Oh a couple of drawings not really bleak imagery like first one kind of a piano player like mad scientist then a little zen being standing nearby peaceful, then 2nd drawing ah dumb photo naked lady or art her poor inner life “see me this way” yeah I really do. Honestly, I really do, get some genuine picture, I’m sorry, for looking at porn, when I occasionally do, ah, lady, people of the world, all exploited, people, women, men, exploited, used, pictures, flesh, like a meat counter, slabs of beef, not only photos, advertising, but relationships, people, no cameras, no nakedness “but have you around” “use you” “never talk to you”
Yeah, we gab.
So, speaking of which, no not really, ha ha, here’s some work from offline, the story there./ yeah we continue on, this online presence some of the book or a certain part its own life, Janey the graphic artist, Merle the more paintings type of thing, ah, her attempts, to be in the paintings, advance, but also see it, as sad, as backwards, sad “a painting of poverty on a big wall in a big gallery” sad, is there nothing to be done “that’s right there’s nothing to be done”
Do your meditation for the day, quietly put in the time. And share, as best as you can, with us, through this writing.
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Tuesday, October 29, 2013 9:50 am
Oh, to even things out. Poor world. All the nasty things, on your mind, ah not that many, ah who knows, what my outside face is, what my inside life is, hopefully some peace, not all “let’s tear women’s clothes off, have them walk naked down the street, well, on a warm day, let’s be kind, and if they want to take off their clothes, then they can, and pay them a big salary for it, oh sexy young things, and let’s let them keep their clothes on, and try to have a job of thinking, sharing, caring, male people too, guys, I mean females like to look at them/ oh I really don’t want to think of naked people right now, naked hairy people, there are some people you just don’t want to see naked, what a strange world, all young sexy girls, take it all off, but it ruins your life, so keep it on, and find love, oh, and life, so pervert men look at porno, and pervert women too, and all kinds of stuff, women find a way, to act like “women” “caring, responsible, soft, warm” but behind the scenes? or work it in? is there anybody that’s not lying, or what do you call it? “society working out” ah if only it was true, there was something hidden in there, that was good, could be brought out, worked on?
Oh, the poor world. Humans, sick, whether it be cancer, arthritis, or porn, lust, using, throwing away, like child sex trafficking, or human trafficking, or whatever you call it, horrible things, people desperate for a fat paycheck, it’s a very strange world, /some families actually are caring? there’s no rape, no abuse, they actually care for their kids? Or try to do their best. Who brings up anything. Even here eric why bring all this up, /life tries to work on “some of it” ah, bring up some of it, like in our parliament lately, the scandal of some senators, part of our political system, oh, people finding out things about them, to do with expense accounts, money .. ah like I mentioned a bit .. yeah, finding things wrong, I don’t know, is it an attempt to look at all of us? oh, what to bring out in the open, I mean really, what to say – do you have some kindness, does it mix in, is it honest kindness, to be depended on?
I can trust you?
Ah, trust. What to say. Does everyone not have a hidden life? It’s just the mind? Thoughts. Ah, be nice, think nice things, sometimes, yeah, love kids, cute kids, they’re not so cute, well like a crying baby, could keep you up all night, a new baby, home from the hospital, who’s a quiet baby, who’s a screamer, poor little thing, have to get up, comfort them, mommy and daddy, sharing in duties, and it makes you tired, who’s working outside of the home, who’s working at home, taking care of kids, holding down the fort? Ah, a family, and communication, doing our best, why look at all this eric who has time? A woman a man who has time say what share what you live you don’t say very much of this you’re lonely at it but good at it say it feel more at peace, with the honesty, but with who, ah, blog readers, book readers, people come to book signings, never know many of them though, art shows, come on like “we have solved the world” “this is really special” but with each other, not much is said, and world goes on, busy, not much is said, underbelly stays intact, not much is said, no way to deal with it, do humans like being liars? Messes? bad patterns? Read in meditation, for a delicate little prayer being to come along, yes it is my life.
She comes along, sits quietly with it all.
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She is pure, there’s not a lot of lust, none, she’s not regretful, doesn’t miss it, just doesn’t have it, cares, but it’s not a woman or man thing, it’s just ancient stuff, from outer space, or beyond, just the edge of the universe, not taking cues from humans, it’s her own world, caring, pure, high and mighty, but I’m not making fun of her, at least there’s someone like her. In my life.
