it's hail blue we sad pee poo just a very tough life with ablutions fancy words nothing - I sympathize with you people and me too ahga all the same face one being one drawing limp paper scratch dawnout pool experience tenure at drawing linesiotchip this way to teaching calm meditation upstanding missing poodle rotty lines pencil ink coloured pencil cheap office supplies enough i have enough me and you makeshift scribble from sky acquiring basis here all of us same lineup for circus ride our minds on crackers not crack soup and crackers i'm boring come live with me that's all it is

We have odd drawing gathering steam or knows little pieces gathering organization balance for whole piece of paper strange fun fine not so fine passable line excrete ahg don’t be gross ah try to present embarrassing face mind me inside unknown scared at my age any age scared to show your sweetee this scared to anyone this, it’s not you in this world not arrived composite being, true being, strange 10 inch high silver white prayer being little girl breasts smoothed over vagina smoothed over, wise ancient looks 14 smiles gently says nothing produced from these papers sit push one across say nothing, can’t say her, can’t say nothing, from meditation, life, pain/ details .. sit a spell .. hey you .. say nothing .. live here with me, years, say nothing .. it’s okay .. say from across the way, a book, these papers a very unusual altered book, not a book, with us/ ain’t no one we have scribble out lines addendums adsirp slurp drink hot summer day be young in projected chi kung meditation energy/ smiles energy, fruitful warm other human being to you and me/ pat down pay for it?/ it is our with you who’s that our inner worth? Finally yes our true worth live/ but this is ours we each of us on this dawn drawing yawning.

-

So here’s a little/ a little hints and after that a little more

I me comfy here, more and more I’m knowing this/

-

-

//

Notes for the drawing:

Grey distances above a topping of almost making sense

Certificate oh the number .. graduation, from my mind gone, senile

If I can

It’s been back there a long while

What my extra mind my true mind what not of this planet to the edge of the universe go go .. find your way strange vines trees to begin with overgrown but I seem to see some path, magically, or full force little known not there other world other feelings humans aren’t supposed to have

I have them here now

thankyou

-

-

Oh life pushing put a little paper before us touch it prepare to dive in “ha, not really” ah come through my fingers my mind writing talking, maybe mumbling to myself here alone as we all are, taking a little time “as if our inside is valuable” “to anyone” what inside, ah, if I could ever make a clearing, clear it all aside, tangles, see what’s there, not pose, obfuscate, hide, not even know I’m hiding DON’T HAVE ANYTHING FOR THERE, DON’T KNOW WHAT’S THERE ..

Oh design me my hidden alien no grey hblighead fsce lips.. fsrther .. go to edge of universe .. mno mstter bidies legs arm fur me hey weerdi meditator you feel it over 14 15 nmisspelled some spelled correctly yesrs, for earth correctly og, take a chance bucko sicko nice more do it all your life you scant kniw any life lazu job or hsrdest jib of all, see us inside nothing there for cranky sheepish lay low don’t stand out in the bar in the grocery store anywhere no way to draw this present this be shy have a gallery, forum, anywhere “don’t know how to do the whole thing” sorry.

A little, coming together hummin look over buzzing bee electric in the air chance our fycking lost insude each of us

So here’s some weritig from earlier in the dauy, / like my tiny misspellings “tiny somethigs nit right I dont show you it all none of us show you it all”offline, just done, oh, some was in beginning if “msgnifucation” which ios furst opsrt of meditation, a serious chi kung, medical grade, some of it is torture all our insides aint pretty no siree/ I do, you stsnd there, in the pose, srms sround a big “beach ball” “visializxe it’ it spins, energy, from through talking to each other is nice close repartee with the sky if you can ever get styep one/ the taiji cord, through it, the “S” line in yin-yang symbol/ not from here/ you there boy “not from here?”almost collapse youy wince and yelp yeash in this pose ball spinning almost killing you/ hang on surve its wishful tank up good energy/ oksy niw go sway move .. in the rioom little  room little speace recroom small sunriban home

So I write here like every day man groovy no popapott nope n o meth nio smacklerel what you gonns fish for easy stonp hit me again no stomp I try the hartd way years boredom what the fis this finally vomes together/ here’s some I guve some, it’s 6:30 pm here niw, lster in the da, this is whst I do with my life.

thanksFor you. reader dear reader wee allow this contact slow funny who is this strange guy/ alternate life no never available in life

you got the handle eric

you got it now

-

-

//

Monday, March 24, 2014  11:45 am

Really, this book is about tangles.  Tangles of underbrush, like say an old house out in the country, abandoned for a while, the backyard has all the trees encroaching, weren’t trimmed down, oh they grow, and vines grow .. how do you approach it, not be scared, not just leave it for the next guy?

In your own mind.

-

//

Ah each of us carry on with life, we may be cheerful, on the surface.

What is it in there, is it a project to be tackled, or will you leave it well enough alone? – you still function, don’t you?  Yes, for a while.  And what is life’s true meaning?  Is it in there, in the tangles?  Do you cut a path, just to get to something further, or do you calm it all down, even it all out, thin it out, make it attractive or liveable?  Our own minds.  What they look like, sound like, eech cacawk loboll, gubberush, brief beauytyaw, ivergruwen, the tangles of little words the trees opushing through the noones the 12 o’clocks the nucleasr the handyyipicraft the btances dead alive / spell it better or show me there’s emough tbooks that don’t show me at all/broken snap off easily, your mind it is elevated then machine breakctric momemtous, sad world organized machine, I vested cry intertest on dollars the drip drops of ice a carpet paper of a dollar bullin my backyard a tongue sttasched to it at itd base and wagging willop, here I talk weave reeds my best as thart poor art piece tebbl temp1 secretary my mind sits outside my mind it is me typing the letters ogf in side ther foot0 foot zero let go there bye bye 3 foot bitsll made of astrom,anhopeturf colored with spray pasont a bog latex swamp tongie melliofluous convince inflated and rippling and torn in the wind/ let ot go, is there other times go the was veer away was you in there oopportunity?

