Shae, the girl, finds an elf

I wanted to make this drawing “sort of the anti-drawing” it is very easy to draw a young girl meeting an elf in a forest, or with some work you can get “a pretty picture” but what about the actual occurrence, an actual young girl meeting some strange creature, could be an elf, or a man, is he a strange man, what qualities, nature shining through his eyes, eventually

But he just doesn’t fit

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She tries to convince him

That he fits in the world

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So yes what is past all our fantastic drawings, movies, special effects, all the darling fantastical images and recreations and presuppositions or supper or bend down or whatever .. what are paintings, illustrations, highly skilled, but in people’s lives, no.  You have nothing.  “Okay, I saw your drawing, you have that, now do you have the other stuff, in your life?”  you?  actually you?

you might not talk for years - do you still see me?

Do you see me, did you say anything you see me, did either of us say anything, get caught in usual speak say it like stone automaton grass wheat woven hemp straw front doormat back doormat rubber leather jeans pretty masculine female all of it line it up just line it all up

Or leave it unlined

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//

Who ever does that

For years and years and years

Then meet later

As real beings

exercise - don't want to do it - don't want to get to it - why stay alive for future man and woman, work on meditation and exercise, why stay alive/ the mysteries, of longevity, of not giving up, that is a big part of it - in your soul, not giving up

So I did some exercise, wrote the following in “long book” but yeah, the picture above “I will go” go to difficult things, get them done.  Big cranky loopy letters barely get it done, confidence bravado, wade into it – foolishness – ah, to calm down, little figure, slight, smaller scratches, smaller diameter nib on pen, smaller .. /try

6:35 pm

So I did an exercise session, it took me just under 2 hours, warmups, joint drills, then stretches, all-body, a key factor today was “alertness” be in the spot of exercise, stretching, feel your body, be aware of joints muscles tendons.  See what is happening.  And it will help you.

It’s hard to do that, your mind wants to wander .. but that puts your joints tendons muscles, your continued mobility, walking, moving, being independent, puts it severely at risk, not being aware this way.

So you must do it.

Slowly.

You practice.

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It is worth it, a focus that can carry you on.  Ah it ties into meditation too, being aware of your earth body, keeping it going.  With energies you access from beyond.  It is quiet.  A quiet practice./ you keep going this way.  We could all keep going this way.  Mysteries, unexpected accessing some slight part of solution.

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/endf’ snippet/ 6:45 pm

ah we live we dip we stream we flop we surmise we get smart we get dumb we go on

This first drawing ah messy you know you want it messy a live person live stimulation go out with me or anyone friends meet alive seemingly, not a lot to say on things, underdeveloped at home ever take the time sit at a specified time do you have hours do you have skills pencils pens voice video media anything nothing not invented, you, me, so meet.

And pretty girls, anywhere, photos, yeah, like on the internet.

Okay, but it doesn’t do me any good.  So think.  Some good viable summing up moving society on, oh, visions, meditation, time, prospectus, advertisement, sales, or time, many years.  Alone.  As each other.  Do we ever develop it into anything?  Or rush to get away from it?  What each of us carries with us?

So yeah.  Stay.

For once.  Stay.  Humanity be asked.  To stay on that.  Stay, don’t run, to company, as usual.

Share the strange alone “I been alone” nothing to show.  Now you do.  But don’t dare or don’t feel comfortable not sexual overly or dirty overly swearing just not here on earth I can’t show you./ somewhere we leave sit about have no matter not made of matter shaped into bodies – you know?

No.

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They say that so you never tell.  They say that on the surface so you never tell.  But inside they feel.

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//

So next drawing “People’s creativity is fantastic!” and it is, some days, I enjoy looking at the internet, I find places, people trying to sell their stuff, art, crafts, jewelry, paintings, assemblages, chairs, pieces of chairs, blended with seats of old school desks and paintings, thread, beads, mixed media, ah don’t overload, keep me less queasy, but yeah some days you can take it in.