Oh with people I mean you sense “some of them good” not sure, you’ve seen some pretty good acts, didn’t suspect a thing, or well something was wrong, didn’t suspect it to the extent it was, and all humans tarnished by it .. like in this latest senators scandal thing, they talk of “well this email shows he was lying then, or then at this point he was telling the truth, or it’s a mix, I guess a person can lie and tell the truth all the way through” I don’t know it just seems like they’re hungry wolves, in some way, reporters, news shows, there just seems to be no stepping back, saying “look at our world, here we are again, at this, at a certain level yes it is a news story, go for it, but at a certain level, we are just thieves, creeps, news people, want any content they can get, gossip, facts, seem upstanding, fine line, are you too mean, what are reporters, and what is philosophy, faith, and fuck it all, no word for it, step back, be away .. I’m just glad I have the little prayer being, she’s precious, Shae Jasmine I call her ..
Oh, that she quietly comes, maybe doesn’t say much, just be, a presence, not like us, not from here .. ah with all our questions, who’s honest, who’s good, who’s lying, who’s hiding, who’s hit a rough spot, will be lying for a while, but will be better .. ah our public life, our relationship life, who’s to trust, invest trust in, even go over that line and trust them like they deserve to be trusted, ah or do you have a sour view of humanity, it’s sad, sour view, disdainful, and realize you yourself, look at you with sour view too, try to be good, what to say, what life to have, what to express, but truth, all the way to the edge of the universe and beyond, do the work, in hardcore chi kung meditation, and then “your humanity” seems easier to take. All of us seem easier to take. Looking at us.
Oh the little prayer being shae jasmine not interested in seeing shaved pussy of young girls all shaved hairless except for head of hair all styled pretty they are perfumed perfect smell great everywhere and rape them pummel them use them kill them [uh right here, editors note I don’t mean that literally, “kill them eat them,” it is a criticism of society, barely covering it up that is actually what they are doing, like the male lion eating the lion cubs, his own kids, if the mother doesn’t keep him away, bare her teeth at him, attack him, /so yes, we are fucking crude, but through this tapped book, there has been trouble with police, misinterpretations of language what I have said, so I am DEFINATELY NOT advocating killing, raping, okay? I am making a statement AGAINST it, it just takes some time work it through, as usual writing goes, no, clumsily overexplain it here, okay./ it hurts, and maybe I’m overreacting, but it’s scary, feeling threatened, for writing just honest work. Crudely blatantly honest, work with it, have the skills shock offend but work it through have the reader still with you, work it through to something, gentle truth, epiphany .. if possible .. maybe not, over entire 90,000 page book and blog too, the world, accompany us, not a book, not a friend, not a god, nothing. Really, the words as nothing. The explanation as nothing. But with you.], or some form of that, gobble up, I mean literally eat them, or figuratively, a lust to consume, even down to young girls, whose lives are ahead of them, need to live, another 40, 60, 80 years, need kindness, a soft life, at home, at school, no leering, no backstabbing, no criticizing, ah left out in the cold, friendless, ostracized, or what do people want you to be like, to fit in, and what is your own mind, your own way, what does it take, to develop it, what is so strange, looks at things truthfully, but doesn’t fit, horrendously, for such a long long time .. little prayer being, sweet, who do you share her with, readers, over this format, but a life, at the dinner table? with my kids? no, I have no kids, /with my wife? no I have no wife, /oh is this some idealistic world, no not really, you can see from the writing it’s pretty rough, and I’m not wearing rose-coloured glasses for Shae Jasmine, little prayer being, no it’s a hard-fought life hard-felt pain, destroyed me limited me so she is a careful saviour for me for all of you, her in you, your name for her, each of us have them, tender quiet don’t regret the poetic nature realistic the energy of chi kung circulating in your body past all the fantasies it is hard work to have her in your life the little prayer being. But this is life. With all the snickers, lousy humans. And this. Share her a little. In this format.
And “and rape them pummel them use them kill them,” yeah I certainly don’t mean that I certainly don’t do that to young girls, well when I look at porn, how many of those young girls “were overly convinced”? “shoved? a little?” “told lies” “made to believe things” ah, all the mixture “which ones wanted to do it” “or felt at the time they were pleasing someone” ah later in life, or through the years .. oh questions in their mind, forming, as they still do stuff, maybe they don’t want to see, it’s too painful, once their mind woken up to it, it’s too painful to look at it, to heal.