We can bsrely do it./ the new opportunity see torn up ripped up old house swayiongh swavver swab creaky grey brown

Trees vines

here

-

/endf’ snippet/ 12 pm

-

3:20 pm

So I did a 3+3, plus I did the 1 hour 16 minutes magnification, so a total of 3 hours 56 minutes.  A long time.  But in the “+1” abdomen locked up, solidly, it was very frustrating, my human was very conceited “wanted it NOW!” “all of it NOW!” didn’t see why it should wait, it wanted the good feeling, right away! that it was used to! if it couldn’t have it, it would get it, it would conquer you, take it from you!  Hmm, so it is, but that’s not how it works in meditation, but I can certainly see the human “mood” like that, all over the world.

No, in meditation, you sit, you gradually come face to face with that you must sit wait be patient, see a more pleasant attitude, for real, you cannot possibly sit through this with a rotten attitude.

-

So it wears it in/ “like lots of bad little boys” and “bad little girls” do not learn in life.

-

You learn.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 3:30 pm

keep practissing, yeheha, keep practissong

Ah we try our best not to be mean “who amongst us, are stupid and confident, who amongst us are doubtful, filled with doubts, scared, and intelligent?” and so life is, hold hands, sweaty palms, gunk, cicvaoocola spit gum meat fry meat gravy all of it stand in a big group circle sway

How do we meditate

On all of this

-

Ah inside of us, be careful, like walk through a door, no one imagines they have .. go in .. what the fruginluck is this what luck see you for real yuck your inside insane impossible to place aside boxes, see edge of universe, see what’s really there.

-

-

So that’s a couple of drawings short explanations leading into, here’s the rest.

Writing from offline, this morning, this afternoon, nah didn’t include this morning’s and didn’t include back through yesterday’s and how far, my fucking inside or practice, jittery present none of us do what none of us have.

To present legible lines straight nonwiggly nonbouncing all over the place stray dogs round up take for pretty perfumed walk.

-

//

So here it is, earlier today, a long writing.

-

//

4:55 pm

Oh, I do okay.  I realize some of my work is pretty jittery though, the mind “in full-flight jittery” often uncomfortable to watch, ah in each of us, we wish there was true peace, and often “true peace” is “false peace” but we’ll take it.

Little hints in the person that it’s not real peace.

We won’t ask about it.

-

Oh we want to think it’s our minds acting up “oh a little false radar there” “shadup” you say to yourself, just enjoy the day, with the person, or people.  A group.  Who knows what you’re doing.  Sailing.  On a dirt road.  Pretending, there’s water, or hiking ground, or life.  It’s hard to get into, ask someone “do you feel, your body is false, and all it senses is false?” and they say “well, yes, I feel the eotu, and this created small art piece, if you will, we are just one being, it tests things out on, we believe we are thousands, even billions of people, we see them, we seem to think that is trustable verification ‘we know reality’ but alas we do not/ so yeah, Frank, thanks for bringing that up .. I am aware we are one being trying to see what having a body and seeing things around it is about, but then I fit back into being a separate body, my name is Jim, we are on a hiking trip, Carol and Sharon are with us too, and I just go by that.  thank you.”  ah, the advanced humans, able to locate themselves in all this.

Oh it often gets very confused, to realize human life, humans make messes, that need a small god, practical, that the human can feel, like a camp stove, like a good basic fixed-blade knife, to cut twigs, branches, trim fallen limbs, dried out, make a little fire, in a safe place, a campfire .. we need a “god” like that, that we know how to work – /the work is vicious, to get there, to realize what we truly are, we are held “to this notion of billions of bodies” “and each one pushing” “a lot of want for ‘scientific materialism,’ only trusting what is physical, the physical reality, as if there is nothing else”/ we hurt from that notion, it hurts a great deal, we are also used to snickers, people around us putting us down, if we dare mention the littlest thing, about unseen things being real too, assuming their form, invisible form – I mean, we’d be kicked out of where we are, the people would want us out of there.  But if we have a big SUV, and the weather is really snowy, the snow is getting deep, you need that physical reality, and “god” “a little practical god” the eotu, someone good at that, voicing it, we truly don’t know the value of that /“that human lives are supposed to be messy” but that some of us are supposed to be able to see outside that, to see the being with a couple of colours blues, a couple of greens pencils apple green lime green a bit darker chrome green what are all the names ah meagre small child, create, you are ours our child, we are your children too, relax don’t push for more than simple things, in this understanding/ it takes a long time to get to that, human life seems full of complex details, whether welding metal, or heart surgery, washing dishes is tough, careful with the sharp edges, everything is real tough tough tough/ our view, the physical reality you kiss us with danger tiny details know them/ and yet in meditation coloured pencils by something not physical, oh .. as if our view is made up by our senses playing recording what they see hearty surgery/ hearty? Or not robust/ are those the wrong words, on we go/ details of writing, and something watching, within these lines/ there/ and no/ sewage disposal pee makeup lines of computercompanies on the contents failsafe fire alarm extinguisher exquisite, anything/ humans enraptured bedded by senses collapsed by senses see feel exist be a certain age sex gender person oaf hoo la la piss off embrace delicate assuage, the feelings of tasshushi-plabblooplo girl boy what was that man woman writer fool exist live are you sure you are what you are is taking that past theory into something, edge of universe talking quietly here on earth as something//, coloured pencils, they try truly, energy what the mind pictures it as, knocking on its door, oh the meditation position the abdominal breathing, the mind avoid selfish thoughts of the human host body, you, me, sitting there, moving into coloured pencils, ha hap, yeah/ with not many other colours, diminished, or may try a few more, if we get a bit more with hours hours of work take this story past nonplussed humans staring, can indeed feel this/ we and a black pen, run out of the matter, what’s the matter, has been using ballpoint only sense of physical all we are, it smears, sneers, what then? Where are we going goals with this> ah, just live life, and where are we going with that and then this any give more tiny terrible unknown flips danger to ease in deep meditation hours too much survive inner life top of the edge of universe go say sleet leap wet cold yap bar sail drink end saw a million words new ones we flop in rubber dingy out of there here .. how do you numdummeralobe up earring eerie play in sound tinkle, where you are, truly, what is this meditation “nuts stuff” for people caught in internet lawn lying university street the physical reality of get somewhere but must, just must, have not done the meditation, we call what is the trouble we have here they get in, then no resources, have not done the meditation, do you feel my wink in trouble words so they want their troubles fixed with oink only physical reality bacon smile tongue kiss – that can work fairly good, love me baby, some thugs intelligent patter wing it we are it works good enough stare on, but what happens when you get lost so bad, hold me here, you know the problems have done something to do with - - “what?” - - exactly what we see closer – what you are, little thing

You know someone should be able to help you, we see you there, but we can no one can.