Others no you’re cognizant of being disappointed, buying things, being disappointed.  It’s still /you there, alone.  No one is daring, works on that.  No one knows how.

It’s like a thing back in you watching sewn together glued hollow rods screws through screw threads I don’t know “a thing” not really you, watching you, attached to you.  No one has verbal games for it, papers, nothing./ a setup an atmosphere an assemblage art world talk corner store talk nothing we abandon it get together with other people don’t have it at all/ lonely thing, back at room, have no voice fir it, no pencil crayons, no high school class encourage art, no older student, 20, graduated, you still pursue art? you got a voice for that yet? the thing no one asks about it in that way, it has no voice in what you do, you are always in the game, approaching the game, what’s you is pure not going to be involved not without a lot of work meditation suffering even then living in suburbs city world no way through no setup no social life it can say anything is known, known about, someone questions it, thinks it’s weird doesn’t mention it, may mention it later, someday

This thing

We never get to, it’s vague when alone, doesn’t catch onto human words, human action

And is gone when together, we would be distant, nothing could encourage it, anyone try, be entirely foreign – then at home, we are vaguely aware it is there again

vaguely

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Nothing to say ask it out from its hiding place, it’s not a new sexual urge, change sexes preference, it doesn’t even have a body anything “you’re silly thinking this go back to life” but as if “is this what all that silly meditation stuff is about?” the truth, wear it down, your preference for words flesh walking around streets .. something else made us, past God, names, take your pick, world over, humans in a human state, with words texts wishes eyes see out into universe it’s not even there even either are we made by something isn’t us is us it doesn’t touch come in completely talk as us look at each of us as it too, no that would blow our minds, we stay alone, stay vague, live our lives, till this

Vague, then handle it

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//

So third drawing yeah as if “dog following man for words” ah old way of human a dog following modern human, not there, not even human.

What you want, words/ or do something to those words, wrap silver leather around them, there you go, like leather oh my, dead animals, ah but don’t dye the leather bad, carcinogen or anything wear off on me what am I talking about, stay safe, do things the same, I don’t know what we’re going to do./ not talk of it much, just recede here, that’s enough.  Too much you delve into long slow work can’t say it in a day.

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//

So last drawing “what other life you living besides this one?  Want to live it too?” ah we all have something else unidentifiable using current human words descriptors shapes us them, what them you talking about, nothing, aliens, green skin, grey skin? Nothing, further, to where “no matter” no shapes, construction, particles, thickness, like pancake batter, anything “it would give” “in meditation” let us think partially as us, partially as it

It takes years, welcome it, nothing, the human mind thinks as baby to teenager to adult and nothing, and can’t think this.

And so it takes time.

Weird life, and we’re not at all prepared to live it?  Is that true?/ we’re here, presented, painted on top of electrons and atoms, those performing, for scientist’s glasses, lens, microscopes, super, getting into things so minute, but still we are here, exactly here, and not there

Kiss it, unknown warehouse blank face empty a million miles forming into face no nothing don’t fret sit with that a few million years and become comfortable with it after a while, let it not form into something small, focus, take it as it is, not human fast demand deal with it as human allow “you could be wrong” “you could know nothing” allow, let life slip away, over, sit discouraged alone weak allow for it to be there, tired, broken, you look, all ego burned away, you look, competent meditation practice, you look, not looking, one day, not looking at all, you see it/ grey close doors open doors you whistle through fast wind but are still where you started

Be calm let entire grocery store run away and then again a million times wait for it to slow down now sit and look

Smile odd curious insane human madeup then becomes not that

Take imagination human library supposes thing that is never there then slow easy right down step out to greet it no body anymore no human body mind see grey clear whisk away replace it stares over a 100 days getting closer to see it there liberation no tithing is or make click or nail call houses mail for dick box letters assort found words ignore these odd lump carve you place you nope ew fwaythin flat letters draw assumptive opump watern nirmal you shim sdhape fruit bitegrt jotlr imsge you asre4 the heresy of fake orgasmgains progress hello laser blunew respect and you sre calm wirh secret world whoop you dhould never tell another hum sob now sit and open