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So once in a while I look at porn, what, do I look at it all, mature, lesbian, babes, fetish, ah for chrissakes sickening all of it moneymakers found a weakness in us, see naked girls, women, my god, get out in there in life, care, ah who’s to care about and trust who’s to ask “can you reveal your mind” “and a little but farther, to a prayer being” “yes honey that far I need that, do you need that too” poor fucking world, unforgiveable, unaware, to this extent, share this, work into this, over thousands of pages, sad “I need not hide it all now” “somehow I work with it” “let me have the weird prayer being with me at the table, please” “ah that’s just meditation, eric, that’s just in your meditation, you sweet boy, sweet confused little boy” yeah, I’m 53, sweet confused?, nah not really I know you can’t do this, can’t have the little girl prayer being millions of years old, wise, beyond compare, can’t develop her .. yes I can.
I am you know, and “and rape them pummel them use them kill them,” oh the little prayer being come sailing in I love you little girl androgynous slight small skinny thin like “a zen prayer girl” no joke no style no trend use the words by people not even know what they mean/ ah hardcore but in a different way from hardcore porn or something, no not at all, that makes me sick to think of it .. but now we have hardcore meditation, oh don’t say that what do you do rape her? the meditation being? film it? ah crap// anyways, my palette all messed up now, taste buds, mind, she’s dirtied, poor thing, I still haven’t done the sit-down part of the meditation here this morning, but I’ve started the magnification, that section, oh hard work, writing this, thinking this through, being this, this is my life, not bad, I like to just say things, get them out there, but you pay the price yeah, you live some of this, but no I don’t have a well-worked-out family, zen kids, zen wife, she meditates too, she talks about it, we share deeply, no sorry to say, it is in this format that’s all. So take it for what that’s worth. Fine line any progress at all, skinny fine line barely any merit to this as usual. Or is it. Ah with the surrounding things happened through these years, the “Shae” girl, in the park, the real live human, young, wanted to meet me, somehow got this tapped book, from my computer, from the stripper girl, Janis, yeah a long story, and police, interest, in my counterfeiting from way back, long gone, but them still suspecting, and my papers now, my drawings, hardly “fine lines” “bills” I’m past it, but I still need to live, sell this, sell the art, maybe you’ll see me, some day, in a gallery, ah, same as usual, a lot of facades, moving about, show art, write books ..
We see the world, yeah we see the world.
You know the truth. We both know. All of us, reading this, fantasy, very close to life, slim progress, almost lived it in life, yeah let’s stand there stare at a painting, almost lived it in life.
We can say very little./ but a lot. You’re uncomfortable near me, as if I’m suddenly going to say it all! Ha ha. Don’t worry, c’mon, I reassure you, over time, my public image, I say none of it at all. If I eventually have a wife, kids, I say none of it at all to them either, sorry dear, sorry kids, daughters, sons, if any at all, if any wife, girlfriend, friend .. people .. sorry, I couldn’t say any of it at all .. just like you./ very tenuous book right on the line of saying it having a life with it this adult nature past tv shows people flying through the air bending iron bars where’s our true unmentionable progress never going to say it deal with sitting with each other being this oh do it to do with matter what we are made of what the table is made of, what the air is made of and going beyond it with our mind spirit say this break the reality strict rules not by police not by politicians just us all of us world reality that a greater game is being played or kindness or unawareness things watching don’t know what to make of us for we are not real matter is made up we are actually them not made of matter .. so how do they appear here, do you go that far handle that talking to me in a fast food restaurant about this?
No. We just sit. We enjoy this, reading thus. But life, no. Wherever you are , 55, 22, your life goes on, and it certainly isn’t this. So it is. We enjoy watching poor sad old eric trying this in reality poor sad lost loser eric no don’t say that too mean he makes his money is careful not expose too much of this not be crushed “he knows the game” “play the game” “promotion, secrets, mystique” play the game get nothing done at all sell or nothing really nothing stark alone truth poor.
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/endf’ snippet/ 11:30 am
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/okay that writing over there, offline, here we are halfway again to blog, to internet, in separate file ah the feel of things, but a lot of writing there, and our lives “you can do nothing about all this eric” “you’re certainly not the one that’s going to do anything about it” on we go, just someone, something, around, a presence, not really doing anything, the big thing, it is good we have charities, governments, a lot of them help out, some don’t .. ah keep going.
A presence.
In this small book way.
Words like particles in the air, like smog? No, not like smog, ah maybe a little I’ll give you that. Life goes on. Meat and potatoes, veggies, all veggies, all of it. Forgive forget advertising meat veggies in advertising what is that a cucumber with her in a nude photo? Oh eric you’re so crude we all are. Same day as usual. Say some intelligent things. But a lot of it isn’t. Same day as usual.
A presence, a book, not a book, unknown.
Here. A little more.
Hey you weird invisible creature in book!
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