So first little thing yellow post-it note ah just saw it on my desk here, in things, eyes landed on it wow that’s pretty good from when I don’t know, but yeah we get along in life okay I guess most of us our regimen, marching, I guess that’s regiment? But you know “t” or not, tea put your feet up forget the war just trying to live war of having friends gather them itemize them put tags on them “nice” “not so nice” what are you, santa claus? Give them gifts, little charms, show your appreciation, or say just come over I’ll sit with you for awhile “ah forget it” “well fuck you then you’ll never be my friend again!” ah some child in us acting up jealous possessive you’d be surprised what adults do – but yeah “something else” “where?” “what?”
Missed that one
Ha ha
Oh, this book wanders I’ll tell you someday .. or you’ll land on a page someplace or another, in this world, find it, our inner self, no educated psychology, just rude, but good, weird, good and weird and caring and don’t touch me let me sleep alone on the couch but talk to me I’m a stray dog, scared, don’t brutalize me don’t be a hard-on freak “no one respects anyone” the inner self, young, slight, she can’t punch hard, but wields a knife, be careful, you could say the nicest things, she’s still remembering someone 3 nights back
So yeah all this, the next two paintings drawings are self-explanatory, there you go .. oh the house drawing, damn, lead me to your door fuck me around I’m happy “did you fuck me around like a friend?” ha ha, I’m happy” life is like that, standards go way down. It’s exciting to be brutalized lots of people get into that, lust, hammering on a woman, she fucked around so hammer her hard in bed “your possession” love her don’t know a fucking thing about love she cheated so half beat her up half love her pump her hard, slap against her vulva there slap slap endless energy to slap it/ anyways eric you want to move on, sure “we sure ain’t coming to your door” nobody wants to know anybody, reveal nothing “hello I am your new reveal nothing friend, let’s develop” want some, do without some
So third drawing thing ah not my best not a 100% spark in my mind, or not even in the scale the little yellow thing first just looked pleasant but yeah I draw some of them turn out, some of them don’t, some with better things “ah add that” so, peace, peace sign mangled, show up tie some red ribbons around try to pass it off, sell it
So that’s about it
Mangy dog skinny vicious shows ribs gotta eat soon, that’s peace. Yeah not really but just kind of my mood today like I said earlier nerves are a jangly didn’t get out today beautiful sunny day beautiful fall weather should have been at the park but it makes me sad sometimes, the sad knifing feeling, comes to me, thought I had avoided it, but I used to walk the trails there, with my dad, when he was feeling better
It was casual, at the time, I’m not filming it, taking notes, just walking “what’s the big deal” but I remember it strong now
So I do my best.
Here’s some writing, earlier today, offline, here I’m halfway to the internet, view the blog, get a feel, make a title, come back to writing, on a just opened word file, there you go, fresh.
I’m getting better, write to the audience on the internet there, feel them, not go too far, I mean, not treat them badly, but be wary, but I been fucked over on “home” writing too, like I explained, viewed on, by the police, by something that happened at 20 years old, profiteering, attempt at profiteering, no skin crimes or anything, but to me a statement “you know? Here is me? here is all of us!” now just die fade away think feel can’t so die dies slowly 20 years 30 years then meditation came along, accidentally, ah help my mom with it, help her feel better, in a difficult time, bring peace to her, help, in a small way, start it myself, hang on.
So what I been doing
All this way through.
Here’s the writing from earlier today offline.
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So my nerves have been a bit jangly the past few days, ah I remember I did some yardwork, clipped some branches, got a full bag, those big brown paper yard waste bags everything clipped compressed, then also cut grass out back I had taken an allergy pill but you know coming in after it all my nose was still a bit clogged ah you know I sweat a bit there was sweat on my brow wipe it off with a paper towel with some cold water run on it, wipe off my face .. but you know, needed to do meditation that night didn’t have a shower (really allergens and sweat and clogged pores, okay I wasn’t drenched in sweat, ah I thought it would be okay, but they say in meditation you take in whatever’s in your pores, it comes through as you are taking in chi from the universe .. ah life, and even to brush your teeth, I do that, then rinse with water, have a fresh mouth, bits of food can go into your system, just the whole working of the chi kung/ ah I sit a bit, brush my teeth, put a little lip balm on, rest, let it sink in, even out, back to a position, “okay maybe meditation is possible now”) then meditation the next day, didn’t have a shower, then meditation today didn’t have a shower /so sound like quite a pig! There you go/ I’m doing my best .. and “published” to my blog just a very simple thing (there’s no bells and whistles, I don’t even have a fancy “masthead” you know a fancy picture, like a landscape or some eye-catchy thing pretty sombre dulled cloudy “life” “we feel it” with a catchy font, hand done, really “give it to the reader” “they demand fancy neon and flashy things, in whatever way, ah, I just have “i money earth” there, in plain blue small letters/ ah whatever is to follow, it’s kind of the difficult shit none of us ever face, a friend can’t get us to face/ we listen to eric, fucking bastard/ it’s like that you know, I’m such a prick, but I’m kind/ it’s the inner kindness, you never get the richness of, the full details of), I mean, I should be sending out material to small magazines, or any magazines, short bits, to get known, get published, ah, and congratulations to Alice Munro! Won a Nobel prize for literature! Yah!! What a go, Alice
My life, I’ve kissed the dirt facer plant scrape/ lived a little eat the dirt dioert you diciking squasbble..