And more move gradually you rember it top form, frind cionnected dots feeling of wrote a body of words holes threads sewn super spectacular dimension seek small enough to fortify hair small of odd friend universe speck drawe and implant paim gross motor along human divvye small piprayer beings titrate aslive in imagination dribble baby scene modoedf to hold more traipse before coming drape grapple snap in real stay around real later lather full wash game nut not meet humans and close off stay this time oops carnal wall awail

we all, just .. get tired .. do drawings all day snow on the ground, kneel in the snow, on a table, legs cut down to lie flat on the snow .. no .. that would be crazy

This first picture, oh the frantic pushy tongue kissing, ah the picture the female figure she looks distraught scared flustered ah could be either of them just life “deepness” you know, hard to get anywhere – sex, kissing is seen as ultimate, like chocolates, like not talking, like not braving that fucking bullshit of even attempting to talk, great mystery.

I mean no one has instructions you hear of no instructions you don’t want to hear “it’s just a given” “you took care of it, you grew up, you took care of it, you know how to do it” “everyone knows how to do it” .. it’s tiresome, the missing instructions, no one can ever come up with any

Missing us, off the page, out of reach of whatever lights are there for photography, life’s position, brain lights, person lights, inside lights, getting farther and farther away, in us, as us, what are we

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//

 

Second picture, ah scratchy lines, inspire some words

Help us we are stuck I want to see it odd fling and fuzzy out of control barely expressing

Nice picture

There, there, nice doggie

Don’t bite me

Lie down with me communicate with me

Other human

So far away on this

Breathing

Close by, anywhere some

sadness, c'mon pick it up I said pick it up! no just joking harshly I'll sit with you ah the impossible 'over the hump' sit a thousand suggestions drain and lame and are a pain that barely cheers you up that rhyme or some strange flavour gets you through, a little, mystery, ended, big wall, dead end, then something, clue, outside of it other workings touch you

We all need a little strange mystery friendly mystery beyond us can’t see it can’t contact it.

ah I wish I had a big book it was connected by little spots I could print out pages not damage it snip out little bits not damage a "good book" but it was designed allow me snip out little bits haphazard leave them places leave "title page" of my own design, impossible to assemble book, the whole thing, just like the whole world

Ah you know whole big book terminal cancer or terminal loveliness humans spreading over the earth the big ice cliffs falling the deer falling confetti at weddings is that wacko? Show me peaceful protests or assemble a mentallill tinsel tensile bridges to poor far spizztettchnoralf everything

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//

It’s just “I don’t want to read another book” but you assure me it makes sense in a long-winded kind of way you spend 10 years like determining to do meditation, learn how, a master can send you to the door, you go in, spend valuable personal time, years and years .. “or I’m too busy drinking” says the teenager, or young college age/ drinking, while learning skills, to make money .. who will assemble dumb book, world book, world dna, world science, world religion, world everything, all falling apart .. little pieces, mean nothing, we scramble “hey eric you got 90,000 page book? that’s huge, but not as huge as 10 good books or a library wall, or knowledge was supposed to get us somewhere

World

Let me have a little plastic sandwich bag of eric’s words ah I didn’t read them sorry guy but I enjoy placing them places “for the book never read” I put a sticker or a little standup sign identifying the book “too long” “or too involved” “to ever read” get a social feeling over, a social feeling assembling it

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//

Ah I buy pages format interesting extras pictures he does art “wants us to do art” I don’t know what he’s talking about “I buy the latest news” he gives some free, some he feels embarrassed about, close to, so he hides it, makes us pay, it makes him feel better, ah privacy, games, embarrassment, we’re all fucked up .. pieces scattered torn up stores cars people not blown apart by bombs please, but just the feeling “nothing is assembling” just more and more is being made, I don’t see it adding up, I don’t think it can

