This is some writing from offline. I just decided to put it here.
(oh we are halfway to the blog here added this bit I become scared flustered “yes there is nothing wise” oh in society you must play by the rules, who made them, I don’t know, none of us really, I’m not blaming anyone, it seems for a reason “don’t say anything” “keep in line” I know in meditation I find the reason, really “forget your worries, forget your illness, forget your environment, forget yourself” gently you come to some conclusions, it may be surprising)
(oh this first little bit was from yesterday, then the next is earlier today, it is now 2:55 pm here, this afternoon, halfway to the blog here, midway, when I’m “home” I separate from the internet just turn everything off, do my writing.)
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We cannot say we know eric know his work hope he feels us interested frozen in usual human protocol “for this”
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Wednesday, October 9, 2013 10:15 am
Oh, papers, little things, art stands true, if you work on things, you want to be shown in a gallery, it’s prestigious, the setting gets you a better price, it is the way it is. And to meet in coffeeshops, or rooms, a group meets in say a room, off the beaten track, a cheaper price, a donation for it, good people, oh .. or we begin to meet in homes, form friendships on this, ah you know it is quite a leap, we really don’t want to enter another being, /that could be the reluctance “just that earth is meant for bad patterns” how do you have a dual existence, living in the thing that reads the bad patterns too? it is quite a lot to ask of people, an esoteric extreme study of chi kung meditation, how far you go, to live it in life – it is much too far for all of us – and especially those that don’t do the meditation at all, and are just staring? Is it too much, for them to be involved too?
What is this life, forming around this, with this, this big book, the spreading sections of it, oh are you getting religious on us, eric/ no, it’s much too rude to be religious, much too like life.
It’s just there.
A long way, a long walk, to “there.”
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/endf’ snippet/ 10:20 am
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So I went to my recovery group, I had only done 11 minutes of magnification, then closed off, then did that little bit of writing there, just above here, then I went brush my teeth, then I had a few almonds, a bit of water, oh then I was out the door, more or less, but on the way there, first one really slow person “what was this trying to teach me?” and then got past her or him, and then another stop, some older people, and I got caught behind someone turning left across a busy street, so wait and wait, but you know, talk in group about that, like what is the point of being frustrated in traffic, then coming to group, expecting to be calm, nice/ these are the things, oh, group, we touched a little on society’s taboos, what we’re not allowed to do, like I mentioned one lady in former groups used to get up and dance, move around the room, and I mean, on one hand you’re shocked, on the other hand it’s liberating/ is it/?/ but people in today’s group, one lady said she’d be very freaked out at that/ or what was her word? “uncomfortable”? I can’t remember .. but “we can’t do these things” like things really close “to just how it is/ and talking in words that stop in midair, I mean ‘no way’ words that do what? ‘it’s another being, it emerges as you stop the words in midair, with wordplay, and you try not to panic, this other being coming out’/” um, well .. uh huh .. and I thought someone dancing in the room was bad, this is just insane ../ and life, you know, I write here, in these words, but in life, even staying after group to chat a little .. oh, I was uncomfortable chatting, I don’t know what was wrong/ it was as if the group had ended “now don’t talk” “we had a special occasion with the group/ now don’t talk” our world, why are we the way we are .. I can’t carry a big red and pink and white bunny rabbit, as tall as my waist, carry it against my shoulder, down the street, pat it, come to group, sit there “bring it for comfort” we can’t, you know? we just can’t .. so many thugs .. and this bent I’m on here, writing a story about it here, no, I mean, no, no bunny rabbits, no extras, I just wear grey pants, nylon, hiking pants, nothing stand out, nothing, nothing, a purple T-shirt, subdued medium purple, with slight stripes across it, at intervals, muted, some muted thin blue stripes, some muted thin white stripes, nothing, no glitter, no fuzz, nothing nothing/ halloha/oo do you hear me nothing? Ha um ha, oh, you know, don’t get overwrought, but express nothing, I don’t know what we’re supposed to do, and this book, that people are somehow going to meet bring papers, oh we just have lives, sorry, sad, some joy, but a lot of “pent up, disastrous, held in” I guess they make bad patterns, and like I have talked of throughout this book, the bad pasterns are read, by other beings “now that’s way out there, Eric!” but I can feel that in my meditation, it really does help, that story, but I can see how telling anybody at all can ruin it, completely, you don’t want to do it anymore ..
Telling anybody at all.
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So yeah, “terrible things like dancing in a group” then even more terrible super terrible things like motioning with your hands to stop your words in midair have them hover there talk in a new being, inside them .. is that just so far just so super-weird far that it actually works, or what is this?
To know how, to gradually know how.
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All life is created to be pent up, make bad patterns, be stressed, have anxiety “because you can’t let loose, can’t do anything” then those bad patterns are read by a higher being, it knows how to be itself then, in earth’s context, and can speak floating words. You do the process, and it all arrives.
Uh, sure, eric, you don’t do it in your recovery from mental illness group, you certainly don’t tell them there, so you have us here, an internet group, or people reading this, the initial biggest part is tapped from your computer, stolen, then some parts you write to a blog, include some small drawings .. uh eric it makes a good fantasy I am sorry to say, and life we like reading it curling up with it, but we don’t do this in life, no never, we don’t know how to read the bad patterns of our life, by a higher being, then become that higher being speaking floating words .. ah, it’s too much, we live “you feel it too, eric, just living, what you can and cannot do, you feel it too, eric.”
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We just don’t, able to work entire book through, feel it, feel the slow steps, to coming out as a freak, laughed at, prancing down the road, in zippers, like a thousand zippers safety-pinned to your clothes? Uh, Halloween is coming up eric, but for all of us, tenderly, some result to all this living .. like little kids may run around a restaurant, I wish they wouldn’t, screaming, then climbing up on windowsills, jumping off them, I wish they wouldn’t, but little kids, wear bright clothes, crazy clothes, ah and adults grow up, wear grey, or muted, maybe ladies have some colour, and so it is “no, all this is quite impossible eric or is it possible found interchangeable cubes ciphers equation “of how it is” “and how it might be” it adds up this way, it creates this way, we are something else this way, finally alive, inside, and outside/ what we’re all looking for – how you talk this crazy way or is it so crazy, in your grey clothes, and ladies slightly more colourful, and say any of this, look them straight in the eye, take a dare form this from inside seen meditation, seen dare to change inside, feel it there first, see how recalcitrant you are there, won’t change there, sit in there,/ how many years does it take but live outside too/ then try this, talk to me this way / / no frigging way oo ../ is actually allowed ../ no no I never said it forget I ever mentioned it! I’ve got to get out of here, even this internet place/ how you weird talk me sweet talk me oh eric so weirdo youi areis actually allowed here. This way, it breaks the silence all the years of oppression, even in Canada
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/endf’ snippet/ 1:50 pm
So that’s the end of that work from today, from offline, I’m halfway here again, oh eyes on me I feel, oh to say any of this, when you can’t say anything, in a stultified society, /and it’s not too bad, oh and that too. *smile* yes, I have some good outlook too, like all of us, there are horror stories going on around the world, but hopefully wherever you are there is some respite from it. We all don’t know what to do, just living, as it has all been laid out, it’s hard to form any of this other, in public, with others, usually you just do it in meditation, purely, then a bit more roughly, in writing offline, then very roughly, in blog writing, purely, just on the blog itself, then imopssibkly RIOughky YOU CANT DO IT out in life with people, you feel how it is, none of this can be done NONE OF IT CAN BE DONE
But I;m nittoobsd./ not too bad/ Thsnks. *giggle*
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