We are talking areas past science plop it stares does not want a course/ and religion, past any talk, any objects screaming from them, or belief tardy tar maple from them .. it is very hard to make an actual prayer being sweet words past it all prayers talk be with me, that is “there” but not in “physical reality”  / “the little thing, I can lift it to my hand show you her she can sit on the side of my hand I hold her up lightweight she looks peaceful, small, unlined, age and tuskawhoo bay out hound she smiles never did that smiles at me/ talk host human/ I will a little maybe later/ talk host human introduce me/ around the room as buzz, do you want her very straight sober no drugs had good sleep meditated is functioning as a fine human being, oh wait/ to sit on your bed, hospital behoves you to put out white cloth silverware minds caring you patient/ and respect that, and someone on the inside talk the group know how to let them guide that shaman witch doctor “which doctor did you say?”, when others don’t./ oh comma, oh baby, tell me, you are here tiny thing, prayer being, these tall letters, play human come visit me tell me this shit/ shift in  But are aware that we need proper prollya this pro yeah expert fleece warm not steal, we can no longer just ash-ush for hush blank material things tubes stainless steel tic toc, and suck mint expect to live good lives, it is becoming really messy, the silence affordable dinner tables, I stand near, read this ... the mean silence, but also we try to pedal, men and women on bicycle, world, chain around, globe, suit gears “keep reading I like this” says suit patient/, has tired iof theurt social grsces, can’t do it any more,/ did you just spell wrong jitter your mouth/ really simebre / sombre I think that says/ yes grey times, grey mouth flipper scrum rug moods, soot on rake the place, no matter how many times you clean the world, house.  Soot of mood, the mamn amd womsn can scruib ammd cvleam the gouse/ goose griouse amnd scrub amd cjean them people skin, it stays.

Doesn’t it, patient/The nood, no words to say, no experience in them, in thinking this, being comfirtsbke, someone in the grioyp gine through the torture of the mind desperstely staying to physical being really rude and powerful hurtful inside yourself sit listen all phones off door locked secretary told whywhen you try meditation, this is yiou head sdteve grey hairand past thst uis silenceopeasce.

Great pechere, as you are tired “a good workout” in medistion, 4 hours, who will do thst, you now, read a little, savour to see the true insude, hiw hellish it is, some daysm, fsce theur mind, wants to hurt them, insudem, no envymy, just themselves, ti be kind, furm, switch the mind ti something else place, when there seems tio be precious little.  “something else place” So to see the eotu, the edge of universe, and see the prayer being, small little 10 inch being, walking on esrtyhm and humsn betweebn them, the humnsn making lunchness, selfishlunchnessno, pushym, war,like, rashe, pillsgem, women and men alike sit now “”something else place” logvo, get own collect buy be rych ast all cists, all cysts poppewomen and men, ownm use, esch other, thasn ask wjst the flemusck is mollusc so wrong craw, why are you crying? “We all use each other, that’s why, get used to it, no stay other/ – no we all dinlt use esch other, but some intellligent5 gentke people are full of doubts unsure skinny, there is no confidence in them this, they are pushing flat tire beyind whst is there, the physical reality roll only, and fnding whst truly is there, but they hsve no coincidence. mee  Living ohysucally beig told ti gert ast it wotk obnky in thst you’ll be an outcast you wont be one of us as they work valiantly for harp solutions harp on whee fur all of us, in the incomfirtsbke, fscig your insude, which demise you sccess to the edge of the unipersoverse, and beyind thst, thst dyes hsve everythug ti do with us perver here on esrth.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 6:15 pm

-

//

So yes, it is a great chicken problem people are meek ouchwerful, too much thst tsckle this, esch day they hsve n confidence.  It is like thst.  quietly, they adapt, try .. they keep going, with no brsvsdo, swasjhbuvling in your cunfsce displays .. instesd hey do this work, fur whast we say, whst we dasre bring up in conversation.  Hiw we think, relate, see the world around us, and get past our sowhatemses, our eartyh senses, our sense of be our body, amd its sorrounduingsm, nit onky go by thst, it is very hsrd, and it is very hard break through meditation pain 1,000’s of hours ttoo, to hsdve no support friom the physical-ralityonky railroad rationality people, who are suffering too only them oh all of us, but refuse any of this, look st youy likeyou;re insane – it is a rough world, basd psttern s, thst are askig/ here my face says this don’t swat me/ dir a little orsctucval giod, geode find druzy a little thing rock pretty, like a camp knfe, like a tsrp, to keep off the raon, ray-on like a dugm spaz raygun a friendly dig but strungm, the family oetm, but a member wet of the family .. west follow meditartion watch here and then tio ths, whast is going on this, a prsyer beigm sittig there now past skirmish we tried to not be heralded i-onto damnation viblee invisubky, thst lives from energy of conversation on this.

What .. I too tired to complkain object I lullabyed into sleepy vomitplacenc we okay I was so scarted I am clean now I keep a hold of less do what you willi trust tou to heal me

I ley go a lit of the craP

-

/endf’ snippet/ 6:20 pm

-

So end of that offline stuff here’s me back midline or whatever you call it .. but meditation filigree in pretty straight writing/ crazy stuff, right, eh? Ah we all walk around this like full laundry bags full of this writing just behind our faces, suck in a bit of air through a pinched sliver slice appraisal of you

Should we tell you>

-

Now that we have it?

Any chance of having it so we could tell you?

-

Fuck no leave it alone leave it in place – me as same old tiker tanker slop in sandbox slug go pancake and slide over the side just sit there hello as usual “I really like reading your writing though, eric”/ and so we go terrible changes shocking new hard to get used to ugly just getting settled into place then it will be pretty we don’t know that, we don’t take the chance, thanks for taking the chance, eric

Thanks

“how far are you in implementing this in your life, eric, saying it?”

“Not far.”

In my life you don’t say it either I haven’t met people you say it either .. well in odd arrangements I have met them a little

Buried deep in the book you’d have to dig for it, nothing strange, too strange to my mind/ ah people need distance, from a close book – they need the close book, the close person in the book, but not the person to show up at their door, talk – this is inside, the insane inside, the nice inside .. none of us know what it is, we are this far along in modern civilization and none of us know what this is

so, where you at? where you at now?

