So this drawing here ah guy lying on his back relaxing feet crossed over he props up his head with his arms behind his head ah, life is not so bad “we” are doing okay, scribble, script, but up in the air, the world like you can separate it off poor thing does it have black eyes, orange eyes, a green splotch, maybe that’s some trees hey “you aren’t doing so bad are you old guy? What’s that downturned mouth” ah hang on be a little art a little pretty art, for us.
So here’s some writing I did offline a little earlier today.
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So I did a 2+2, so that coupled with 2 hours 20 minutes magnification, equals 4 hours 8 minutes total. So this is good, I felt I needed a little more, I mean it’s pretty big numbers, for people that are used to say 5 minutes of meditation, their eyes closed, sitting on a mat, 5 minutes, okay, that is it! that is terrible stuff! Oh the boredom the excruciating pain of boredom your thoughts dumb and stupid and they hurt and they rush and spin you can see nothing else “is this really my fucking inside?” it speeds and it’s stupid it’s destructive right off the track going through trees right through them crash bang hurt total accident you are not a smooth human going fast you are not smart at all/ this is you/ it just won’t stop! okay! That’s way too much! sdtop dtop sdtop!!/ and this is after 5 minutes ../ some sessions are like that, some days, and it’s important to sit with it, /“just taking the good days” is not allowed “weeding out anything that hurts” is not allowed, so there you have it “developing at meditation”/ seeing what’s in there, what’s in all humans/ whoa!/ And so we approach meditation, all of us, or no. So you have my colourful writing, you read this, it’s okay, some avant-garde type stylistic exercises ah just brought right on home to us where we stand everyday people, this is a new day of some sort/ past the flouncy artsy stuff/ we are “nirmal” “nirmural” I must have something stuck in my teeth/ ah something a bit better than before see how I do it, watch me, ah some people take up meditation but not many, most don’t they can’t stand the pain, they would rather put down meditation, then respect someone that does it, makes it through “the horrible 5 minutes” then more, evens out, it feels even more horrible feelings than the “5 minutes horrible” “oh my God! Even worse?really!??” and evens it out, or keeps building, can stand the pain, or approaches it with kindness/ well some sessions you call out for God you literally do, you can’t let the devil get you and you don’t have the strength you ask for God to take over, you literally do that I can remember myself doing that a few years back now, it doesn’t happen like that anymore, I am through the wall of fire now, but it was BAD!! You are screaming for your life in the midst of meditation, you literally are!/, within them. / people, see this .. / no// ah to feel “the magic properties” of the elements (here we are moving on in the writing, had some additions, slip in, as in life) you study, who hasn’t been in a forest, felt wonderful, the trees, the canopy, well, a nice nature hike, not chased by bears, or lost and afraid/ and if you actually haven’t seen a forest, life has all been concrete, well, grow a little plant, a flower, that can be some comfort, even weeds coming out from cracks in sidewalks, see that, I know it is small, and “a forest is so huge,” but see what you can ../ start there/, but just a pleasant time, there cam be, nature cradles you, it can be like that, be careful though, be aware/ of what’s around you, dangers, possible/ don’t just be running through it all singing and dancing, as if nothing there can hurt you, be more quiet, more cautious, but still enjoy it, until you know, higher levels, of all life/ .. but yeah, in meditation, to take in the trees, their energy, through your 3 eyes, 2 natural ones, and one in the center of your forehead, to be able to feel that “at last” “the magic energy of the trees,” pure, distilled, found in some way, extract its energy, go into your head, or through your 3 eyes, down to your liver area .. ah it takes a long time .. see what’s on earth/ take it face value/ but later ../ “as not quite real” “it’s matter” you see this past 10 years in meditation, see it, know it/ it’s not just a theory/ and matter is created after all, what creates it is not matter at all, we know that .. oh, so to actually feel these things, build to that, humans “are sure it’s all them” so it takes a lot to break that, burn that off, the ego, so sure “the persob so sore ththey are sel-fimportamt it’s all them!ALL ME!!” ah teasrs lsster, years later/ oif you can hang on, you fnd it isdnt, grsdyally, the trees, the wood, feel it in a whole different way, who hasn’t looked at trees and wondered what they really are, are they beings, kind, huge, stoned. No not them has ja! stationed .. standing there, steady, reliable, can you feel any of this, like walking through a forest, sure, but stronger/ has access now/ .. ah, meditation, these mysteries .. getting stronger .. your little prayer being, she stands by the big grey behemoth sick person, she stands by, quietly, can you build her “her organs” or “areas of light in her” “the green of wood” for her but also for you, your liver area, bring in energy, blessing, share, creating her ..
And you .. getting a little energy for you too ..
Oh, the point being, the 5 elements, wood, fire, earth, metal, water, they each have a certain “magic feel” where they come from, what are they, oh, on earth, but also “when earth is not here” “or bridge into” what the eotu is, the edge of universe, bridge in, see it, share with it, how it wants to communicate with you, the magic of wood say, the realistic energy, fantastic, the “magic” oh, half of earth, you know slightly the feeling/ you thought it was all fairytales that it could be more but it isn’t/, but now travel off earth,/ respect to stay tethered, what looks like you are still here/ beyond ../ but beside/ stay/ let no one know
Ahh, add it all up
But in the end, can you attract people a little more to meditation, hmm, well it is still difficult, but maybe less people put it down, and are sort of interested. And you make a living, through this, through the art papers, art, galleries, and writing, and just sharing .. and maybe a few more people can too, and a lot of other people interested, “outsiders” on “meditation” “what it really is” they are interested, they come closer, not so critical of it, oh, things move slow .. for a better world.
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/endf’ snippet/ 3:40 pm
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So end of that writing there offline oh back in the catacombs or just shyness “or only so much” “do we let out” let other people know what’s going on with us, if we can even know ourselves// layers you peel back find farther road, bigger than the summer vacations you used to take with your family ..
Oh grow up, mature, into meditation, as if any of us ever do.
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That far, into the world, out of the world.
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Leave, find things, that can help.
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As if any of us can do that.
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Oh sweet people sweet jesus what are we all going to do? We have our jobs we don’t have time to sit around even writing to this amount “that you eric do” we have to work oh I’m sorry you work yes meditation is very hard work you have come a lot through mental illness, oh I’m sorry
But we have to work hold up the world ruin the world I don’t know which, people lie like mayors of cities, say they don’t smoke crack?/. /, but now they admit oh there was one time, or who’s to say /“caught” but now try to .. I don’t know .. so we all ..
You know, what do we all do “holding up that everything is fine” what do we all do
Just tear apart one person that gets caught for it?
Or what do we all do
When do we do the real work?
Do we even know what that is
Work on things beneath the surface, in us, the pain of meditation
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