Oh we get on with it “our story” I mean pretty hard to avoid it, walking around, if a curb’s there, step down off it, adjust height you’re expecting, by 4 inches, I mean this is reality right? Lots of situations like that right? are we maturing and realizing this is not all there is to it? Are we seeing that?
So here’s a little more writing. From offline. In the book. The book follows us, bouncy bouncy, playful, some other being, imagination, imagination filling in, becoming something, moving, not of matter, imagination for matter, become something in reality, just stays as it is, in imagination, stays there, blinks, says hello, we expect the person to reassure us they are imagining it but they are not and somehow we trust them this time, they are not crazy, and we share it between us.
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So I did a 1+1, so that coupled with 3 hours 17 minutes magnification, equals 4 hours 26 minutes. So, get it done, at least get in a 1+1, with the magnification, see these forces, see the little prayer being, ah, not of matter, but we are made, we live life through in bones, flesh, are sure that is what it is, and then the final serious few moments, for a lot of us, it’s old age, some disease gets us, and the last few moments, either conscious or not, last few breaths, we have come to know, oh those feelings, last few weeks, but of time “I’m too tired now” “I know I am going now” and all your life, the bones, the flesh “living” now facing something else, could anyone talk to you about it, ah in scripture do they talk about it “they say you are going to a better place” ah it’s pretty murky, what exactly it is .. and here on earth “yeah we don’t want to hear about things say mentioned in Eric’s book” ah here, on earth, the prayer being, not of matter, we can’t feel it we’re of matter I guess, “never thought about it, I’m just me” ah I can tell you in meditation, even in the depths of it, you go farther and “human just wants to be human” stay put .. it’s like driving down the road, to see a friend, or friends, you’re late, running late, someone slow in front of you on a one-lane road, no passing, ah so it is, can’t roar past them, gun the engine, what do you do, swear at them, call them “an f-in goof!” there you go, it’s so fun, legitimate, seemingly, the human does it “naturally” natters, is mean, ah where’s the ethereal life, ah get with people smile talk, but you feel kind of like an effing hypocrite, you know, pushing at traffic, so angry, to get to be with friends, where you’re happy .. strange life, is any of it real, like when you’re in the car, can you feel the prayer being, eric, can you feel her? the result, of living, as a human, bad patterns, frustration, death, live for a while, but life is just too much, you know? maybe you’re happy to die, at some point “let me go” “see my maker” “he’s taking me home” what a world.
Oh we do okay, but I don’t expect anyone to mention this to me anytime soon, we are just here, yeah I know, I’m just here too. None of this.
I feel that, as I try to work it in, you say it in obtuse ways to people, never mention any of this specifically. You are “all attached to the human way” “see it wall to wall” “no other thoughts, only speculation” not this.
Oh I feel her, live as her, other being not of matter. It’s nice, feel her purely, but then the human is on the rampage again, the big grey behemoth, lying there in the bed, is sick, but wants it all, doesn’t want any help, only wants human thoughts, human life// ah is he mean to the prayer being? No, not really, he doesn’t even know she’s there. Takes a lot, to even remember. She’s there.
“Read me then. It’s okay. Take my sickness, in matter, the story of matter the story of human life. Read me. Read me like it’s supposed to be done. I’ll sit still.”
And he does.
The little prayer being sits with him, he doesn’t hit her, doesn’t scream at her, really doesn’t.
Knows she’s there. Is appreciative. In these last days of life. Or none of us know how much time we’ve got. You see it through. I’m glad she’s there though. The unspeakable, it’s a kindness, but still unspeakable. We can speak about this book, other parts, or vaguely touch on this. “so how do you like Ottawa
We don’t talk about that. I don’t push it. I don’t sneer at her. I love her. I love all my readers.
But you know, not a lot gets done, we don’t mention “the other life” I stay as human, she stays as human. It’s unknown. When to start “talk about the other.” ah we most of us, live bad patterns, even saintly, it all catches us in the end, bad patterns, unknown what human life is really, why it had to be this way, why it is this way.
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You just take it in stride.
Don’t make too much trouble.
