Everybody likes the excitement of talking to each other, or sending notes, drawings, hoping for talk, something more, not always, was there a sexual undertone there? no, a humanity undertone, more like, after it's all over spread legs very private just with you and me, now the world, spread brain, male and female spread legs of brain, is that yucky, soul, mind, gut, 32 chocolate chip flavour swirls green mint .. we get to each other somehow ..
Do we?
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So here’s a little writing from this afternoon. Offline. I test it, see how it feels, keep it offline, or give it to you, mystery guests, we none of us have any, our hearts, minds, hold up typical reality face, have none of you guests. Am I a creep for that? No, I’m a pretty typical human.
Hi.
This is not creepy, I do meditation, I have a disciplined practice, this is not creepy. Oh, any forum at all for this. Dead world. I have unskilled poor skill papers, you can do some too, it takes years unskilled papers with a certain touch, ha ha, love me, words papers life all meet shy rooms gall to do it rude pushy no we sit in small halls hail mary pass no zero precision throw candies at start of talk show heap of soft underhand throw or girly throw sorry don’t get hit in eye/ no, sit alone .. / we all on this, government-est stores lips parks everywhere, plump shapely skinny no I go too far this goes nowhere in books well feathered through flipped through love me we all know that. call for attention, ah, salute somewhere else, meditate away the ego, then ccomer see me. For humanit. It needs hekpl. Not tyiour cunt cheap clamp, ginger imn, of “love.” WWe enjoy fimger low someone hugh skilled sacrificed a lot is book presentabke as this.
Oh my so rude so almost human made it past it all, so almosty did that
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(this is a little writing, Like I said, from earlier on, this afternoon. Offline. Oh, files, shyness, privacy, free to express, but some weird “off-rules” to that, oh “people are peeking” ah rest of story, rest assured, oh people have access, to me, still, I give a little on blog, not all .. still .. we just have reasons, keep clothed, of mind. /Is it rape, of me, on other places, strangers, brutally, or now softly, stay, listen. Strange bedfellows? Ah, communication in society. / privacy, then computer tya[[ing./ tapping Me something I did long sgo, st 19, 20, sgh, profiteering,. Money, sdtrange complex ook labrador beaver itchy mink reels at what you throw away, life dead teenasger dead yioung man me gone, plain garden variety loof prifteeerig, whst with for whaturrs? No I;m just berig ubog poetuv/ poetic could you please spell right? this is not artistic it just hurts my eyes. Print is dmall enough here. Quit it.. You duint make ot. I kniw. )
(so here’s the weritig, from earlier on, offline. /we all try I try to spell right spell check but art yeah keep me quiet keep me busy, give to you, enjoy. Presents of a humanity variety not seen often yeah deep down it is that/ rare impossible not shop for can’t get)
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Oh life you know meditation is a non-drug that makes you feel non-high, you’re really not indulging in all the cheap ways, make the liquor control board rich or whatever they’re called, or all the drug pushers rich, drug hookers, whatever “play with me” “party with me” instead you feel good, no regrets.
All the rest, there’s heavy regrets.
I like feeling another presence in the room, course through me, exist where I am, but go a little bit out frontwards, or extend a little bit out back, shift, kind of find its place, play, be known, don’t make a big thing out of it, I pleasantly feel it, not crazy, but not anything you want to tell psychiatrists or researchers, it just takes years and years in meditation, and it’s worth it.
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I like it you know, at first you can’t believe what you’re thinking just the tiniest edges of “this other thing maybe exists” you look at it a short distance away from you, in the room, you can feel it there, nothing earth senses have ever told you, for real, a sense of life, other life, not earth ..
It’s there, maybe 3 or 4 feet away, 5, 6, not too close, oh, don’t freak me out, questions of life, combined with meditation, don’t freak me out ..
But gradually it doesn’t freak you out, not to scare you, over the coming weeks, months, years, not to scare you, a few hours each day, find out more about it, you lose your inhibitions let it be in you, not take it so seriously, freaked out, like it’s some taboo kinky freak sex thing, that you’re not interested in at all, find pukey, instead you welcome this on board, find out over much investigation testing asking for papers i.d., in your own way, be a “cop” to it, not be sure at all, then finally welcome it on board.
Just in quiet meditation. This life. So it’s with you now, just lately a friend in your sense of your body how you stand on earth the feel of feet legs but now this /like starting a foot behind you, then 3 feet wavering comfortable it teases, has a little fun, nicely, it tingles, in its other place, not earth’s dimension but here now and billowing out front 2 feet 3 feet forming shapes of invisible energy like bottles cushions blown glass heated bulging dripping but not burning hot, playing in pencil crayon drawings ..
Like lightly on the paper ..
Very lightly on the paper ..
