Thursday, 7 November 2013

consciousness, it's delicate .. when you're alone .. what it is, this world, no longer putting on the "reality gears" face






Oh, Janey sits a bit, in her apartment “reality gears” ah, Charles is out, her roommate, he’s doing his thing, his life, architectural drawings, and he has his girlfriend, Sammy, and their plans .. if to get married, settle down, and Janey, she kind of just .. blah .. to continue with meditation, try to see the worth, and continue her graphics job, I mean people there try to have “some social conscience” while selling goods, pushing all the manufactured goods, the only companies that can afford the big advertising bills .. and handmade goods? Are they any better?/ people get stuck, in producing them fast, keep up with demand, if they’re lucky enough to have demand for their product .. you wonder where the slowness, meditation .. it’s torturous for Janey, keep up with the world, keep being a part of it, but study this meditation .. ah, few friends on it, what do you tell them? “what’s inside?” “that way?” even people that know, that devote too, what can the human being say, talking, writing, sending emails .. what in heck really .. gets across .. it takes a lot to buckle down, into meditation, not hate it, be frustrated “what in f_ does this have to do with life?” you struggle, till you find more parity with the being inside meditation .. it’s a long struggle, not friends with it, barely know it, need it, fast faster oomph gimme it all! You’re used to consumerism buy an extra chip token speed ahead cheat get what money buys .. anything ../ but it doesn’t work that way.  This time.

Oh precious pages from inside, distant, a bit locked up, she reads them, needs a lot of help .. she is a consumer, dyed in the wool .. she needs a lot of help

And to discuss this, no, and the drawing exchange, sit there, have art patrons barrage her with complaints, push at her, poke at her, as if she’s some gorilla in a cell – they want to know what this is, quicker, quicker, when in fact it may just be a very personal thing, you might say it to one person, dearly trusted ..

It’s hard to sell it, be part of the whole art world thing.  You just don’t feel very close to the people, some of that may be your own years alone, inside, you overcompensate, don’t want to talk to anybody, /so take a leap in this, push yourself out there, talk to them .. ah, “special times” “isolated special cell meeting room all reasons taken care of wrapped up signatures they’re allowed in you’re allowed to touch them, in this way, talk, very weird extremely weird away from the world personal hidden ‘humans don’t do this’ ‘but they do’ ‘here’/” // .. blah “our world” “beyond art world” walk through galleries come into here what is here/ which “people world” freak world/ inner mind, grand fantastic otter swim udder mind shudder don’t say outer space mind,. /are youiCompetemt person, soft, warm, non-threatimnf,. Spell rioght, opr farriomng/ jarring leravimgearth to see you/ Wisae/ strong/ thst isn’t is, this isn’t it is it?/ can’t make it, yes we can holdme stranger across tasble gived papers starte buy say very l;ittle nwalk through the nalls, /the malls guve very l;ittle nithig, see fsces, guve nothing, walk through the malls of my head I donty see you secuirity for a bum / in me in my head I want, I want to sit be gentle with myself right now, but always it seems I just have a pitchfork prodding at myself can’t calm down with myself hate myself layers pages to turn them up flip through them I CAN’T! all art pooh transmill do, people grind their ow dodder powplodder dried up me brain what other winder up let out .. now (save me in here, person sit across from me, be gentle, I am a normiral person, hsve this insde mural, do I dare, is this some game, the mediotstyig person, come out in society, or hsve special roommate mne strangers ast art galleryes, special rt galleruyes, we draw, acciording ti the book, inspired, beginnuigs, can’t show all me, vcanlt dhiow you the extent, hidde me, off esrth, lets tap on doorbeing, meet ast all on esrth fur it)  (ah we are just troubled refuse to give ((yes we love this here Janey fuck man just continue loved person but not horny for your body just continue .. give more, janey, don’t break the spell)) you this, eric, sit your character her janey while we in art gallery ponder what a painting there does to us do we want to think hurt no, nothing, ((we are not hurting so bad please rip us up save pieces attached together by tiny threads now draw it all together we love you this way people us someone accuse us don’t be mean gently but forcibly rip us up but keep us all together yummy by tiny threads here yummy medical treatment psychiatric treatment whatever you call it art treatment beyond nice pictures tell me, you beyond you, you can’t handle either, tell me .. all through this)) we want to be pleased.  Not this, eric, not this) .. unused calcified. grsfually meld,.. past srt word any world clesr drswiggs or beginning drawiog and suit freak actually st pesce, sit with me and you all of us no one let the other what come with your mind inner midterm test walk book  ((we are still here eric ripped up barely held together I love the feeling of renewal eat))

