Drawings, like money, or put your heart into them, drag them down to the art gallery, feels strange, you sit at home, put some mystery you into the papers, a mystery good you, deep, worth it .. then you’re an insect, squashed, when you were such a great white horse, take em down there, show em to a bean counter, he’s lecherous, but good guy, what did I just say, he’s reading this, no I have no gallery right now, just remembering some types, I think they like to drink, I think they like to have butter spread over them, and money, while parading you like pretty things, have colour sense, shit colour, wipe your ass, be alone, the popularity of photographing shit in a toilet was way low “you know I just don’t want to see it, it’s not shock value, it’s not anything, I don’t want to see taxidermy either, little animals, like a mouse, in a piece of jewelry, its fur its dead look, okay I find out later you only work with animals naturally died, it still doesn’t help I don’t like it, I saved one photo, a sparrow wing spread out, affixed with silver jewelry metalwork, these things, it was pretty, a little chain with it, arc of chain beneath it a brooch, I was not so freaked out, but the rest yeah I’m freaked out, ah I’m freaked out by death. Oh, I remember seeing my poor dad. I was good to him. Placed a hand on his shoulder there, he was in a gown in the casket, I rented the casket you know? oh he was being cremated, but you had to view the body first, make sure it was him. They had pine boxes, literally, I didn’t want to see him in one of those, you pay extra for a nice coffin, even though it has a pine liner you don’t see.
And anyways, you rent the pretty wood coffin, a nice fine coffin, polished, some kind of walnut maybe, you know? Respectful, pay respects. And I do my work here. Pay respects to the world, some people fully alive, verve, others not.
You give them, a good book.
To exist in.
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So, here’s a little more writing. Offline. The book. Private. Has some caring.
And we just walk around in life too. Public. So yeah, these two drawings, ah, exhausted piss in toilet. It flushes. Good. Nothing more to it than that. Toilet flushes shit and piss away, you clean your cock, I mean wad of toilet paper get last drips, clean your cock, don’t want drips in underwear, hey the house works, you work too.
So other drawing ah a boxer strange insectoid freakoid boxer stands up for himself “where you going? can I come too?” Hanger-on, to life, as I am, not so much following other people, but literally hanging on.
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Oh there’s a lot of people take a long time to get going, like you see in the paper, or on the internet, some singer died, 71, singer, musician, lyricist, oh whatever you call him, but his poor life too, he suffered, things didn’t catch on “they said he was in a great band” but nobody bought the records, at the time his stuff wasn’t allowed to be played on the radio, some pretty tough subjects, went on but weren’t talked about, oh rough peculiar strange, in some circles, some not, he just wanted to succeed, like anyone, make a living, have a home .. ah, not be scared, keep going
So sometimes I check it out, look up “i money earth” with quote marks round it, then “imoneyearth” doesn’t really need the quote marks, ah life, nothing there, but my stuff, hemhhemh, funny, ah just like millions of people, where’s the traffic to their site? Who’s talking about them? ah “attention-seekers” me too I guess, it’s not good, you can spend your whole life, seeking attention, not love, “what’s the difference?” a lot of people would say, they function, get around, sleep in a lot of beds, always a next person to go to, they hide it, not enough people will ever know, to stop them, or put an interruption “attention-seekers” ah, destroy lives, destroy their own, but you know, functioning, their phones are full, people call, want them over .. and so life is, easy things, non-committal sex, don’t have to worry, it’s free, ah to all but those that care, are hurt, hurt bad, what a world.
Life goes on, pick yourself up, that and police showing up, following, ah it’s enough to really bring you down, police “trying to introduce you to people” ah shucks, you shouldn’t have/ but it’s no joke, it gets to be, you trust no one, too many combinations, dead-ends, fears, of surveillance, of walking surveillance machines, people, it’s not so much a joke, the shows on tv, where the spy girl she sucks some guy in, like he lives in the United States, she’s from Russia, but has a fake name, does an American accent good, she actually lives with him “or they fall in love” “they get married” you know, on tv there, they even have children, little spy children, don’t know what mommy is doing, ah the horror stories, of no love .. strange how that can work, she can stand it, fit in, act it .. wow, must really be bitter sometimes “this is not the fucking guy I wanted to end up with” ah shucks, wow, if he discovers, does she grab her gun from her purse, shoot him? Did he even know she had a gun? Ah fuck, you know that things like that actually happen? Like corporate espionage? Someone saddle up to someone high up in the corporation, I mean women are pretty beautiful, I can see how you can get suckered in, they’re so pretty, you want so much to get a hug, you know? they’re so pretty warm if you get to liking each other go out on a few dates, hey it could happen sooner “make love” or “make lust” what’s the big deal, they say, you know, go out with 20 people, till you find “the one” I’ve heard of people, let’s face it, I’ve slept with people, they’ve had a thousand partners or more, “partners” that’s a weird word, what do they remember about them, what kind of keychain they had, is that what they focus on, keychain, purse, wallet, credit cards, bulge of wallet, neat, or too much junk, could be, colour of wallet, do they have a red one, are they a woman likes lots of purses, anything, anything, not see them, their faces, not pay them any regard, their faces, who they are, just be blank
