the franticness has ruined my life, and then now, and then, it is cured, or I feel much better, or thank the Good Lord above, or someone anything, I have been so desperate through the years thank you

It is really hard but I have made it somehow a little.

Separated things into pieces or found new pieces, before I was just screwed up landed plonk in screwed up nothing else, now I have an extra piece that looks at it.

You don’t know how beautiful that feels deep in meditation.

Then I carry it to life.

-

(this is what I wrote down just after meditation, earlier tonight, it is now 12:20 a.m. here.)

-

11:45 pm

So I did a 1+1, but I kept stopping, in the 2^nd half at least, to write things down, it was things about being nice, first, then things about being frantic, second, but it was pretty good, but the meditation ended then, I would stop it, pause it, then rewind it a bit … I expected it to be longer, I was slowly moving forward, even though it didn’t feel I was, because I was stopping so much.  It took me 1 hour 53 minutes, instead of usual about 1 hour 9 minutes.  But in it you know I was facing “I am frantic on my face right now.  Can I stop it inside.”  That’s interesting, have the presence, “the extra being” to stop it inside.

I like practicing on that.  In meditation.

/you get to actually separate it into the pieces, feel the ugly “frantic has taken over” then feel the meditative self, other being, not of earth, watch, be in you, come closer, down to your life on earth ..

You can feel both, both of them, in the actual situation, it is as bad as it is, right with people, right with the world, in meditation, and you work on it there, and perhaps can carry it on through to the world.

It is the first time I have been able to work on it ever.

-

/endf’ snippet/ 11:55 pm

-

//

So, end of that writing offline there, in the book, private thoughts well pretty much so .. oh I don’t know .. I share here too I’m pretty generous ah all this years oh moving through book that’s like a mini-internet or diverse pieces, worth it .. I sure know the internet isn’t worth it, ha ha/ something to go to, all people, had it, oh, I’m getting pretty good at meditation now, been 14 years, every day, sometimes 2 hours, sometimes 4, sometimes six, took the course, the Chinese master, after my mom’s death, on her deathbed she tried it, she suffered, but gained new visions, and was happy, some moments

And I have gained new visions too

-

And I hope the whole world can, as North America sucks the essence from meditation and tries it as a trend, just like yoga, oh I love you don’t come to my door and beat me with sticks, I know we all try as best we can

But try harder or wow the temptations the addictions who the fuck can stay away honestly I can only be so sweet for so long

It is the way it goes

The struggle, harumph, love me, stroke me, harumoh phump, ah I need to walk alone, spreads out along the trail leave monopoly pieces risk pieces, no game, of old, just honestly no sense leave crumbs squares of clothing go naked to the end lose city streets thrashing like snakes bleat even business lamb bones and flesh go naked to the end in meditation find it, pure meditation, pure naked snackness, no hard puerile on no erratic rottic what’s that claim naked of spirit the berr cold dashed saint kind can you join me julep twin there’s no private sauna palm sorry get some tater here kiss me french fries lagoon we shower spiritually make it to a higher place whip one up sent low receive high as all life is or could be