Something is missing

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//

And he talks of a little being, “that he projects near him” no he doesn’t hsve a prohectir beam or some new technology frm califpinis cpertyno or something, no he’s just talkig and from yesrs of medustion and mental illness schzip potbellhtrenia potrebello?, whsteverr thst is toilet, not a dufferent oersna;ity, just niot fitting with reality “he left to go to the store of the sky blue” “was tortured there here somewherte menrental frill posit krimp iss cramp my style oof “body he left behind” it was tir per etired – he left it behind you

Niw he’s zoom bck

Ah with things to scatter say his minions friends nice wordf wha we all just juice, little being get, good beig, adds it all up without a 2 asrms 2 legs bdy

Feel thst little beig

Poster being

For confuasionNo hes too shy tio merssed u, you do it criwd of readers opu develop it, okay it’s he’ll gve you hnts, do as best you can on hints built strange quality mind vantydo without meditatiomn and crtaziness rare guive you things that can definitely assemble

we like getting hints .. sometimes frustrating, from afar, nothing, nothing we can identify

Pictures what is it I see a bit of a face there technology bolts scratches electronics jewelry oxidized> scratched? Roughened? Man woman out on a date protected in corridors get to restaurant love me hate me never say anything different – strange human sit with me, haven’t been around for a while

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Ah what do we do, other beings, hint at it human, in practical ways silly are you having a nervous breakdown, we all just know we are shutppo flush wash hands go upstairs go to restaurant sit whhst do your teeth look like lower teeth do we see more when talking what are you, your skin your glasses/ dont fool with me – there is nothing else

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//

Ah land in spaceships no I prefer you to be a strange man lost his way lost some hair got older

Ha ha

Will they all come that way, aging balding women, or men, or anything, put on a few pounds, their jowls, a lady once pert fresh 20 now you can hardly recognize her I guess you look the same .. old people .. now just stop here I want something exciting fresh young like a superbrain runner girl she’s an athlete she’s also a genius writer and she’s only 16 and a prayer being, from some other planet

No, okay, forget that, just come back to usual, stay with me, as just the other thing.

Are you smart?  Old man?  Old lady?  Did you develop a brain?  Somewhere along the way?  Fuck you, bitter twisted happy dumb degenerated failed old useless, or alien and pretty, your mind pom-poms instead of your ass pom-poms, cheer us on, this failing earth, with scraps of paper, dropped from your hands, feed us little birds, standard practical birdseed papers torn printed on drawings duplicated I follow you old stupid person I am young I feed not by mugging you I get this now.  I am happy.  Strangely happy.  Thank you.  This is special.  Beyond wisdom of earth could fever get me sick flu puke, inside puke birds were drawn from wet projectiling I saw them sketched I no lying.  Hold me.  I’m dying.  In my pleasure.  Of all world./ odd setup you got to me just a usual human dying breath teenager got 50 more years fuck you I’m smart don’t need you, you died ran out at 60 repeat I see with scathing eyes boiling in my front my lie my youth for repeat, no not this time, I do something this time/ with your help/ here on this earth.

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Ah funny old people or in shape or was at 45, she followed him for 7 years, 8 years, genius girl runner space girl pretty alien nice midriff .. movie-watching teenagers seeking specialized old modified wisdom not here impossible here, he ran, or he mostly did exercises on the spot, came to the park

They followed, some book offline online got it some strange way “contact” boring stationary staid same as usual earth .. something else managed to get through

He doesn’t know, mind blown, but not crazy/ they need something like that, odd flavour “he’s healing” he’s not “abandon him, he’s weird, not our type, revolting, wince-inducing strange smelly would smell down there is not an athlete washed an athlete of the mind

Or something .. we like him .. healing, but lifelong crazy .. we like him

Arrived on this earth

Good enough

facsimile

Odd alien, never get strange frightening shocking probably killing us

Instead we get him, kind of gentle, why were police after him, kind of a “typical unusual alien no one understands, authorities try to thwart him” ah more likely failed mental case has some aura or charisma, no not much, stinky weird redfaced kookbird can’t talk in owperson you hurt us deceived us “you weerte special man” you were nit .. work standard, disappointed,, work on good thigs, they can happen, barely, part aura “of all huimsns are soecial and grest” /great/ spell we are nit – why?  Why dud the whole shitlosd let us diown? All of usWhy?  // held us off fur as long as possibke seeig him from sfar we dunt kniow