A rebel, a rebel writer? no not really, I mean there are parts, but once you see that prayer being you are at peace. It evens it out. When you can see her, be with her. Do the work. Don’t really want to, even though she is perfect, no 2 arms 2 legs body, just assumed, into a thought, small, frail, she has the colours, inner colours, of organs visited in meditation, she shares your body with you, she is a thought.
All on her own though. Sitting with you and a friend at a table. Perhaps.
If a human would mention this, someone that doesn’t meditate, I don’t know what I would do.
Instantly cover up? make a sneer? make a raise of the eyebrows?
Make it funny?
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Yeah comfortably avoid it, thanks.
Regret it on the way home, alone.
Will I ever?
We many of us have those moments, maybe not in these specifics. But it is there. We are not really living life. We don’t know what it is. In instant words. We wish we had. No. It is this. Feel it out. It is there, gradually. It is not just instant stupid intelligent words./ you wish you had. Frail human. On the edge. Wish you were strong, in accepted shared words status quo remembered university dictionary caring upstanding warm friend, instead of the weird, that you have. But won’t say.
Can never work it, to accomplished.
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/endf’ snippet/ 2:45 pm
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//
So end of that writing there, offline, oh a different feel, a little, oh, today, files wouldn’t upload properly, those two pictures at beginning, oh they had blotches, it’s weird eh the blog site I mean .. some days some files don’t work other days they do, so it’s 5:25 p.m. here, about, just keeping going, but the extra story, following us along “we’re pretty occupied with this one we got right here” ah, cattle, as well as suburbs, coyotes, as well as sleek sports cars, clothes, or from the goodwill, /all different types of people, some more fortunate, have more money/ yeah the whole story, human suffering, as well as looking the other way, some people innately know how to care, they won’t step off somewhere, ignore, they do their part, they’re there, /and life, who’s there, reliably, ah, the sad coldness .. and now you say there’s a whole ’nother story besides this one? /Well I think of that a sec – .. well bring it on! bring on that other story ! .. ah it’s not quite so easy, like Shae and her little friends, don’t quite understand “they thought this was just supposed to be a book, I was a guy writing a book” “okay that’s fun or could be or it’s your job work hard, like a guy being a mechanic, or working at the big box electronics store, well write your book and include us and it’s fun to read about us in your mind, but something’s not quite right, and I guess with the world too, and do they somehow link together, okay, or no, we still just want you to be a guy with a book, please, we know friends that write too, aren’t you like that?” “get on with life” “hey you eric efwhat the f and many f’s, thankl you loed f ha hsbb yiu know? are you weird or something creekers crazy?” well it’s niot quite like thst, the humsn mind canrt think the other story, that is why this is so long and involved emulates meditation, or is like being plonked down in something, not a book anymore, find your way in this like you find your way in life, and join the two together, for something spectacular/ we are here, without preparation, born to this, like shae and her friends, 16 or so to begin, now 20 into 20’s, or some still young, some older, and whole assortment of people, ages, interests/ but these young girls yeah they thought they knew life “why this shit?” and life becomes difficult just like it is, lots comes up, tragedies, hardships, and some people seem to avoid hard lives, other people it seems heaped on, I’ll never forget that doctor, he said once “it evens it all out, death does, everybody’s got to die” it seemed quite callous, like he was enjoying it, if anybody thought they were better than him, they were going to die too. It was cold. It kind of shocked me. I said nothing. /Man, if somebody can live to 200, I say that’s wonderful for them, and I don’t think of myself. I just think that’s great for them./ but all this book, strange story of the prayer being, not made of matter .. shares in our body, our body image, or actually shares “ability to live” “in this context” “of the world reality” “she shares and if she is happy, has a job, speaks, what does it do to us?” “it is quite odd, the chi kung, the seriousness of it, of energy, of sharing with what’s at the edge of the universe, literally, and making a form here, of no known substance, no known matter” like it is, at the edge of the universe there, and everywhere, behind each particle, what you can’t see .. and now you see this here ../ with preparation, with training, or just land in this, plonk, start reading start breathing in this, you are here,/ and yes some easing in period .. we always thought “additional