Oh life and this paper here .. and look at it a bit, oh shadows of the cuts underneath the words delicate thin papers cut them with an x-acto this time oh measure them if you like nothing exact doesn’t that feel lovely and free, but this is the original, for nothing, all of us feel nothing, get your job your career your family sometimes you’re engaged, love them all, want to be alive, other times it’s just blank, not some avant-garde art piece, hard to understand .. oh yes it is for all of us .. what we are, what we might be ..
Look at this paper .. throw it away .. gather it back up .. ah, another being, hint at it, I can’t read the material, the 90,000 page book, can I stop in, any orifice, or ordinary, facile, fake, door, opening, world, other world, I may be, I don’t want to know, just let me feel blank, nothing to it .. I want nothing for it .. don’t exploit it, please.
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So here’s some writing, earlier tonight.
I did some meditation.
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So I did a 1+1, oh I thought I might could use that, sort of felt, a lot of stale energy in me, sort of plugged, I mean it’s all well and good take in fresh energy in the morning, okay, that’s like washing your top half? Or the bottom remains dirty, or you “carefully” don’t hardly touch it/ just wet it down/ what the fuck is that? hardly dry? Just air dry the stink and caked on mud? What are you a pretty perverted art piece?
So yeah wash off tonight, nighttime meditation washes it away, outside inside get rid of that stale chi, yeah.
And just art, humans spread out on earth, do art, look pretty, if you can, like those 17 year old girls in the “my girlfriend sucks cock” advertisements perfect skin perfect white teeth, perfect bulging breasts – yeah well what do you got to give, a strange question to ask – it’s their “art” don’t you know, like an empty being, can’t make anything on earth.
It comes down to that, all of us on earth, feel like empty beings, whether we had a hand in constructing a 100 million dollar tower in an Arab country, stylish, one-up the guy beside us, or if we’re back in Toronto, in a cardboard box rain dripping on our eye pooled in a pushed in part, soaking I go to push it, it cracks water gushes in I don’t even swear I’m drunk or tired or something, drunk and dead or maybe I’m an architect feeling those same feelings in a rooftop penthouse best of the best the boys the girls that have the sparkling diamonds of wallets hearts or heart shaped gold jewelry mall jewelry quick valentines gift anything ma and pa joe seller, buyer, make baked polymer clay mini cakes to hang around young 14 year old girls’ necks make 2 dollar profit a shot squeak by, kiss, their fat bodies in bed, can’t find a nipple can’t find a cock don’t know what it feels like in all that fat, or hard body 6-pack abs toned male hooker or male pretty boy fucks girls, /millions of situations, in our art, on earth, what you look like, what a painting on the wall looks like, and what you feel like inside “ah not much. don’t ask me about that. keep going.” so something to live here, as perfect, can’t, must have an agreement, human make silly imaginary being, or real being, not of matter, but cruising in “touch it, Shae, pat it down, stroke its sides quick show me it’s there /on it not me I need to stabilize I’m almost here, into earth.”
Yeah we need these little beings, prayer beings come into impossible separation man and woman from their art “yeah man you look, or you look ugly” or any style, you’re not here really, matter is shaped, come out with apparent life, apparent life cycle, I want to be here too though, me, the maker of it all, behind us all, a billion people, a billion sand grains, apparent story, position, things we can depend on, things we can’t, how does the being that made it, keep the story, and come in? /
Be something in our lives? Story of higher beings? “hey I can do that,” it says, “give me a place/ here sort it out in your mind life missing, miss a career miss 30 years meditate at the end of that you left life you sagged and feel in a heap 30 years, matter, sagged and fell in a heap, lived, sort of, held on, to see this”
So I have, little prayer being, androgynous, slight, wise, / you make that have it sit at the table with you “talk to it, Shae, I’ll talk to yours, let’s have them meet, shake hands, shook, all shook up, weird me out, or after it all, man woman after it all, after art, after everything, we want to be something, the missing thing back in us, never had a chance, I can’t be so involved in things anymore, all of it, I want this/ whatever this is/ come through/ let me know, delicate placement verbs nouns ha ha fuckall, /lifejacket matter appear to be something paintbox of matter what shapes matter what supplies art supplies for gods, behind us, speak stupid in us, are bereft of anything here on this earth, just staring .. live, spread out into art, can’t affect or counteract, only is alive, lousy human, no art, rules of alive, matter is made, whole story is made “it” wants to be alive now, some way, little imaginary being, no, she lives, my feeling of self, more than what it is, more than what the human body could ever offer, come with me, Shae, let’s do it, I think I know how to now/and /the little prayer being, apart from shae my friend sitting opposite me/ easy communion, easy fellowship, warm wash expected watercolours smile easy happen/ now/ she speaks floating words real being past art no art perfect being of kindness allowed to be here ah.h fulfillment let me do a little more each day, morekaput that’s enough got it feel it remember it a little more each day, and I can feel it, the eotu, edge of universe, no matter, no known assembly instruction screws wood shapes get for cheap come through on that.
Are you
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/endf’ snippet/ 12:25 am
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So that was some writing earlier tonight from offline just in the book, here I’m in another file, transferred it to it/ ah halfway to the blog start at another word processing file, spacing cut down from “2” to “1.5” ah, /it’s 2:20 a.m. here, I’m tired, ah things take time, we look at these sheets, can take them or leave them, really there’s nothing left, we have no eagerness to find out what they are, what they connect with, take a page from the book, bought the whole thing, or parts of it, don’t want to read it don’t want to treat it like a book, don’t want it at all .. ah sit with a page, ah printed out, get a cutting mat, don’t cut with an x-acto on your tabletop that’s for sure, and cut wiggly or assorted lines on top of the line, then on bottom, then cut at start, vertically, just the little bit there, free it, off the page, down it, pop little length, then another slice, count 2 or 3 words down/ eric we’re not doing it, we’ll buy one off you maybe/ah then use a glue stick rub the snippet on the back of it no words side put it on your finger your hand just the pressire of glue stick hold itholdig it there, glue stuck wock wha along it, get all of it yiu do it, then glue it duywn on new fresh sheet, rub ut dywn with fungerm gemtky, you know don’t choopse the “best dpot” don’t fret, instimnct/ start at near top/ then get another slice of the semtence, and so on ah the years growing up with this/ did you too? well you can start now/ yiour life/ do thst againm, then the last slice, then go duwn the psge whal oppo, ah take whst you want, some of the psge, whast appeaks to your eye, as iof you casre, as if you;ve read it, one more thig tio do never did just have page blank page of blank inside that has something on it/ read, sick of it all, no read/perfect dentences, perfect dents in my car fender brain logicm, like perfect ploffpeople, empty bird feeders indsude I land, so no more
A littleDinlt hasve the truth strength yes here .. sit with papers, you kniw nthig a little abiyt .. “did some” “you over there did somethem” assembked them, plain papers, plain hamdine hsrdwork hand vast yesrs understand over to me look .. go .. gi higher beiog ciome around to us/ what .. remind me, when I canlt say, remind me with any illogic never therepapers, somehow
Never ever approached me nor me it .. in
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Oh what’s in us .. you stay away, relax, have a beer, or something cold, some snacks, stay away from all this, wander back, tease it, play hard to get, it doesn’t get angry, it’s still there – oh well I guess I’ll try at it then/ silly thing/ kiss me now, sense of a 1,000 universes and even beyond I sit here nothing earth nothing me I get into it stop dead sit even question if there is even anything to nothing
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