Kookburd

In us all

yeah

 

We really, just, care for people appropriately, wind this down, not to stop it, but be aware, don't go too far out on a limb, be aware of fitting into a society, not just being a rebel and saying "to f with it all!" no, there's work to be done, but it's slow, and you may not be able to keep your creativity through it, that is the way it goes

“Care for people, appropropstyely”/ appropriately/ ah spelled a little wrong, at least we have the barest hint, things are not as they should be, or could be, can’t do anything about it .. small corrections to papers, draw things on papers, have any skill, or any grasp, of what they are, in this hidden expression, takes years, “unsound mind” or different mind, and meditation, when you don’t feel like it, each day, there are some days you just damnit don’t feel like it at all, and those are the days you really need it, to discipline yourself, when there’s no one else there to do it, you’re not in a monastery, renounce earthly goods, take your vows – no, you stay in life, and in many ways it’s much harder – you still have a rude mouth, or in writing here sometimes “to explain things” “or it just feels right” mix it in, what no priest would do, or at least in public time, and what crap is he up to behind the scenes, I have no such thing going on, oh I look at girls sometimes on the internet, but even not that so much, it’s no replacement for a real live person, caring about her.

And life goes on, yeah, tone it down a little here, fit into life here, this is Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, it’s more a “buttoned-down-town” people are successful, have money, do not say much .. but you know, it’s okay, there’s not “too much” violent crime, yeah there is some, and drugs and sex and all of it .. oh make your way .. /these things talked about in here, nah, not that much “make your way” it’s mostly a silent thing, you might meet by having a little book reading, I was going to say “at a local book shop” but are there any of those left? And life, sit with others, hey I could have a little table .. or sit on a slightly raised stage there, a microphone on my lapel, my shirt, /say what?  Oh ..

You know how it is, our hidden book wishes, Book ideas, farflung, great, big ../ and nothing/ and life .. quiet author, quiet audience .. and life.

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//

So yeah does anyone have even the tiniest touch more than that?  No, not really.  We go in these rhythms, today is part of that rhythm.

Ah some days blasting through with frightfully original things ..?  /sure sure.

And.  Oh no one cut up, no one in car accident, “in book accident”? yeah maybe, that wham thinking, emptying out thinking, rolling off carapace what’s that just some word sounds good I don’t know what it is, a container for your cock? No, excuse me/ words, go along, honey,. Huffing, bubblinf,. See the streets hnere, lots of cars angey soft durry shaved what? l;asty sdtyreets we hasver asvailable,/ last place here rubbing scraping stop get licemse papers out/ for any kind of change at all/ mispeel;, accept “crazy woprld of wrioting” takie it here?screaming along, tali8ng too9 mny chances chamges, chan/fge flyimg in words,/ just spell correctly, do it/ flstig n words, hiverig, ufis.. /your fist?/ ah teach your kids to sp[ell right/ah dint stsrt thst .. or if you tempif you do tem,per it with some chickles, oksy buckko?/ chickl;es is that a gum I cant see what you’re saying here/ no one canminds grumbles half-said words, half-raosed nighties touch .. drive .. try

Get home, in close book sit sigh reach for pipe – pot? Tobacco? No do some exercise do some sweat/ be caught in choices for better life and the pain to building to that

Okay.

artist's statement

Artist’s Statement:

This blog is the frontline, the helm if you will, present, the face, well, it’s not quite the face, for eons artists have presented quite a fine face, and you meet them .. well, they’re nice people, or could be .. art is a peculiar thing, it can really modify us, it can make the world seem a better place .. but in person ..

And we let things trail off.  /So behind this blog, is more work, but I would specify it as a book, and me, as a person, no.

We let that trail off.