Ah all of us are really strange – we like the human story “we like ‘we been placed here dinosaurs things, it’s our story, we’re confident with it, ah at the edge of the universe matter is conjured up, “out of nothing” we can’t see, must have dirty glasses, dirty minds/ ha, thst fur sire/ but we fycking make our way, niow whst was I talking sbout, h, chips, porno, ferrarai, msras, I dint niw msraccas, bug tstata, whst the fyck/ but man/ could yu spell o9kay/ is confused man and womsn we think our stiry is lsid out shsve your kegs iof you’re a womsn or a swimmer, man swimmer, womrn dimt ha ha all the sexes screw dip swim spaetmstozoa or woman recipe fur ione go asheasd I could csre less more babies “no more babies” I used tio say thst wth a laugh to my mom when I was a teensger /.. ah ioverpopulstion was just beginnig then .. but yeah/ what to do, whole story, excuse me I’m farting/ I ain’t a sophidticated being, but I feelinto al this/ might “we have this nifty nestyo stry/ but many layers discontued I didn’t pay the bill or something/ ndyscovered.. it seems our lsyer if bodyes, 2 arms 2 legs, the culture, and all they’re up to,/wow you guys andgirls pretty neat-o pretty busy yea, is just kind of a story capped on edge of universe we think it’s too many pages out to there we’ll get to it later/ how to handle it down here we don’t work on that/, and how do you grasp thst yiu saifd that, one way is meditation, / the hard core whip your back no please don’t do that/but thst’s pretty hsrd, anyine who’s tried it – “any meditation” my fucking mind ios just whipping around/the mnd is a strange place I peer at it down inme shurtthe door/, evem though you csrry it with you / hi there cutie goochie goo../ we all feel this existence of “other thug” “thing I mean thing” but it’s never heavy emough ti regsrd ir we might here “thanks eric owe yiou a beer I diont drink veer” nit in our langusge exystejnce sttsched to us but a clever line wow get off of blur comes down/ cleaver line okay/ we can’t see it ..

Any of this wiow eruc toy a 60’ws artist or what subversive no I don’t have a submarine of intent or anything I actually do the brutal chi king meditation process I crossed the 5,000 hour mark a long time ago/ derivative whst orsbnge juice ah sweet breakfsst damn artiast fyck gotta get going see you laster freak

-

So this one ah yeah it boggles the mind ah really the computer font thing printed out is just a little story one page all the extras there too, don’t worry about it it’s just some smartass he spelled some words wrong and to him “that’s some ontel;lecvtual protest or somithing” ha ha don’t tell him hes lscklustre and dumb, but you kniw lower level, besides druinking beer and stsrtig wiping off some stains on hus tanktop but you know they gert worn in and the things sloppy anyways/ I don’t wear tanktop[s/ polite name/ msteryal gets stretcged old, yeah, all resdfig msterual .. but yeah I kind of cut oyt the bits of writing, lines, in wavy cuts, wavy french fry, so yeah each one is different each page the writing yeah but shapes and I guess I duint hsve any “printers marks’ “thise ‘t-target’ thigs’ aligns CJMJ or whatecer it is/ whio/ but yeah anyways thst’s too fancy I come a long way tio this locste poor man vibes walk intellectual ryndywn humsn footsie haball comedy tragedy plsyer motopapercriss rsceer draw in no dunt plsy gfootball had a chamnce but quit ti deliver papers esrn sme nnery/ but I did the motocrss race that was 30 years ago/ way past/ .. anyways yeah thus sheet ..um the top psrt slightyly enlarged font is from last post, on the blog here, March 19, the “dot” thing “find a gentle dot” something .. but just to show all you can do, this fcked up massive 90 000 page book, but niot thst big cinsiderig just “oh well’ you kniw aoll of us watchig TV .. on thus planet .. hssrd tio gauge the concept of being these little thigs on this planet .. so yeah don’t worry about these words and wiggly red lines, it’s like a “certificate” you know, I;m no well kniwm, artist, but I guess it will be worth something someday, like 50 cents/ ha .. but you know, you can do it too, try, even though you’re no artist, or many of you aren’t, but back at home, the kitchen table, a few little xacto knives, colouring pencils, the important thing to remember that past these “investment certufycstes” is the way we talk, and I donlt fycking talk, I go to a recovery group, fuir mental illness, ah some things happened/ oh you stroked me ogfhere dearie? Oh baby! But we’re all fuckig nuts, we all go to a group, don’t tell work, at some time in our life .. but this is my work, thus writing, so there you go .. but meditation, writing .. ah the poor human all of us thinking of it “a lifestyle” in that way, if you will, pretty hard lifestyle, no jeans and sneakers and walking in the sun, it really hurts, to face yourself inside

It really hurts

-

So this one yeah more of the same ah so what, /you think of me “this eric guy must have a lot of time on his hands” not really, I just came off, some 6 months ago, well, 7 months now I guess, but I took care of my ailing dad, he liked to go to the park, in the better weather .. sometimes I got him to go, not too nice weather, just to get him some exercise, he didn’t like it too much/ ah, physically he was deteriorating, he passed away August 9^th, 2013.  Last year.

Rest in peace, dad.  I don’t go to the park that often anymore.  It’s been rough, recovering, it hurt, your death, as you know, looking down on me from heaven.  Sent you off there.  Read a little thing at your burial.  Sent you off.  We loved the squirrels.  Get you ready, get you out the door, help you with your walker, get to the car, get you in.  Ah the park.  To make it a purposeful endeavour, care about it, care about you.

And now, this work.  Yeah, hard work.

I think I’m dying sometimes, with the pain, don’t feel so well, devoted to my dad, let myself slide, the shock now, it cuts me.

So here I work on this.  This sheet.  Lemme take a look at it here.  Well “he’s” talking about protestors again, that’s a recent thing, ah we never seem to get anywhere much, a big protest somewhere or other .. sometimes they’re foolhardy, hooligans, after a hockey game they lost, I guess that’s a riot, not a protest?, oh boy, well they kinda mix a little? /But yeah on one level protests appear to achieve something/ oh, other levels, you get numb to it, so many news stories, wars overseas, wars touching these shores “information shocking me like with a cattle prod” “I just go where led” “or ditch it a little” “just turn it off, munch chips somewhere”

So last thing I can do really is protest in my little words, pretty lame eh? turn over a few garbage cans in here, kick around the garbage, run away.

