I got no one I'm trying to impress, I'm just writing of my right mind

So yeah for fucks sakes impress somebody or be polite to somebody, don’t give me your mind as it is.

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6:40 pm

So art will save you for an afternoon, keep you alive – look at art, other people’s art, crafts, some lady’s pottery type things, wall hangings, she uses little hand carved wood stamps from India, Nepal, she has a collection, oh different ways to treat the clay, textures, words, stamps, letter stamps, mandelas, shapes, forms, and after firing, a gilder’s paste, a wax and pigment, like in silver, or bronze, or rich glowing red, orange .. it is quite miraculous, you know, how art some days appeals to you, you’re so happy people are creative, so happy they can make things.

But you know, what are we all, do we ever get right down to it, the actual communication, ah people, diverting, saving themselves, do they ever sit down with each other and say “we are from the edge of the universe, and we are nothing,”

Divert achieve different forms but we are still nothing

Keep it alive keep it going never give up sometimes do /.. what is entertaining, as forms that cannot actually communicate, are just one being, and nothing

Staring at itself over and over .. entertain me

I am scared

To talk, look at you, tell you this, for fear we will all go poof – or something will happen – work on it, or divert again, into other things, for as life is, as it has always been

I cannot tell you the truth, for fear

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Ah tell me let’s sit here shocked break the bubble, tell me, and see if you can survive

Talk to me

Use all the skills you have

On this

Remove life

The diversion

Talk to me as you really are, if you can

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/endf’ snippet/ 6:55 pm

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9:50 pm

Yeah as if we’re all going to say “yeah we’re all one being, here I am looking at you, can’t handle that, I guess I need the brain exercise torturous long-term, meditation .. all that shit .. hey baby, pussy, baby pussy, I mean you’re a grown woman, 18, no even at 32 what do you know what do I know, carry on, will I ever talk this to someone no I don’t think so I just stare blankly at them, like after a book reading go to a bar with a girl, stare at her, I can’t make the small talk, this book, all of it, is actually real, but I can’t get it there, not quite, I’m like a fish out of waster, some strange being arrived to earth.  “Alright you can come out of the act now” she says.  “it’s no act.”

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so tonight I did some exercise, a routine, it had been a while, less than a month, but still, just take it easy at it, “try to see the other being” “past the suffering human” and yeah, talk to young ladies, about it, scare them I guess, freak them out, in person, am I rude, just like in here? warm up? get rude? take liberties with them? verbally? is it abuse? or am I stretching for something? are they stretching for something? trying to see any “real life” at all?  What is that exactly?  Act like art, act like movies, act like some performance, parents, friends, act like it, to your kids, your friends, put on an act, of human life, being a human to each other?  What are we really?

Why find out?/ in a fun way, like this, ah it has its shit parts, you know that, we all do

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Why sit with each other “I think you’re a human, flesh and blood,. You’re ‘matter’ I can touch you, /when you walk, the floor depresses a but, ever so slightly, micromillimetres physics lesson ‘we’re all here’ supposedly, why test that, why move into the real being we are, can you do that, are you scared why leave earth behind, or your comfortable position as your body, do you like it all that much, are you okay with it?” “sure” she says “why not?  it’s mine, it’s all I got.”  “or”  /“or” she says.  Nothing just grin, or itch, look at her, look at her arms sitting at the table, look at her hands, nothing to say can’t think of it here, have a malt with her, at the malt shop, or what year are we in, hustle her, did they trim pussy hair in “V’s” back then, flyig V’s guitars?” no, I don’t think so, hairy pussy smelly pussy, don’t say that to her, what else to say make nice conversation, cunts taste like roadkill, I’m a crow I love it, kiss me baby.” And nothing like that.  Be polite.  Wonder if she’ll let you kiss her on the cheek tonight say goodnight.  Ah fuck all the whores on the internet and really they’re all acting get a camera on them they’re like nothing they’d do in life.  fucking lazy taste like chicken diluted like licking baked chicken dried out slightly moist the brown skin shiny “uh, I’m really hungry is this all you got?” ha hurhhhaat. brat  Anyways, stop your fucking rudeness, carry her books home put your finger up her ass, oh yeah be polite to girls I am I’m thinking none of this with her I only care about her wellbending wellbeing I mean if her ties wrap tight wrusts iofher toes are ckean sckbke ash fuck boots kis fsntasies shit and “real life3” a bnice enough act, belch out bad smell her you, we never gert to it, the fucking werdo talk its farther ahead the end of life tired old seen it all; no nit everything but got my fill “eric were young let us have fumn inour fem,ale bodies we’ll catch up laster loser” or sad too/ leve me the fuck alone, niothig tio say, I’d like to try some werdo dhit with you but I hsve my lifem, just as a human/ could it be there is “all thid runt” ? I don’t know,  bend over, mind wionlt. Mind inside slow down withnme look carefully at me can you handle this new gebshederation or tired generation tired of being exploited whipped as all just an acorn act nothing else wont fit chibble keep me hamster wheel/ you sday eric you say

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/endf’ snippet/ 10:20 pm

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//

/so yeah end of writing there offline on the book let very little out, it’s private ah the police tap it janis taps it the stripper I don’t know if they meet have coffee I don’t think so .. anyways this is supposed to be some radical change the world thing well I sweat tonight did the exercise losing my hair getting a belly what the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, radical changes, well I hope to make enough money stay in the house I’m at/ so hope to get some attention for my art and my writing/ no I’m not going about it in the right way, like get placed on search engines or whatever the fuck that is all about/ you know life is just about over for me, I hang on, with some strange meditation, and that’s about it.  Sorry if I’m rude in here, but we all are, we’ve all had it really, can’t say it, don’t have the skill, make it mildly entertaining, but mostly foolish, like I do.  Stuck my neck out.  Ah fuck I didn’t know I was doing that.  I was just having a nervous breakdown.  Ah defibrillating? Drinking milkshake? finger up my ass, twirling strawberry jam? Now that’s really rude eric.  Apologize.  I’m sorry.  ah we got nowhere to go.  All of us.

