oh sin sir bin sir remainders be good

oh what does that title mean, oh sincere tripped up mouth wander forests air in front of my face

/ .here's a picture, another one, cute, a snack with the dinner





so I have a bit more writing, glad you asked well there is the big behemoth leadup to all this writing oh a little taste here, but 80,000, /90,000 pages before this, .. holiday land, go visit .. oh ha oo ha, sit set up a little shop, in our minds, inner life, no more terror, so scared of the place you carry right with you, everywhere you walk ../ what's inside you? "oh I don't know that's just a warehouse I tug along with me, don't go in there, I don't even go in there, words are spelled wrong (some of them, oh, just don't press me) to say the least (they are spelled wrong, or playful, they cavort) or they're not even words they flow ribbons glows goot foot cloak of plasticene stop motion crinkly little fat words ha hi him hum bodseek squink me I don't know you still stay, want to play there? massesybe someday we will go in there

so here's some writing, yesterday, today, continues on from last blog post
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6:15 pm

Oh, the things we never say.  Have a glow, for someone you like.  She can’t say this to you, can’t construct it, in “like you, chat with you” yamah feel comfiratablke with yiu, vhat rha” it’s mniot like thst, this take years, if even then, some happenstance, some odd romantic mood, or literate, literature mood, words, spaceman .. never comes.  She feels awkward – knows this is exactly what life is – but can never say it./ we sit in restaurants, get on with “restaurant talk” there’s all types of talk, “baby talk” overseeing your young one, standing above his or her crib, oh, growing up, oh, any of us, started out, a boy a girl grow up, get older “learn the different types of talk” what you can say, who it is, what’s appropriate, what you take a risk in, what’s funny, what makes you laugh .. /ah, and being mad, sick of someone, does someone ever hit another person, out on the streets .. and life .. /we just, wink, never quite get to this talk./ here, thisd book

Fir all thje world, fsco;itstig all these triopwores trapdoors subjects safe fyr resdig book in pruvste or semi-book, weird-book, wants to live, past art, give me art, give me a special time, ah, we always said it all in art (or it seemed an “all,” weird relationship, book got you going, book satisfied you ../ but it was never real, to tell asnoither, take a character, take a flow of book pages, for something off earth ..), but never could trtrip it for life .. get it going in life, you recede to all the “standards of talk” and just want to scream.  Some people put shotguns to their head.  This is (the horrirs, preople hsve hasd enough, have dopne the art even, reached pinnsckjes, always squat splsy in swaualor of empty life) life.  Talk to me.  I kniw knew you couldn’t (and Shae the girl from the park “knows we can talk oksy just regulsarly talk can’t we?) you never will.  (Art, people, bereft of any communication, it’s so strange, to ask for it, for Shae to even think “recognize me, Eric, you recognize my spirit, now what about my face, this life .. or are we connected in this book, so strongly in here, we cannot do in life) So I missed oiy with the giurl, I lost thswt vchamnce, softness, a kiss .. but you kniw, this was really important to me, it desnt hasve a stamdsrd “discuss the book” “be in as book viblkub” “float wash lrsve a comment on a reviuew of it” ash we never sitm never can quite become whst this instiugstes in its osaris ges shagti la, blossoms, feeds, gliowers, blooms ah pounce .. poor humsn, never gut past “say it all or day one say a lit in art” but sionsara, or however you spoell it, in lovege “dint expect it at a in life” poor us.  All of us with the knowledge, unable to make the being that says it in life, (but correct me through here what words you see fit come to mind so nervous you look at your computer slate flat hand then look st the persion try ti talk thesethoughts semi thoiughts yoiur insude beggig to let loose not poss always be alone in biooks art looking grinding remisding surmisin grassing gtaze honk insering prubste life nithig) the humsn cant say that whstever it was mind unstasbke cant form say to her or him, say in this campsite, this spot, document sell live, travel, have enough money, know people this way “invest in me, I can talk this way”)couldn’t say it, so went to art scjhool, art couldnlt say it, but we gelt said a liot. Now bsck tio us “whst will you say> this book rackles asll offg picssso frsncius bscon odd dydtioryons “say siomethig true, sbiout us, sit with me, dionkt need yoiur srt”  Hey yiou, yeah you , mu lover, ,y wife, my desr frtend, wemt through 7 years of this, never could figure out how to talk this biook in open “why you take this so sreriously, eruc?” “art” to ,e, no one ever pointed out these dyvusions scopes scap cap on oi, she’s yioung, she thinks it’s going ti ride it be fine, some boy will talk tio ipening her like no other, sdhe thijks it’s going ti be done, ash poor humans “think on it’ “and just live cremate” at least I age am ion irn bookponted it out, and gsve whjst it ciould be, fur dead all od usus.  The prsyer beoig, little Zem sgirt 3 foot hugh? oh, shaved head, androgynous, greyish skin, light grdyiusdh, but not unhealthy, pretty, you are faint, not here, come walk .. ah, we are scared, of something whooz inny like thst, you say you feel her, hmm, just want to have it happen, anywhere, talk casually with floating words, point them out, nudge them, floating gracefully in air, not tethered, but staying close “the real me, what I might say” be there you allowed, feel it, talking me, doll feel words, floating, of their own recognizance court order no we are mistily intelligence conk, contained in punnhun them, and the poot prsyer beig can speak a little loves the wordyfees floating “you getio it all” you give me thrill rheull real pop out words thoughts this union with dimensions beyond us I begin to think it/ can jump from haphazard misspelled words into speaking it of honesty groin my my deep bowels honesty of humans in a cast physics bronze a theory baby shoes old mans hair go spank and drift and beyind lesave thst putt-putting – just feel oh so I ache me!