That’s all I’m doing.

Safe literature from my tapped computer, yeah that’s buried in the story, it’s a lot of stress, that I’m being watched, ah it’s buried in the story, some things I can’t talk about all the time, as if on cue .. we’re all watched .. but this one’s kinda important “ah the fate of the free world lies in my hands” hah ha, no the fate of some fritos chips more likely lies in my hands .. but you know you might say “go talk to people eric” “go talk to some friends” but you know something takes us all over, all us humans, we don’t talk, there’s a layer, we engage in, but we don’t talk/  so yeah “meet here” you know be tired drag your legs barely make it here, tired, alone, all of us, when it comes right down to it, things we should talk about, off-planet, we can’t do that, how it affects us here “global universe” “universe global” or all of universe disappear, reach across small space touch what’s there what’s doing this, a lattice, a light, hexagonal dome, crystals, ah fairy me out, wood nymph, magic/ ah you know at this point it all falls flat “yeah, we support” “exploration of all that” but really we’re just shaving our balls, no sex life, but shave your balls, ha henj ha at least I;m making myself laugh here

All I can do fir you too

What a workd/

Hy cime by again soon niw y’hesr?

But yeah this sheet of paper, some number at the bottom, ah fuck we won’t get into that buried in my story fucking sick of it, move on, but you know, money and sex and girls, what? and quiet, solemn, not churchgoing, but the meditation has become pretty serious .. and really, people need something after it all/ all the skirmish and dullness of life, pollution, overeating, did you manage to survive it all and move on out up ahead?  Ah, you sit.  Find a log to sit on.  a bump on a log.

That’s about it.

All of us are tired, too much information just on earth, we dint want ti hesr it dyesnlt mean antrgug,/ anything/ I correct some here somei leave dreary pots of rain/ you grt ti the eotu” “edge of universe’ and it dyesnlt even csre, meditate, this strange other being, oh im popping up here, coming into you, ciobining with you.

Ah a whole interstig tiry.

But mstly I jus fart amd smell and nmix macaroni on the stove stink.

Like all of us.

Same old shitsame oldf.

Fucker, like me/But yeah .. protestors .. sick of it all, don’t want to be iverrun by ruch pompos people though crazy sadists, whst/ but  sit in a livig room in a million dollsr house I’ll go there or I sit in a living room wefsre plsce or somewhere in between sit bith three plces, simple boopk, sdtupi ppapers.  W’re noth stunned all both id us 3.  Ll 3 of this.  I dnt run betweem the houses, commuinicste, no one does.  Outer space, meditation, everywhere

This is one of those books you buy it and uits too fucking much to resd.  Yioupoumce om some spaces travel ticket globe in here of something/ You hsd big plans. / still do a bit, care about world, how do we enter all the levels and combine them/ But I grt your mney and ick my ass pick boogers out of it/ no c’mon eric/ yiu care, we know you oodo/ if thst’s / what was that word, voodoo? No, writing voodoo? I saidf no? but ill take thr plastic prize in ther box/ me first/possibke.  Amd dun test them, no.  But save them in glass jsrs.  Oh the boohgers or something,. shut up/There you go.  Beem wastchig too msny operverted cartons of cigarettes march off a cliff w2alk around downtown toons, in my liplife.

Rude meWe all hssve.

Just live, it’s like thusm, is this “smsrt’ but mizxed in, thst edge of “ennui” there’s a fancy word fuyr yiou, I betray mu world exhaustion smsrminesness smarmy yeah eric don’t do it too much “no ono eryc we sdtill think you fucking dmb” I am a crestre just exsted here cte toenails like amtine else clipped big thick marmadulc seaweedkes toemails the bug tie thriw in gsrnnsfe if U cstch it.  Try to keep green clean.  And on gross it gues. No I diont have fungus not yet, but I;;save some for your chop celery dip use these as a knfe ull mount therm in oak handle if yiu weant, bite me and my care for you hard chew meduom gum want a oiece no trick im playing I give you this/  Bur ennui, total exhaustion from shit happening in the world stay planet earth./ stay around, I still love you even though I can do nothing

And this.

Complivted sheet look st isome nuts eso wassreruc in bad persn dud iut “means somethug ti him screw” I bup, scrstch my srapi armpit, ah let the papers spice fly, might be wot a million flies messdollars some day, they fop on the floor, run over them with desk chair, no nit quite zoom black dot deer tiny thst bsd I’m not t6aking drugs, but yeah, I love you too all, people I dint talk to, except in this way.  at lerast we hasve this way.  We’re all in the same bitchprickopinnymbal brritscold er give sag in dundies done deed helped did this strange help “at the end of tity all” I hope not I hope theres more world to come.

We all are, messed up instrumenys gauge grease nose grease altitudevestments, in futre, right here do this niw, greef deep, dunsisdtence, enough ti get by, just live, and meditation in fast food carton Chinese fried riceveggies.  Cyld we ever do it?

Any of us? work this grd this nits this fvunny

We are nuts work scared you try ti gert a plasce to live huddke in there shoud you grt specal plates braces on the door, do you alresdy have breakin hsve them, renfirced doorframe, deep sunk bolts into sdtids, so door canlt vbe kicked down – alright snip we’re all scared.  There’s too much detail shelve go nit really so bad, say iy, much any of us can do nothing.

So I hsve this silly book.  We hsve a chance silly us here, I’m not mentally well in fsmtasy.

Thst’s all it really no ir isn’t is.  Things are encricig we can do nit a lothing.  I cme here tyhs low lot bid sweet book I do a delicious scabrous tea, isthat a brand, protest here, amd faintly I move on to solution.

Faintly.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 12 am

-

//

A lot to happen lay out

From a 90,000 page book we can never read.  Wander me you the here and loss.  Find a dot meaning page like wobderig yor index finger all over map the map pisses pages something to reinforce door or open door to better world/ pur preoccupation, lightly stamped storfy, somethimg to do, for all detasils of life/elsrge n talk sbout, no one there, our psges, quietly sell and breach, talk rare them, and our talk, night there.  A highly devrvish whirl siteloped insude, duper strangem come to life, politely, some rise of the book okay you did it somewhat leap over “hey eryc and friend we dint want ti fucking hear asbout it”  yes a little sorry to say so quick

“we dinlt want ti hesr about it.”