So yeah this follows you through life.  We got the blog here, where’s my little videos, where’s my free giveaway of a pack of gum I ate one stick out of, I got some chunky soup, meat in it, my dad ate that, he’s gone now, poor guy, I haven’t checked the best before dates on it – want that?

What do you fucking want?

Ah the stuff at the end of it all, we keep up on politics, dance clubs, ha hat henh, no nit thst, just beig funny, shake that booty, leather pants, pay you a 100 dollars, whip me, ah do you know anything about books, yeah fuck I read the comics.  Ughhmm.  Anyways get the fuck out of here.  Never hired you.  So where were we?  oh yeah radical changes ..  ah it’s like exercise.  Steady as it goes.

Really long-term don’t try any fast moves.  Really I had it with that, being harassed, I just calm down here, I was creative before what I said in book cops tapping, they weren’t impressed, ah you know, they following me due to stuff happened 20 30 years ago but you know lay it all on the line write for a better world you say some stupid shit like I have I’m no brainiac, I’m really just a failed person trying to find my way.

Like us all.

You know we all wish we were brilliant but we’re really not, as matter beings, you know made of the same stuff as this desk here I don’t know what the fuck that is all about I belch in private company my own company really just mild belches I’m not wrecking the house, but hey y’all yeah not much content here just had “the special stuff” way before “the cops didn’t like it” now I just have all this boring stuff here

And I’m okay

You know came through the shit my own mind flailing my own creativity flailing

Feeling the world

I’m okay now

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You know I have these papers I scan in, I like some of them, there’s a lot of crappy ones, you gotta believe that .. but the papers really lead to me talking to someone about all this, and I ain’t doing that

None of us are

Fuck, you cant handle this in your head you meet you have dumb papers try to act cool but your fucking brain just can’t fucking handle any of this, none of us can, we’re just humans not what we really are .. not zip-off lizard suits but you know to do with physics experiments and matter and all that I wouldn’t fucking know anything about that, I just meditate hardcore medical grade hours a day and I have a twisted mind mentally ill or so they told me, never killed anybody never had skin crimes ah but I’m twisted in that I don’t feel like I’m here something’s always been becoming in me to say it fuck I don’t know what it was I went in those mental hospitals walked the corridors marching like a girl with her baton no not quite ha ga you know the game no one gets far on this we go fucking bonkers that’s it no one gets far on this.

Ah poor world I wish the university students had a course in drooling out the mouth sitting in corner on psychiatric pills “leave earth sucker” “go crazy leave us you’re not actually crazy it’s just what it looks like on earth we none of us know, it seems we’re in a story we must adhere to so see it through, at some border crossing you stop being “crazy” it was just your ticket outta here, now do good work there don’t lounge in the sun or whatever it is, dimension, leaving the human dimension, where’d you go over 20, 30 years, where’d you go?

Now do your fucking meditation, none of them fuckass doctors ever told you about that, the cure, or evening things out, but fuck good energy meditation makes your cock hard not in the meditation it’s pretty pure there what you see, but your body confuses it “why don’t I just look see at some of them yountg’uns naked? You kniw 18 year olds whstever mature too fsttues too, siorry, ha ha, look down the buffet, fucking jerk, I am, ah ruins the chi, fucking terrible “monastery” suburban home ah I do my best keep off the vasilin a little dab will do yu, wrong commercial, but I go to my groups chrusddtun grup recovery gbrouyp and I try to get better

Hasve as few spelling mistakes here the sawmill out in the bush isn’t working so good/ ah we’re all misspe;l;ing I think we’re all a little tirfed/ turf-red? of the perfect sentence don’t you/ join up/ sit sround/ some moments/And I writeeertte all this/ write on go

See you around these parts Clem Jin-biob hstrruet/ harriet holier cooler thsn me gertyrude frenner

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So yeah put on the kettle put on some stew gather around

We got here we git us a runnig coufr spit bowl pig of a story its fruiggig 90,000 pages long whst the cops are reading and Janis is resdg, my privste underwesr  put a clean pair on all the time just for them

We all do, fuck, /privcy, comouters tapped, surrveillsnce cameras, hows anybody supposed ti be creatve and come up with a solution fur this world with all thst, I dint know, it ain’t me, I hsve some half-assed good pasrts in here a lot of its filler i hope to weasel my way into them, the pubklishers thinking this is a modoeer/ modern correct version I thin they call it a nethworking not eorking netyworking ? I aint tseen the word latgely/ I’ll tell you if I see it next week/ you know “laundromst lots of sheets we wash we get clean our brains “ fuck I’m stsmdig outside smokoong a cigsreeter I dint kniw what the fuyck he’s talking bout. No I dont smoke I quite / I quit/ correct me about 6 yesrs sgo I really do meditate, do it seripusly esch day, and my jim-bb talk here I;m just kidding, sort of I aint too smsrt but I;m not altogether dumb, just but aversge tryig ti have some flash here wih minimum tools materuyals I hsve no cah no bud friends no powerl money ladem people no big friends comuter whzzes no promotional tools

I do my best

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But yeah good for me dyd exercise tiday