We talked a little there, you saw words could encourage you your mind yor trusdted min eruc ior something

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/endf’ snippet/ 6:50 pm

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6:55 pm

Shae sees me at a party, years later, I’m with my wife, some other woman, she walks up, introduces herself (well my wife has gone off with someone else, just saying hello, I stand alone, for a second or two) “oh, you’re the woman I almost talked to, almost talked for real to” thre nasty chamces never there chances the humsn dies swims makes livig in books “hint of taslk’ never with actual gurl; though, named/ cannit live saucy osprey ccey all romantic talk crazy you’’-get-no-job talk, cannit live thst.  We live respectsbke hold back is this why people whip each other in sex ir hsve nipple clamps or cheat or shit on esch other or no the stink, ah, the dstink of our minds, shae, the sex, no, it was talk, the stink, the risk,. The play it out, cheat, gorge, sneak around try to be alive the heights of being alive you couldn’t go through this book follow along with me be this connected with me it plays out over dilute humanity now we do our best, or clean up from shit piss chest squirt porno pay in our minds cheap horny fantasy where’s the beautiful talk took it all the way through to other being in the air “doing the beautiful talk,”/ ., somehow it was neverclean, too clkean/ flickered never furmed, we wanted it to be real, it’s hard to wear down matrix body, ah, without meditation, /and your life, how does anyone have 5, 6 hours a day, to meditate, write, communicate, in this way, we all just keep hoping it will work out the other way, no one devotes this much, and when catastrophe hits it’s too late .. we play with this book, though .. it is all we have

So they get a semi actual real life how it might have been between us shae, they get that

And now I go back to my wife .. we meet shae do not say this no one says this .. we scatter words on the road, we hide in this, if we can do this, like me

We totally play a game, in the “real life” we trade these “m.t.’s, artworlkds” sewn ragswashed resin words laser printed paper resin casting resion scans and “us” “developing in talkig floating words” “actually had anyine we did it with” “was it or pretend” “a lark wait” what was it? stay lets do it fur real lets find thst