-

Grsdyate ti anither plsce, here in esrth, our awareness of what’s around us, comsciopusness let more in not collapse sble ti say anythug ti anyine about it no

-

/;/

So thst’s all fuir thst, a few drawigs, 3, guve you some taste,. Some encousgement “inspire test you wool and brat” as they never say.  Tread us blast worn out “ennui” worn away to nothinall of iot.

So the rest here is from offline, written after last post, offlinger single lane line whatyever, yeah, a lot of spelling mistakes, or some of it “srtusdtucv” aristiceracy/. Idiocy?/ would you say, yeah, oh ha ha/ yeah it means somethug raw msteryal you look st this book a lot of it is built to spresd out into life – give us the oomph yeah somethg ti do

About all of this. that’s going fine diont

So here’s I wont harp the rest.

Bye.

-

//

.. 

Here this starts at 5 p.m. I had just finished the post “find a gentle dot” or some time after .. but this is from 5 p.m., //right here, writing exactly this, it’s 12:15 a.m. at night some whatever-it is 7 hours later.  Thanks, bye.

We do okay.  I work hard at this.  Lots of work.  And “saving the world” no I didn’t buy some red material from the material store for a cape I just didn’t, I wear ordinary clothes jeans casual pants keep a dressier pair clean aside for lawyer’s office sometimes dad’s will these things .. I do my best to just keep going, but “superman” I mean how tired are we of old stories old fantasies the ingrained “the world is in trouble what are we going to do about it” “snarky, ironic, rude, disillusioned” “hold our own, opicjk up girld, use them, no, they use us” no none not me, im sad andui cry a lot no not somuch sadcry but / cimouter genersted new reiterstions, superman superdull suoperineefective want real watch, nunbm, why canmt we di sionethug all of us why canklt we.

Because we can’t.

-

-

So here’s the 5 pm work.  Sifgnig out here, it’s 12:20 am, this is 7 hours sgo.

..

 

.. 

5 pm

So I put a post on the blog earlier on today, just a bit after that last writing, included it, then some specifically for the blog, ahead of it, and after it, and there was a picture to start it off, and a title, something about “a gentle dot” but you know, “find your dot” “find your friends’ dots” ah we all try .. and the gentle protest of spelling words wrong, but slightly right, or almost right, one-finger-pecking does that on the keyboard, I never intended it, it’s just the pecking style, misses sometimes .. so some of it is good .. leave it .. over the years get a feel for it .. gently modifying “these straight lines” and no I’m not overturning cars and burning them .. I understand, to some extent, why people do that, they are very very angry, have just had it .. feel they have no recourse “they don’t care now – that’s it!” /so quietly, what would you call this? “I tear up the streets in here?” ah, not really, I just keep going, offer something, a little bit past it, like even people walking down the street with iron bars could merge into this.

-

Ah life, I tell ya ../ our insides, eh? ah I feel happy I can say this little bit about them, I been around them enough, or people’s careful squirreling them away, an inside wrapping it up, placing it near the back in them .. we rarely use them, and maybe that’s being too generous, saying we’ve even encountered them, in order to wrap them up in paper, like a gift, “a virginity”/ you give to your wife? or husband? Ah people, the other virginity gets taken some time in life, not too many holding out for marriage for that, but the other one then, not spoken about, we assume we include that a lot, every day, often “it is always working”/ my inside “my feelings, outlook, my temperament” ah mysteries, sit in meditation, a 100 hours, then a 1,000 hours, then 5,000/ ah, you don’t want to push people, ask them too much about that/ even introduce/ oh our world missing its “gold” its “true gold” how you feel, strange, beyond human/ .. but how far does a person go back into themselves, see other level of “inside” even see it at all?  oh,/ we do our best, the “gold” of saying the thing you can’t, a good thing, a deep yaya thing, not be smockered-snickered at yikes darts la, know hiw to bring iot, pesce .. a convoluted maze of perace shitevem get ti strange off-plsnet and get bsck here amd kniw hiw ti say it, little bits, strangest no guts say it in group/ over yesrs, through a tapped computer, you dinlt kniw wehere it gues, dinlt want to kniw, no one talks to each other locked standard face “I want the sweetnss, love me, then go away” “never will we start on thus iother’ “and I am so sngry, go ioverturn some cars and burn thm” “so I lovem, in sweetmness, then I go overturn some cars” and never ever is the other, whst iother? our true insde oh thst/ “only the way it goes I guess’ and hopes fir oit in general verse shoytnaculsr? No/ so .. the people, so the protests go on,/ on the streerts, and buirnig csrs and smashing wndiws hurling pikpes through them, and in my little sowhtit isnt prtest in here “I dinlt spell words right” oh wild eric yiu eildman!“or the punctustion isn’t cirrecvt” “or seteces run on and fucking on” “Oh Eryc! So dsrig!” put some periods i9n/rthey say thst sarcan-itrestically, or you kniw, we all undersrand, moving on, ti some solutuionm the poor protested insude, or loved, come along then, find it inthere in any of us introduce it to the world/ all the protedtrs birnig csrs, wish thst the people they prtest sgainst hasd insudes, and msybe st a qyieter time, they themselves realize they inlt hsve an inside either ../ spell some of this okay, show me a drawing andpaste down words odd anglesor jumimmied slosh prtest rock fall/ so here are all of us, on esrth/ ah whst do you do, little drags of mangked semtemces, tirn apsrt, protests .. whst grows from them, whst resut, any result?

When there was none frm the other?/ oh I wiould bever say stop its as if people dare yiou, despot rulers won’t listen to kindness never will/ isntit time some kind of kindness worked for all of us

-

Oh, protests, wsrs, revolutions, ah one ne hsnd you say there were bg results, din to tepid resilts, I think we all kniw though, the world chins on in its mess./ does chin-up[s? I don’t know what you’re saying there/  Proptests.  Say somehig is wring.  I;m not sayig to never do thst.  but the assumption we all hsve insides, and are using them, shh don’t tell anyone/ah it’s hsrd to pipe up, if someine on a grip is going in amd onm higging time, who do you tell youre just one of the guys/or another person, they think they are so pesceful and kind, a woman, shaking her head, when really they want revenge in some way on someonetning or somethinone too, want to get their duigs on .. oh the poor pure peace, lonh ways away/ ah for me I go on the internet look at artwork, not take things too hard “yeah humans are pain” missibng insude..