We live in this world.  Like that.  But I assure you, any of my paintings, drawings, visual work, would look fine in a nice quiet gallery, tall ceilings, quiet space

I am not there, I might come to the vernissage, but I am very quiet, even withdrawn.  There is nothing here, as is depicted on these pages.

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The artist is not the work.  The sports star is not the person.  The business leader is not the person.  It is all a show.

May I know the person?  No.  You would have to modify that, get beneath my skin, ask me questions, I would become flustered, you would have to know me over years, and even then .. / /“give me the freedom, in art, to realize this, tell art to shut up, and work on this.”

I cannot work on this in my life.

But it must come out of the art into life.

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Which is impossible, I know the game by now I can produce only the art for the walls, that is a lot to do as it is, and I can choose my suit for the vernissage.

Do not expect more from me.

Do not expect more from any of us, whatever it is.

It is an illusion, that the artist gets farther into the human soul, I have seen them in life, and I have seen myself in life, there is something very peculiar going on, to do with our bodies made of matter, formed, of some material, the same as rocks, as desks, we do not have control of this, it seems we are playing out a little game, and to see the pieces in play you have to go deep into a hardcore meditation.

You must not shirk this, and cannot complain, and stop when it is tough, you must see it through, for hours and hours each day, to see this.

What the human is, or gently place the story aside.  Could you place that over there a bit, please?

Top bunny mystic next steps faith Voyage

Oh this drawing collage well men get money buy beautiful girls, I guess they want to be kept in much nail polish and boutiques where a million dollar smell gets you in/ ah spirituality, who doesn’t turn out to be a bunny faith healer? You know, tits and ass? Want to touch a girl, got nice tits and ass .. or live with someone, know her, cry with her ..

See dirty tarp old wood yard needs cleaning up

See all that

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Dig in

Or abandon her

She shows a little, doesn’t want to be abandoned

Don’t abandon her

Where is the real life of man and woman/ or anyone, any sex, friends, lovers, people to besotted blah bra hold me my two hands extend ing over a canyon, dropping, with care, see me run back to store with tears streaming down my face, “she ripped me off!” for love, dry face, stare can’t access her feelings his no one’s its/ so this book, I’ve got back “it” I keep it in a cage, no, sharing so much from offline too many lines you need a big picture for every 10 lines I don’t have that/ sarcastic peculiar places get your hand out of there, to start peeing anonymously urinal no one else there/, ah I got hints over the asyrwabes, just dtop it, but also/yeah just though, there needs tio be some acess key, is it money – if you psyy to buy my books, you gety success access to my inner feelings I don’t have any yes I do they’re tender bruised? oh how terrybke, as it goes stsndsrd fsre, furry world the world, hooker for words, patronersn stay “give me money, make me a prestigious aackcoughithor, hootherker fur words, though diont ever say thst any’ let’s just lesve thst behind niw, shall we/ ah, yesrs sgo, I put an asd in some newspasper fir thst, it was not a sexual come-on, just experiment in no at all, but it dudnlt make sdemse, to people, nithig makes semse pushy artsy, push, fir anythuig else,. We stod failsd just as experctedthigbs re

regardAnd men want women, to stri diwn, lovely things, a pretty fsce, where’s the inner world,. ah our whole lacy world/ books are standasrd, sort me out I get older an alcoholic sterm fa is stsdasrd, everything is standsrd

Amnd spell tufgjht no I hint enough that’s far enough we hurt insyde

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//

Spell right, if you ever can, on this, “oretty fsce of book’ guve thoghts in order make smooth alter never lately from course ‘fullyickywoo me in turn page wicked candle light of morose good boy’ who in book resder book psges make female androgynous book? or swirches? Mind ftyck? Whsst a silly term? Mind touch maybe after knowing two weeks a minth break through as k mint suck for hug a girl trying to brridger gap cold weiner world inedible not close off but not gvbive it out/ too/ stsy with spend a few weks with, a book

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//

Ah life paintings too difficult, like a Gerhsrd Ruycter .. whtoo ugkly too furm push paintbrush bend snap styress baseball bst vock whertefirevver stsy talk