story” was just going to hitch on to this one, / that we already had, reality, human reality/improvements, furthering / like we all want money, but say we don’t, say we have feelings .. uhh yeah, some do .. in the crunch I guess .. you see, who does, but you never want to start “a crunch” just for a test, nah, it comes along, you feel sad for all involved/.. / but yeesh, more money, bigger house, newer car .. those things are nice, clothes are nice, ordering things over the internet, ah what befalls you, slowly slowly you see something else, people touch you, little things, big things, heavy, don’t understand .. and moments, tread on you stop, touch you, gradually, a shimmer to some thing fit why don’t you come, don’t want to be a good person like this here, don’t tell anyone okay, dedicated to a strange arrange new ideal what, or past any excited new, human presents ripped open new no, not even include “all the new things you can possibly have” new you .. it doesn’t fit, it’s not like that area of stores you disappear in become a display stiff, those “improvements” “more money more youth more time to be mister miserable where, I guess sit anywhere the bell tolls actually have the different stump me story, which we never look at get to ..”it appears now it’s not like anything that will or would .. this is so dim different doesn’t shout or whistle from a little ways behind young girl make song, how the mind just is unable works, how I walk could never believe anyone was interested in this at all in re-reality, I kept my head down, I bottled it up sold and stay, with me, or huddled, cold, against all people, or rarely saw a face the imaguffination whirls puts misery away with dances my misery is unchanged and smiles ha, or when shae when meets meditation in you ..
You need a little, read a little, you punctuate you step produce practice the meditation with me never you smile tease me back, you write a little, have all along, you do drawings, no eric that’s asking too much .. it stinks in, sinks in I mean .. it takes many years .. to see we’re not quite what we think we are/ yes live boy/girl or whatever but have time for this too, the other story following us along, the edge of the universe, how we want something “that big” but “it’s just this small” – yes getting good at something is important, your life’s career .. and food is important, getting enough, and having shelter, these things of the body, sleep, but also having some fun with people, socialize, some good times, looking out for each other, being reliable, but special, not all thrills, not gorge and abandon .. /but gradually no gradually, even slower than the first “gradually” ah damn .. not another long time wait .. I’ve seen a few in my life, is it worth it, these long time waits for humanity, with such speed at some things, now wait, even longer, as the years go by, and speed at some things gets ever faster, /fester, rot, at speed, well “your definite placement as your body, son, or daughter, says god or anything, foxes, wild grass, peer at me wild thing, god, doing the trapline, food range, wild, the shimmer of auburn fur, wow you wild, the edges of your legs arms head are sheared by it, to your wild, it touches your raw for a second like here from outer space, not here to eat you, just to look, and talk/ slowly, be peaceable/ no big words we have some but mostly thoughts kindergarten no age 90 young spirit pure .. the edge, the continent attainment land, it’s not so real to come such a distance to you, make it real, you’re scared shae, to move beyond those pipette lines, chemistry even perceive of me more, like sure you have this tiny body on this tiny planet everyone not just shae .. but slowly, “your thoughts” “or aware your thoughts thin out oink then disappear only to speak somewhere else yearns to achoo train be follow believe that be calmness trudge out on trek peer” you don’t depend on thoughts staying at home so much on “I am in this seat” “I write ride or I am walking along this road angels wiper blade” “I am seeing this person in all” “I am talking” slowly, with ham hints, clumvlumit is always gemtke in its ackhints, it takes many hackseessions, bloomonths, and more sad, years yessir ma’am, lots of years imn school, to quizzle this professor nothin, quiz this, puzzle this “whst an odd way to spend your life!” aware slowly, they call it many thigs in theoretical physics I wouls suppose, make up names, try to see titles nomenclature assess .. oh, is sit meditation part of their dog studies sit pet dog you would find clarity, some, or do they always stsy as the human bidy, humsn mind, curious, sesrching, fuir thigs “never gotcha fir it” “guve me thigs fur the humsn, we want thugsthings” it’s ghasrd to slowly see the other stiry, following us parcishalong, I guess one thig thst’s defimnite, it’s niot asbut satisfying our effenchipgo, not at all bag of chips by your side, great man, I am not your chips potato salt and vinegar rdisg sadness.
Rise to sunset much human leisure
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