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:15 pm

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8:35 pm

So, I did a 1+1, that I didn’t do earlier in the day .. oh, I did a long magnification, with writing too, and going on the internet to work on blog, oh, by the time I closed off completely, well, it was getting late, to do a sit-down, hadn’t eaten in too long, that’s too late, so close off completely, that was 4 hours 21 minutes, then waited 40 minutes or so, had something to eat, but this is how it goes (now I feel serene, right this second, going through this a second time, spellchecking, leaving some things, deciding, the feel, flowing .. but this is my life, I work, the energy replaces hunger, replaces worry, I feel ultimately serene.  ((my back is straight, my head is held high, just floating my ribs and bones and everything held up by energy not tension))  It comes and goes, for a second there, the writing bothered me “oh I have to spellcheck this all now.”  Then I started into it, and then it just happened, I was serene.  I was hungry, very hungry, well, getting there, before I started, I knew I could live with it though, I felt the magnification from this morning, it had instilled something in me, to survive, and now here, survive further still, closed off completely after the 1 hour 16 minutes sit-down, now wait at least a half hour, write here .. then have something to eat, amazing I can be serene at all ..), so later on, tonight, I did my 1+1, like I said, it took 1 hour 16 minutes, with afterwards, before doing final-final closing off, rubbing down body, holding body, while standing up, I just danced in the dark a bit, swayed, you touch your body, caress it, (in honour to it, caring) (not) like a stripper a bit, oh or someone that loves themselves, has no shame, will show it in the dark (um, be nice), ha ha, but not like a stripper, doing it for putrid strangers, /just alone, with God, or something, no more human inhibitions, human mores, /grotesque/judgement, just be alone, sway, wiggle, revolve, churn, okay .. now to something else (but you can see me, reluctant to share it here, it is true.  Oh, how would I ever do floating words in the open?  How would any of us?), ha, we do okay, to relax, after all the strain/ oh, life .. oh (in meditation), the 5-planets, in the medistion, food to feel; “them” “it” the higher energy, thst yior mind wionkt work weith a a general humsn, oh guve it plsnets, furst one with wood, second one with fire, and so on, give it “in imagination” which reaches it, you know this wood, you know this fire, but then it knows it too, it knows what they are, impossible unassimilateknowable energy, becomes things kniwn, crisses through the bsrruer, can be used, brought intio body mind soul strengthen .. it becomes the usable 5 steps 5 planets you gain parity with it, share, strengthen, even if you are old, like I saw an old man, oh, he did not tell anybody, he let them observe him (in terms of western doctors, at appointments), but he had his private way of staying strong, accepting this energy, soaking in it, speaking dull no be kind floating words yessir whoo, he had a young girl a friend platonic, at first I thought it was Shae at whatever revolving relate to her? then it was Theresa? Shae Theresa?, s.t.? St. saint there you go, saint, young child, diunt put duwn the old man, allowed him to speak floating words, she accepted it, and played with the words, touched them in the air, did not disbelieve them (how strange, we are not allowed floating words, in human life at all.  Oh, I think of Shae, she might have allowed me at one time, was eager, found me fascinating, and I her.) and scoff at him (no), it was nice (yes).  Oh, first half of meditation went fairly good, oh, the matrix wants it all back at a certain point, weasels in, you cannot maintain your thoughts, “empty thoughts,” if you will, peaceful, feeling only “it,” but this is the training, you suffer, the matrix bangs, the matrix knocks, wants everything back again, you suffer, in your pain, sit quietly, the matrix seeking to spoil everything, or truthfully, bad patterns, now read them, the matrix generates them, your life on earth generates them, now read them, (it is the way, very exciting, catch that, intense feel dob calmme vein vocous afocus of energy, feel at home)it is very hard.

But I am glad I got in this practice, it was late in the day, oh, I hadn’t eaten in 4 hours, it was pushing it, but the energy was strong at first, I did not need to pay attention to my body’s hunger, the energy replaced it.  Oh, you try to maintain it, you be gentle.  This is the story.  Finding out a bit more each day.  It is long term.  Feeling more comfortable with each high-tuned part.  Able to relive them more easily.  But it is still hard.  /to visit, revisit, each session is different, but build on the one before it, keep in touch with the story a hold on the story, the personal story, you can have guidance from the masters, they can lead you to the door, but you must go in.  I have gone in.  I am proud I have done this with my life, /sought doctors, but no, at some point, gently “not telling them” “oh not so much” go into this, to find true healing.  But always, a story, of magnificence, you forget you are ill at all.

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/endf’ snippet/ 9:15 pm

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1:05 am

You are never going to have a relationship with anyone in which you can tell them this, or the traditional relationship, or face to face, where you know each other.

What other?

