Oh humans right? we do our best. Ah “love” I can express in art or no not always oh even art fails but in meditation you come face to face with honesty. And in life with people, it’s like the road doesn’t go from meditation to there in quite a while, and before there was no road.
So here’s some writing earlier today.
So I did a 1+1, so that coupled with 32 minutes magnification, equals 1 hour 38 minutes total. So this is good. Get this in. I want to go to Christian Wholeness for 1 p.m., but alas .. what do you do, I need to take a shower, oh, can I show up a little bit late, will that be okay? Life. So in meditation, a realization that the human being natters a lot, a lot, inside, finds it very attractive, an irresistible home base “all you are really” a negativity, and what is your art, when you say love, is some art, then the rest goes into conventional art, paintings, books, what is love you say, are you invested in it, is it you, what is your home base, human, on earth?
So you see that, are cognizant of your nattering, it is very hard to get through that. What are we, a nation, a world of people that natter, find it extremely difficult to say love, be love, even here, putting it on paper, so to speak, feels odd, /as if in a special place like meditation I can do it, but ..
Very strange, evolution, having billions of humans on earth that natter inside, but no art ..
What is it, saying something, communicating something, what is it with the prayer being, her, and then her speaking floating worlds, is that our evolution, for all of us? Right now, this feeble art we do, in our speech, talking to each other, a really weak version, then scurry very fast into paintings and art, to do it there, is this all we can do, is this the stage we are at now? It is not very far.
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/endf’ snippet/ 12:10 pm
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Oh I didn’t make it to Christian Wholeness, it was 10 past one I was all finished up ready to go, ah it starts at one I mean at that point .. you have to decide, it’s really good for you, but you need a half hour to get there .. oh, I decided just to stay home, I will try to go for a walk, I need to get groceries today too, oh life .. and this “presentation of myself” am I a nasty sort? Or am I a nice person with a nasty inside/ what? how does that work? oh, our insides, boiling and spitting, I can tell you, sitting in meditation solves a lot of that, if done properly, it is very hard, you sit with it in there, there’s no turning away, no excuses. The running from that, is probably why “nice people solving our world” “no you really don’t get to” we all feel this way inside yeah we know you have to present yourselves as you do, but we really don’t let you solve anything .. there is no answer .. yes “we want nice smiling people” “taking care of us” /but ..
Oh we all know the nasty game inside we have to do years and years of meditation to look at that, and who the fuck is going to do that? Sorry to be rude there, but yeah, chi kung meditation, very serious medical grade, then going against it every so often with masturbation to porn “smirgrabblek” that’s what I call that, but it doesn’t happen that often, I’m sure it doesn’t in many “monasteries” ha, they get ahold of some media device, start seeing porn on it, anyways for the most part, 95% of the time, I stick to it, and I am a nice person, /moreso from my core these days, a straightened out core, have confidence in that, but yeah there are some bad days. I know society wants the pretty picture, but there ain’t one here.
Somehow we manage.
Even look at this at all.
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See it through to a better day, no there’s no pretty princess and handsome prince here, sorry.
It’s just us.
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/endf’ snippet/ 1:35 pm
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//
So that’s the writing offline, here I am halfway, yeah I don’t give all the writing offline, give it here, sometimes I don’t want to, it’s just too much, /ah we have our little version of the story here, let some out, well it’s not as if this isn’t rude and daring sometimes, ha /ha, there you go, rude and good, trailing to good – can you actually be good, any of us, from our core?
The core is a strange place, sit there a while, in meditation the first few years you think you’re pretty fancy, all kinds of skills and visions, ah it sets in you’re just an idiot, oops! No, maybe not that far, but the conceit, the ego, the human excitement about things, you have to wear it off.
To get to the real truth.
Ah, years and years, like working in a coal mine, like I’ve said, away from people, no great hall, no patting on the back, you don’t make much progress sticking to humans, you really don’t make much progress.
And then all this, this story .. well, it is a long circuitous route, isn’t it, to say love, from a different being, it stares at you, no one is laughing at it, that is a long circuitous route.
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So go have a coffee or something,/ go idle time stretch out human working reality, like a working farm of reality go do it/ it will still be here. /this other/ rare/It’s here sometimes.
Life is like that, really well you worked you broke you went insane you almost went suicide now /not laughed at but granules of truth from it all/ gorgeous things,/ occasionally here, a lot of crap/ what do you expect we have fun we play but we get to the real things too dirty real things I guess I’m not human in that way faking it for you get your approval, no/ gorgeous spiritual things, don’t expect them here all the time.
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