We like things spelled right no red wiggly lines underneath directing us to spell it better try harder tio be perfect ogh I want my toilat to be in line I dint cinsuder it ti be srtyistic if it stsrts spewing waster and shit ../ but us people start sewig water and shit, sew flat piece of water to another flat piece, impossible love, you and me/, whst uis a person, whst do they see3k fur, why sre they crazy, if they seek fir?

a collage

Ah this picture, photos taken from a university magazine, one of my dad’s old ones, oh, life “higher learning” “places of intellect” places of hold my hand, respect me .. meet new love .. ah young people wandering the halls, the older professors, women and men, and trying to get on with this world.  The way it is.  What is hidden in us?  You can’t say much.  Don’t even know what it is.  Supposedly the scientists are working on it.  What’s in us.  We don’t even see.  Can’t even conceive of.  As we talk a little, let some out, but a new consciousness, how do we stop buying all the clothes, go to websites, new lists every day, big clearing houses “for wear this, surely it will make you feel different” /we need more than a costume, on our skin, we need what’s in us, that the scientists can’t even find.

ah we say what we do, could we say our brains inside beaches boxes pack up schemata never go please somewhere else for me maintain outer facade "I could sit with you, draw you something"

Life, papers, Janey sits, waits for patrons, to see her drawings, see her heart.  Nothing to say.  Veer away, glass of outside layer perform there melt letters words cool present glass sculptures prepared pretty “she doesn’t regret it” “what did I never say”

A patron sits down.  She shoves her papers forward.  “so what are these?  Things you would never say?”  Janey nods ascension.  Doesn’t want to be put on the spot.  To say any of this.  Ever.  “I can’t” she says.  She shakes her head, fast back and forth like whirling, to shake bugs, bad moods .. her patron even .. someone seeing what’s inside, getting a jump on it, like it is forced, or tricked? “gimme that!” what no one ever says, what we have no back and forth conversation, system, of knowing each other, this never appears, never is formed, our inside self walks away.

Never is formed./ stands and has time doesn’t walk away protect never started and doesn’t care – you can also stay and walk away, just do it as rote, contrived, enough human, I know enough how

Never this, stand, be gentle, have thousands of hours of meditation into it

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Clear, that you’ll stand and slow down and not be catatonic and foolish laughed at you are quite alert doing this finally, lived history, history of all man and woman, people combinations, same, different, talk, make love, live, work, play, be hurt, be sorrowful, all of it .. never come back, say “wait, I was just walking away with what I really was, can I please play at it? /draw drawings away, bring them here, to this exchange point?”

Look, look at you, “I am a couple of hours ahead, I have walked away, regretted it, what I didn’t say, or didn’t have any awareness of it at all, a composition, write, draw, bring back, do it better next time, anything, for reality I spend with other people, anything./ I’m not living there, as anything.  Really./  So much goes on, buildings rise, buildings fall, doors open doors are closed, but not me./ I am not there.  Sure, I am there as ‘something.’  What can be made thought about extra being on top of the human or whatever the human would say act like ‘carry me in, human, I am the real thing.’  Show me your friends.  Show me the moments.  Show me.  Gently now, take it easy, thing in me.  Just be sedate.  Waiting.  Softly lying there, asleep, waking up, in any of us, what to bring to the conversations that are over,/ just as they are, stay steel solid/ the human seems soft and giving exciting fresh she is/ I am not there yet, whatever I am.

What is life, I am scared it waits in a fishbowl a love got me a fishbowl without me, only remnants, I am in the fussydishbowel oopmm, drained, they are in the outside surgeons malachite gems free and warm I lie here and the air conditioning and coins do on the table next to me, they do I watch salaciously fear I could end up that way, walk, around and everything no, gradually see they hurt as much as me coin are lonely too jingle in brassieres halter top and grind and giving I sit in audience remembering writing off was once a page bolts nuts I move closer out there attend to you coin people with intaglio what do this too wha, play your failed heart to me she says, hand they accept, read, pay you patrons with snort for art, only art.