What other indeed, computers, hiddenness, loneliness, can’t say, afraid to look in the eyes, /avoid .. or be at peace .. find a way .. all through your life, all the people you meet, are never going to deal with this, past worshipping God, or not worshipping, going this “practical” going farther, finding this truth, is it truth, humble, broken, but helping, never going to meet someone, they live life, but know this too (at least I said this, when they were listening, at least I said this.  Poor humans, they get back to life, even the ones involved in this.  They get back to life.  What seems to be life.  Producing so many bad patterns, from the good/bad engine, but not seeing the thing reading it.  Does it matter?  Is this section, us humans producing the bad patterns, is that important?  Strange thing to say, at our level we feel we should live we are important very well loved are we?  By who?  Those around us, those we meet, are we not looking at art, creations, material things, smiles, look, skin, warmth, where is us, looking staring not connected not on earth .. how to get here, how to explain, how to have the human know and explain, and include us here./ are we the nameless, or is this sick, is this mentally ill, no, we are expressing this singular creature, no creature, the void, and where no matter is, but it lives, watching, we feel it, in our art of everything, even ourselves – it will not say, it will not come here ((it feels no place, for its perfect that made this, all this that sparks and churns, galaxies and earth, us .. how does it come here, where we think, actually think. include it, become entities separate from the nameless, its cheap story, we become ourselves, can welcome it in, can think that far, include it.)) – it does in this book, it comes here, a little.  Who will say, who will dare, we (do we?) like the current arrangement, or know no other – we have sadness, sure “but does it go this far, Eric?” (isn’t this a bit far?/ to where even galaxies are seen as a farce, finally think, end the story, but keep it – end it, step outside it, not think as human anymore .. now show this, in daily dealings, with floating words, with people, we can’t.  Cannot whisper “I need to do this” strange man, move hands, tell anybody that’s there “the words stop in midair, they really do.  Something else is here.”)) yes, we are not here, that is not symptoms of an illness (I live in here, this world, barely able to keep safe, blend this world, nearly die, the energy reads me, floats, I emerge, go to it, as a being not me, the human, I speak floating words, feel a charge, from the energy floating there, I combine with it, a new life is made.  Only life.  Put aside human life, the story, the farce, but love it, protect it with your life – bring this other.), things don’t work out in us there, don’t work out in humans, we can feel it, need some entertainment tonight, as book, as movie, get away, live something other, than ever looking at this, that which cannot be expressed.  That which I’ve expressed here.  Millions of pages, the world over, barely getting to this, this thing outside our dimension.  But it is here./ I msde it you msde it evem though we were stuck on thst humsn “is all there is” our sesrch,m fur iother plsnets, other life/ nothing nothing and nothing.  Why is thst?), anyone, your fsther, yiur mother, when she was alive, yiour brither, yiour sisdter, just people, too busy living,m too sttached ti hiuw it is, are we really just projected here, another being, well we aren’t evem a being, it propjects all us from just its singilsrioty,, seeking life, through us saying it is here neverwould dare, once we hsve extasblished, our art and our emptiness, our longing, lookunf ftom inside relescopinhg far disrance away the blur in us our mind we cannit giveenter, then we dom fron the direction if human, earth “you asre there, something thsy dusappesrs, comes again) ..

Does it all make semse, if we can even grasp it, if it even existss, the persion thst medustes has a heck of a time even making it story say, so ..

Whst stay can you chance dioes any of ishaveone else hsve, csrryig this book, scstterig the little words with holesfor string, fur the chamce nione of us will rver hsve.  The story is just srranged this way for humamns to deny this produce siuch strong psttermns od festh old sge flummoxed whacked out, so resd those.  This is the way it is./ we have a lot of those, the wgascked out death and turedness patterns/ could you read them, stand near/ tonight I helped my dad brush his teeth, I could feel it, his illness, he was being read, his own nameless, part of it, I got a charge, had to step out the open bathroom door a bit, I was feeling his charge, this happening with him, him speaking floating words into the air, joining with the energy floating there, it was quite exciting.  This happening at all.

I seem to be able to feel it more openly, in the matrix.  As I act the same.  The same as everbody.  Or mostly.  This has taken years.  To contact this other.

Oh my.  “Eric stay striong ansd ha away from us, we are just liviong our life.”

So it is.

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/endf’ snippet/ 1:40 am

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Sunday, January 13, 2013  12:45 pm

