Life is okay, kind people, the touch of someone kind, a handshake a hug, anything, talking, anyways I went to my recovery group this morning, it was good to go, I wrote a bit about it ..
/oh I was going to include some of it but no just the feelings strong senses just leave it as is .. but life .. work hard, on recovery, from whatever it is, with each of us, and one thing that is abundantly clear, realizing you have recovery work to do, you have more of a heart. You build your heart.
So that drawing above, oh, I mean, we all have to live, we need a bit of money, to buy groceries, and it’s a harsh world, often mean, the inequality between people, but I think humanity is trying to do its best, you know you get that feeling .. I feel a bit better today, I did get in a full cycle of meditation before my group, it took about 2 hours I think, the magnification part, the beginning part, then the sit-down, the sitting cross-legged on my meditation cushion, that part, closing eyes, headphones on, listening to meditation CD, it guides me through, basic story, but there is a whole lot more to it than that, you learn as you get into it more and more years .. oh, mostly to do with quieting the mind, your friend the mind, not your enemy the mind. Oh that is a big difference, people seeking to thwart their own mind, with drugs, alcohol, whatever it is, I’ve seen people like that, it’s pretty popular in society, not that that makes it right, it’s sad .. but the alternative, to face your mind, your insides, your soul .. and say it in writing like this .. not voice it that often to people, only to people that are safe, you take a little risk with them, not too many are safe, most are the snickerers.
But I do okay.
Feel calmer, more evened out .. oh expressing in this little blog helps a bit too .. but you know, I worry, the story is too many .. pieces, pieced out .. separated, ah we do okay, I don’t share everything, /well, the book is back there, and yeah unfortunately or fortunately some people read that, I write on same computer as I go on internet .. oh you know .. it is as it is .. things that happened, other eyes on this work, some I want, some I’m not too sure .. ah much of this book “is what you don’t voice” I know, Shae, the girl from the park, probably thought “sure, we can talk about this!” but as life wore on, and she talked to her friends, and maybe people older than her too, and she kind of felt the way the landscape was ..
And she realized people don’t talk about these things at all
It’s a difficult situation/ we can’t form all this, that I’ve formed, we just can’t/, for all of us, get the right tinge of humanly / possible but impossible unreachable goals of speech and expression/ accurate, this is as what we might talk about
This is very close/ accurate foreboding “this can’t be done” “don’t even try” “risky talk with people you care about and they care about you” “risky talk for all the world” put off “I’ll do it tomorrow” “I’m so ashamed” “I should have tried” but still millions millions put it off/ you get there, almost there, you try to try, then you realize the hugeness of this area, it is not just a few little emotional things you best say now or tomorrow .. it is humanly possible? “I have it in me” no it is really quite alien it needs this long a parking lot, a road to work on it, and this strange situation of tapped computer, and friends too/ need to mention, it is not there at all for any of us, but we look for it, a balance of typical life says to not do it at all but we want to/ that is it all of it, it is way beside sit be quiet subdued quietly say the smallest things then the next time the smallest things again, build them .. that which isn’t here
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