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we

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Sometimes walk away strange schism of spasm of spurt of sperm lean over snort coshkee-ke coolko hamgurger gurgle ass young waki around life, the wimwords

You wake, sit lonely on side of bed another hotel somewhere, go peel off pages night words new forms tiny hotel spaces nonlinear nonexistent stay words pay your rent here on this page we are all drunk hookers unstable students of life limits soused fastened permanently glue

Peel off page

Janey sits at a table with a buyer

People filter through, the gallery, coffeeshop, hey don’t spill on anything, sit, take off your coat, people stare around “what kind of gallery is this?” white tables white chairs white floors white walls, ah it’s killing my eyes just downplay it, meet how do buyers sit and feel weird new group, to meet the ones that meditate, that have screwed up minds, meditate, to conquer it or make friends with it, and they scribble and design and draw and talk, or not much talking, are deathly afraid .. what is earth? What am I doing here?

Janey sits, has those 2 papers above “it’s what I can’t say” she says, “it’s from my proff at the college or artist not here crazy mind .. friend” buyer says “so you can’t say any of it to me,” “no nothing” sit stare “you come another time, another few times, or you don’t show up, share yourself broken person, with money, curiosity, slumming with all us ‘how big money learns, to feel” ah loose arrangements .. so the papers  “I get tired of meditating, or when do you get past the roadblock .. you want to do it, you value it, you been doing it a good number of years, 14, 15, more, or are just starting out, facing a long road in it” so that’s sort of what these papers say – come back next time, do I like you, do we do a little dance of do we like each other enough, to enter into this relationship, buyer to producer, of things we are frozen up on, make a little show, even past the bright lights maybe it does a tiny little something/ you buy, I maybe get to full public talking odd new style for world, ah” weeks go by, come back, no, the patron comes as often as she can, tries to share talk these odd groups, poor, on a budget, plain seating, or more, better seating, better place, or will it kill the mood, come talk, come attempt talk, never done.

We feel better, meeting someone there, to talk, society’s abandoned “to talk only, take time to talk only” “listen, don’t fix, listen. Really listen, ah, kindness glow” rare, sit with me, young person, in this alien talk, or not here, young alien, young something, or ageless, the talk not applied to earth

So give me papers signed illustrated “us” “you, me” patron, artist, sick person, another sick person/ or wanting to know what’s in that head equals no money no sex equals on weird insane other trip to true conversation no drugs no drinking clear to share it/ weird as youtmosphere of weuurd brojn dne brothers sisters compartiots “you’re done with life” weord broken seeking the next life of spelling of body image face age spend this, no crazy koolaood to cult desth, no, we are regulsr p[eople kniow sweet syrfascced vvinversation conversation a few bad spell, relstg. As our bishlies, the matter of hair skin female male on arrival, to this, we have knoiwn people gone to the edge of the imn meditation universe, say very little, shot off left ewatch flames from ankles. It is very regular, shiffle papers, slide me them bsck I rise seem lighter snd fur th, thsts whst we do

Thsts all we can do

Just society/ you’re nit from herem, this society, on this

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So end of that writing right there, but .. oh, mental cases, nah not really, smart people, don’t belong, shuffle these papers, show “i.d.” working on this, missing conversation, of tiredness at the end of all religion science streets roads garbage cleanup clothes soft touch never meet .. society, slowly, doesn’t disintegrate, just has “nothing” so meet for papers odd mental health small government funded charity funded meeting place, fairly large room, where’s the gallery, where’s the money, not here .. and do we have odd papers, no, that lead to advanced talk of some other being?, say what?whtyou talking asbiyt/ no

People want to talk yeah there is some variation of these papers being valuable and somebody capable of talking “advanced talk” well, shyly, may not ever be able to get it across .. but most talk is done “very close to how it is” “very close to how humans do it”

There is nothing else, we are improving on no room left to improve, thin slivers of “talk wasn’t working out” thin advanced no new room there, make it to there, wide eyes, no, it’s just broken people, tired

Need love