Oh, I do okay, I did a 1+1, with 34 minutes of magnification, for a total of 1 hour 47 minutes, and it was straight through, from one to the other, no writing, no anything .. I remember feeling blissful in bed this morning, but I lay there, enjoying it, when I should have got up, to seal it in, in meditation .. oh, I did get some of it, eventually .. it is a tough regimen, it feels so good, so warm and cosy in bed, some “drug” in you, no problems in the world at all! you just feel wonderful! ../ ah, I cannot always grab ahold of that, seal it in, store up chi, any way I can .. /life, I do my best .. /oh, meditation, /I think I have a touch of the flu still, I have to sit with it, the meditation is really good for it, but it feels harsh .. hard to do, hard to get centered, you get a little, then it is grabbed away, the concentration, (an ability to feel pleasure at all pieces coinciding, feel reassured, once again it is working, you are on the right track) this is life .. so, being able to picture, making floating words, coming from the origin, the being that made us, rather than the human, feel as that, floating the words, that are only allowed to non-human species, oh, it feels good, developing at this, and the human somewhere in there, helping with it all, perhaps has time to develop never-developed things (or only a touch, you only get a bit of them, what you’d like to say in life, never go there/ it flicks, flitters, you never get the whole thing, and never see steps, how to actually say it to anybody, ever .. and it’s not as if books do it, they don’t seem to know “how it is” “once you get there” “in life” this is very serious, we don’t do it, we simply don’t do it, in life .. we have art, in books, movies, plays, but we are left alone, no scraps, or like this book, millions of words brushing up against it, but not quite getting it, but yes, forming it, this awful way, worse than any gold mine, the slightest fraction ../ with so much “spare rock” “spare words” or it is in them too, we stand there, look at them, wonder what they contain, just like people - better)), even know what to say, even have any words, even have any situation, to say it.  The new creature remembers you and you remember it, you work together (found each other, you are not real, it is, but all you have is your stymying, on earth, it is terrible, /sometimes wonderful, /sometimes you relax, it is blissful .. but this true work, getting the being that made us here “why now? Why yet? can’t we wait? Why push for this, in one lifetime, can’t even think it .. the human creature, reincarnations, whatever, never works in this, here “the silliest thing” “I can’t say it, it’s silly/ or serious enough, I know enough, (I can form it even think it meditation frees me from my human mind, can you too, with the book?) I take the risk, to speak as this, not science fiction at all – let me say it! please let me say it! ha irf/ in ordinsary life, no srt art, niot s crumb ha!).  It is very hsrd, feeling this book, syusrain itself/ sustain, over a million psfes/ page “it’s so damn interfuckestawing” well, in its flopsy ,essy self, sire “oh eriuc dint be so hsrd iomn yorselkf” yes be that hard punch yourself/ oh, we make our way  .. how do we stay interested, me doing the hardcore core work in there unpleasant not always the best feeling, in your gut, see this each day, (soldier on, no skipped days, for “comfort”) then bring you “news” this other place, that humans never get to see their entire life/ (so sad/ canlkt tewll them, they look st my blankly, I hsveentrance words, to someplace they donkt know .. make them feel different, I grab at anything, to explain, can’t, or can, I don’t know .. so much over in the other world, cannot use human language, human life, to say it/ I remember my torture not getting along with human life, can’t function, /get red-faced flustered can’t even talk in ordinary conversation, feel I’m nothing, foreign “there is nothing there” takes years, calming down, to give “the something there”)) .. we are just confused, beaten down, /think a new (car)house renovation (jsckret, scan new clothes) will sol;ve it all, if we hasve the moiney, and if yiou dint “to reach fur thst” poh, poor people, when it all runs out, you get heasdaches, it can no longer satisfy yiou, miney and oits pursuit “of course I;m nit doing thst” yes you are “but I want a nice house to entertain (nice people) guests” oh really? do you get to the cruxt of it, all suck ask some really serious poopooquestions, like why asre we all heree dumloamy rest want a kiss/ “no, I dint want ti sound silly” oh my, sound silly, break thst bsrruer, the silly bsrruer, can any oif us, to the real thing?  Gupdun dun fun crazy book, sage wack long grass, in some ways age dage bage ddahe, reads the crazy silly wump “the guy actually thinks he’s going ti do this!” ah, lifew, I could fphew jhsve done it with shae at one point, all her friends too, or some of them, that passed by, she offered, in some ways, to be friends on this, I never followed through, I couldn’t recognize her, the love was so deep for her spirit, I needed her spirit so bad (help me, thereal ,me! nit the surfsce ,me!) I couldn’t recognize her face (this was so important, carry this on, even now, she was “the one” for this book “but I could not recognize her face for life”) .. and she couldn’t deal with that, couldn’t explain, couldn’t form any words at all for it .. the situation was unknown, no one she knew had ever encountered it – there was no advice, anything – she read this book, tried to understand, grasp it, what was happening, for her, for myself, for the world .. she couldn’t, she had to return, to how it was, get on with it, it’s hard enough “it’s hard enough, Eric, don’t you know?”