Just keep going
Yeah I hear you
Keep going till you die wish it would change never does
Can’t see can’t get help can’t ask anyone the right questions
Can’t
No I don’t want you to come over
It’s over
I found out long after you should have told me
Didn’t know, how to be honest, what a new concept
Some things are new beyond any new possible
You’re going to live your life, nothing reaches you, you read this, your reader self is heavenly engrossed in it, your reader self, no one ever touched, like to have it have its life
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/endf’ snippet/ 7:55 pm
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//
/so that’s that writing, offline, part of the “deep book,” so-called, or life-giving, a house a home a place to piss in, no not on the floor, do your best to keep it tidy not doing that good pick it up get life together, still grieving, for dad, august 9th this year, it’s now october 29th, and my mom, January, 10th, 2002, oh boy .. just keep going, their legacy, good people, not drinkers, gamblers, carousers, not perfect, and seen pain like us all, but my mom loved her little family, was beaming in all the photos with us on camping trips sitting on the picnic bench with us, little kids, sweet pictures, warm, homey .. /and then now. ah, I do okay. But art. /Yeah, Janey says, character from the book, or outer book, or close to internet, on internet “yeah” she says “I’m here .. alone ..” yeah eric, she says “I get it a little make art, make headway, ah life after death, I’m only 20 or something what did you say my age was before? Anyways I sit here charles gone for the night gone to visit his girlfriend, no there’s nothing between us no hanky panky do the spanky wanky no /oh am I going to masturbate tonight no, thanks for asking though ha /home to myself apartment third floor up 4 floors walk up what shit, groceries and the like, survive, have a noisy neighbour, then they move out, silence, two days, we wait .. ha, we all wait, /but yeah eric I don’t get the book, the fucking book.” lemme walk around a little, I been drawing all day, advertisements, at work, sit there in the office where they can keep an eye on me draw pictures for vacuum cleaners, they want me to emulate 1950’s ads, but with modern people, modern equipment, so I draw it, thought I did good I enjoyed it as much as you can that shit but the boss. Hey eric this isn’t going to the blog is it, the boss might read it, I like him, he’s good to me, /but he might reject my drawing, so like I scan it in, and erase part of it, do a new part, blend it in, like surgery, on poor characters, mommy the vacuum cleaner pusher ha ha drags it around keeps her drugs inside goes to all the apartments 70 unit building ha the old bag or new young chicky I’d love to put that story in, can’t, the manufacturer wants a pretty picture, here’s me sluggardly hangover or doubts tired grind my teeth at night who the fuck knows sleep alone don’t want some smelly man smell his ass crack wake up halfway through the night swear I can smell his ass crack want to get a toothbrush and soap, scrub it spread the cheeks not turned on at all, have him on a plastic sheet he doesn’t wake up fucking elephant, skinny but I’ll call him an elephant hose him, the elephant plays with the brush, kind elephant intelligent, hose him, in the zoo, my bedroom.
So what was I saying fuck eric I don’t know what it all means I’m too tired at night been through too much the day my dead-end job “all my great talents” I like you eric you do the work yeah you could say you’ve got a fucked up life and you’re too old but you know “take time off” “30 years a bit long?” hey maybe not maybe it would take me that long too, face life, to the death, feel it, real-on, right to the end, so messed up, so sad, still got few good years in you whatcha gonna do? For me, eric good friend, I have no time, yeah I might sit down now and watch an hour of tv, but I have no time. My mind is reverberating with pain for the day, being ordered around, being put down, the boss saying he wants a different take on things, he’s not warm, he’s just ordering around I don’t want his warmth his hand on my ass or his breath so close to me on my drawing board I can feel it, fucking yeah, “it’s a modern agency” keeping up, got all the toys, daycare, gym, I don’t see any of the fucking money, he acts like I should be pleased, work at a prestigious place, has its own secretary, sit at the front there, the big glass sheet up the agency name engraved on it, hello baby, that’s the name of the agency, no, ha ha, but we’ll keep it, hello baby. Sad for you baby.
Are you sad for me eric?
I read your book sucker I don’t know what to do with it land in it, a spot take up on it sections ah fucking bloog you write there okay take some of that then dig into the deep book behind it we pay for that one yeah that’s your plan I steal it right now loser doeey baby/ dewey baby? No “sorry baby” the real me comes out with yiu now baby I’ll try a bitch a batch of cookies hard-ons finger up through see my cunt dripping violate chocolate in, warm, cookies no love fegor you eric eat s ciookie vbaStard bastard wrtestker, love you baby flip me cnvas nat/ l;ong diostance throw baseball to the plate a tjhousand miles away/harder to be nice, I value you. /silence/ she walksd ariynd plays in sxpellingwith a few little thinfgs, comes back. /miss me? /yeah./ listen I bgitta go too./I lover yioui say iot like you mean it/dint fucking csre it bsrely keepsme alive, I’d rsther do nithig else though, baby.
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