Feel its texture little smuggubbkles dots shsrdiogs shards? Shading? Don’t destroy the paper touch be very shy with paper then more guts press harder but not to break the pencil, on the paper, or in the air with meditation, just let it do as it pleases, and help it with your own words, that colour in, dance, assume forms, farther, all this, creating a prayer being, coming into seclusion, form, test, try out, if she lives, near you, and so peeks out giggle /but cold meets a harsh people where sometimes just covers up in thisd world book and unto no your skin face no dots doors feel not emerge she has vary me tongs long ice sugar pineapple not extra sweetened healthy air welcome days peaks of fluoroscope gauge, near you doctor winsome wink wiggle pert wisdom weak person pull strong we’re okay / birth particles new past new, not here, was never coming here your whole life, winks unsure girl/boy come near, people unsure, then know or don’t know, years, give me polls votes poem realistic slog work city hall heart hall hurt hall not just know you the usual way no test of grind at boring job but useful job 8 hours a day have to do it see me pretty book of poems like this, live, get better, not worse, see it over time, new unyouppal usual life, she thinks witty, even after across-the-room years a face she never saw up close, rarely, she thinks him, thwap thin hold his bottom, whap, wisps of caring enough, crackers, not-calories of oh another failed human, we succeed in this wandering loping coyote dingo thoughts tumblers, lock open and become disturb excite on edge not sure she limps out into top of full view a little more, test “don’t hurt me” give more risk beyond pulling back hope trust humans, is she disappointed, are we?/ love me area of life “now different life” .. include too, make room, love to ..
Until then – yes a test test – wonder wonder ..
Stay at a distance we’ll show up ..
Virtually so gooey, interesting enough banana boob split candy shorts or health nut verifiable love higher delicious flavours of ice cream, brain grey don’t hint violet lavender ice cream something flower brain lie on my pillow tonight wordsmith reality smith pound and solder jewelry I can’t wear don’t wear jewelry only inside for me years and years, to wear it in meditator as well as reader we live together all clover plover bird on beach peck walk in advancing surf brain foam, splashes kissing toes walk with me baby we have dog little family walk time unfolds over the world with this book and tiny papers plops “something else” poops confectionary health exercise we not here, thing of vote all life cushion haste centrifugal back splat hold on ream, softly thrusters reverse land .. get here, got here, now
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/endf’ snippet/ 5:50 pm
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So end of writing there that offline bit, ah “the book” huge sprawling we each have one too many pages confusion crap might as well paint with black brush brown brush watercolours red yellow obliterate words or let them show through a bit or abandon them, like us all, not get good at it, not want to share, send to a literary agent, not know what you’re doing, and they send you something back that assures you / “you don’t know what you’re doing” and maybe you don’t, but it hurts, and you continue on, you wish you had been some brilliant young person, but you weren’t, 20 years old, write, noo… /wheeze old jalopy sharpen scissor laswnmower blades rool down road ring bell where’d he go/sorry to me too, old man, hands on, hand done, werioting art small things tender common talkibnicaztive. Say me talk/ 52, 53, um, I been doing other thigs in betweem too .. oh haven’t we all .. so yeah 90,000 page verydambook wwater colors swwipscsrape over muddy shoes no it literally is flood but it feels liker thst just looking ast us all as dfamn arte “oh, am I a model fur you? this is hiw it’s dne, I exires ME ME me? no, nssh, meditation, thank god I found that, at age 40,, you begin to burn off your ego conceit if even a little just life, hsve other thuigs to talk sbbout, really do ..
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So janey sits in her apartment, janey of auxiliary story, nearer the blog/ sees these papers/ this one heading this all up, others from other posts too/ yeah tiredyeah “I’m going to get going to it? meditate? I do , read me here/’ yeah yeah
Oh life what is janey a prayer being? A reader of this extended poem, ambiguous can fit a few places .. we all like to just have a little hope .. not quite us, change it a bit, she can actually do it, where we can’t
Ah my life, eric, I walk around yeah spend time hours on this every day but I don’t talk this to people, what about you, how much of your life is wishes you would talk it, anything, to people
Have the consciousness, background, to talk any of it to anyone, what humans really are sky universe odd photos of odd clumps cookie planets dough whatever they are “that’s us too?” “I don’t feel it” so
Talk about it, if you can, I can’t, I have no ideizzerwhizzer plop plot yeag I do I have a good one here hidden human kazillion page book outside layer somehow it seems more arty, art, our feelings, but possible real, turn on art, or go farther than art, and have actual person actually do it – this is interesting, not conceited, actual person has actual skills, broken, the person, their skills repair better than perfvect conveited dumb tyourth skills at anything wow physical after msny ytesrs sex tiouch hug stand backl talk, hangs in therte yiou okay bookier, t hsve asctual skills
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