ah we say what we do, could we say our brains inside beaches boxes pack up schemata never go please somewhere else for me maintain outer facade "I could sit with you, draw you something"

Life, papers, Janey sits, waits for patrons, to see her drawings, see her heart.  Nothing to say.  Veer away, glass of outside layer perform there melt letters words cool present glass sculptures prepared pretty “she doesn’t regret it” “what did I never say”

A patron sits down.  She shoves her papers forward.  “so what are these?  Things you would never say?”  Janey nods ascension.  Doesn’t want to be put on the spot.  To say any of this.  Ever.  “I can’t” she says.  She shakes her head, fast back and forth like whirling, to shake bugs, bad moods .. her patron even .. someone seeing what’s inside, getting a jump on it, like it is forced, or tricked? “gimme that!” what no one ever says, what we have no back and forth conversation, system, of knowing each other, this never appears, never is formed, our inside self walks away.

Never is formed./ stands and has time doesn’t walk away protect never started and doesn’t care – you can also stay and walk away, just do it as rote, contrived, enough human, I know enough how

Never this, stand, be gentle, have thousands of hours of meditation into it

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Clear, that you’ll stand and slow down and not be catatonic and foolish laughed at you are quite alert doing this finally, lived history, history of all man and woman, people combinations, same, different, talk, make love, live, work, play, be hurt, be sorrowful, all of it .. never come back, say “wait, I was just walking away with what I really was, can I please play at it? /draw drawings away, bring them here, to this exchange point?”

Look, look at you, “I am a couple of hours ahead, I have walked away, regretted it, what I didn’t say, or didn’t have any awareness of it at all, a composition, write, draw, bring back, do it better next time, anything, for reality I spend with other people, anything./ I’m not living there, as anything.  Really./  So much goes on, buildings rise, buildings fall, doors open doors are closed, but not me./ I am not there.  Sure, I am there as ‘something.’  What can be made thought about extra being on top of the human or whatever the human would say act like ‘carry me in, human, I am the real thing.’  Show me your friends.  Show me the moments.  Show me.  Gently now, take it easy, thing in me.  Just be sedate.  Waiting.  Softly lying there, asleep, waking up, in any of us, what to bring to the conversations that are over,/ just as they are, stay steel solid/ the human seems soft and giving exciting fresh she is/ I am not there yet, whatever I am.

What is life, I am scared it waits in a fishbowl a love got me a fishbowl without me, only remnants, I am in the fussydishbowel oopmm, drained, they are in the outside surgeons malachite gems free and warm I lie here and the air conditioning and coins do on the table next to me, they do I watch salaciously fear I could end up that way, walk, around and everything no, gradually see they hurt as much as me coin are lonely too jingle in brassieres halter top and grind and giving I sit in audience remembering writing off was once a page bolts nuts I move closer out there attend to you coin people with intaglio what do this too wha, play your failed heart to me she says, hand they accept, read, pay you patrons with snort for art, only art.

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we

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/

Sometimes walk away strange schism of spasm of spurt of sperm lean over snort coshkee-ke coolko hamgurger gurgle ass young waki around life, the wimwords

You wake, sit lonely on side of bed another hotel somewhere, go peel off pages night words new forms tiny hotel spaces nonlinear nonexistent stay words pay your rent here on this page we are all drunk hookers unstable students of life limits soused fastened permanently glue

Peel off page