangling in its smooth lines speeded through start again go back two spaces towards words you love need haranguing breakdown to be true finally trust them two words start again.

Hi knewyou wouldciome starta.

We do our best, to never hear someone in that situation.  Let them die there, let them live there go their choice go bedumpedout the back of a truck on the road surface skate along bleed your choice, as if it is, sure enough you “choose breakdown?”,,, as if it’s mu choice to exist, brought forth so terribly.  Thundering breakdown.  Mini car humping bigger one ones erased.  Helf-in-check ones. Half? Held? Nake it through read here safe “depiction” og breakduwen, or in any of our minds, holding it together, do you want a better life? I can;t see you/  I still function. They say silently  You diunt kmnoiw.  The huddemn ass and thrown out chair side of road take it sit there, for hours, still the rain comes down doesn’t go up backwards you head toe tipped towards inch of thread glue pot it, make preserves your here chill laugh still stay eminent away meant to be come close daft safe churl book slam erics book tough gnarly gingerly peel off bandaids change it again poor thing.  The hidden “ductiurs”  None./ where oh  And if we havethst sutustiuon we kniw enough ti get the hell out run to hide shit uo asnd gio asway, get out of my face better.  And if we never get better? Well, thstr’s the everyone dies yoti gosure the world’s in on the game.  If you know a play keep it to yourself football chess heave giant pieces.  So read if yous some oif my work, hurt st hurts o past rots, know just present you areseeig mind andsinks like this, all wash clean no splotch on porcelain it shines and you feel good around you, I kniow at lkeast hiwtio tease the rmper romper remainder out of it, but msny people don’t, they just get caught up in destruction galling mistake I’m their head their neck their shoulders away take flight, or explode I save you now fly merrily once words hurt their perfect nonsense now this messy nonsense helps/ ah, the world is full of them, us, no one sees in and very few people thsat hsvethe abiolity ti temper it, who have worked fyr thst, gain thst this in here space similar space, in medicringe station man, in the way the minstd the vutup getup works, spirifeet, inner life, walk gain rest walk body only shoes walk I send you little emissaries eyes through here “something else.”  So ueash I hsvethe mess “thst no one shows” or I sure show it it shows up in dark canal bright shtick, mudder war cap, take off push hand  through hair “it was clean! Why?” whydyiou dothat but I also hsve a calm very exact spasce, it works is tuned I also hsve a ache face, fake face? tryig ti hide it, when tribke comes, I ache I show it even if you tear me down I will show it as default but not as defect I am proud I am broken I will get help to the end of my days ..

/I;m bnit ver giod ast it ..

-

/endf’ snippet/ 4:10 pm

- - -

-

life, eh? eric back here at blog, oh I took a couple of tylenol a half hour ago feel a bit better now, and also, my study of meditation, you can get stuck in just considering "you're sick" / "a 50% flu day" / .. but also in meditation, I study "that we actually make these bad patterns" "in anticipation of another entity reading us" it actually knows what it should be, innocently reads our dimension, our specific little lives, for all of us, floats there, in the room, wherever you are, near you, but do you see it?

What do you do next?

So for me to have that "automatically" kick in, it is reading me, I haven't a clue, I'm just in pain, then just a little while later it subsides .. I have the strangest feeling that this is all happening to me, that it's wearing in on me, in a good way, it is not from "here" we cannot know it with our "earth senses" but here it comes ..

So that's good.  I feel very blessed, that's around me, after 12 years of meditation, I see around me with earth senses, and a little something extra, and I see it.  How far will it go?  Knowing it a bit more each day?  What will I know about sickness, aging, being in these bodies, what will I be able to help with?

But hold on to chi, do not look at girls on the internet, masturbate, ahem, sorry to mention that, but it's a spiritual killer, a chi killer, it really is.  You work so hard, to build it all up - then all that, splat.  None left.  Sorry to be so graphic.  Problems.  Through a transition period, to eventually hanging on to this for good.  The energy confuses you, earthman, you feel good, too good, instantly spring for first available, spllochy/ ah, trying to guide yourself, see the higher power, the higher energy, for what it is, there, in colour glowing warm wibright something "btiught big" to senses eclipsed wash more letters esrrh senses "no longer see whst they see" but it is there, acsrryover wash in feel bad but climb higher wait have parience earth senses hurt, others arrive/ from what earth might see, but much more paper slide hand over here pure tamper wing wick wax wicked or smart slang of above, heightened, not snickered saint tatters dumpster coiling coy come near hug rattler hug no it is just so different, by anyone on earth that might see it/ better.  Limp along, resin casting resin shapes blobs retain enough good fool I fuss am energy, to make it here.

Live on earth dull but hiding or keeping it soft subdued still, but have absorbed this.

Changed.