Something like that/You come upp with this, at this point a wide soresdig book sore spreading tired need ass cishion, add bits we all have a little say ihere dint want to resd no fuckig big book, eruc” yeah I know we stip in we esch hsve interesting lives each dsy of our lives. Yearn in the unsdpoken tthgs unformed unlitersy things no one can make them. Just in our lives. Oh it’s nice ti be a well-knin writer, but just in our lives, no one mentions it, they dont put uit tigeher you’re glad “leave it at ‘some of us are good wrters’ ashamed, can’t do more, ashamed .. but be clapped for a little some of us .. didn’t do the true work none of us did couldn’t get there .. you have one life .. write stories and at 37 you’re lucky ti get opublished and at 53, eric ah go away and die .. but the extra “career” why don’t words work in life/ ah no one thinks of that/ we all do, leave it alone, the papers celebrate Nobel prize winners, leave it alone ../ don’t go this far eryc actually talk about it form firm it as csreer past death any humsnlu possible career writer work up through ranks now whst the fuck is this .. evem grasp this, niot be titally crzy, be kind, giving/), people jump in at certain spots, oh we’re/ we all hsve little lives, stop in here “sh fyck eryc you git big 90,000 psge book behind this, well so do we you fucker, come here, hug us we’re all the same. It never gets looked at, make any of it, my stored memories, and blur for whst a humsn is, what a human isn’t .. another being maybe? Ah I need the fucking tweaky meditation for that even it out even see it with clear eyes .. so you fucker eric you give it to me a little, what I;m never going ti see NEVER FYCKING EVER EVER going to see!! Thanks./ im nit so angrydnt push it away shove it ioff some fucking do-gooder bitherig me again no I let you through eric) all happy .. we do what we can ..
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/endf’ snippet/ 4:30 pm
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/so that’s the writing offline, back here halfway to the internet now oh I write here the blog’s word processing parts are not very good, it’s nerve-wracking just about kills me ah grow into this find out how to do it “how to do what” just about dead, almost 53 years old, my mom died in 2002, of cancer, my dad died just this last August here, 2013, he had Parkinson’s it deteriorated his muscle strength, I mean first you get a little shake in the hands, then it goes to your throat, have trouble swallowing, just the actuation of those muscles there/ anyways you get the picture I don’t want to go into this ..
But yeah show up with your attaché case or knapsack or leather satchel ah don’t be too fancy don’t get mugged for it, show up all of us a bit guarded cautious “life” ah none of us communicate that well, you “learn” to just subvert it, your embarrassment “I don’t communicate worth shit” so just be distant disinterested “ah you fucker want a knife through you?” ah really I would never say that, but so many people are in a pose, for a camera, like young girls 16 caking on the makeup paying attention to hair, a look but they’re shaking inside “don’t know anything about life at all” only find out quick they think, to freeze up be cold cool calm collected handle anyone what they say do “no one creep me out or get me” they forget too the beauty of their vulnerability having fun looking at nature taking photographs, no they’ve always got to be on the road going somewhere, on the concrete .. ah poor things never get a chance to say anything else, /might steal it one day, from a guy’s computer, all they can do, 35, 36, “seen life” “or so they show” know nothing, no one to tell it to
All of life is a show
Hold it together
/So yeah my papers, enjoy them
I push them across to you
“we deal”
“no it’s just papers I have no emotions at all to give to you”
I don’t say that part of course we just know
I am cold
Deals like this I’m polite I joke but we both know we are just making a deal on the inner self, I have it for some people, that’s the tease that it is actually available for some people I have worked to speaking floating words becoming another being the inner being “ah shaddup eric you dumb fuck you got the art is this the stuff valuable in New York City? Gimme some.”
Ah selling ourselves careful protect valuable inner self and sell it, actually know what it is, have developed it, and keep it for very valuable special people.
And sell the papers, not you, meet people with clear eyes “you ain’t getting me
“No one gets me
I develop, private media./ I’m not masturbating I’m talking in floating words.”
It takes years hardcore meditation to straighten it out within yourself having the background to handle it, from afar/ you actually do meet other entities, and get to know them, it fills in, you have a complete other world, meet this world’s world, function, have a complete being, not of this world, of matter as we know it, not comprised of matter, as all humans and all things are ../
“Does it look stupid, eric?” “wwell cmon dfont do thst/ ah pbbt shucks ..yeah, fairly.”
It looks sdtuopd lstest snake ol or suntasmnm oil or quality brand or keep safe in the sdubs rays sh hiking seeitg nstire whst’s left
In us/ really I ain’t no slick look good in slim leather pants fuck no those times are past they still happen slick young people milk the money mschine .. but yeah .. lster .. who’s thfir thst .. we’re all deasd. St thst point, so I come along, a little beetke, a little sjunk, a little chipmunk, sure thst’s me .. /skunk/lived, dudnt get sddycted to heroin, lived, dudnt get sddtcted ti nythug, well some cigsrettes there, fur a while ../ I wear regulsr loose jeans, or not super baggy, firm on my ass therte youi go but really fuck it all top hell but nit super tight, but I’m just casual not in the city to hustle go forest fur walks dnt nitice me, there aint nothing to see inner me I just die before I ever get a chance at that/ no no one nitice me this is hard to do what the fuck am I doing here what the fuck is all this I never heard of anybody doing it this way/ really hsrd to do this
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But it must ah lay off eryc you could ie nibidy guves a shit be done/ a few people casre a littkle, thabks
Fir the world
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