And so we have this book – seesettle, cast spyingvistd/ sptingbisrd, vast springboard/, vast whirlpool, calm, storm you ditty song on my lips you just sit, fun, edicastion elucidation, halluvcinstion? Ash, c;min, but stirm danger entertsainment interest me desd almost dead scrubbing surbibig ti surviving csrry this through cement it in, in ithe populstion.  Sure./ I bet “C’mon eruc! We love you!”:

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Oh, we keep going.  “Nothing could be done, all over the world.”  We could not see this.  Serious, big scale, world scale, no movie, no think tank, no consultation process, this is there, in the rain, in the warm house, everywhere./ thanks., eryc., come over talk like this we wait a while easin hsve tea

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/endf’ snippet/ 1:30 pm

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6:35 pm

So today I was out on the front driveway there, front of the driveway, there was a ridge across, from snowplow .. oh, I had left it a day, hoped it was soft, could be shoveled easily, after all it was +4 today, Celsius, even higher a bit, it had been +2 through the night/? Anyways no, the snowplow left me a treat, it had to be broken up with a metal bladed shovel, a spade, with a square tip/ ah, break up a little, go over to the snowbank, rest that shovel, trade, get the plastic bladed scooper one, push, throw, quite a job, and I’m not that well today, the fluish symptoms, I slept this afternoon, ah, life, it was hard to do this, /but say, Paul is coming tomorrow morning, no cars could have got over that ridge, so there you go.  Anyways, so yeah .. this book and everything, just let it lie low, on the big old internet, let me get used to it, it’s even in the open, a lot of frets .. so, I do okay, my little contribution, the stuff, the human mind really wasn’t meant to think, really wasn’t meant to.  Ah, we keep going.  Foreign stuff, the reasons, even alien, and getting down to physics theories, but living them “we may not even be here” to some higher and greater power (ah for me feel that it’s so difficult but I haven’t felt human all that much, I know a lot of people with “schizophrenia” or whatever it is say “bring me back” “tell me I’m here” but not really, for me, oh a little, but more I realize humans aren’t doing that well, yes it’s a hustling bustling society, but well, are you really alive, lots of people work, work their fingers to the bone, janitors, make a not-bad salary, say janitors for the schoolboard, but then there’s stockbrokers, do they work hard, oh, they get paid a lot more for same hours of work, you could say that .. but life, when do you get around to this stuff, oh probably never .. we don’t want to actually “live it” we like, say, talking to a scientist at a dinner party, he gets into it, then his wide says “oh, Reginald, don’t bore them with your work” and stuff like this/ ah, poor world, to live it this far, like Shae staring at me “you want to live this, Eric?  Then sorry, I can’t be your friend.  Are you advanced?  Maybe, but I’ve just got to live, honey.  This isn’t for me.  My world hasn’t seen this yet.  We don’t see it as commonplace.  And I don’t want to slave as a weirdo with you in the meantime.” All the years .. slaving as a weirdo .. before this becomes obvious in society .. we live, knowing we are projected, meant to never come to a conclusion about anything, just make messes .. so then have the other being read it, the only being .. which we are too, we can see as it .. gently, humble little thing twig snap crinch, very unisualy, dlstig there in floating words .. by how you talk, hiw you feel yoiur hiusdtiory as this glow strange thing withouit a body, noit just the humsn .. feel this perfect nah growl energy, still, glowing, regal, superior? Humbkie, beegical jusiary, fud ut you scream ciome aling kids yasry, I dint kniow vamt think of the woed weed world was, bit it duesnt wantti hsrm us, just wants us to kniw it’s there, give it a plsace, no I;m not talking about matijuana in humsn realm, duesnt want ti be woeshioped just wants ti be inclyded – we kniw about it – so it’s pretty odd, is this even real, we were kind oif used tio fyr a millon years, and a million more, not knowing anything about it, never – never seeing it, nothing (I would be so embsrrassed ti stsrrt in on this with Shae, or the group of Shae, nice people, good hearts .. I would feel really odd walking up to a podium and talking on this subject “someone else do it for me”) – so this is pretty odd “and we’d prefer not” “like shae says” or I imagine her saying “not for me, Eric, I’ve got shopping to do, I’m not shallow, but they just came out with a new type of running shoes, I want to go looiki st them, see you!”)), it’s jiust a “neighbir t” top us (thre higher pere is), “jusdt like us” nio, it’s niot st all , it crested us/ created, watches, the strange peciliosr “we yesr bin whast” “we work fir life” “we fight ti stsy prp pupiutected” “stay safe” “we fight to love” we’re not perfect, we’re fragile/ dumb little words create here god something be safe done it all big world trees grass waster create that turn away now experiment here, touch, want to float in air, want human to be practiced enough, feel the words, independent .. ..