As this we have an art gallery, a janey, you, the patron, sit, stare at her, she is an artist gone farther than art, she is in life, what is that?  ((yeah yeah story we sit deliciously by, ripped up))

Careful secluded safe room bedroom, your home sleep alone this does not exist public place, semi-embarrassed withhold and sigh, again, another day, ((ah this isn’t happening, no art gallery treatment, thank god, freaks, need an education, leave me alone, or continue, story blossom beyond me, I like it, I follow along.  I engage.  Gears.  Beyond reality gears)) this inside, cover up, be safe in sort of art performance in your head not precious not artsyied up live for real cry be homeless art out on street a million dollars stepped on pierced come to me old painting rips up agog no further is it glued staunched further stem the flow blood liquid acrylic revolution poor against rich crazy flailing for reason see me to stop all life stop all brain seep all flesh ((sit with me artist calm good haircut not too outlandish thanks .. sit with me.  No poser.  You are not a poser, artist.  Finally.  Older.)) fart last a few moments look at you now gently see how far you have come these last few moments can go  ((grey past embalm)) look at me how this has been done this here existing in  ((earth love you))

We meet, safe

What it would be like to say, to do, any of this  ((God and creatures and aliens and super models and stubby runts and small cocks and big cocks and calm.  Just calm.  Person, been torn apart, through meditation, been through the wall of fire, can share now, you who hasn’t been through the wall of fire, they look, will be gentle, say a little. Your mind retches, flinches, they back off .. say a little .. you can see it all/ somewhere in extra pages, humanity, joins in, fills in, it all/ we are there complete etherbearburialeal with your ripped up stored in careful box person book roads needed to be ripped up restarted no plodding plotter pencil penicillin dots use modern machismo feminine machinery wherever it is close by we wink at inner volume spraycan hair roads not sticky not spurted on just live air))

Where is this better life, I struggle better life lie ligature, swing tendons torn leg from bites of howl of baby society, dangerous, cuddled, flame of famous gripe again .. taking into account your depth and dreaded comfort me a little derisionridfeath  ((we like to be ripped up in loving hands, art performance magic trick of paper ripped up but not really, safe in a story still, bought, in a book, at home, comfortable chair, or somewhere, no one knows, no one looks, we are reading this)) if dare say /hide with deoth ohdepth keep safe :“but I need people to say some iof this shimmering good tappi it freak hug to or even my lines out get past hard parts but they are needed all so bad as thisfreaky oh odd but not too over the edge, save me I'll have pink hair for a second 45 transmuted to 15 for a second keep going calm world I need that now, mature freaky, past sex, haircuts dimples I only sag no plow in!” to get to calm sure you do another proniscopius? Lost? hornDrug as flresgh”? flesh you want to share, but cml;t share, dinlt kniw how this level know you like this in there and give some to me, we are doing good whst it is to have a friend brain to your brain soup mind sophisticated word abstract paint plantivr bleat lambstroke give competent show bless meeassermissing, beater winter car cold mind save it little human humhelp out inthere we understand levels stay calm, access

((you are in there I see))With anything “of the world we give see youi come siot with me drawing exachange I look at yours you look at mine whois fartyher imn takningbit” anything come along pages bright holster nope, human interference topoless brainless created the text/ we have something here, disintegrating fast hold me cheese on burrito sit munch me forget sex your filing cabinet troubles, made it through once again, no no give me more, I’m done, bite the brolie carpet limideullet .. calm, I amulet pray, meditate … “take precious time” “to be with something else” and pray to it, live with it, step into its being and watch relegate releetgate chastyen act real it gate p;ompous sit sigh signify any “been through it now” ((we follow the story you still haven’t got us exactly us))

And try to live in world/ we go through it cutie patron I design words are your flame hurt of mind at “someone else knows”

That’s all I can say “someone else at least a little bit knows”

It is farther than before

"thanks" she gets up art patron saw Janey, drawing exchange, needle exchange, addicts for staying far far away from this

get some of it



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