Poor things.

-

And life, hiw do you bruing it up, people act sweet, in neo0fonfly donegames,/ whats tjhat whata tjhat agaib? nesr-games, never pierce them needle thrm/who will thery capture, humsn, who will they hsve theur revemge on, in “nice games” – you only hope ti be on their good side – ah not really/ and to mention this hiddem area .. ah “the inside” oh yeah io heard iof that mantytimes I have one/“they assume they wrre guvem one, it’s a birthright, they csrry it with them, everywjhere”

Whn di we stsrt

Turned over little vehicles in hereWehere are the protests wse’re doing fir thst

Here, so draw a take on this, person in the world, do 10 takes, do 25, add yiourt logo, name, on these vehicles trying to bring forth the inside long hidden deep in meditation haver help[ with it not all people need meditatye well yes/And going in tio something, a sol-veeution?

-

No morte rtevolution one more I need the solveeution now

I priotet, these semtences are nit spet right, some of the words are not spelt right./ that’s where I am now, or purposely not spell them right, I’m marching here now, in our minds.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 5:40 pm

-

//

So niow you know thst post on the internet, “about little dits” “and thresd masks bsrely hidng bend thresds’ so wrap more .. and spelling mistakes,/ behind threads/ was what it said there/ grest tuiny protgests, in our minds, fur us all.

But drawings, / and the tiny protyests, get back in there, wherte we need to go/cirrct the words, or point them out, point thst there’s a lot missing in the world tiday, from deep down in us.

Try, do your on sketch “violesont” less ther violence/ or nit any, so much can be done other directiobn, little lines bastards ack hurts “spelled wtong” ack! You huert me/ but done a certain way I luisten, or iot opens to deeper meditation it really does./sdstrsct coluns wruite sportscasterour, vvid, funtm, let your vilrnerce” be thst pleasure in pencil marks ink lin, lerts move on, tio a soposedlution. Dilution? Solurion? I salute yiu beggars try

We just beg and beg and are cut down or see it all here intelligent tired adults see it all here

-

//

We lik3e it has a chamnce world meaning why it was built this way hidtiry bad pstterns life itself was never meant tio work out

Why it was built thus way

See uit throygh, keep the strvsce/ surface striations marks scratches trenches walk keep the depth

-

/endf’ snippet/ 5:50 pm

-

7:30 pm

It can be a very tough thing, just surviving, finding ways to contact this deep inside with people, but in a way not ../ and I need contact with people “on their shallow self” “with my shallow self” or perhaps it would be better to say “my average self” “their average self” we do our best, we are all caught inside, with apparent mechanisms of release – we have words – then we have orgasms “releases” I guess, is beautiful, can be beautiful – oh, I think we all seek words, sitting with someone, brave it – can’t do it.

Something’s wrong, in all the mechanics of human communications through the ages, it is as if we are 10 billion split-off bits from a central core that is just singular and plays, and plays seriously, and cries out in pain, it can never get another like itself, or nods off, ignores us, “back to its own” if it has any, or not by our definition, or is pure, so good, why does it seek it “our way”/ pure,. So good. seeking beyind its lilywhite innocemce ir uutryed gemntly it tries a million details then none fades away sgain/ sometimes, then turns up away, gone stay we are all foodand dinner companionsls then eaten no it cares but is lovely beyond us cries we do not hear we do not exuist in its languagwe thoughts pure none no object to cemventrate on notyhing, but loving yiu and we are smart fools, it smiles, innocent statyely/ ah people you are there I misspell erics need trimming fingers nail, protesting in little words, turn apsrt, poor thigs, torn apsrt “the seeming oerfectly straight libe, world lgubke semtejce’ gullible sentence? We read make up letters make up lives in tgis our missing lives/ “perfectly legubke person’ we canlt say anythug ti eavh other, canl;t hajndke itm brace for it, organize it – all is just dirtyurfsce of us esrth, not the place thereuis.  Gi fsrheer into this, explasin, grasshap. Mishap lawn tractor insect crawl take flight  Drufy, biunce off if.  Ha.

We need to survivethis, eric and grinding at our “safe world” but do we ever get it/ yesa little we allow him in hear his story he’s okay strange strained  En masses, ti write like this takes on msgked words as well as straight ahead lines a great flourish all spelled right, take on, adjust, live thr hidden lives of people refuse to admit there is a hidden wide area they can work in/ go eric go lonely life go-between between these forces/ ones, twos, unison do our own protests, line up new computer product no, all just kesrmed sodft lines design type or no it is just simple clear language of all us struggling to be simple clear, and not offend “that you’re hidfing something” “what are youi fhidinf/ see some o got here tjhat in many peoples hsnds draw the hidden places coming here to people,. or interested pescful people, sift through wallets wimmer win, or gemntke besides that, dinlt want ti fightk but want to protest, in our intelligence, in iou minds, a buit deeper thsn your butt everyday “can never ask you” “can never ever take ask you.” take this liberty