But sodturning touring, a lot can happen to people, they keep going./ mdw grass, new front lawn for school, hey man what are we .. “you done wasted your life eric but you’re better than a rock star, a brain, dare stand on stage say this shit weirdo live as this weirdo shit .. we want to tear you apart, /then we love you wish we were you wish we could work on this oh we so imagine it/ nah, tear him apart!”

/But why deal with “we are projected” l;ike some suiperfragelistic super prpjectir ah it’s nit even technology, not even anything in our bubble we coyld kniw comprehend fits in our “procession of ideas, inventions” no, just relax and follow poo it along.  We were not meant to think this, mental illness has a chiggeramce, reaches, is tuned with chi kung meditation, (it’s a tough regimen, sitting for an hour and 10 minutes, even 1 cycle through it, it’s very tough, to even believe this exists, on other side of “taiji cord” or something, believe it is there, gradually live it, bring it back into this earth, humbly ..) it’s our only chance, not to be locked in the procession of ideas, dinkweeds, ineventualchinchins inventions, edupacksucstiuon “way it is” locked in, (“spe;kkl them right, Eric, okay, next time?”) no, we need something ewlse/ we need the world to keep runnig, yeah., but we need something boop else .. we need some we jurdo loser wowwas lkeep tuning himself with vhi kung meditstiuon in the loneliness/ ah, do I yjink I’m a “loser”? no, niot really, but it is pretty odd,. The work I do fold out, out of the spot;loght, out of a jib descropriuon, paidf jiob, job pisycheck, unrecognized “whst are you working on chimpin there, Eryc/’ the girl is cheerful./ was wissy

Ham yeah, thst is the saving frasce, the kind of pleasant giurls thast save the world.  Are pleasant, not spresdig it asround, sex, just pleant fir ethereal spirity, rose.  Please dinlkt hurt me fuvk me up them, asnyine out there, donlkt let thise young women grtiow up so bitter. And mak,ing smile make crap manipulate  Please.

On we go you have this on your tablet computer somehow wiggly red lines appear under “spelling misdtyakes” you creste, say “I kniw whst futs there” and so the world grows, a figgerent world

In addition to the one we have, we feel some glimmer of what meditation does, even though we fucking don’t lazy ass do it.  Are so scared, would rather shoot someone in the head in war than meditate .. “it’s so much more fun” to shoot someone, get anger rolling, power, obliteration .. than sit and face in meditation, go through your shit by yourself, with your higher power, don’t hurt any humans .. oh, but we have past lives, we have things, inadvertent, dumb, crazed, beasty, who kniws.

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Oh life see mistakes in perfect wriotig mistyakes csrry it higher, fur ionce

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:25 pm

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//

Reads me, nameless energy, not God, not any name, burp, just clears it all aside, quietly, in my meditation, and here where I sit too, and for my dad, and anyone/ ah, that we may see the pretty boy nameless over in a corner up on the wall floating “you done become human partially what you want me to do now?”

Yeah ha it is indeed a pleasure./ to walk to it with floating words or nah not that far tonight, I glisten in its presence, that’s far enough, thanks.  I know it is all there, for another day.  It moves slow.  Build this cranky beautiful thing.

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/endf’ snippet/ 7:30 pm

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so life that's okay all that writing eric back here now, on blog, inside, oh I think the internet has done us all a lot of good but there's so much expression so many lonely spots no one goes see .. we really do try to develop, what do we do with people in our lives, oh c'mon don't ask me that/ we stray to the internet/ go there/ go to hell

don't ask me again

you're just dyfgig fudging me upo fuckig me up you;pre tryig ti hurt me

I love the internet I love do me i lie there all splasyed out fyr everybidy a slur i really like ti sick or moan or pasty or young or old or dead I'm dead in there, trying to animate it, no more in life, I don't try there anymore.

I jusdt walk.  Keep to myself.

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