-

Ask for this

//

Oh, tio hsve some cuecuit, sdhiw drawigs, as ti which psge, ehich outcropping,. Rivulet river tributary words smudge line stroke Hi fsr hsve we git, to undersrand “the intirtal protesrt” “or interest’ “in going deeper” “but hamgig ion to our miny, our jibs, or ststuobn in life’ ;is this an oksy oroest, oksy interesrt, in sketcges, and then deeper, beyond protest,/ keep going I barely read a word/ inti the depth and kindness of medustion, fundig oiut hiw ri sopeak, with a cvinsciousness nit of thus world, which we really srtemt, deep ibn” /I need thrm spelled more correctly ogh all our ghidden life/ on papers, look, our hands clean, we are quiet/ but l;ooking into this/ seriously/ when no one will/ we do, some opening has been found to us through this/ wer accept/  .but when ti deal with it, when to say it .. slowly ../ set up a little shop, sell your haad-done papers, scans, originals, thery are detailed but some are brief expressibe, and hsve a little blog, and materials of how far yiou got on the talk if ever/ oh oresemt your media, asttemptig ti teeter tea talk, “ijn a prayer being” that seems disconnexcted from prayers of old or just walking intop this world not saying prayers for a while just looking/ “thst soeaks floating words” “oh eruyc there are hundreds if ntrues/ entries la before this, I dinlt look at but 10 of thm? 3-30-40 of them/ dinlt hate me, can I just keep up here, read these?” “yes, we all have a glimmer of this happening, somewhere” “we need comfort, safety, hang on to our jobs, our position, we can’t let all investments go, we can’t just say “oh someone will pay for me in my old age” they won’t / but we’re scasred ti evem rusk friendships, mention any of this, a friendship can be at great risk, try your best to say some of this, in human face, human mind, it is very hard/ you lose them, they think you weird, standoffysh “you dinlt sct like the rest’ “and nit in a good way’ can they hang on in thst, see past the weeks, months in that, evem yesrs, to gert tio thuis/.. / not likely/ ogh they do/so we look at this woith some caution tepidly, but strong a few days later somly, some hedguig our bets, of beog wastched, of beih pointed out “fur going sgainst the ystem” whem it really idnt thst .. /as if red crinkly lines labeled under words “wrong” but could just mean “okay wrong” okay/ meditation is walk fsr beyind any styetems, you lesve esrth, if done rught, and it’s sanitary sane .. it’s just what yiou never felt had proper entry point life is some health some bad habits we struggle through different, and yes, tio build a little portfolio of investments, monetary, spiruitual/trusted, low risk./ or what? low risk finacial? High risk spiritual? No, low risk both, I don’t haved any spirtualones antway, or now I do this odd stuff/ my poertio ill watch a 100 people do it first/ try ti fund a decet funsmcual sdvisor/ or papers oh, defies the odds, is really quite ckever, and nit fooled by imsges o thigs, somewjere, in funcuyal sdvusors and lawyers, there are/ and what is this good iones/ oh my/ ah, or referrug tio it, whstever it is, heloping with iut .. is thuis somethug thst is illegal, no it had roufgh seas but/, is ot rough, no, duyes it hurt other oeople, no/ it just stumbled bumped its head, get up. brace against wall, brerathe, you’re nit bramdshig a whip, evem whip-smart, no/ no pistol wit and beuig popular cruel .. no, but it’s whst we make ogf itall want .. the explore this unsvailsbe insde filmy ohits notpoetry truing poetry grind add lumps splatter gune nit poetry just mystical oery or some other us all other furms canlt gt to in our lifetime are frystrsted with our everyday life form getting and looking st sort it out, leave it .. do expression, no but no expression isn’t goodfir us, silentm, hsve jobs, lives, feel emmsaries everyeherte don’t talk/oty, but must keep jobs, lives, and if you hsve any jewelry like a tiny gold ring hardly 400 dioolars, some gold in a sterling top/ ah you dint thriw it iver the balcony sttsched to parachutes, anybody get it down there

You certainky dinlt. Lose money that way lose face try adaptations of my try I don’t go down to ppular meeting spots and march with as sign – we all need some other way – our sophistication,. But no entry into missing pieces, for alkl opur sophistication

Mystery

Wull he talk to me

-

//

So onwards do some draswigs “I protest, on my leave, I don’t prorest I draw I take care ogf my sentences I love, oh wolrd prdesseing red lines undert the ones “hey this isn’t in my klisdt” as fir us all buddy/ buddy spellchecker/ my world, unable to say a thiong, my time taken up, my lesure time too, no crazy artist have around oming to kill me one night, no/ I don’t go meet/ tjhey don’t jhaved anything anyway/ sometimes I think they do/ too intense, eric, you push/ I don’t like it/ and in out thetes the door/ my paper I have watercoloyrs it is ligjht, thanks eric see you someday” “I draw little protests and leaps to intelligenc, to the straigjt and narrow sketched with wider but still good honest not of this world I be clean, line, to the sdemtence” “but I still want ti commubicate be ”

-

Deep in I am really strange, but I will take my time getting evidence mounting my defence then finally hugging you on it

-

It is a strange embarassing tthing, eric I just about divorced youi from friendship write eric write your strange approach I know in person I can’t glide through this, you can’t either/ introduced, some otjherf world, wer cant/ oh sail ships armada kid on beach laugh mommy and daddy keep close watch, play youngster, play adults all in trouble, safe play for solputteion/ if you ever try anything it name, you never want ti asgain, left hsmgig there, spinning, a werdiom insane lo, nit ine of us .. as if ine cemtral beig, closer to its roots nuts calm reasons, is exceedingly gentle in nuts calm chattering squirrel twitching its tail, but really quite strange.  To mention, the underlayers underwear of a squirrel, what/ keep on, we feel ennuded, what?but cannit emnlightem on, benesth our jealopus jewelry, apsrtments, bank carpets continues.

We just want some entice me but no vamp hollyeood hustletry.

-

//

Thus fr past protests wars shallowmess emnotiess highermess loops of filmuds of laughter poem saint divide are yiou laughjing at mw/ losds revolution rtesr the rtcj apsrt, the poor becme rych, then tesr them apsrt too – tesr, tesr – rip up envelope nithig left, come to me sad sameasalltherest website paoers, or keep your lonely little isolsted papers eric, all of us. yiu are all of us/ we see yiu now no person come up to us awkward we see all your failed tries art this eric

Awkwartd

Yiou hung in there

-

/endf’ snippet/ 8:30 pm

-

-

..

So that’s all for that offline stuff from 5 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. here, here I’m really tired it’s 12:30 a.m. later on in the night, did all this work.  ah again I hope you have a fairly good reading instrument or whatever you call it paper-look screen takes care of you is not too bitter on the eyes ouch, not too much strain,/ I won;’t be posting for a while this was somner attempt present the book as it is blossom reecho ripplearf lap water me from here and you join me we’re all dogs we allove, last ones left we try/ ah/ if you don’t have a screen makes it easier I apologize I just wrute thus here I;m nit thst comuter savbvy I do dab the writing and it’s a messy lot asbsyract oaibntbes /paint tubes of words must have dried up tubes squeeze out mix around the brysh minds you all we will do

Well, come on figuratively home of this book for lonely powerful people staring don’t want to go crazy.

Goodnight have a good sleep